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Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

Original poster

Forty and over trying for a first baby - join us here

811 replies

JessieMcJessie · 25/11/2015 11:38

A year ago today I started this thread

Any 40+ladies out there TTC #1?

and, 1000 posts later, it has filled up with the shared experiences of various fantastic women who find ourselves hoping to start a family after the age of 40. And listen out Daily Mail - not one of us deliberately "delayed motherhood" to concentrate on our careers or frivolous pursuits. By and large we just didn't meet the right person (or decide to go it alone) till we were quite long in the tooth.

Trying for a first at this age has its own special challenges. The old thread contains its fair share of sad tales of early miscarriage and disapointing test results. However it is also a great place for success stories and positive thinking and it has been a lifeline for me over the past year.

Although those who already have a child or children and are trying for more in their forties are welcome to join (and we absolutely understand the real pain of secondary infertility), part of the value of this thread is the opportunity to share experience amongst those of us for whom failure will mean no children at all, rather than a smaller family than we'd like. It's also a place where we all share a sense of total uncharted territory where pregnancy and childbrirth are concerned!

There are a number of stalwarts who have been with me from almost day one and I hope you'll join this new thread too, but we all hope to graduate eventually to the pregnancy boards so new joiners are very important! If your fortieth is looming it's fine to join a bit before.

A newish poster asked last week if people could post their "stats" and I think that's a good idea. So I'll kick it off (feel free to include whatever info you feel like giving):

Jessie McJessie 42, TTC since October 2014 (13 months) having only met my DH at the tender age of 38. 2 chemical pregnancies, one blocked tube, low AMH, one failed IUI, 1 failed IVF and about to start our second IVF. Just moved back to London after 6 years in Hong Kong.

So, off we go. We have a special skill at scouring the media for stories of celebs having babies over 40. And there's no such thing as TMI Grin.

OP posts:
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Loueeza · 07/12/2015 07:00

Interesting, Daisy. Will definitely be interested to hear how that goes. Let's hope you get a little mood-enhancing sunshine while you're there as well ... it's a great country!

The nurse did tell me on the phone that the effects of the scratch thingy last for 3 months, so although she didn't directly say it, I thought that might just bode well for trying afterwards if our IVF fails :-)

Daisyboo1203 · 07/12/2015 00:25

Loueeza, I am going to to Greece, Serum for a hysteroscopy and at the same time they do the scratch thing. They actually advise to try naturally for 2 months after as it can be so successful. They are one of the only places that treat and not just look and diagnose during hysteroscopy. Also having hidden infections tests at the same time. I am doing this in 2 weeks, so I'll let you know how it goes.

Loueeza · 06/12/2015 11:25

Oh, and Jessie, interesting that you've come clean at work. I'm still thinking of keeping it vague and just telling them I've got a small procedure that I have to have done and it's going to require going to a few appointments. But I'm going to see how it goes. If it gets awkward at any point I might tell one of my direct line managers, who is super nice.

Somehow it just feels like it's all less serious and something I can totally cope with if no one else really knows. A weird psychological thing again, I guess ... ;-)

Loueeza · 06/12/2015 11:19

Great stories, mellymoo22 and Madelinehatter. Thanks so much for popping in and encouraging us. We love these sorts of stories around here, although I feel like no amount of military planning is working for me! Still spurs me on to hear that it can and does happen though. Mellymoo22, wish you and the little one all the best ... sounds as if she's getting stronger day by day xx

Hi to all you other girlies. I've been a bit MIA over this last week as I was on my hols. Had a wonderful relaxing time but realised when I got there that I didn't have any of my passwords with me. Have been following along with the thread, just couldn't add my two-penneth ;-)

Knew from about day 21 this cycle that I was probably out. My 2ww seems to be following an all-too-familiar pattern lately ... first twinges of af, then full-on cramps, feeling crap and then eventually af arrives right on time. Despite the lovely relaxing holiday we were having, the arrival of this af felt like a bit of a biggie for me as it meant I had to call the IVF clinic to book in. So ... had my usual 2-hour pity party, then made 'the call' while walking around castle grounds and looking out over the sea ... surreal, but at least DH and I had ditched our friends for a few hours so I could get my head around everything.

