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Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

Original poster

Forty and over trying for a first baby - join us here

811 replies

JessieMcJessie · 25/11/2015 11:38

A year ago today I started this thread

Any 40+ladies out there TTC #1?

and, 1000 posts later, it has filled up with the shared experiences of various fantastic women who find ourselves hoping to start a family after the age of 40. And listen out Daily Mail - not one of us deliberately "delayed motherhood" to concentrate on our careers or frivolous pursuits. By and large we just didn't meet the right person (or decide to go it alone) till we were quite long in the tooth.

Trying for a first at this age has its own special challenges. The old thread contains its fair share of sad tales of early miscarriage and disapointing test results. However it is also a great place for success stories and positive thinking and it has been a lifeline for me over the past year.

Although those who already have a child or children and are trying for more in their forties are welcome to join (and we absolutely understand the real pain of secondary infertility), part of the value of this thread is the opportunity to share experience amongst those of us for whom failure will mean no children at all, rather than a smaller family than we'd like. It's also a place where we all share a sense of total uncharted territory where pregnancy and childbrirth are concerned!

There are a number of stalwarts who have been with me from almost day one and I hope you'll join this new thread too, but we all hope to graduate eventually to the pregnancy boards so new joiners are very important! If your fortieth is looming it's fine to join a bit before.

A newish poster asked last week if people could post their "stats" and I think that's a good idea. So I'll kick it off (feel free to include whatever info you feel like giving):

Jessie McJessie 42, TTC since October 2014 (13 months) having only met my DH at the tender age of 38. 2 chemical pregnancies, one blocked tube, low AMH, one failed IUI, 1 failed IVF and about to start our second IVF. Just moved back to London after 6 years in Hong Kong.

So, off we go. We have a special skill at scouring the media for stories of celebs having babies over 40. And there's no such thing as TMI Grin.

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Loueeza · 26/01/2016 06:47

I know, Daisy ... when you talk about it it feels like nothing, but actually going through it stinks.

Kwik, I am booked in for a 5-day transfer tomorrow. Just got everything crossed that I have at least one left by then!! I know that there's a possibility there won't be...

All was looking good yesterday, though, apparently, so we'll see.

Daisyboo1203 · 25/01/2016 23:38

Period arrived on time, first injection done and the big red painful welts are back!! Forgotten how horrible it feels
Sad

Kwick709 · 25/01/2016 21:35

Any news Loueeza?

wotsitsmaltesers · 24/01/2016 22:10

Fingers crossed here too. All sounding good loueesa lots of positive vibes sent your way.

Kwick709 · 24/01/2016 19:35

I am keeping everything crossed for you Loueeza - hang in there!

Loueeza · 23/01/2016 17:31

Oh, and yes, they will only be putting a maximum of 2 back in. That's the clinic policy :-)

Loueeza · 23/01/2016 17:28

Daisy, we were offered the embryoscope too, but we decided not to do it. It sounds great, but we felt it was an expensive add-on that they only told us about on the day - we would have had to make a decision about it yesterday. Seeing as we knew we'd be looking at low numbers, we decided to leave it this time. Will be really interested to hear about your experience with that!

Youdothat - so you're in for transfer on Monday! It's interesting how different clinics have their own way of doing it, isn't it! We have fewer embies than you, but the embryologist said we'd probably wait for a 5 day transfer - if any survive that long of course (fingers and toes crossed!)

Jessie, thanks so much for the explanation - better than the doc's! And much better than me trawling through google for myself. I think they're going to call me on Monday lunchtime to give me the next update. You're right when you say a bfn now is the same as a bfn in 2 weeks, but I know I'll still be disappointed if we don't have anything to transfer. Our doctor said that's fairly rare with about 1 or 2 cases a month at their clinic, but as I'm such an oldie and our embryo numbers were at the minimum for going to day 5, I'm still nervous about that ...

But of course it's all out of our hands, so just have to be patient.

Kwick709 · 23/01/2016 15:50

Love your scan picture Jessie I am so excited and pleased for you! Also fantastic insight/advice into egg transfer.

My consultant said the 3D scan was to ensure uterus all fine and dandy to ensure maximum success. They put dye up there too.... I may actually have a shot of vodka in advance... consultant said to have some nurofen before hand... gulp!

My meds arrived this morning... OMG some of the needles look very scary... Card I have to carry for a year afterwards very scary too - I will be taking steroids/growth hormone. Consultant wants to give me best possible chance.

