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Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

Original poster

Thread for the down at heart and lacking in optimism

380 replies

duchesse · 28/12/2006 19:33

I probably shouldn't do this, but...lovely though the ladies on my current ttc threads are, there are times when I feel I need a break from the upbeat atmosphere.

My story- 38, going on 39, three children easily conceived in my 20s, ttc number 4 for 3 years before finally achieving a pregnancy that ended in foetal death at 12 weeks and miscarriage at 13 weeks (Oct 2006).

Frequent lapses of hope. I simply can no longer believe that it will all be OK, that this month will be the one.

Now contemplating stopping trying.

OP posts:
Original poster
duchesse · 08/01/2007 20:13

Well, Eclipse, I didn't entirely believe the period whilst pregnant and "oh my god I didn't know I was pregnant" stories.

Until it happened to me in August. I realised then that if I were the kind of person with variable length cycles and variable types of bleeding, I would maybe not have had a clue that I was pregnant until nearly 12 weeks, if it hadn't been for the feeling like crap all the time: I bled at 4, 8.5 and 11 weeks- ie roughly at period times. The last bleed couldn't have been mistaken for anything other than a haemorrhage, mind you.

Also, I reached 11 weeks with child number 2, in complete and utter denial- I felt a little tired, but not particularly nauseous. I was still breastfeeding child number 1, and hadn't got my periods back.

So I reckon now that anything's possible, and am completely paranoid that I could be pregnanct despite periods, and should i really be drinking this limoncello (IRL) when I might, just might, be pregnant despite only just having ovulated, and I daresay the egg won't be any good anyway since I was negative on a ovulation test strip.

Incidentally, have you ladies with polycystic ovaries tried limiting carb intake? The theory that PCO and PCOS are linked to pre-diabetes seems to quite credible. It might be a low-tech approach, and relaitvely easy to achieve.

OP posts:
greedyforbabies · 08/01/2007 20:13

congratulations perve! i did tell you before when you got pg i was stealing your baby...so whats your due date going to be again?
..........otherwise it looks like you are joining me with the super long cycles! i am cd31 today and still no sign of an egg! too late anyway cos sfdh (read, stupid f**king dh!) has gone away and left me on my own.

heard lots of good stories about clomid rahrah, but i know that this thread is NOT the place to share them!!

eclipse · 08/01/2007 19:58

Congrats from me Impatience. I wasn't planning to join in with the tequilas but, since we're celebrating, it would be rude not to.

Dh and I are off on our hols in a few months and decided to take a few months off from ftc just so we could party while we're away. I agreed at the time cos I thought it would take the strain off, but now I'm not so sure. Think I'd enjoy the holiday more if we'd at least given ourselves every chance to conceive or of course if I was up the duff. Actually. I agreed at the time because I thought I might already be pregnant.

It feels like forever since I haven't constantly been looking for symptoms and now there's no chance I'm pregnant I'm still imagining them.

Oh, God. I knew the tequila was a bad idea. Or at least the last half pint was. Now I'm entering into the 'Confessions of a truly insane person' competition. AF finished a few days ago. It was as normal. But I still convinced myself I might be pregnant and that I am one of those people who goes on getting af while pregnant and this afternoon I just wasted an hpt (do I need to say BFN here or can that be assumed?) and another ticket out of Delusions-ville. And don't bother smirking. I know I'm not the only one - you know who you are.
Cheers.

Impatience · 08/01/2007 18:20

Hmm, stil can't tell whether I'm pg, about to get my period or just thoroughly poisoned from my persistant boozing... Virtual hair of the dog please. A pint, please. Make it three.

Thanks for all your congrats, and thanks Ready for your delight! Let's see whether this works... Might do ANOTHER test tomorrow.

