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Conception

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Original poster

Forty and over trying for a first baby - join us here

811 replies

JessieMcJessie · 25/11/2015 11:38

A year ago today I started this thread

Any 40+ladies out there TTC #1?

and, 1000 posts later, it has filled up with the shared experiences of various fantastic women who find ourselves hoping to start a family after the age of 40. And listen out Daily Mail - not one of us deliberately "delayed motherhood" to concentrate on our careers or frivolous pursuits. By and large we just didn't meet the right person (or decide to go it alone) till we were quite long in the tooth.

Trying for a first at this age has its own special challenges. The old thread contains its fair share of sad tales of early miscarriage and disapointing test results. However it is also a great place for success stories and positive thinking and it has been a lifeline for me over the past year.

Although those who already have a child or children and are trying for more in their forties are welcome to join (and we absolutely understand the real pain of secondary infertility), part of the value of this thread is the opportunity to share experience amongst those of us for whom failure will mean no children at all, rather than a smaller family than we'd like. It's also a place where we all share a sense of total uncharted territory where pregnancy and childbrirth are concerned!

There are a number of stalwarts who have been with me from almost day one and I hope you'll join this new thread too, but we all hope to graduate eventually to the pregnancy boards so new joiners are very important! If your fortieth is looming it's fine to join a bit before.

A newish poster asked last week if people could post their "stats" and I think that's a good idea. So I'll kick it off (feel free to include whatever info you feel like giving):

Jessie McJessie 42, TTC since October 2014 (13 months) having only met my DH at the tender age of 38. 2 chemical pregnancies, one blocked tube, low AMH, one failed IUI, 1 failed IVF and about to start our second IVF. Just moved back to London after 6 years in Hong Kong.

So, off we go. We have a special skill at scouring the media for stories of celebs having babies over 40. And there's no such thing as TMI Grin.

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Original poster
JessieMcJessie · 29/11/2015 13:40

Sounds lovely Annie. Lots of HK and Antipodean friends posting sunny outdoor activities on Facebook while we trek round damp grey second hand car forecourts in Essex this week, am definitely pining for the tropics! Though I have to admit also quite liking the Christmas music in the shops, sure that novelty will wear off soon Smile.
Loving all the positive stories that this new thread is attracting but nobody should need to apologise for posting about feeling down either.
I'm back into the swing of nightly injections and trying to get used to being teetotal. The Starts with the Egg Book quotes a study from Yale that says that women who had more than 4 alcoholic drinks a week during IVF were a massive 16% less likely to get pregnant. Bloody hell. Our chance is only 20% to begin with! That certainly steels my resolve.

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AnnieHoo · 29/11/2015 10:40

SorryBlush personal pity party for me last night! I'm always dragging everyone down!! Happy again. Good times ahead. Going to book a winter sun holiday later. Just Tenerife or somewhere easy. Will be nice to have something to look forward to.

AnnieHoo · 28/11/2015 19:38

Thank you for the cheer leading and positive stories!! Some names I recognised there of lovely ladies from other threads. Great to hear to give us some hope back.

jessie yes well one was technically a chemical so really 3 miscarriages (1 anembryonic pregnancy and 2 missed miscarriages). The chemical was just as painful though as it was my last little frozen embryo so that broke my heart. I think I am a bit guilty of showing off my battle scars on mn. Im hoping that I'll be a miracle mum like the lovely shellster over on the IVF thread Smile. Few people know in real life what I've been through, I stopped telling people after the second. One thing I always get upset about is when people say " oh no how far on were you?" It's so bloody personal. As if they need to know that to judge how much pity to give or how bad it is. I want to explain to them how bad it still is even though it's before 12 weeks. Thinking back, I didn't understand early miscarriage myself until I'd gone through it so can forgive anyone for dismissing it because it's not far along enough. It's obvious that I am quite scarred from this. Its only in real life I've ever experienced that btw. Mn has been amaaazing I'm so glad I found the support. I've been quieter lately only because I'm running out of hope.

I was having a de-clutter today and threw out all my gynae / IVF/ fertility testing files and test results. Old scan photos. Goodbye! They make me sad so time to go. Only happy things in the house from now on Smile

loueesa hello! Love the new name hs26 made me think of a postcode!

