Forty and over trying for a first baby - join us here

chewy thank you ao much for your message. I am not feeling so great today - I have developed an allerhic reaction where my tummy flab hangs over... Fricking itchy. Also have womble ache... Although could be I have given myself a bout of food poisoning as have had diarrhea too... All happening here!
I am back to my consultant at CRGH tomorrow to see what options are.
Have treated myself to a new duvet cover... And am slowly clearing through years worth of clutter - but can only handle a bit at a time. Have put loads on sale with ebay.

Kwick - I was so very sorry to read your news , , . Just such a terrible thing to happen, particularly when you've been fighting long and hard to establish a pregnancy. Remember you'll have a hormone crash too (as if it weren't cruel enough), so plenty of wallowing, trashy telly, Portuguese comfort food and generally looking after yourself. Glad you've decided to take some time off work, you need it really (I mean, I think anyone in your position would need some time off). And I hope you find your mojo again in a little while.

Annie - I hope you're looking after yourself too? Goodness, you're one brave lady tackling that work conference, so soon after your loss. I was sorry to read about the dinner table crunch point, I really felt for you. But as others have said, what a relief your conversation partner turned out to be so understanding. Take care, if there's any justice in the world, you'll get your baby soon.

Very interesting discussion on IVF clinics, but PowPow, if you are still 42, you've only tried for one month so far, and don't yet know the outcome of your second month's trying, you may well be getting ahead of yourself thinking that you need IVF - lets hope so! You could surely give it another month or so, no?

I briefly considered Guys hospital too - they look like a serious, medical outfit - but as I'm over 45, they wouldn't treat me. However, as you can see, they were lucky for Jessie.

(BTW Jessie - it is wonderful to read of your progression past the anomaly scan, now through every hurdle bar the fun part of fattening your little boy up some more, when everyone in the world has to be lovely to the obviously pregnant person!)

Perhaps one of the reasons that Lister have a reputation for 40+ is that they will consider each individual - they don't have an automatic cut off for age (except the legal limit of 50) or indeed any FSH level below 50, so they are very 'approachable'. And yes indeed you will pay handsomely for it, over £6.5 - £7K for a stimulated cycle with ICSI. There are a few other London clinics with a similar 'flexible' approach, but cheaper prices, e.g. Create.

But you shouldn't have any real constraints at age 42 - why not look at Guys, or CRGH [- link to CRGH], where my friend has just got pregnant on her first try. ARGC [- link to ARGC] has a reputation for being IVF bootcamp and claim to have the highest success rates of all, but are also, allegedly, very picky about which patients they take on.

Good luck to you and to everyone else trying.

The IVI fertility clinic in Madrid - very impressive success stats and £3600 a cycle (add on travel expenses). www.telegraph.co.uk/women/mother-tongue/11482483/Fertility-treatment-Why-British-women-are-travelling-abroad.html

I promise the Lister Clinic has the highest success rates for over 40 women, but you pay for it. I have two friends who were successful there and I used to live in West London where all the 40+ ladies were doing Lister and finding the best possible acupuncturists with track record for IVF success. Another friend just had a baby after failed attempts by going on an alkaline diet with no caffeine, booze etc - none of us should be having those as they affect the quality of your eggs. Plus she had relaxed and they thought they were going down the adoption route after 5 months. Another friend tried natural cycle IVF - money down the drain, don't do it. There's a clinic in Madrid which is also good I think. You have to really do your research and look at their success rates for 40+ women. There's recent research that the more rounds of IVF the better the chance of success but again it depends on your financial (and emotional) situation

Lots of information here, this is all very helpful
Dixie I feel I've been foolishly optimistic. Hoping to follow in your steps .
Alice where are you? I'm London, and suspect they would laugh me out of the door.

Jessie I didn't realise IVF was that cheap () because like you I'd expect it to cost a lot more.

Can anyone recommend a good fertility clinic. Dixxie referenced the Lister and I've seen Zita West mentioned in other posts. If we do have to go down the private route then I'd prefer to make an informed choice.