Gotta dash but hope to drop by and down a few more later xx

rahrah1 · 08/01/2007 17:40

It is defiantly a long path for some people. It's a heartbreaking experience...it will be one special baby when it happens....

rahrah1 · 08/01/2007 17:38

Im positive but in a destructive way.... I convince myself something is happening, or I might just be pregnant and then reality hits..plus I always know logically that it is not going to happen....but get carried away,,, So yes sometimes I do lurk' (like a flasher) to see what its like... I even go on the pregnancy threads and on the ante natal thread for Feb, for my EDD. I can't help it

pussycatmomma · 08/01/2007 17:37

Hi rahrah... sadly my sister hasnt had success yet. She did concieve with her very first ivf cycle but the pregnancy was ectopic , she only found this out when she miscarried at 7wks. Twas all a bit horrendous to be honest. She had both tubes removed before this, so she knew ivf was only chance, but then embryo implanted on the scar tissue where tube was removed, hence ectopic. She is undergoing her 5th cycle right now.

rahrah1 · 08/01/2007 17:34

Thanks pussycatmomma. Hows your sister, has she had any success? (I really hope so)
Its not bad PCO (which make a big difference), so I should be able to conceive naturally (well I have twice before within 9 years)... But my bio clock is ticking (nearly 32) and cant wait years and years and then what if I M/C again? He has recommended Clomid to heighten my fertility... So hopefully that might give the buggers a kick start.

I was under the reproductive clinic for over 6 months and had been trying for a yr previously, but they don't do anything regularly. They never advised when I was ovulating etc..

pussycatmomma · 08/01/2007 17:32

so do either of you ladies go on the "positve ttc" threads? i just cant face them any more which makes me feel a bit sad and shallow. I dont even lurk on them. I feel a bit, well, "whats the point?" do you both have secret postive alter-egos?

Ready · 08/01/2007 17:28

well in that case I will have 2!!!!

pussycatmomma · 08/01/2007 17:23

ready........slammers are virtual only!!!! i am also alcohol free - read down the thread and there have been numerous virtual drinks parties and even a virtual spliff at one point!
We are all clean living girls here

rahrah1 · 08/01/2007 17:23

I drink like a gudden...line the slammers up...

pussycatmomma · 08/01/2007 17:22

by the way rahrah, i have also been diagnosed pcos. I am hoping that if i am not prg by next gyny appt they will look at prescribing clomid for me also. pcos does mess with your cycles, apart from bloods there is virtually no way of being able to tell if ovulation is occuring or when. I just figure we are bd every other day, so i cant be ovulating otherwise something would have happened by now.
I am so sorry you are having such a difficult time.
I understand how hard it is when the scans dont tell you what you want to hear. My sis has been through several ivfs and the follicles growing, eggs maturing, embryos developing, it is all so hugely important each time scanned/checked, but also devastating if something is not quite going smoothly.
xx

Ready · 08/01/2007 17:20

x posts...

that is so annoying on day 23!!!!!

I don't drink alcohol (not cos of ttc, just through choice) so will have to pass on the slammer.... starting to wonder if I should just get hammered and see if that helps me relax??

pussycatmomma · 08/01/2007 17:17

so sorry rahrah and ready, i cross-posted.
((hugs to all)))
we are officially allowed to be as miserable as possible in the hut and just because we feel down doesnt mean we dont deserve a bit of sympathy. Its the hut , not a prison. We are here because we need to be.
Drink anyone??? i find tequila slammers to be particularly numbing.

Ready · 08/01/2007 17:17

Oh rahrah, I am so sorry. You see, when I read posts from people in your situation it makes me feel so guilty. Fingers crossed for you. All the best.

I really haven't been trying long enough to feel like this. That is why I am so optimistic I think. I beat myself to death with the optimism mantra that it will all be fine!!

