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Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

Original poster

Forty and over trying for a first baby - join us here

811 replies

JessieMcJessie · 25/11/2015 11:38

A year ago today I started this thread

Any 40+ladies out there TTC #1?

and, 1000 posts later, it has filled up with the shared experiences of various fantastic women who find ourselves hoping to start a family after the age of 40. And listen out Daily Mail - not one of us deliberately "delayed motherhood" to concentrate on our careers or frivolous pursuits. By and large we just didn't meet the right person (or decide to go it alone) till we were quite long in the tooth.

Trying for a first at this age has its own special challenges. The old thread contains its fair share of sad tales of early miscarriage and disapointing test results. However it is also a great place for success stories and positive thinking and it has been a lifeline for me over the past year.

Although those who already have a child or children and are trying for more in their forties are welcome to join (and we absolutely understand the real pain of secondary infertility), part of the value of this thread is the opportunity to share experience amongst those of us for whom failure will mean no children at all, rather than a smaller family than we'd like. It's also a place where we all share a sense of total uncharted territory where pregnancy and childbrirth are concerned!

There are a number of stalwarts who have been with me from almost day one and I hope you'll join this new thread too, but we all hope to graduate eventually to the pregnancy boards so new joiners are very important! If your fortieth is looming it's fine to join a bit before.

A newish poster asked last week if people could post their "stats" and I think that's a good idea. So I'll kick it off (feel free to include whatever info you feel like giving):

Jessie McJessie 42, TTC since October 2014 (13 months) having only met my DH at the tender age of 38. 2 chemical pregnancies, one blocked tube, low AMH, one failed IUI, 1 failed IVF and about to start our second IVF. Just moved back to London after 6 years in Hong Kong.

So, off we go. We have a special skill at scouring the media for stories of celebs having babies over 40. And there's no such thing as TMI Grin.

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Daisyboo1203 · 29/12/2015 18:55

Also be aware there are 2 different measurements for AMH. So mine is 2.4 pmol/L or 0.34 ng/ml.
That is considered very low. I only got 2 eggs in the highest dose of medication. But both of those fertilised

Original poster
JessieMcJessie · 29/12/2015 12:02

Oh, Kwick I forgot to answer your questions. I'm afraid that an AMH of 2 is a bit below the median for your age and means that they won't get a hige number of eggs if you do IVF. However mine is 3.3 and they got 7 when they put me on the highest dose of medication, which was plenty to work with so don't despair. I have a friend (also a single Mum) with AMH same as yours, whose IVF worked first time.

This pdf from the Lister clinic explains more. (It also shows that for my age the percentage of cycles that result in a BFP at our age is 29% but 45% of those miscarry. Really scary.)

If your donor sperm has been properly analysed and is coming back with the right stats then it wouldn't seem worth changing it as it is unlikely to be the issue - from what I understand, apart from something called "DNA fragmentation" which is hidden, sperm problems are pretty obvious from a basic semen analysis.

Generally, I'd say move on to IVF asap if you have the funds. I didn't find it all that physically traumatic and the waiting is the same as in any cycle.

Good luck.

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Original poster
JessieMcJessie · 29/12/2015 11:50

Hello all. Back at work for one day today but it's extremely quiet so an ideal chance to get on to Mumsnet Smile.

Remember glad you're trying to relax and have fun - easier said than done but hopefully the holiday season will help with that. I've had a weird time in some respects - the BFP has always been in the back of my mind and I've felt slightly detached from other conversations as nothing else seems important and I'm just constantly willing it to stick. Happy though, but just a bit weird.

Called the IVF clinic this morning to report in the positive test - was a great call to make. Scan is booked for 21 Jan, which feels like an absolute age away - time is dragging so much. Nurse said "you'll be 7 weeks pregnant by then" and it felt completely and utterly unreal. I just said "well, hopefully".

My brother and SIL were staying yesterday and the day before. I had been in 2 minds about what to say to them as SIL, who just turned 40, has been diagnosed with complete ovarian failure and told that IVF will not work. They knew we were doing IVF, but not the precise dates. I thought it was inappropriate to say anything at all in front of her at Christmas so had decided just to say nothing unless and until we get to 12 weeks.

