Thread for the down at heart and lacking in optimism

Hi all. I'm so glad I'm not the only one feeling p*ed off with all of this TTC malarky. I've never posted on any of the TTC threads as all of the positivity is very offputting.

I have a lovely DD aged 2.5 and had a miscarriage in July (2 days before DD second birthday so great timing). Been TTC ever since. Caught straight away with other 2 pregnancies so not used to all of this waiting and hoping. Every month when AF arrives I feel so disappointed and it just brings back all of the feelings from my miscarraige.

DH came home last week and told me that one of his friends wives was pregnant with number 2 and I instantly felt really jealous and sad. Resulted in me arguing with DH and then crying in bed. I was shocked by my reaction and I don't even know the couple .

Look forward to feeling glum with all of you.

I stumbled on this thread by mistake and not sure whether I should post or not because not TTC BUT then I just thought I would share my story very quickly just in case it gives anyone hope. We were TTC our first child when I was 36-37 and after about 9 months of trying I went to my GP. Had the usual checks, I was ovulating fine, my husband had slightly low sperm count. However, she was kind and referred us to Infertility clinic at local hospital. Meanwhile, we carried on trying for several more months and then I decided to look into unexplained infertility myself and wrote letters to about six of the usual organisations asking for advice/help. That was on 14th April 2000. I distinctly remember feeling a bit more positive because I'd done something pro-active about our situation. Anyway, that very night ... we conceived!!! Infact, the next day we visited my BIL and SIL and their 9 day old baby and I held him and cuddled him a lot and sometimes I feel like that being around a tiny baby somehow helped with the conception too (superstitious old twaddle perhaps, but I've heard it put forward as a theory). We received a letter inviting us in to an appointment at the infertility clinic in May 2001, a few days after I found out I was pg.

Baby no. 2 was conceived when I was 40 after 5 months of trying. Once again I got to that stage when I thought it was never going to happen ... thank goodness it did.

However, when I was TTC I tried v. hard not to be jealous or bitter about other people who were falling pg willy-nilly all around me. I tried to look at it all as a positive sign that wonderful things can and do happen all the time and that there was no reason why it couldn't happen to me.

Sorry if this all sounds a bit jolly hockeysticks. I truly know how miserable the trying and failing can be. Good luck to you all. Really really feeling for you (and slightly envious at same time, even though intellectually I know I don't want another baby).

I can very much imagine that happening to me- Just when I really want it, it won't happen!! How annoying!

Its perfectly right to feel ped off with this whole TTC B**ks. I thought I'd get PG straight away as have two DC already both conceived as "mistakes". Anyway, into 5th month of it and I'm getting really confused and irritated!
My DP is equally surprised by my lack of BFP- it's starting to become a bit of a joke with friends and family! Which to be honest is quite nice, makes it a bit more light hearted and not so serious.
When you spend so many years avoiding pregnancy, or getting pregnant when you didnt want to be (whoops...) It just seems to be a bit of a slap in the face when it doesnt happen when you want it. Perhaps we are too used to getting what we want these days. I'm not completely without hope though, but agree that sometimes the overly positive TTC threads can be a bit too much sometimes.

Sorry Ammy12 - not got a clue...

pussycatmomma - your right, I do need to let go, but I just cant at the moment.. I am so focused on being a mother, I cant see anything outside of that. But in time I will have to let go a bit, otherwise there will be no point in living....

When I was going through CRM last time, they were talking about a procedure to inseminate me, as it was unexplained fertility, I know you have PCO, but you have periods, do you ovulate regularly? Is your unexplained fertility or are they putting it down to PCO? They said I was boarder line PCO but it was not a problem as I was ovulating and having periods. I am having another scan on 8th/01 to look at my ovaries etc... to double check, as my last scan was a year ago.

XX

what is an ovulation microscope?

hi rahrah...
I dont think it is possible to shift the focus, but I have found it easier by "doing less stuff". eg, i dont temp, use ovulation pee sticks or use pre-seed/ drink grapefruit juice/take eve primrose etc etc. I used to do everything, the lot, even down to ovulation microscope! But guess what, still not pregnant. The pressure was unbelievable to "do it" at when I thought was the right time. Half the time would end up in row with dh, he felt pressured to perform. After I was diagnosed with the pcos, felt strangely calm about the whole thing, whatever will be will be kind of thing. Had the procedure in Sept and have been trying like mad, but again, not doing anything in addition to shagging (sorry) every day /every other day from when af stops to when af starts again. It is hard to give up all the extras, but I do feel so much better about it all, even though i want it so much. I think there is something about letting go of the feeling of wanting to control things. Maybe this tactic may help you?

Hi pussycatmomma... Nice to meet you.. x

I'm enjoying the wine but still obsessing over when I'm ovulating etc etc... But going to be very down trodden if not pregnant after this cycle...

It is so strange I pass on all the advise that people give me to others, but not sure about it myself.

Maybe if I stopped thinking about it all the time.... then I would be more relaxed...How do you shift the focus to something else, if it is the one thing you want in life?

rahrah1- thank god there are other people thinking like me..........feel like such a bad mother (to be) im sat here drinking wine and feeling sorry for myself instead of counting the days and checking my temperature so glad its not just me.
am looking forward to making some good friends on here.
xxx

Hi duchesse, although I don't want to be lacking in optimism, I cant help it. Everyone keeps saying it will be ok, time will heal and I will get pregnant again,but deep down this is not how I feel.

Life is pants, and I am getting a serious bum deal!

