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Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

Original poster

Forty and over trying for a first baby - join us here

811 replies

JessieMcJessie · 25/11/2015 11:38

A year ago today I started this thread

Any 40+ladies out there TTC #1?

and, 1000 posts later, it has filled up with the shared experiences of various fantastic women who find ourselves hoping to start a family after the age of 40. And listen out Daily Mail - not one of us deliberately "delayed motherhood" to concentrate on our careers or frivolous pursuits. By and large we just didn't meet the right person (or decide to go it alone) till we were quite long in the tooth.

Trying for a first at this age has its own special challenges. The old thread contains its fair share of sad tales of early miscarriage and disapointing test results. However it is also a great place for success stories and positive thinking and it has been a lifeline for me over the past year.

Although those who already have a child or children and are trying for more in their forties are welcome to join (and we absolutely understand the real pain of secondary infertility), part of the value of this thread is the opportunity to share experience amongst those of us for whom failure will mean no children at all, rather than a smaller family than we'd like. It's also a place where we all share a sense of total uncharted territory where pregnancy and childbrirth are concerned!

There are a number of stalwarts who have been with me from almost day one and I hope you'll join this new thread too, but we all hope to graduate eventually to the pregnancy boards so new joiners are very important! If your fortieth is looming it's fine to join a bit before.

A newish poster asked last week if people could post their "stats" and I think that's a good idea. So I'll kick it off (feel free to include whatever info you feel like giving):

Jessie McJessie 42, TTC since October 2014 (13 months) having only met my DH at the tender age of 38. 2 chemical pregnancies, one blocked tube, low AMH, one failed IUI, 1 failed IVF and about to start our second IVF. Just moved back to London after 6 years in Hong Kong.

So, off we go. We have a special skill at scouring the media for stories of celebs having babies over 40. And there's no such thing as TMI Grin.

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Thread gallery
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citybumpkin · 21/12/2015 09:11

Woohoo Jessie! Everything well and truly crossed for you. Hope everyone else is doing as well as can be expected. AF arrived here so I've been miserable. Onto the next cycle...

Original poster
JessieMcJessie · 21/12/2015 09:00

Am 7 dp5dt today (equivalent to 12 dpi in a natural cycle). Official test date is Chrismas day but it seems that Santa has come early. Deep breaths....

Best of luck for the procedure today Daisy.

Forty and over trying for a first baby - join us here
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AnnieHoo · 20/12/2015 23:04

And good luck lou for Tuesday.

Feeling spurred on by your 43 year old friends wotsit!!

AnnieHoo · 20/12/2015 23:02

Good luck daisy you are so pro- active! Hope it all goes well tomorrow. Xx

Daisyboo1203 · 20/12/2015 20:19

Loueeza, they do the scratch at the same time as the hysteroscopy. I am nervous too, and not sure I want to watch the video afterwards Shock to look at any issues they cleared out.
I'll keep you all posted!!
I'm trying to tell myself that this time tomorrow it'll all be over and I'll be enjoying a good nights sleep before heading for a family xmas

Loueeza · 20/12/2015 14:22

Good luck, Daisy, and enjoy Athens! When are you having the scratch? I'm having one on Tuesday - feeling a bit nervous about it ...

Hello, Kwik! And good luck to you, too. I think you should try to ignore the family pressure. You've got to feel totally comfortable with your path over this, I reckon.

Anyway, welcome! Really nice that you're joining in here! The more the merrier ... :-)

Daisyboo1203 · 20/12/2015 05:14

Good luck, Kwick!
I was trying fairly naturally with a sperm donor, until I had fertility tests and was told I had very low AMH. It made sense to move to IVF then.
Have you had any tests done?

I have arrived in Athens for my hysteroscopy and scratch.
Exhausted ! Think I have been awake over 45 hours!
Sleep, explore and pre op tests at hospital tomorrow! I'll keep you posted!!