However it was impossible to hide not drinking and my brother ended up asking me outright over dinner. We tried not to make a big deal about it and stressed that we feel the risk of it not staying the course right now is really high. She seemed genuinely pleased for us but I really really hope that my brother knew before he asked how she would feel about an announcement and wasn't just being an insensitive twat. Our knowledge of their situation was a bit of an elephant in the room to be honest (though she knows we know). Tried not to mention our BFP again for the rest of their stay but she did bring it up in passing a couple of times unprompted, just general good luck wishes and a comment about how I soon won't for into some pyjamas they bought me.

On that theme, since I'm not even past the point where I had the chemical/early loss last time (that was approx 5 weeks), I hope you don't mind if I stay put here for a while longer? Perhaps if things go well I'll become more of a lurker but for the time being I do still feel more at home with this board than on a pregnancy one. Please shout if you don't think it's appropriate; I won't be offended.

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Kwick709 · 27/12/2015 21:21

**Jessie I have just been reading through all your posts again - I am truly so happy for you! Take good care and get lots if rest :)

**Ayinkeade - did you do another test? If you are still sans AF perhaps time to see Doctor?

I went back through all my papers and found my AMH results from June. I had 2.0, the range for my age (41) is 0.7-21.2.... I guess I now need to research what that means. I have another scan on 29th so will get a feel for how the Menopur is working. I have enough donor sperm left for this cycle of IUI... So another decision I have to face, apart from whether to move on to IVF, is should I change donor too... Any thoughts? It was very hard to get a brown eye, brown hair donor...

Best wishes to everyone! Xmas Grin

Loueeza · 26/12/2015 18:15

Nice to hear from everyone!

Jessie, that's wonderful news. Sounds to me like everything is going swimmingly. You must be so thrilled! I was beginning to wonder whether this ttc business really can work at our age - obviously it can!

Daisy and Jessie, thanks so much for the advice about the injections! You're so right, Jessie, that doing them for a few weeks is nothing compared to what diabetics have to do for their whole lives. I've actually toughened up a bit and am now not finding it so hard. The first one was terrible, as I said, and I still have a big bruise, but now I seem to have 'perfected' (!!) my technique and I'm fine.

Feeling OK so far, too ... well, sort of. Just got my normal PMT.

Annie, that really is great that you've made this decision. Have you looked into the details of adoption yet. Any idea how long it might take. Very exciting ... :-)

Rememberallball · 26/12/2015 00:21

Happy Christmas all. Currently cd13 so around my ov window. We have dtd a bit so far this month (DH seems to have lost stage fright at other people's houses - good thing too as we're staying at relatives)!! I reckon I'm going to ov any time as had ewcm yesterday which I've not really noticed before. Had been temping again this month but forgot thermometer so it's gone out the window!!

Oh well, we're going to relax and enjoy ourselves this month!!

AnnieHoo · 25/12/2015 21:12

Omg jessie how exciting telling PIL at Christmas!!

My AF arrived today so that's my "give it until Christmas" goal over. It's been 3.5 years of trying and I'm ready to stop now, at peace with not being able to have my own children. Feel ready now to accept it and move on to adoption. It's taken a long time and it's been a heartbreaking journey but as you all know, this pain is a pain worth going through.
Who knows what 2016 will bring... Smile
Happy Christmas my 40+ ttc buddies!!!
Xxxxx[santa]Star

Kwick709 · 25/12/2015 19:59

Thank you Jessie :)

Original poster
JessieMcJessie · 25/12/2015 12:24

Hello everyone, Happy Christmas!
Annie so glad you are feeling positive about the future; it may be a cliche but this really is a good time of year to make decisions like this.

Daisy and Loueeza good to hear your uteruses are now suitably roughed-up, and that your tubes are in working order. even if the procedures were a bit unpleasant. Loueeza I think you'll settle into the injecting routine eventually, just a shame you have to do it for a bit longer than you would on short protocol. I may have mentioned this before, but my best friend is type 1 diabetic and has to inject (with exactly the same needle/ pen used for IVF drugs) three times a day, as well as doing finger prick tests up to 6 times a day. For the rest of her life otherwise she will die. So I felt that a few weeks of fertility drugs were a small thing by comparison. That said she had 2 kids in her mid thirties conceived very easily despite the diabetes so I did find myself sometimes thinking uncharitably that she had it easy!

As for me, all still seems on track as far as I can tell. Got a very strong line on an FRER on Wednesday (can't stop staring at it!) and did the clinic's test today as instructed, this being my "official test date" - came up a clear positive very quickly.

