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Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

Original poster

Thread for the down at heart and lacking in optimism

380 replies

duchesse · 28/12/2006 19:33

I probably shouldn't do this, but...lovely though the ladies on my current ttc threads are, there are times when I feel I need a break from the upbeat atmosphere.

My story- 38, going on 39, three children easily conceived in my 20s, ttc number 4 for 3 years before finally achieving a pregnancy that ended in foetal death at 12 weeks and miscarriage at 13 weeks (Oct 2006).

Frequent lapses of hope. I simply can no longer believe that it will all be OK, that this month will be the one.

Now contemplating stopping trying.

OP posts:
rahrah1 · 14/01/2007 20:53

HI Impatience - what a nightmare, that is a long time to go without a period. Do you have any conditions? Has this happened before?

If no, I would defo go to the doctor and allow them to do some tests. If you are not pregnant they may be able to help you for the future???

Why are things so bloody complicated??? I am on my second cycle since I lost Bertie and I know it is going to be a long one as did not ovulate until around CD20... (normally have AF 28-31 days)... so sometimes hormonal imbalances/stress etc.. can push things out of sink...

XX

rahrah1 · 14/01/2007 20:50

Howdy all,

MrsMcJnr - You have been trying for 8 months, what age are you?.. it all makes a difference. It is good to get in with the doctor first and get it on record you have been trying for over 6 months. They do not tend to refer anyone to the fertility clinic until 12 months, unless you are past a certain age. Once you get to the fertility clinic they will complete certain standard tests like scans, blood tests, sperm tests. Dependant on what they find determine their next steps. If they don't know from the first tests you then have more tests to eliminate the cause of the infertility.

Therefore I would do the following:

  • See doctor
  • Advise on family history as PCO is hereditary.
  • See if there are any tests the doctor will complete. Like LH surge or 21 day ovulation test etc...as they are common factors in PCO.
  • Ask for a referral to your local fertility clinic , so you have an appointment for when you are 12 months trying. (Otherwise you get referred after 12months and then have to wait out the waiting list aswell - normally 3 months plus)

Do you have any symptoms of PCOS -

Irregular Periods, weight issues, acne - are just a few.

I am reading book on fertility at the moment, to help with my fertility, so can look anything up for you.

Impatience · 14/01/2007 20:10

Ah MrsMc, I'm a scaredicat if I think a white lie might get spotted! Because it's just so embarrassing!

You could instead blast them with the truth: that you've not been trying for an extremely long time, but you have been charting and trying very hard at the right times. Also say that because your sisters have PCOS you'd like to get that rules out/checked. And, from what I've seen on these threads, the help you get from GPs seems to be such a lottery anyway that time trying hardly seems to matter!

I have no plan! Felt extremely crampy this afternoon, more spotting (very little, only so that an obsessive FTCer would notice...) so assumed af was imminent. Since then, nothing. Shall blunder on. Funny to be looking out for pg, af and ov signs at the same time!

MrsMcJnr · 14/01/2007 19:33

Impatience, poor you!! How long are you goin to leave it before you go to your GP for a "stronger" test? It must be really hard, I feel for you hon.

I know what you mean about what to tell my GP, thing is, it's the wife of the GP I like to see and though I am not suggesting for a minute that they talk about patients at home (too boring) she may see his notes from last May urging me strongly not to come off the pill before my Thai honeymoon (he treated me when I was very ill with immune problems 2 yars ago) and prescribing me with another pack of pills! We'll see how it goes, he's lovely so hopefully she will be too. I do have 2 sisters with PCOS and if this cycle is not a winner, I'll also have 7 cycled of charting to show her so let's hope I get somewhere.

Does anyone know what I should ask for first? what can they do to check all is working with us both?

Impatience · 14/01/2007 13:04

Duchesse, your plan sounds good: return his karma.

MrsMc, sorry to hear you had a rubbish birthday/af. Why not tell the doc you've been trying for longer than 8months - say you waited till now because this is the 12month mark, and that's when they say go to docs.

STILL no af here! Day 47 today (I think, I might be losing track of weeks! I expected af two weeks yesterday...) Thought it was on its way on Friday, had been having weak cramping all week, and on Fri started getting a bit of spotting. But, that's all it stayed, and now there's been nothing since. It is driving us both mad. Dp had stuck to her pessimistic guns, saying that I didn't ov, reminding me how weird the month had seemed. But now she is wavering into suspecting I'm pg, and I'm suspecting early menopause! OF COURSE I've done loads of tests. But I've also scoured the internet and found loads of stories of people for whom the tests just don't work.

If I do get my af and ever get to try again, the 2 ww will seem like nothing!

rahrah1 · 14/01/2007 10:59

Welcome home duchesse .... sorry to hear that your sister has to have this ordeal pro-longed... But you sounds like you have a good plan in place

Morning everyone - hope all is well.

MrsMcJnr · 14/01/2007 00:11

Thanks Duchesse it's great that we can voice how we feel without being told to relax and let nature take it's course - that was my mother at Christmas!! grrrr!