Anyway, long story short, I am beginning with the drugs for the 'long protocol' IVF on day 21 of this cycle, which should fall on around the 22nd/23rd Dec. Trying not to think about it too much and take it step by step, but the two things that are bothering me are a. finding out that the process is going to take virtually 2 months rather than the 1 that others I know seem to have done b. finding out that we can't have the last natural try I thought we would get this month as the nurse has said not to have unprotected sex from now (apparently the down regging drugs and embies don't go too well together). Still, I suppose I should just trust the process - chances are this last try wouldn't have yielded anything anyway, but it's just a psychological thing ...

Last thing I wanted to mention to you all is this .... the nurse I spoke to called me back and told me to look into something called an 'endometrial scratch' and then let them know if I wanted to go ahead with it. Apparently there's some evidence to suggest that it 'can' help embryos to implant. It's a bit like a smear test - they go into your uterus with a brush-type thing and scratch some grooves in the lining. The thinking is that it can then become easier for the embies to implant in the 'grooves'. Your body can also realease some healing chemicals or hormones or whatever which can sort of kick start your body into knowing what it's supposed to do and holding on the embryos. I'm sure I've explained this horribly but that's the general gist. Done a bit of research and think I'm going to go ahead with it. Means another bit of time off for another procedure, but I figure I might as well give it a try. It's £300, which isn't cheap, but as we're not paying for this IVF that wouldn't be the end of the world.

Anyone else tried/heard of this?

Right, this post is getting a bit long so I'll stop now, but all the best to everyone else ... city, annie jessie (good luck with your IVF too! Wish we could be IVF buddies ... mine is going to drag on soooo long!) and all you other lovely girlies xxx

mellymoo22 · 05/12/2015 14:20

Thanks Citybumpkin!
She's doing well, home on oxygen but on the smallest amount, just waiting to get another oxygen study done to see if she can come off it during the day to start with, it certainly would make going out of the house a little easier! Apart from that she's growing well and sleeping well, she's our little miracle SmileSmile

Toraleistripe · 05/12/2015 13:26

Big sucess story from me to cheer you all up and wish you well.

Aged 42 got pregnant but had MMC at 10 weeks. 3 months later pg again and an easy pregnancy ended with a lovely baby girl.

Aged 46. Yes 46. Pregnant again. That one took longer. 12 months in fact but had DS at 47! Again not problem pregnancy apart from grappling with whether to do amnio or not. I didn't btw.

I plotted my temps using Fertility Friend, used OPKs and DTD every day from day 10 until period. Also used Preseed but don't know if it helped. I approached it with military strategy and planning. No time at my age for romance and waiting to see what happened. It worked though!

It CAN be done ladies. I wish you all the very best.

citybumpkin · 05/12/2015 13:15

Wow! Thanks and congrats Melly! A wonderful story. How is the little one and you going now?

mellymoo22 · 05/12/2015 11:40

Hey all....
Wee success story here, mellymoo aged (a couple of weeks off) 41, DH 56 (married previously with 3 grown up kids).

Started TTC in Feb 13, BFP Nov 13 and MMC a couple of days before Christmas :(
Took until Feb 14 for me to get an ERPC (long story but awful care from local hospital resulting in formal complaint). Cycle never really got back to normal so went to see my GP in Oct thinking I was going through early menopause, found out I was B12 deficient (which can affect fertility) so had lots of jabs to sort that out Shock

Turned 40 last December and found out the following day that I was pregnant GrinGrin

Had fairly normal pregnancy until 29 weeks when my waters broke, managed to hang on until 31 weeks when my little girl was born, she was really sick (thread in premature birth) but after 13 weeks in hospital we got home and loving every minute of motherhood but due to the trauma of birth she will be my first and last!

I wish you all much success and hope you all go on to have successful pregnancies

XX

citybumpkin · 05/12/2015 10:59

Hey Jessie! Sounds like you've got a lot on your plate at the moment. Fx that everything goes ok.

I think its better to be honest about whats going on in your life. The majority of people will be supportive which can only be a positive. Well done for being brave enough to vocalise. I have yet another xmas do today which is lasting allllll day. Im known to like a drink or two so it will be difficult to be sober. Thinking just the one won't hurt?!

thankshhjj · 05/12/2015 01:44

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Original poster
JessieMcJessie · 04/12/2015 23:59

Hi all. Been a busy week, sorting out our house and car purchases, dosing myself up on IVF drugs, starting the Christmas shopping and even managing to do some work.
Had our team Xmas meal last night- very odd to be stone cold sober throughout (not to mention having to inject myself in the restaurant loos). My colleagues were by no means wasted, but I must say that you really feel the time dragging on when you are not boozing- I was ready to go home by about 10 and they were still going strong. Still, was actually pretty cool to have no hangover today. (Not that I gloated). Told main boss and various in the team the truth about why I was not drinking, was actually quite a weight off to admit it publicly. Lots of good luck wishes of course.