We told PIL over Christmas breakfast but we're very careful to stress how early it was and nothing was guaranteed, and said there would be no more updates now till 12 weeks, or if it goes wrong. MIL said that she wakes up in middle of the night worrying about us never having children ( they knew about the IVF, although not the specific dates) so was visibly relieved, albeit I could do without that level of drama.

I have no symptoms and am of course terribly worried that it will fails, but just trying to stay optimistic and take one day at a time.

Welcome to Kwick and hope you all have lovely days today. Xx

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Kwick709 · 25/12/2015 10:49

I agree that some of this is a bit undignified.... I had a baseline scan yesterday with full on AF which was not pleasant for me or the scanner.... Yuk! I now have my medication fir my first riund if medicated iui - i have to inject everyother day. I have done trigger injections before and I am very proud of my prowess in this regard :)
I am sorry to say I do not know my AMH and keep on forgetting to ask but perhaps one of you boffins can tell me what a good reading is so that when I get my reading (hopefully when I go for my next scan on 29th) I will know what is what.
Congratulations Jessie!
Loueeza - hang in there!
Annie - great decision!
Daisy - enjoy Athens!
Merry Christmas everyone! Xmas Grin

ayinkeade123 · 25/12/2015 09:06

hello i am 49yrs trying for a baby missed my period for 24 days had a clear blue test shows negative just wonder if am pregnant

Daisyboo1203 · 25/12/2015 09:00

Loueeza, don't worry, I found the hysto traumatic too. Although the doctors and nurses were kind, due to my general wussiness it was all a bit too much. Especially when I had one nurse spreading my legs, one opening my gown to put cardio monitoring things on, another doing blood pressure, another doing needle in arm. Efficient, but I felt and looked like a harassed starfish! Legs and arms akimbo!

Now, to the injections!! Had a massive phobia all my life so I hated it and was shaking and almost giving up!
I got advice from some
Lovely folks online, some helped some didn't. I'll shared the most useful for me here now. I am sure you will find your own routine which suits you.

Emla cream; it numbs the area (I personally didn't find this helpful as the cream needs to be on the skin for a while, so this just made me think about it and make it more traumatic in my head. But I know it helped a lot of people)
Ice; this does help numb the spot, and for afterwards, but not too long. I do this as its part of the routine I have to prepare myself.
Sucking a sweet; the idea being it will be over by the time you finish. I did find this useful as a sensory distraction.
Actually what I found the best was distractions. I would put the radio or music on and when I was home alone, in front of the telly, giving myself permission to not rush.

I would gently hold the needle against my skin and push in, then wait a few seconds before pushing the plunger....a great time for me to focus on telly or music!!
Give some distractions a try. I think you might find it easier than in a dark bathroom. I don't think I could do it like that even now!

Good luck and merry Christmas to everyone!

Loueeza · 24/12/2015 06:56

Annie, that's such fabulous news! What a lovely hopeful way to start the new year that will be. Will so look forward to hearing about your journey. In the meantime, have a lovely Christmas.

As for me, I've had an eventful few days. Had my 'endo scratch' on Tues. Hardly felt a thing. It was certainly no worse than a smear for me, although I did have a bit of af cramping that evening, I guess when my body was getting tired.

If I'm honest, I did find it slightly traumatic though. I think it was because I was at the clinic for treatment for the first time, they were treating it like a mini op so I had to get all dressed all in the gown and cap thing, and then they left me in this tiny stark white dressing room for AGES (think they were waiting for the surgeon). Felt like a prison cell! Then I found the procedure just really undignified, much worse than a smear for some reason. I know I've got to get used to that, but it felt pretty horrible all the same.

Had a day to recover, then last night I had to do my first down-regging injection. Oh my goodness. I sat there for about half an hour holding the needle. What a wuss. I finally managed to do it by sitting in the half darkened bathroom so I couldn't see the needle very well and then just jabbing it in. Think I jabbed and pressed a bit too hard though because to be honest it did hurt me a bit. Felt a bit sore afterwards. Surely every one won't be like that. I may have 30+ of them to do!

On the positive side (better say SOMETHING positive today!!!) I'm feeling OK about it all. Determined to just face it step by step.

Seriously, though. I know it'll all be worth it if it works (only have to look at Jessie!), but right now it feels like such a lot of hassle and discomfort for such a potentially big IF.

I found myself lying in bed after my scratch wondering how on earth some women go through cycle after cycle after cycle of this. I know how they do, of course, but right now if I thought I had to do that I'm not sure I could face it.