I would hate to think what I would be like if I experience any real problems.

pussycatmomma · 08/01/2007 17:14

hi all..... Congratulations Impatience!!! ((any sign of the witch yet?!) Just so you know you arent on your on with the miserableness of FTC (i love it! new acronym, should be on the mn list!) since i had my ovarian drilling i have been having cycles of around 30-34 days. Just cause i am now used to this fact and arent expecting any other, af decides to appear today - day 23!!!! Now whats that all about? Just to f*ck me up good and proper i think - just my bodys way of saying, "look you arent gonna get pregnant before april, just get over it, and for good measure , i can do what i damn well want, WHEN i want!" Just when i was being all positive, healthy eating and was actually at the gym!! That'll teach me!

rahrah1 · 08/01/2007 17:13

Hi Ready ... I just missed your post...

We can be sad and gloomy together...

Plus I will just keep posting like a loony to get all my feeling out!

rahrah1 · 08/01/2007 17:10

Me - again.... I am so fed up...

I just went for a scan as part of the investigation into losing my last pregnancy. He said he found a small abnormality with my uterus (but nothing that would cause such a late M/C) and he said I have got PCO. He said it is not bad PCO's, but sufficient to effect my fertility.

I'm Pissed off, as we went through the CRM clinic prior to Bertie to conceive, as been trying for ages and they said it was not a problem, just borderline.

This specialist has said that although I'm on CD19, I have still not ovulated (so much for my other theories previously this month) and I have only developed one egg that is worthy of anything. But on a positive note he has told me I should ovulate in the next 24hrs, BD tonight then!

He has said that I should be able to conceive , but it may take quite a bit longer than average... I think we had our wait and then look what happened. He also said PCO makes it hard to establish when you are ovulating and can mean higher risk of miscarriage.

He is writing to the consultant at CRM and advising Clomid, has anyone else been on this? Is my wait going to be forever? I can't handle much more...

Although I'm not optimistic, I keep getting my hopes up.. I even thought maybe I would go today and he would see a pregnancy on the screen and my prays had been answered... I cried all the way home.

Ready · 08/01/2007 17:07

Ok... I started reading from the top of this thread and saw someone congratulate Impatience, and well I almost cried with joy, then I realised that we are trying to jinx her... so had to come back to earth with a bump!! DARN DARN DARN DARN!! Keep us posted Impatience please!!!

I am feeling like utter crap today, and I know that I don't deserve any hugs from the hut of gloom, because it is partly my fault that there is a hut at all - what with my persistent optimism, that annoys the hell out of you all ... but I just feel SO despondent today, lots of tears and fear that it will never happen.

Rant over.

rahrah1 · 08/01/2007 16:58

Oh and by the way Impatience, if it is triplets, can I have one.... (I'm nice really!)

rahrah1 · 08/01/2007 16:53

Evening all...

Welcome d4phne, sounds like a nightmare situation. Cant they give you some hormones to kick start your system off again...

Impatience - Many congratulations!!!! Like Dutchesse said the Dog did it, so we should all be able too...

Dutchesse, Doctors are shocking sometimes... Why do they not listen to us? My take on it is that if you add up all the symptoms an expert will probably be able to tell you what's wrong..but they never refer until the last possible chance...it's all money!

d4phne · 08/01/2007 16:10

Ah, this seems to be just the threat for me!
May I introduce myself (some of you already know me from the TTC thread which I leave herewith officially): m/c and 1st ERPC in Sep, no period, 2nd ERPC in Dec, no period,
which makes it 4 months since m/c and no period.... Want to get back to normal; gynacologist says there is absolutely nothing he can do for me (oh, BTW I am not pg). Impatience I join you in your wait but am sure you will beat me :-) Will see GP on Wed, no hopes that they will take any action.
A toast to us!

Impatience · 08/01/2007 15:14

Good work guys, keep it up, I think it's working

Original poster
duchesse · 08/01/2007 14:05

Impatience!!!!! Congratulations!!!!!!!! You see, all you needed to do was relax!!!!!!!!!!!! It happened to my best friend's husband's sister's next-door neighbour's cousin's dog, so it will happen for you too!!!!!!!!!! What d'you reckon One of each?? A pink bean and a blue bean??? Or maybe TRIPLETS!!!!!!!

That should do it. Best go shopping for tampons now, eh?

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