Advice Wanted! Home insemination crisis!

Thank you for your lovely message,carlyb! Period hasn't shown up yet. Two days late. Fingers crossed.

Hi Rolymoly, sorry about not replying sooner. My sister's wedding is this next weekend and I have been busy playing host/housing various relatives in the last week.

The donor (X) is dh's best friend from when they were kids. We kind of asked a number of friends including X over a period of a week and asked them to go away and think about it for two months at the very least. A month later, two other blokes besides X said yes but we were v. happy that X said yes (He told dh that he wouldn't have done it if it was anyone else but dh. They had a moment of nearly losing their cool and hugging, says dh.) Men. why are they so repsressed? I'd have hugged and screamed in pure delight.

Why choose this donor? Because we respect him and who he is. He will do this for us because he wants dh and I to be happy. Sounds simplistic but we went through months of talking through this with him and presenting the various legal consequences of taking the home insemination route ie. donor will be the legal father and can in future, successfully bring a claim for parental contact or we could sue him for financial support. (Recent case law in the uk has set precedent for this.)

It took a while for it to sink in that he did realise all this and was still fine about going ahead. We've drawn up a known donor contract and he was keen to ensure that he'd have absolutely no legal responsibility for the children eg. he was quite worried about who the child(ren)'s legal guardians would be if dh and I copped it. We provided for it in the contract and my sister and her partner will be guardians.

He breathed a sigh of relief and said okay, he'd go down the home insemination route with us.

So we are sure about him. A number of other couples we've met who have used anonymous donor insemination are surprised/amazed that we would want to use a known donor. They feel it would be too much of a complication for the future.

We know it is the harder route. It is also the route we would have wanted our own parents to take if they had been in our situation.

Anyhow, my period is due staring tomorrow and I haven't had any pregnanyc symptoms yet. I think it hasn't worked this month. Each month you convince yourself it hasn't worked and yet when it doesn't, you sorta feel sad and angry all over again. It never seems to get any easier.

Well. What about you, rolymoly? What's your story re. you and dp's donor? hope you have a good weekend.

Hi Rolymoly, Hi everyone,

Thanks for asking! Just finished tonight's insemination run-Had one on Monday too but couldn't log on (my sister stayed over and I had to entertain). We couldn't really book into a travel lodge,Lisch. Good idea though.

The car route is all North to central London suburbs. Did consider knocking on some doors in Bethnal Green and asking to use the loo for our insemination..all for a good cause, eh? For Monday's run, dh zoomed to donor's place and took about an hour (heavy traffic)to get back despite trying all sorts of back streets routes. I nearly had kittens by the time he got back. Needless to say, I was very tense, dh was frantic about inserting the syringe into me. Poor bloke. I think he was still on a feverish high from having to driving across London like a madman. We were that stressed.

Same time to get back today though we've tried to work out a different route. (Donor said to call him 15 minutes before we got there so he could time producing the goods with our arrival. Me, VERY impressed. Asked dh if men can do it to order even with such pressure. ALL the time, apparently.

Got the waiting troopers in the first time though when we got back. Dh's aim was steadier. I also wasn't laughing hysterically which must help.

Rolymoly, did you try and have an orgasm after holding your legs up for twenty minutes? You don't have to answer, btw. I tried having one as I've read on self-insemination sites that this is ideal if you can manage it. Seems that the cervical contractions during an orgasm suck up the sperm into the cervix.

I tried to get one going. Tough. Very tough. We want this to work. We laugh and joke a lot about it all but it still feels hard some days.

We had one cycle of ICSI- UCH hospital pulled two living sperm out of DH's testes after 1 hour of a TESA procedure, two embryos implanted and I miscarried after a few weeks.

We moved on to donor sperm since the docs told us that dh's testes may atrophise(ouch. wince.)if we tried another round of ICSI. Went with a London agency called Mannotincluded which arranged to test and screen our donor, arrange and courier the deliveries. Conceived on the first insemination and miscarried at 6 weeks.

We then decided to do it ourselves. Weren't happy with the agency service. Hence, the frantic self-insemination questions I posted.

I want this to work. We both do. I am afraid of miscarrying again but one bridge at a time, I know.

Good night, ladies. Sweet dreams.

You are a riot, Rolymoly. I'm still laughing about the "thanks for coming". Poor wee donor. What a moment for double entendres.

So, did he turn beet red or was he unfazed? I reckon our donor would just keel over in a dead faint if I said that to him. He's quite squeamish and proper.

Any more funny stories from anyone? Keeps me going at any rate.

Thanks for the good luck, Gothicmama!

Good night, ladies and Sweet dreams

Musa, new idea there that you've got! It did bring a smile to my face, so thanks. I also reckon that the temp. of the hot water bottle will cook the sperm! Not sure about scrambled sperm up me uterus.

Also, thanks for the best wishes to Soupdragon, Kalex and Rolymoly. Say, ladies, what are some of the euphemisms (if any) you've used for referring to the donor's goods? I'm embarrassed to say I've caught myself calling them "the little soldiers" and "navy in the pants".

Thank you so much to everyone who replied! Your individual experiences of how you've gone about it has really lifted a weight off my mind about the insemination succeeding.

I have looked on the pinkparents site which has been very useful but there hasn't been the info how long sperm live outside the body or whether a clean rather than a sterile jar will be sufficient.

I asked DH last night again about how long it'd take for him to get the sperm over to our home and he said if traffic is not too bad, about 40 minutes. Donor's said before that it would be too wierd for him to try and do the business with us just in the next room. Said he probably wouldn't be able to produce the goods with all the pressure!!

I'll test the waters again with the donor as I agree with everyone who has posted - the sooner the sperm is inseminated, the better my chances. I think that even if donor is too uncomfortable with us in the same house, I'll go along with DH and as Sparks suggested, arrange a time, so donor produces the goods just before we get there. I'll keep the sperm (in a jar!) warm in my bra like Rolymoly advised or between my legs. Probably bra as it can be hidden from sight of bus passengers stopping alongside us in traffic.

Ladies, it has really cheered me up to know there are members who have chosen this route and are now proud parents! :0

I'll post again on what we're going to do with the timing. Also, I'm due to ovulate in the next few days. Fingers crossed that the sperm gets to me in time.