I think I have chosen new sperm donor - from Xytex - which is a US site. It actually works out about the same to get from US than London Sperm Bank due to exchange rate...

Hope everyone is having a great weekend.

Kwick709 · 23/01/2016 15:45

Youdothatvoodoo that sounds very exciting - well done!!!

Youdothatvoodoo · 23/01/2016 15:14

Congrats Jessie - so happy to hear of your baby's heartbeat. Also gives me hope, hearing of your good news.

I seem to have dropped off here but wishing everyone well. Had my EC yesterday (they had to go through my bladder as my right ovary was hiding!) & news today that 6 eggs have fertilised. ET on Monday fingers crossed.

Daisyboo1203 · 23/01/2016 13:56

I'm on period watch, it should come tomorrow. Nervous if it doesn't!!
I've paid extra for embryoscope so they can watch the embryos 24 hours so they can choose the best ones. I'm slightly scared of the money I'm spending but I hope it means success! I hav heard some
Clinics in the UK use it for free
My clinic have also started using Blastgen and have had great success with it, so hoping that makes a difference.
Will keep you posted!
Still really happy about your news, Jessie! Please keep us posted.. Xxx

Original poster
JessieMcJessie · 23/01/2016 13:09

PPS "might as well just whack them all in on day 3" I should have said above.

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Original poster
JessieMcJessie · 23/01/2016 13:07

PS Kwik I didn't have that uterine scan thing you mentioned, sounds a bit uncomfortable. I just had lots of dildo cam ultrasounds.

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Original poster
JessieMcJessie · 23/01/2016 13:06

Hi Loueeza great news you have 4 to play with and they are planning 5 day transfer. What my clinic did was book me in provisionally for day 3 but said that if they checked them on day 3 and more that 3 were doing OK they'd go on to 5. First time they went in on day 3 and second time went to day 5. If they are checking them again on Monday that's Day 3 so I'm line with my experience. Did they say you'd get a call them to tell you how they were doing?

If I understand correctly, the logic is this: keeping the embryos out till day 5 gives a strong indication of which are the best. It's hard to tell any earlier than that. It doesn't improve or decrease their chances at all. So if you have more than you need then you can rest assured they've picked the right ones to go in.

If, however, you only have the max number they can put back then some say they are better off inside you than staying in the petri dish so they might as well just whack them all in. However I did read some commentary that said that 5 day transfer is better because I'm a natural conception the embryo takes 5 days to get to the womb, so posibly a 3 day embryo in the womb is a bit disoriented.

But here's the crucial thing- if they don't make it to day 5 in the lab they'd not have made it in the womb either. So while it would obviously be devastating to be told by the lab there is nothing to transfer, all that is really happening is that you are getting a BFN immediately instead of 2 weeks later.

If they are planning 5 day transfer that suggests to me they might only be planning on putting back 1 or 2- did you ask about that?

Hello to everyone else and thanks for yet more congrats and inspirational stories Smile. I am fine, wish I could have a scan every day but will just have to be patient. DH said last night that he was afraid to invest emotionally before but now he has done a 180 and is like an excited puppy!

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Loueeza · 23/01/2016 12:35

Thanks for the good wishes, everyone! Great to hear your encouraging story too, Pocket1. I would definitely consider donor eggs in the future :-)

Kwik, I'd say try not to worry about next week's test. Everything so far for me has been not exactly pleasant (!!) but just fine - and it's really over very fast. When I'm feeling nervous I just remind myself that by x o'clock it'll all be in the past and I'll be back at my desk with a nice cup of tea!

I think they had a good look around in my uterus on day of egg collection as they thought I had a small polyp (turned out I didn't after all, which is good news).

Got a call from the clinic this morning and news seems quite good. 4 out of 6 of my eggs were mature (I didn't know they had to pass this 'test' too - would have been more worried if I'd known!). Then 4 out of 4 fertilised thank goodness. They are planning a day 5 transfer. Embryologist told me they won't check the embryos again until Monday, so I wonder how they can be sure they'll be enough still left to wait until day 5. Surely there's a chance if they wait that there'll be none to transfer? Anyway, obviously they know what they're doing and I just have to trust and wait. Easier said than done, though!