I agree. I went to the GP age 39 after trying for six years (!) and got referred straightaway. GP arranged all the hormone tests. However, it took a while for the gynae appointment to come through, then they wanted to do a laparoscopy for suspected endometriosis (which it turned out I have, so worth doing), then I had to recover from the lap before being referred for IVF. All in all, it took almost a year from seeing the GP to getting my first round of (successful) IVF. I will be 41 by the time the baby comes. My NHS trust offers one round of IVF to those aged 40 - 43, under 40s get three goes.

Powpowwow, go and see them straight away, you have no time to waste. (Fertility is decreasing month by month at our age although personally I'm a huge optimist, perhaps you are too). This is important: tell them you've been trying for more than 2 years (therefore classed as having fertility problems), otherwise they won't help you. In my experience, over 40 and definitely over 42, it is a postcode lottery as to whether doctors will help you and consultants will accept you as a referral. In London they shut the door in my face 3 years ago, but age 42 we moved to Worcestershire and NHS were lovely and willing to help. But I had a kind Gynae - he has just retired this month and it will be pot luck whether whoever replaces him is sympathetic to women over 42. For example he was willing to give me Clomid but his colleague was not. Make sure you get all the fertility tests, get your tubes flushed and get them to monitor your first cycle on Clomid otherwise you could end up with multiple births. As it happens I have fallen pregnant right after tube flushing and before I got around to taking it... IVF isn't offered at our age and there's a very low chance of it working, but if I had the money I would go straight to the Lister clinic in London which has the highest success rate in over 40's, and keep going for 6 rounds if necessary. Sadly we could never afford that so I'm on a super healthy diet, avoiding stress and being optimistic. Seems to be working! Good luck x

Hello everyone . I posted a few weeks ago but haven't been very active since getting a bfn and went into a bit of a funk.

Really sorry to read what kwick and Annie are going through.
I'd like an opinion on how long did people wait before they went to the docs to discuss further help. I'm 43 in a couple of months, this will be my second month of trying.

Kwik - just wanted to say that I am very sorry to hear your news. It must be such a hard time for you. Sending you .

Annie - it sounds very hard going to that conference - you did really well. Not sure I'd have been able to do that.

Loueeza - hope you get some answers about your painful periods. It's good that they will investigate to check that you don't have endometriosis - hopefully you won't have it but if you do have painful periods then it's good to check.

I'm off to the doctor to get the results of my tests tonight so bit nervous about that. DH did his SA last week ok but we have to wait another week to get those results. We're trying the Sperm meets egg plan again this month so we'll just see how that goes.

Congrats to those who have BFPs and fingers crossed for the rest of us.

Hi Dixxie! I've actually just had an HSG this very month, and my tubes were clear.

That was through the NHS, but at the ivf follow-up appointment I just had the doctor suggested sending me for the hysteroscopy and laparoscopy as you describe to rule out a few more things, including endometriosis.

When you say dysmenorrhea, do you mean period pains before your period begins? I started to get them (mildish but very uncomfortable, including back pains) about a week before my period when we started trying about 18 months ago. Very strangely they only started after a horrible, weird and late period which I suspect could have been a very early miscarriage. I've been asking every doctor I've seen since (which is a lot!) about this but haven't had any answers. It was only when I told the doc last week that I was worried about possible endometriosis that she suggested the lap to check. She seems to think I'll be fine, but I'm not so sure... It might explain why we've been struggling, as my egg quality was quite good when we did the IVF.

Louezza, have you had your tubes flushed? I had a hysteroscopy and laparoscopy in March to look for secondary causes of dysmenorrhea. As part of the hystero, they flushed my tubes. And hey presto I'm pregnant right afterwards, on my 43 birthday.

Kwik, I'm so so sorry to hear this news. It's a cruel business indeed. I'm just wishing for you that this initially awful time passes quickly and you're soon able to look forward again with new hopefulness.

Annie, sending you lots of virtual hugs and , too. I can only imagine how awful that conference must have been for you. If people only knew, they wouldn't ask about children so readily. Thank goodness that man was someone who understood, though. I think that might have comforted me somewhat.

We finally had our follow-up appointment at the IVF clinic this week. It was really interesting. I finally got someone to listen to my concerns about my period pains which seem to be starting earlier and earlier every month, and I think the doc's going to refer me for a laparoscopy to check for endometriosis. She kept saying she didn't think they'd find anything, but I think I'd like to be able to rule that out. Not a nice thought to have to go through yet another invasive test (and this one is the most invasive of all), but another means to an end.