Kwick709 · 19/12/2015 18:36

I do hope this thread is still going! I am very active on "donor iui" thread but I need more! More sharing is caring :)

So I am 41 years old and I am waiting to see if my 4th try of natural iui with donor sperm is successful. I am supposed to test on Monday but will test tomorrow as cannot take the wait anymore!

I have already arranged that my next cycle (fingers crossed i will not need it) will be medicated iui... Although I am a bit clueless as to what that will entail. Then if that does not work I will moce to ivf.

I am getting a lot of pressure from family to start ivf sooner but I am not yet ready for that level of intervention... Although I know that I will try every avenue as I do so want to have a child.

Loueeza · 18/12/2015 18:27

That makes me feel a bit better that you found injecting OK, Jessie. I should be fine because I had to do it once before after an op. The thought of it was worse than actually doing it.

I've got suprecor (the suppressant drug - that's the one that'll 'put me in menopause' - hate saying that!), then gonal f, then pregnyl for just before egg collection. And of course the pessaries for after transfer.

In the end I phoned the clinic to own up to not putting the drugs in the fridge immediately (another own-up call!) and they said the gonal f would be OK but we should replace the pregnyl just to be safe. I still think they would be fine as they felt so cold even after 24 hours (as they'd been in the unopened cool box the whole time). Still, I suppose better to play safe over something so important. It will cost us about £30 to replace them I think - annoying, but not the end of the world. :-)

Know how you feel, wotsits. I find myself feeling jealous sometimes of anyone who got there easily, whatever their age. I can be more genuinely happy if it was a struggle. I know, what a terrible admission, but hey, yes, let's all be evil here together this Christmas ... ahahaha!

Original poster
JessieMcJessie · 17/12/2015 22:56

That sucks wotsit , especially after your careful strategic planning! I think there's a difference between hearing about pregnancies and having them in your face over dinner - that's when the envy replaces the inspiration...
We can be evil here together...

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wotsitsmaltesers · 17/12/2015 22:31

So had two dinner dates with old friends tonight either university crowd or old school friends. University friend aged 43 pregnant with second all the others got two or three so decided old school friends better option as all of them got fertility issues only to rock up and friend aged 43 who I talked to in April about how the heck were going to make it happen is six months pregnant. Of course I'm happy for her but so jealous to. All my 43 year old friends are pregnant which should fill me with hope but somehow makes me dispair. So, tonight Matthew it is I who am evil wanting to be pregnant lady. Rrrr

Original poster
JessieMcJessie · 17/12/2015 21:49

I had no side effects from the drugs and found injecting myself really easy- genuinely painless in my experience, although I know poor Daisy had a few problems with skin reactions to hers. Have they given you Gonal-f and cetrotide ( that kept autocorrecting to "certitude"- oh to get that on prescription! ) or something else?

I didn't have to take the cycle-suppressing drugs that they have given you so can't speak for their potential side effects. The progesterone pessaries that I'm on now are meant to be the worst for side effects but I can't say I am feeling any in particular.

Glad your drugs had a polystyrene cool box by the way- mine had no ice or insulation at all, hence the driver ordering them straight to the fridge.

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Loueeza · 17/12/2015 21:35

Thanks for the blog link, Jessie. Love it so far. I enjoyed this post: the2weekwait.blogspot.co.uk/p/what-i-did-on-my-successful-ivf.html

I actually have a feeling I've come across this blog before. Brilliantly written, isn't it?

I think my DH's colleague is resigning partly because she's been suffering from proper stress. She had a few months off fairly recently because of it. So I got the impression she wants to recuperate for a while, and then hopefully that will help them as they start trying. I can see the logic, although I agree with you - personally I find work a good distraction, but it isn't overly stretching right now. If it was (like it was for me last year), I might feel differently ...

Somehow it's therapeutic talking about other people's situations ... gets my mind off my own! Remember - that's a crazy story. Could definitely imagine it turning up on Jeremy Kyle!