Pocket1 · 22/01/2016 21:55

Hope you don't mind me popping in... Just wanted to offer a few words of support as I had my gorgeous DD at 46. We had three rounds of donor egg ivf - third time was definitely lucky for us. It was a roller-coaster and then some, but I wouldn't change a thing.

Sending positive vibes to each and every one of you. May 2016 be the year for your BFPThanksThanksThanks

Congrats Jesse - I've not read all of your story but saw your scan pic. Just lovely Smile

Kwick709 · 22/01/2016 21:45

Loueeza so glad it went well. I hope you feel better soon.

Did you have a DET/3D SIS - this is a scan of the uterus cavity? I have mine next Friday and I am beginning to freak out due to it being with a speculum and full bladder and takes longer than IUI.

I am keeping my fingers crossed you get lots of fertilised eggs.

Cthulhoo · 22/01/2016 16:13

What wonderful news, Jessie. Congratulations!

SparrowSG · 22/01/2016 13:13

Thanks Loueeza for the details on the EC, it's good to hear you say that it was one of the easier aspects of the process. I hope your cramps go away soon and you have positive news tomorrow.

Loueeza · 22/01/2016 12:32

Thanks Jessie! As I type I'm sitting on the sofa recovering. Just feeling period-type cramps at the moment.

They got 6 eggs, which I felt a bit disappointed by at first as the doctor told us before we went in that we'd be probably looking at about 10. After asking her about that afterwards though I think she must have meant there were 10 follicles, but of course not all are mature/contain an egg etc., as I understand it.

I am a bit nervous about them calling us tomorrow with the fertilisation results of course, but on the other hand I know that now it's just a case of what will be will be.

I must say, just to help anyone else here going through this soon or down the line, the egg collection was one of the easiest aspects for me so far. The nurses/docs were REALLY nice to us from start to finish, and I knew NOTHING about what was going on in theatre. They made me comfortable with a sheet over me, the anaesthetist had a good chat with me while fiddling about with the canula, then the next thing I knew I was waking up in exactly the same position. I honestly thought they hadn't started yet. Then I got wheeled off for a cuppa and biscuits with DH. Nothing to worry about at all.

Really enjoyed reading everyone's good wishes to you, Jessie. It really is incredible news and as many have said before me, a real encouragement for us all.

Thanks to all the other well-wishers with their success stories, too. It's great to know there are others cheering us on from the sidelines! :-)

Original poster
JessieMcJessie · 22/01/2016 08:14

Loueeza all the very best for your EC today. I found it relatively OK and it's great you have the weekend to recover. It's nerve wracking waiting for the news the next day about how many have fertilised but at least it's not a hugely long wait.

The first EC I was in real discomfort by the morning after, though fine on the day. The second one I felt absolutely fine, no idea what made the difference.

OP posts:
Kwick709 · 22/01/2016 07:53

Thanks for sharing the success stories - really does give hope!!!

crispiecrunchie · 22/01/2016 05:19

Thanks Jessie!! I am so delighted all was well with you!! I hope you keep posting on this thread so we can follow the journey. What a relief for you and how exciting.

Like Zadoc I had two uneventful pregnancies. Lucky (?) to have two fairly straightforward deliveries and definitely two perfect babies! Not even a stretch mark to show for it! No one batted an eye at my age. So it can and does happen.

I'll continue to be one of the many cheering on from the sidelines! Xxxx

wotsitsmaltesers · 21/01/2016 22:54

Congrats Jessie - what an amazing start to the new year and such a happy positive story for us all. Flowers

ZadokTheBeastie · 21/01/2016 21:16

Congrats Jessie! Haven't RTFT (would take toooo long!) but by way of hope and encouragement would just like to add my own little story. Had my 1st DD at 40 after ttc for no time at all, and 2nd at 43. Both pregnancies pretty uneventful, both births CS (one emergency one elective) two beautiful perfect lovely children. It's NOT impossible, it's NOT without hope, and complete bollocks to the doom-mongers. LOADS of people regardless of age sadly have problems ttc. And as for the suggestion that you're being selfish leaving it too long? Well actually I think it's pretty selfish just having kids whenever you feel like you want to, rather than waiting until the time is right for you, whatever your personal circumstances. Having kids at all is a pretty selfish act, IMO, so surely better to do it when you're as sure as you can be that you're in the best place to be able to do it? And that doesn't even consider people like my lovely friend who started IVF at 32 and didn't have her first DC til 38. Hmmm, rant over!

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