Anyway, I'm definitely rambling. Have a wonderful Christmas and new year, everyone. And, of course, good luck for the new year. Let's hope this next year brings us all what we're longing for! xxx

AnnieHoo · 24/12/2015 00:08

Ahh jessie this is wonderful heartwarming news!! Fx it ok goes well for you in these next few weeks and all is as it should be xxxxxx

. I am feeling so positive this week after a conversation with a colleague at work re adoption. I phoned the local adoption contact so we are heading that way in the new year. Very excited about the renewed hope on this thread xxx

Rememberallball · 21/12/2015 21:23

Jessie wow - just wow!!

Perhaps this is the start of a run of bfp' for our little group!!

Daisyboo1203 · 21/12/2015 21:00

What was your AMH, Kwick?

Daisyboo1203 · 21/12/2015 21:00

It went fine today. Bit more traumatic because I'm wuss about needles and stuff.
They didn't find any big problems, a little inflammation, some old tissue. Tubes were open , no scar tissue. Everything 'normal'.
They took some blood for the hidden infections tests.
And I have antibiotics and some other tablets for encouraging healthy lining

I bled afterwards and had period like pains. The pains stopped in about an hour and the bleeding has more or less stopped now.
Watching the implantation cuts was freaky, pressing down in a line with a dot like pattern. The doctor said it is like digging up your soil in the garden to encourage new growth. Hope it helps with the next cycle!
You'll be fine tomorrow loueeza
And jessie, such exciting news! A great way to start 2016!!

Kwick709 · 21/12/2015 20:58

Thanks for all well wishes. I got a BFN and am now waiting for AF so i can get my baseline scan done and get meds. Very disappointing - 4th failed natural iui... i am now moving on to medicated and then to ivf. Time is ticking!
I have had lots of bloods done - all okay for age. ORT okay also given age and only 1 ovary.
Best of luck to one and all!

Original poster
JessieMcJessie · 21/12/2015 17:39

Very best of luck for tomorrow Loueeza.

OP posts:
Original poster
JessieMcJessie · 21/12/2015 17:38

I did swear I would not test till Xmas day. It's even written in one of my posts above in this thread! But just couldn't resist in the end.
I rationalised that knowing early would be useful info for the next IVF even if it didn't stick.

The official test day is a couple of days later than the last day in my usual cycle and I knew that the clinic did work in bit of a margin to try to avoid patients getting false negatives. And also really preferred to find out at home than at inlaws' house. But basically I am just chronically impatient! Is it Christmas yet?

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Loueeza · 21/12/2015 17:10

Glad the procedure wasn't too awful, Daisy. Got mine early tomorrow. Not looking forward to it (needless to say) but like you just telling myself it'll all be over by lunchtime and then I can get on and look forward to Christmas (despite having to start with the pre IVF injections).

Hope you're enjoying Athens!

Loueeza · 21/12/2015 17:07

Jessie!! Shock

OMG ... well done!!! I'm in shock for you, as I thought you weren't going to test until Christmas day, you tinker ;-)

What a perfect early pressie from Santa.

That line does indeed look like a nice strong one - twins??? triplets? Hahaha ;-)

Really, really happy for you, honey :-)

Original poster
JessieMcJessie · 21/12/2015 11:59

Thanks all. When will you get your feedback Daisy? Did you have sedation for the procedure?

The line I got this morning is much stronger than the ones I got last month at 14 and 15 dpo (and I think possibly stronger than for the chemical last April) so am really hoping this is going to go the distance. But of course all I can do is wait. I am going to try to distract myself by baking DH's Dad's favourite Nowegian Christmas pepper biscuits.

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Daisyboo1203 · 21/12/2015 11:47

Wow! That's fantastic Jessie!!!!! Great to see!!Xmas Smile especially so early! Hopefully this means a high HCG number
I am now laying in a hospital bed in athens, itching to get out.
I didn't find the procedure the nicest thing in the world but I am a bit of a wuss when it comes to things like this.
Looking forward to hearing what the clinic says, hope they found something that may have contributed to the HCG dropping each time.

SparrowSG · 21/12/2015 11:02

Good luck to Daisy and Loueeza with your scratches etc today/tomorrow.

Fantastic news Jessie, a lovely early Christmas gift.

Hope everyone has a relaxing and stress free Christmas week.