Had a bit of a bad day today. Not sure what was wrong with me, but started to feel a bit down - and then of course my mind started wandering onto all this. Felt like I imagine I might feel when I start taking all the drugs!

Jessie, did you get any side effects from the drugs? I'm dreading starting to take them (start next week). Did you find injecting yourself OK in the end?

Original poster
JessieMcJessie · 17/12/2015 15:27

Eurgh Remember I can see why that would be annoying. Sound like your DSS needs to man up and stop stringing her along though.

At a team Christmas party this week one of my colleagues told us his brother has NINE children by six different women. Colleague is a lawyer, his parents are a doctor and accountant. All very middle class, with some sort of ridiculous Jeremy Kyle-ready cuckoo in the nest.

Interesting that your DH's collegaue feels the need to resign to focus on a not-yet-conceived baby loueeza - that's the antithesis of the Lean In philosophy. To be honest I am so glad that I did not stop working for my firm completely when we moved back here (which was my original plan) - I'd have driven myself mental with no job to distract me.

And odd that she's so open about it - has she had problems TTC do you think?

Sorry your timings are all off this month wotsit. Day 9 is very early indeed to ovulate.

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Original poster
JessieMcJessie · 17/12/2015 15:01

As I count down the days to Christmas and my official test date I have been trawling the internet a bit and came across this blog which really struck a chord with me.

This woman got together with her DH in her late 30s and then had problems conceiving - when it starts out she's about 37 so a little outside our bracket but her story feels very familiar. After over 2 years and 3 IVFs she finally has a baby, then she miraculously gets pregnant with a second when her son is three. She's American but she has a very dry and self-deprecating sense of humour and I think she'd have fit in well here...

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Rememberallball · 17/12/2015 06:57

Loueeza, you're not the only person who's feeling bad about the thoughts they have towards other people. DSS (26 and lone parent to a gorgeous - but horrendously behaved - 3 year old DD) has a girlfriend who, as well as going on all the freaking time about being a 'parent', is not shy about being desperate to get pregnant as it will mean she doesn't have to get a job and will get more benefit money than at present (what a good reason to get pregnant!!). DSS at the same time has told his sister that he's not sure they'd still be a couple (going out just a year) if she didn't babysit his DD while he's at work.
I dread hearing that she's expecting but think it's inevitable and she's constantly encouraged on Fb by her mother telling her how she's a wonderful mother and how 'another' baby wouldake their family complete!!
Sometimes I just wish they'd go their separate ways before a vulnerable little one appears on the scene as part of her life plan. Which is wicked of me when we're so desperate to become parents!!

Rant over - and it feels good to say that out loud!!

Loueeza · 17/12/2015 06:42

City - I actually remember feeling just as shitty after only 3 months trying. I never believed I'd still be feeling it a year on, though. I really hope you're luckier.

Thanks for the nice words, wotsitmaltesters. As for you, well, you never know ... I know chances don't seem good, but I've tried at what seems like exactly the right time and still, nothing. Wouldn't be surprised if it eventually does happen on a month I thought I must be out!

Found myself feeling jealous yesterday of my husband's boss who told him yesterday she was resigning at age 36.5 to focus on having a baby. Couldn't help thinking 'If only I was 36.5...'

Sometimes I think this ttc business is turning me into a not so nice person :-(

citybumpkin · 16/12/2015 21:29

Hey all! Trying to stay away and be chilled about TTC. Hope you're all doing as well as can be expected. Despite all the signs of implantation AF appeared today so I'm a little bit down. Only month 3 of TTC so nowhere near as long as you guys but still feeling pretty shitty. Hey ho... Onwards and all that. Take care .

wotsitsmaltesers · 16/12/2015 20:43

Sounds so positive jessie fingers crossed for you. loueesa I share your pain. I'm sure I've just ovulated early on day 9 not dtd since Tuesday and that was after five days so quality won't be good and one night tonight that I can't see partner. Have timed it all wrong this month. Feeling so sad. Sorry needed a rant.