Sorry to hear abour your sister, it must all be very worrying and stressful. I'm a lawyer and did matrimonial and child stuff for a while, you really see the worst of people.

Original poster
duchesse · 13/01/2007 23:53

MrsMcJnr- no-one is turned away from the Hut. If you feel glum enough to be here, then you're glum enough for us.

Hi all. Bloody trial was bloody adjourned until bloody June. The bstard apparently looked sheepish, as well he might. He has also filed for access; that case falls next week. My sister has to wing it without legal protection as she earns 300 pounds too much a month to qualify for legal aid. He claims legal aid because he is on benefits, works, and puts all his houses in other people's names. Bstard.

My sister and I have an action plan though, involving getting him into heaps of trouble with the CSA, the legal aid board and the DSS. Serve him right. The B*stard.

OP posts:
MrsMcJnr · 13/01/2007 23:16

Sorry - should have previewed, AF turned up on the my birthday, first thing and my Gps appointment is 5/2!

MrsMcJnr · 13/01/2007 23:13

Impatience - hello. I've been looking for you and wondering how you are. Pretty p'd off by the sound of things. Hope you are ok. Can't bring myself to join the hut, just wouldn't help me. Had a totally crap birthday, Af appeared 2 days early with the worst pains ever just for impact, had to put on a brave face for all the family but ungrateful as I am, there was only one thing I wanted for my birthday. I've now made a GP's appointment for 5/1 (AF due 26/1) no doubt I'll be sent packing for not trying for long enough ... in the scheme of things I know 8 months is not but it seems like an eternity to me.

Jossiejump · 13/01/2007 19:48

Hiya
I'm rejoining as I got all optimistic when I convinced myself that this was my month, but af has arrived so I'm fed up again. (Only first month of TTC this time, have 2 x DS, but had 2 m/c last year, one particularly nasty one). Felt like we deserved to have everything to go to plan -but fate or af had its own thoughts.
The only good thing is that I can drink again and have OD on coffee as well as the wine!!
Feeling mightily p*ed off atm.

Ready · 13/01/2007 14:17
rahrah1 · 13/01/2007 13:56

Hi guys

LatenightOwl - My consultant booked me in for a scan after my last pregnancy, to investigate PCO and the shape of the uterus (Due to the issues in my pregnacy). This was on the NHS, but I heard about a private consultant that was really good, so I booked in with him. They allow for more time and can do it much quicker than the NHS.

I think that is bollocks, what you consultant said... It does not happen at the drop of a hat for quite a few people and it is good that people get a good understanding of their bodies and their fertile time. If everyone did that they would not have so many people going through the infertility clinics..I reckon if i knew what I did last time, that I do now, it would not of taken us so long. I just can't believe sometime their ignorance..

LatenightOwl · 13/01/2007 00:16

Thanks LL and Impatience for your tea and sympathy. Indeed to day DH reckons he has spotted a 3mm growth in hair and true, went to dry hair after shower and no need - more disturbing its so short couldn't even use a brush on it - so a ruffle through and go..will try and keep murderous thoughts at bay when passing wicked hair establishment. At least episode with hair has made me forget about appointment on Wednesday with IVF consultant.

Rahrah - you said youve been for a scan on cervix - was this recommended by GP? or was it private? I am amazed at how many varied treatments and tests are conducted by different health authorities - there appears to be no structure for diagnostics or procedures to follow to help explain infertility me thinks they need sorting out! One dear colleague is just 40 and her GP has told her to rule out IVF and just relax! worse thing is she has given up! When I told my consultant recently that I was charting now, thinking he might be impressed - nope - it was "creating babies is an art not a science" ....still trying to figure out if he meant I should purchase artist shirt and wear in sexy fashion to encourage DH more? Would this be better than a chelsea football shirt will ponder over another cuppa - anyone for tea??

Impatience · 12/01/2007 10:10

Oh LateNiteOwl what a terrible day! My commiserations on your haircut. Can you find anything positive, like it's so short you can just get up and go? It'll look a mess anyway so no point wasting time infront of the mirror? Could be quite liberating!

Completely understand why you're so upset to be ugly and scraped for your consultation next week. But you do know, really, don't you, that it won't make any difference?

Poor you nonetheless. Here's a nice cuppa and a very healthy organic oat-based biscuit with fruit in it. Home made. With no pot in it.

londonlottie · 11/01/2007 23:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

LatenightOwl · 11/01/2007 22:40

Then folks just as you think it couldnt get worse, left work early so that I could try to rework hair at home and tripped and fell flat on my face on the pavement in front of heaps of commuters.....(think virtual gin slug actually took effect) - was sooooo embarrased as commuters picked me up - and now have scabby knee and elbows to boot. So now thinking meeting on Wed with IVF Consultant - if it includes body search will think I am battered wife... so much for looking fab! better stay off the virtual drink and spliff folks its clearly having an effect - if not actual then mentally.......tea and biscuits for me tomorrow ta

LatenightOwl · 11/01/2007 22:34

Hi Folks,
today has been the pits - but more of that in a minute.......