Had a scan today to see how the follicles are getting in- slight worry when the nurse said she couldn't find one of my ovaries and said it might be hard to see as it had not stimulated at all. Fortunately they sent me to the sonographer who was able to find it hiding round the back somewhere and said all looked on track. Egg collection will most likely be weds or Thurs next week.

I impressed myself by multi tasking and writing a presentation in the waiting room, which was absolutely packed full of couples and lone women of all ages and ethnicities. I often wonder what their stories are.

I still have that bloody positive pregnancy test kicking around my handbag- kept glaring at it but I can't seem to throw it away.

OP posts:
citybumpkin · 04/12/2015 22:34

Never say never. I'm a firm believer in that. You can bend the universe.

citybumpkin · 04/12/2015 22:33

Yeah re tubes Remember. Sounds a tad wrong but the sentiment is good. Busy is a must I suppose. Trying to mind occupy under the circumstances.

Rememberallball · 04/12/2015 20:16

Hi City, I'm here. Been a busy week at work. DH on day 4 of 6 this week and offering to work about 7-8 extra between now and the end of the year!!

Monday went well. We're still waiting for official results but, as things stand, tubes looked clear so just got to hope things happen for us now, otherwise it's the end of the road.

citybumpkin · 04/12/2015 19:34

Okay. Where is everyone? Hope you are all okay ThanksThanks

citybumpkin · 01/12/2015 08:20

Hello All, I hope you're all okay? I feel a little bit on the periphery here as you've all been through quite a lot of heartache and I'm reasonably new to MN and TTC. I can't offer much worldly reproductive advice yet but will support as best I can.

FF says that I ovulated on Saturday whilst with DP, which is 3 days early. OPK showed a negative?! So this means the 2WW...

citybumpkin · 29/11/2015 22:40

Annie slight line on OPK. DTD in the am. Unfortunately I have to work tomorrow so couldn't linger. Oh well...

AnnieHoo · 29/11/2015 22:36

Oo sounds absolutely wonderful remember!! Hope it all goes well tomorrow!

city sorry if I'm not understanding right but you dtd up to night/morning before strong line on opk day and then had to catch flight is that right? If so then you are fine! Day before and 2days before strong line are optimum times so thats good! Smile

Rememberallball · 29/11/2015 22:21

Oh my god!! We have indulged rather a lot today!! I had a bad experience on my hen do in August so the place gave 4 of us afternoon tea today.

Erm, champagne afternoon tea; champagne cocktails: bottle of champagne and normal cocktails!!

At least I'll not care how my HyCoSy goes in the morning!!

citybumpkin · 29/11/2015 21:11

Thanks for the positive vibes annie. Unfortunately I can't stay any longer as I have to work.

Jessie everything is crossed for you. That will stop me drinking wine!

AnnieHoo · 29/11/2015 19:53

jessie excited for you in the IVF run up again, Feels good to be doing something. Yes I was advised zero alcohol and litres of water.

AnnieHoo · 29/11/2015 19:48

They stay up there for up to five days city it could be the right timing! Your results are great btw. AMH is way above average. Thanks for hugs too!

Plenty people drink and get pregnant it's so unfair!!

citybumpkin · 29/11/2015 16:09

Well I failed miserably Sad. Flight delayed at Schilpol. DP left behind as he is working. Arse. Big arse on fire. OPK slight positive line this morning. DTD ermmm several times (TMI sorry). Shouldnt be ov until Tues but... Ffs. Sod it.

Daisyboo1203 · 29/11/2015 15:50

Day 2 of not drinking here.
Not starting IVF injections til late january, but I at least want to cut down.
I'm also having hysteroscopy and hidden infections test late December, so want to be healthy for that.

citybumpkin · 29/11/2015 14:06

Annie big hug there! Reading these posts upsets me to know how much crap others are going through. All we can do is hang on in there and be supportive as best we can.

We should start a non-drinkers club. Day 14 of no drink here. Dreading the 4 week party season up to xmas. 3 xmas dos next week...arggghhhh!