(Brief history - Had problems conceiving - had normal tests and tubes checked etc... everything fine, except boarding on PCO's. So unexplained fertility. Then we got pregnant, but had bleeding from 10 weeks, that was very heavy at times. I was in hospital from 20 weeks and my membranes went at 23 weeks, I had a little boy at 24 weeks but he died. We also had a rough time in delivery and are considering putting a complaint in with the hospital). - basically nothing went well!

Now we are back to conceiving again..on cycle 2 and totally can't believe what has happened. So worried that it will take ages again, but know it is early days. So scared, that we might never have a child aswell as mourning the one we lost. We always stayed positive through all the ups and downs of our pregnancy and look what happened...but I get told off by people for being negative...reality is a different story and when you are living it and it does not fulfil your dreams and hopes it can become devastating and have a massive impact on your life...

So thanks for the 'Hut of Gloom' - life sucks!

Sorry to hear that people are lacking in optimism! Plenty of hugs for the inhabitants of the "hut of gloom" - may your stay here be brief!!!

Hi all, saw this thread title and had to post. Seems like an appropriate place for me at the moment - hut of gloom loving it already.
Wannabe......just read your post sweetie, so sorry to hear about the test/dh reading results wrong..((hugs to you))
Hiya to Natty too, hope you are ok honey.
At risk of repeating myself a zillion times over - me in a nutshell... me 31, dh 35 next month, no children. TTC for what seems like forever but only officially trying since Aug 05. In reality not used contraception since Aug04 when we got married. Diagnosed pcos may06. lap and dye (tubes clear) and ovarian drilling sept 06. Not on clomid or anything else as gyny seemed to think all would be well after drilling.
However next gyny appt April 07 - so i have 3 months left before i find out what plan b might entail.
Feeling mighty pissed off as im sure you other ladies are too. Cant seem to find the energy or positivity to go on the "trying for a positive" threads, and thats no disrespect to them at all.
Sorry for essay
Hope we can all support each other here xxx

Wishing all you lovely ladies the very best of luck and especially you wannabe xxx

I think this thread is a fantastic idea. Not everybody is happy about waiting, waiting, waiting for AF.

Smiley - dh has 2 older dds (21 and 19) so it was a case of convincing him that he wanted to "do it all again". He was unsure for a while and we nearly split up as I really wanted children and couldn't give that up. Anyway, he came to the decision that he wanted to and we fell for ds at the first attempt. So, if we have another it will our 2nd and his 4th.

I think age (within reason) is just something people use. It's as simple as if you want to.... or not.

I also know that yes, we have ds, but I'll always feel "incomplete" if we don't have another.

Duchesse - I love your house/hut rules. Thank you for this thread

I think you can be both at the same time WannaBe.
We struggled to have DS2 after having Ds1 so easily. I remeber thinking, if we don't have another part of me will always be sad, but when you have one beautiful perfect child you're so lucky you can never feel hard done by.
Doesn't take the longing away though.

am wth you smiley, I have a wonderful ds who I wouldn't change for the world, so in reality if I'm unable to have another I'll survive, but I so wanted a sibling for ds, I so had my life sorted - ds starts school next year, but it was going to be alright because I would have another baby by then, people ask when I'm going to have another, my mother, who knows we've been having problems, asks ds whether he'd like a brother or sister and it just makes me soooo

but there are so many who are so much worse off than me so in reality I have no right to feel sad. I should be grateful for things I do have rather than feeling sad for the things I don't/can't have

I've pointed that out Duchesse (it's me with the misearble old codger who won't go for it, Beansprout's busy trying with hers ), but he's being pretty stubborn.
I have 2 perfect beautiful sons, so will not feel hard done by not having a third, but the yearning doesn't go away.

Oh I think that it's such a common place to be.

We've been ttc our second for 20 months now. It took 13 months to conceive my ds (now 4), so I did prepare myself for the fact that it might not happen straight away, but a part of me thought that just maybe I would fall pg sooner rather than later. As months dragged on and it didn't happen I began to tell myself that maybe it wasn't going to happen after all. Then in April of this year I skipped a period, and although tests were negative the gp told me she thought I was pregnant and to test again in two weeks. Nothing. and then af arrived a month late, I was devostated, and it was about then that I started to distance myself from the ttc threads, although I did still hang out there somewhat, but more on the "those who have been trying for eons" thread rather than the regular thread.

Then in July my dh went for a sperm test and it came back saying he had a very low count, about 20% of what it should be, and it was at that point that I decided that it was all futile really. I'm not using contraception, but I no longer thinkg "am I, aren't I" every month. I did consider going back on the pill to just forget about it all but couldn't bring myself to do it.

then last month I was late, had sinus pain and because I was late I did a test. I gave the test to dh to read and he read it wrong and told me it was bfp, I ran upstairs to get the instructions and it turned out that it was actually bfn. I cried, it was so horrible.

I still believe that we probably will never have another baby, but I can't bring myself to draw a line under it all.

sorry for the novel

has your dh had a sperm test?

Beansprout, I am 36 and DH is 45, I am trying to persuade him to have a DC3, but he says he thinks he's too old.
Do you already have children? Did you have to persuade DH?
Sorry to those of you trying for first time, trying for number 3 probably seems like the best problem in the world!
Do keep trying, I know so many who have struggled and then got there in the end.
My DB and SIL are now expecting after 4yrs of trying and she had almost given up and slid into deep depression. There are LOTS of these stories and no reason why that won't be you.
I cried and cried when I heard their news and can't wait fro the birth.
I think that has made me even more broody for number 3.

Should one be permitted to post smiley faces in the Hut of Glum?!?!?

I know what you mean. The ttc threads are so very positive which I know is probably
hard for some people who have been ttc for a while, but really difficult to share when you're ttc after a m/c. I must say that I'm glad there is a dediccated thread.