Greedy - yes, I once managed 31 days but think that was stress and diet and god knows what! so yes, I ov on around day 11 to 13 and then start my new cycle around days 23 to 26. But still in the FTC club - must be quality not quantity ehhh?

Anyway (huge slug of gin taken) today was unbelieveable - after feeling crap about the relocation relocation programme with smug couple, even colleagues at work brought out the sick bucket - thought I had better get smartened up for very important consultation next week with latest IVF clinic. Even though early fourties wanted to look smart, pretty, girly like 35 would be nice so consultant would possibly miss the fact that Im carrying a little weight. (take another slug of gin at this stage). Went to usual hairdressers, but my person was not there so had to have a stand in. Suffice to say I think my hair is now shorter than DH when I said I wanted it long enough to curl. I have never ever had to stop a hairdresser from chopping but I did and then had a tantrum when I realised that I would look crap for meeting on Wed and face resembled a hamsters. I didnt pay was so cross. Best was DH when I called in floods of tears to say too embarrased to go back to work (was a lunch time cut ) - get a wig from hairdressers - as if!!! Cut would look great on a 25yr old elvin faced size 00 but not size 16 mature lady.... So now on detox diet to get rid of hamster cheeks before IVF appointment on Wed.....Does the hut of gloom and doom do liposuction ?

rahrah1 · 11/01/2007 17:15

Howdy partners in misery... How is everyone.. seems to be quite a bit of gloom on here and husbands certainly don't seem to be helping. Mine was too tired for BD last night, he reckoned it hurt as we had had too much!! WTF...How ridiculous....

Anyway I went for a scan the other day on CD19, he said I was due to ovulate in the next 24hrs. He said I have a collection of fluid in my cervix, would that be the CM? I think I have ovulated as had lots of pain, but still today I feel really emotional and stomach pains like period pains...Do you think I've ovulated or still due to do so>>??

pussycatmomma · 11/01/2007 15:58

helloooooooooo....
((( i dont think i should be in here today, i am feeling quite hopeful as af still not arrived after the slight bleed on monday))))
just saying hi and bye and sometimes, maybe, just maybe, the glass might be half full not half empty
Right, i have to go now, am being far too bloody chipper.
Dont worry, my regular misery shall return when af duly arrives.
xxx

greedyforbabies · 11/01/2007 13:15

i dont want anyone to think i am not gloomy over the next few days when you dont see me on here...i will still be as gloomy as ever, just at my parents house with not much access to a pc!
keep gloomy everyone!

greedyforbabies · 11/01/2007 13:14

i have got bloody stupid ewcm today! AAARRRGGGHHH! normally i would be pleased, but to FINALLY ovulate now on cd34 when sfdh is in New York just takes the piss abit does't it!? i was hoping to hold off till he got back! dont know if i have ov'd or not yet though so can't get too mad, YET!

hope you are chirpier today perve and got a bit more sleep than the night before! i am glad you can remember why i started calling you perve, cos i had forgotten! i remember now of course.......you and your corny chat up lines trying to pull old MrsMcSpink!

latenightowl - do you really ov every 20 days? how come? do you have super short cycles?

Impatience · 11/01/2007 07:43

Good morning all you lovely gloomy ladies. Sorry to have offloaded and then buggered off! I just gave up and went downstairs, and ds went to sleep all by himself... If this is a new trend I shall be very happy. It would be so nice not to have to spend an hour every evening sitting outside his door humming various soothing things. Blimey, might even get a bit of life back! (Acknowledgments to those who would dearly love to lose their evenings to a baby.)

Eclipse, Greedy started calling me perve after I asked someone on a thread whether they were feeling horny. They asked for ovulation signs! I wasn't being a perve, but greedy's and my affections for eachother run to nameslinging, so it's just stuck! Sorry, no time for perving of any kind in my life

Greedy, I reckon I ov'd late because I was having cm until about day 24, but I last insem'd on day 12. So I reckon it's a no-go. Yes, I want af to come so I can get on with next month, and hopefully discover that my pattern's back to normal.

Hope you all manage to get through today without throwing forks at or pushing off buses women with their large bumps

wishing1 · 10/01/2007 23:44

DH wanted to stop by our friends house tonight to say hey but I said I was tired and wanted to come home and just watch tv. The real reason is because they have a 9 month old baby and I can't handle it anymore, it's too damn depressing. We were on a lovely Christmas vacation in which I spoiled because AF came and came early as well, 4 days early which was day 21 of cycle, sounds like something is wrong in my area that is keeping us from conceiving That just threw me in the worse mood. Now I go to the doctor tomorrow to find out what he will do for me and af is due in 7 days, I don't want it to come! I was so looking forward to having a little one by summer or at least being pg by summer, I wont even be able to enjoy summer if it doesn't happen Pass the gin!!!

ura21 · 10/01/2007 23:34

there's no fear of me losing my place on the bench of melancholy, not sure even gin will help today, i just feel so low. i know there are many who've been ttc for longer than me, but it doesn't make it any easier. thanks duchesse for this thread, it's so hard to be positive all the time, nice to have somewhere to come and be miserable.