Hope you are all good tonight lovely ladies!! Lots to be thankful for xxChocolateStarWineBrewSmile

citybumpkin · 28/11/2015 09:38

Awwww Eastendgirl! Thats absolutely lovely. Glad to hear of another wonderful story. Enjoy the snuggliness Smile

EastEndGirl123 · 28/11/2015 09:11

Hi ladies, don't know if you remember me; I posted a bit earlier in the year. Met dp at 38, ttc like a loon throughout being 39, decided to call it quits and not go for fertility treatment/investigations, then had natural bfp one month after 40th birthday. Well, currently sitting here with ten day old baby snuggled up to chest after very uneventful and healthy pregnancy and delivery. He doesn't sleep much but is great! This thread helped me through some dark moments when we were in the thick of ttc and I do pop back sometimes to cheer you all on. Pompom waving for you all; it can and does happen. Ignore the Daily Mail!

citybumpkin · 27/11/2015 14:48

Thanks greenlizard! Your story is wonderful and so happy to hear that all is lovely. I've not even considered my fitness levels in any of this as I think Im reasonably healthy. Concentrating on TTC and enjoying it Wink

greenlizard · 27/11/2015 12:25

Another positive story (well sort of!). DP and I are both 46 (met late in life) started TTC early 2013, two pregnancies both ended in MC. Went the egg donation route and conceived twins in June 2014, lost 1 during the pregnancy but our son was born on Mothers day this year when I was 45.

He is amazing and I can honestly say that I or his dad could not love him any more if he were from my own egg and can I also say I was absolutely fine during my pregnancy and labour - fit as fiddle!

Good luck to you all

PS. There was a lady in my NCT class who had her first baby at 42 (IVF) and her 2nd at 47 naturally conceived ( a major surprise!)

citybumpkin · 27/11/2015 10:33

Thanks Jessie! Its hard when you see others who just seem to stroll through life and are lucky whether it be in terms of baby making, relationships or career. I know we should be happy for others and practice gratitude for what we aleady have but its difficult when you are so focussed on an end "goal". The results were good but the nurse did keep saying that I should be thinking of my age and further tests. Just spoke to DP and he seems a bit indifferent to this baby goal.

Original poster
JessieMcJessie · 27/11/2015 10:07

Hi liveinthepresent fab story, just what we need- thanks for taking the time to post and encourage us!

citybumpkin great news on the follicles and the AMH. As to whether to post positive results, I think that we are all happy to see any positive news so you shouldn't worry about that. After all, if positive things were not posted we'd never tell the thread about our BFPs! My DH reminded me the other day when I said that I was finding it tough to be happy when other people made birth announcements that there is not a finite supply of luck in the world so our own luck is not diminished when things go well for someone else (in this context anyway; obviously a bit different if you are both racing to win the same Olympic gold!). That's my tuppence ha'penny anyway.

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citybumpkin · 27/11/2015 09:36

So not sure whether to share this due to some having a crappy time?! My results are back. Still no guarantee that everything is wonderful down there...
Scan: 12 follicles on right; 9 on left
AMH: 26.66
FSH: 4.1
LH: 5.0
Everything looks active.
Tested on day 5.

Liveinthepresent · 27/11/2015 07:43

Hello all - another lurker rooting for you all.
I have been through only a tiny amount of what some of you have - but thought you might like to know my positive stories!
I had my DC at 39 and 41.
In my NCT group there were two first timers already post 40 (one of whom had her second at 42 v small age gap!)
I have another good friend who had both her kids post 40.
When I commented on my age at my second booking in appt my midwife couldn't have been less interested - and said she regularly meets first timers of 45.
Also know a friend of friend who had her IVF baby at 46.
Obviously I also know people who have struggled and infertility issues are quite common but it can and does happen.
Keep the faith.

Original poster
JessieMcJessie · 26/11/2015 20:37

Unfortunately thread titles aren't editable by the OP, let's just hope people read this far down.

I think you know loueeza that there's no medical reason not to drink while taking IVF drugs i.e. It won't make you sick or definitely inhibit the effect of the drugs or anything but it is only common sense that boozing will not aid conception and it's crazy when going through all that not to do everything possible to maximise our chances. So I might have one glass of red with Christmas dinner but need to be strict to avoid that "just one glass" thing happening night after night throughout the festive season.

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citybumpkin · 26/11/2015 20:10

Agreed some lovely Inshock73 type stories wouldn't go amiss. Support and positivity is vital Smile Sorry new to this but can you change the thread title?

Loueeza · 26/11/2015 20:08

Oh, and Jessie ... no drinking for me this Christmas either as I will have started on the drugs too. So you'll have some company at least Brew

We will just have to eat more cake and chocolate to dull the dullness Cake Chocolate

Original poster
JessieMcJessie · 26/11/2015 20:00

Yes, makes me wish I could edit the OP and invite everyone with a success story to share it here!

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Loueeza · 26/11/2015 19:53

Thank you so much for that, Inshock73 :-)

That's the sort of story we definitely need to hear. I feel like there are a lot of stories about people who conceived really quickly at 40 or over, and a lot about those who struggle for a really long time (regardless of age) because of various specific fertility issues - not to minimise those at all, I hasten to add - but not so many tales of those who took a while simply because of age ... but got there in the end!