They're suggesting we should do another IVF soon too, of course - with tweaks based on how I did last time. The price has recently gone up though. Because I'd need so many drugs, it would be close to £5,500 - ouch.

I think we will end up doing that, but to be honest it's a tricky decision. The doc told us that my chances every month should be 15% (although I'm not sure about this - I'd heard 5% for my age?). With IVF about 20%. Is that extra 5% chance really worth all that dosh?

Overall though the doc was very positive. She said my eggs were looking pretty good and she thought we would get there eventually. If my eggs are good though, how come we've not got anywhere so far? I know, the million dollar question!

Keep on in there, everyone.

Jessie, I'm thrilled that you're doing well. A boy! So exciting for you. :-)

I do know how you're feeling as I miscarried last time at 7 weeks. I really believe in nutrition, exercise and positive thinking. It's very common to fall pregnant again straight after a miscarriage and you have everything to play for xxx

Kwick, so sorry to hear your news. You're right, so much of this stuff is out of our hands and we can't control what happens. Take care of yourself.

Thanks all for kind words and support.
anniehoo I am going to try and take off as much time as possible - so go back on 4 May - as otherwise I have to travel and be with loads of people in a very public setting and I am just not ready for that. At least you blubbed to someone understanding.
dixxie I think it is a really good sign if you are getting loads of symptoms. I was not and I did have an inkling all was not well with kwicklet. Anyway there us nothing I could have done differently to change outcome and just need to get back strength so can try again soon. Am starting ubiquinol supplements today and will atart again to force feed myself walnuts and so on!!!
Do you think pasteis de nata (those delicious portuguese tarts) can be classified as a good source of calcium?

It is so unfair that not only can it take ages to actually conceive, there's still no guarantee. Here I am at nearly 6 weeks a nervous wreck about what the next 6-8 weeks might have in store. Not allowing myself to think ahead, just in case. I'm trying to forget about it for a but with all the symptoms it's hard.

It sounds like we all scattered around the world.

Kwick - so sorry to hear your news! Big hugs and don't give up just yet.

Omg (((kwick))) I am so sad to read this . It's so cruel and unfair. I am sorry you are going through this. It is the most awful thing to happen. I'm right here with you, just a week on and hormones all over the place. Wallowing and moping around the house works for me. Sending lots of love xxx

I hardly had time to recover as I had to go away with work on Monday and stay in a hotel for a week and do a really intense course with 25 strangers! I was so fragile emotionally. Everyone kept asking if I had children which was just chit chat but extreeeeemely painful for me. The last person to ask made me burst into tears at the table and blurt out that I'd just had a miscarriage!! The poor guy!!!!! He was a hospital consultant so I convinced myself it wasn't that bad and he did go on to tell me that he has IVF twins and he totally understood. Amazingly I managed to hide it from anyone else, it was quite dark! I find it makes me feel so much better if I tell people, it does seem to be very common so there is a little comfort in knowing that you're not completely alone and lots and lots of people go on to have a beautiful healthy baby.

Hello newbies to the thread!!

I need to read and catch up over the weekend but welcome to our little gang and congratulations on the BFP!! X

Kwick I'm so sorry. I can't find any words to make you feel better, only to say don't give up hope xxx

Hello newbies and congrats on bfp

This has been a horrific week for me. Scan on tuesday (8 weeks) found no heartbeat and no growth. After some soul searching and a visit to Early Pregnancy unit has procedure today and am now in recovery at home. Devastated but trying to find my PMA. Lord knows how the human race has survived given how fricking hard it is to conceive and then actually get to full term

Just found out today - it's a BFP! So joining this thread has been lucky for me. Good luck to those who are still waiting.

Thanks Jessie. I just found this on a medical website which explains why aspirin is prescribed to thin the blood: "women are more likely to develop clots in pregnancy due to an increase in platelets and clotting factors. The uterus can also compress the veins slowing blood flow, which can lead to blood clots." I think I'm going to see a private consultant to ask, as my doc just said see the midwife at 10 weeks.