Loueeza · 15/12/2015 20:37

Oh, and I can feel myself ovulating as I type. I know it's all in a good cause, but I hate that we can't try this month!!!

Loueeza · 15/12/2015 17:19

Hi Rememberallball! Sounds like you're well and happy - good luck for DTD this month!

Jessie, our clinic told us that only 25 to 30% get any to freeze, at any age. I would try not to let your thoughts carry it any further - the doc told you he'd put at least one good one back in, so focus on that. :-)

I'm actually not too worried about the drugs left out of fridge thing. I will ask them when I next go to the clinic, just in case, but after a bit of googling about the specific drugs I think it's OK. They were inside a polystyrene cool box with 2 ice packs and still felt very cool, so I don't think they ever got warm.

What a drip he is, though. He said he was concentrating so much on actually taking the delivery, he totally forgot about the fridge. Hmm

Original poster
JessieMcJessie · 15/12/2015 17:05

Clinic called to say none of the 3 embryos left over were good enough to freeze. wasn't really expecting any to be, so not too disappointed, although I am now letting my mind wander and worrying if it means the ones that went back in are also more likely to be duds? But they did pick the best 3 so hopefully doesn't mean anything.

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Rememberallball · 14/12/2015 23:43

Congrats on the transfer Jessie, I think 25/12 as a test date is really exciting especially if it's a positive result!!

AF paid her visit today, 14 days after my HyCoSy so now we're on our way to a (hopefully) extra fertile chance of success. DH is not well (think tonsillitis) so has a few days to recover before its time to dtd!!

We also have lots of celebrations planned for later this week as its my birthday at the weekend so off to see Star Wars on opening day then out to a local Turkish restaurant for dinner with 8 family and friends.

Original poster
JessieMcJessie · 14/12/2015 22:28

My understanding is that the HFEA approve 3 for all women over 40- basically the risk of multiple pregnancy is balanced out by the high likelihood that an older woman's eggs will be chromosomally abnormal so the embryos will not survive. My clinic firmly believe 3 will give me the best chance so I sense that they don't see many over 40s have twins or triplets.

If your clinic only does 2 then they must have their own particular policy about how many they will transfer, driven by a desire to avoid multiple pregnancy. You should ask them why they reject the HFEA position. I wonder if NHS- funded IVF creates restraints, on the basis that a multiple would drain public funds?

Can't believe your DH was such a divvy about the drugs. I don't mean to be alarmist but did you check that they'd still be OK after 24 hours at room temperature? I was warned by the van driver very sternly to refrigerate immediately. I used to deal a lot with air cargo shipments of drugs and they were very strict about declaring pharma clinically spoiled if it was exposed to conditions outside the recommended range even for a very short time. The pharmacy can hopefully confirm.

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Loueeza · 14/12/2015 18:11

Sounds like it went really well, Jessie, Christmas tree earrings and all! (that would have cracked me up)

If I was you, I think I might wait to test until Boxing Day. At least if the news is disappointing, Boxing Day is a bit of an anti-climax sort of day anyway. If it's good news, then you'll be partying for much longer than everyone else!

Interesting that they put 3 back in. I think my clinic only puts a max of 2 in. I wonder why ...

We took delivery of our mountain of drugs on Saturday. I went away for the weekend, so left instructions with DH. So what should I discover when I got back on Sunday night but the box labelled 'keep in fridge' in the middle of the bedroom floor. We're really not doing very well so far. One naughty DDT early cycle and now drugs left out of the fridge.

To top it all off, we have one of those tiny fridges so can hardly fit anything else in it now the drugs are in there. I've already got bacon and cheese balancing around the edges ;-)

Good luck, Jessie. You really deserve some luck this time ...