I'm definitely at that stage where I just can't imagine it happening, so this does give me some hope. Glad you 'came out of the shadows' and posted :-)

Inshock73 · 26/11/2015 19:25

Can I be a cheerleader on this thread? :) It feels wrong to lurk in the shadows and for all of you to be unaware I'm reading your posts. Some of you might recognise my name because I've posted on the other 40+ thread. For those who don't I posted for about 18 months before having my daughter in April this year, first time mum at the age of 42. Like most of you I didn't think it was possible or ever going to happen... :) Rooting for you all!

Loueeza · 26/11/2015 18:57

Welcome OldFarticus ... love your screen name! Sounds like you have been through a lot and now there's a lot to feel hopeful about. Fx for you as far as the IVF goes!

Jessie, your comment: "We've had a LOT of rest in our 30s and we'll be absolutely fine" virtually has me rolling on the floor with laughter right now. Oohhhh soooo true! I actually feel like I have MORE energy right now than I did in my 30s because I'm a bit more chilled out (apart from all the TTC stressing, that is, but that's just sporadic ;-)

I went to the hairdressers' today and guess what .... TWO (not one) stylists (out of 3) with huge bellies. Thankfully the third stylist with the non-pregnant belly did my hair so I didn't have to make small talk about due dates etc. .... lol! I'm not really such a jealous old cow .... ;-)

Rememberallball · 26/11/2015 16:32

Hi Jessie, I would certainly push for us going down the route of donor eggs if we could afford IVF and the additional costs of being an egg recipient. DH on the other hand worries that as any egg isn't 'mine' that I might feel differently to if it was - not that I think I would; it would be my body growing our child and going the hard work!! He feels the same way about adoption and worries that he mght not be able to love an adopted child the same way as his older two.

citybumpkin · 26/11/2015 15:36

Farty (can I call you farty?), great news all round. The mind boggles at how they manage to work out genetics. Hopefully positive test results will be on their way. Fx.

OldFarticus · 26/11/2015 14:31

Don't worry Jessie, I have been called worse! Wink

It's a lot of consolation - I am a converted science geek. Not only am I likely to live to a decent age because the risk has been identified, but I can make sure than any DC don't inherit that risk. Truly humbled by how jolly clever the genetics folk at CRGH are

And yes, it's the Daily Mail. My actual DM is lovely luckily Grin

citybumpkin · 26/11/2015 13:47

Thanks for the tips Jessie! I just want to make sure that I'm not missing out on anything but also don't want to rattle!

Yep, agreed re evil threads. A woman (or man) can be a great parent whatever their age. I struggle with the (my) age thing sometimes but it only just hit me while reading one of the aging threads, the older you get the less sleep you need. Please remind me of this should City Mk2 appear in my life!! I'm older and hopefully wiser with a whole lot to offer. Same goes for DP who is fitter than most men his age - and is most definitely not a "grandpa".

Original poster
JessieMcJessie · 26/11/2015 13:41

Then realised it was "Daily Mail" I mean...

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Original poster
JessieMcJessie · 26/11/2015 13:37

Hi OldFarticus. I'l try not to abbreviate that to "Farty". For a minute there I was thinking that DM meant "Dear Mother " and was horrified at your Mum's lack of compassion.....then I realised it was DM, of course Blush.

What a tough time you've had. So glad to hear that the cancer is behind you and that you are still able to get pregnant with your own eggs. Is it some consolation to think about how amazing science is that it is even possible to test an embryo for the cancer gene? When wil you find out the results?

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Original poster
JessieMcJessie · 26/11/2015 13:31

I'd ditch the royal jelly city, read somewhere it has no research supporting fertility benefits. I also think you get the same vits in Pregnancare as in a multivit, and poss the vit B is in there as well. D is really important for conception so probably also in the Pregnacare.

I take 7 Seas Trying for a Baby which says on the front it has Vit D. I tried Pregnacare but the tablets were huge and made me choke; the 7 Seas seem to contain all the same stuff and are tiny - they also come in a litle pack marked with the day like a Pill packet so helps me remember if I already took one.

Here's tip for you. Do not EVER click on a thread on Mumsnet that has a title like "I'm 41, should I have a(nother) baby?", thinking you might find a few nice over 40s conception stories to cheer you up. There lie demons.

Yes, there will be a core group who say "I did it, it's great, go for it" but there will be literally legions of women lining up to say how having a baby over 35 is a hugely selfish act practically tantamount to child abuse because you will leave him/her an orphan or full-time carer at a young age and he/she will be ridiculed at the school gates for having a Granny for a Mum. The other old chestnut they trot out is that you will be "so tired" because said poster is now 40 with 3 school age kids and is "totally exhausted and can't imagine having a young baby now". Er, it's the kids that make you feel old you moron, not your age. We've had a LOT of rest in our 30s and will be absolutely fine.

Sorry, I'm ranting. MN is great, on the whole.

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