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Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

Original poster

Forty and over trying for a first baby - join us here

811 replies

JessieMcJessie · 25/11/2015 11:38

A year ago today I started this thread

Any 40+ladies out there TTC #1?

and, 1000 posts later, it has filled up with the shared experiences of various fantastic women who find ourselves hoping to start a family after the age of 40. And listen out Daily Mail - not one of us deliberately "delayed motherhood" to concentrate on our careers or frivolous pursuits. By and large we just didn't meet the right person (or decide to go it alone) till we were quite long in the tooth.

Trying for a first at this age has its own special challenges. The old thread contains its fair share of sad tales of early miscarriage and disapointing test results. However it is also a great place for success stories and positive thinking and it has been a lifeline for me over the past year.

Although those who already have a child or children and are trying for more in their forties are welcome to join (and we absolutely understand the real pain of secondary infertility), part of the value of this thread is the opportunity to share experience amongst those of us for whom failure will mean no children at all, rather than a smaller family than we'd like. It's also a place where we all share a sense of total uncharted territory where pregnancy and childbrirth are concerned!

There are a number of stalwarts who have been with me from almost day one and I hope you'll join this new thread too, but we all hope to graduate eventually to the pregnancy boards so new joiners are very important! If your fortieth is looming it's fine to join a bit before.

A newish poster asked last week if people could post their "stats" and I think that's a good idea. So I'll kick it off (feel free to include whatever info you feel like giving):

Jessie McJessie 42, TTC since October 2014 (13 months) having only met my DH at the tender age of 38. 2 chemical pregnancies, one blocked tube, low AMH, one failed IUI, 1 failed IVF and about to start our second IVF. Just moved back to London after 6 years in Hong Kong.

So, off we go. We have a special skill at scouring the media for stories of celebs having babies over 40. And there's no such thing as TMI Grin.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
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Daisyboo1203 · 07/02/2016 07:05

Kwick. I am doing a tandem cycle, so I and egg donor had egg collection on Thursday.

Daisyboo1203 · 07/02/2016 07:03

Loueeza, I am sorry so to hear that. Please contact your clinic and don't stop meds until they say so.
You still have a few days til OTD, they give you
That date for a reason.
Xxx

Kwick709 · 06/02/2016 20:28

Dear, dear Loueeza I am so sorry... Flowers what day were you on the 2WW... I mean is there no way it could be implantation? sorry do not mean to give you false hope or make things any harder.

I just spent some quiet time going over the IVF process again. I was in such a tizzy after my op on Tuesday that I started the nasal spray... which is not meant to be until day 21 (it was day 14). I have just read the instructions of the medicine and they say only have open for a week. I guess I should let the clinic know and have them order me a new lot right? I am so annoyed with myself!!!

Daisyboo best of luck with embryo transfer!!! Apologies if you have explained before - but have you had the egg collection bit on a previous trip?

Loueeza · 06/02/2016 19:32

Hi everyone,

Thanks so much for the good wishes, but unfortunately I found out today that the cycle failed. Official test date not til Tues, but started with brown spotting today. Did a test and it was negative. I know that means there's no hope.

So ... I shall pick myself back up and figure out my next move. :-(

Rememberallball · 05/02/2016 17:22

Afternoon all. Not been around much but catching up on threads.

Been avoiding threads as I'm trying to let myself down gently that I'm never going to get my bfp. I've not checked my temp, done opk's or even taken notice of my cm this month. AF is due tomorrow but I don't feel any inkling that she's on her way. Have done one or 5 poas over the last few days but all bfn. On top of everything I'm having physio at the moment for my neck and shoulder and the physio thinks my shoulder blade is pronated and wants to go slowly with treatment.

Going to relax tomorrow and enjoy the rugby!!

Youdothatvoodoo · 05/02/2016 16:26

Hi all,

Good luck Loueeza for tues. I test on Sunday and I'm dreading it too. (I had 2 embies put back in after the 3 day transfer & unfortunately no frosties).

Daisyboo1203 · 04/02/2016 11:47

Hi guys!
Aah, Jessie, sounds like you are turning into a right softie, hormones eh? Wink

Loueeza, good luck...positive vibes.

Yes, I am in Cyprus now. Embryo transfer on Tuesday.

wotsitsmaltesers · 03/02/2016 20:02

Fingers firmly crossed for you Loueeza.

Loueeza · 03/02/2016 17:13

All good to hear, Jessie. Sounds like you are well on your way to being just like the mum in that soppy video, although I know you don't want to let yourself believe it yet. (I'd be the same, I know I would). Hold on in there - each milestone you pass you'll be able to relax more and more.

Great that you're feeling sick and tired, too ... lol!

Good decision, City. Do you think there's a chance your NHS might fund treatment? You might be surprised. Mine funds one cycle up to age 43.

Daisy, you must be in Cyprus already! :-)

As for me, I'm smack bang in the middle of my 2ww. Not too much to report - just feeling pre-menstrual-y really, especially today, but for better or worse I've done enough Googling to know that's really neither good nor bad at this stage. From what I've read, some get nothing, others get a few symptoms before test day so there's really no way to tell.

As you can imagine I've been swinging between thinking it must have failed because I pretty much feel the same as I always do during the 2ww, and still having a bit of hope.

One thing's for sure, I'm not going to be testing early! I'm such a wuss. I'm dreading the test. Just want to hold on to a bit of hope as long as poss!

DH made me cry a few days ago by telling me that he had a 'glimpse' of us (while he was standing at the urinals!!) showing a baby to his mum. I know this sounds weird, but he sometimes gets this sort of thing happen to him, just out of the blue, and he reckons he's always right. Anyway, whether he's right or not, I'll take all the hope I can get! Even if he is right, I know we might have to wait a bit longer. It might not be quite our turn this time.

Hope everyone else is well.

Cityzen74 · 03/02/2016 09:16

Glad you have been to the Midwife Jessie and got your scan booked in. That will be very exciting.

Found out this week that my Sister in Law is pregnant. She is 40 and I am really happy for her and my brother and excited to have a new niece or nephew. I suspected that she was pg and was waiting for the news. It was quite hard (even though I'm happy for them) especially after having that positive test for 2 hours and thinking that we would be having a baby in September.

Am feeling all over the place this week. Forgot to test with the clear blue ovulation thing this morning when first got up, so had to do it later and then got high fertility but they said that might be false. Think we'll dtd tonight anyway just in case!! Am trying to be positive, visualise being pregnant like Chewy suggested and eat healthily and cut down on caffeine.

Anyway, hope everyone else is OK.

Kwick709 · 03/02/2016 09:11

Jessie fantastic signs - I know it is a drag crying when you are not used to it but it is just a sign that things are progressing nicely :)

I looked up the Claudia Spahr site and am going to buy the book - wish I had done this sooner as looks like tips will be very useful.

I had the hysteroscopy yesterday all went well - in fact they did not find the bums the 3D scan had shown. However post op am feeling quite delicate due to major pain... seems to have calmed down now but am having a lazy day at home before I fly off for work again tomorrow.

After just coming out of what must have been one my worst ever weeks at work I am trying to find a way to lessen the stress my job causes me. I actually feel the adrenalin or cortisol rip through my veins... I just do not know how to shield myself. It used impact my sleep a lot and I seem to have got that under better control but it is during the day. I do deep breaths a lot but I am so fricking worried that I am going to be the cause of the IVF not working. And then if the miracle happens that I will then cause a miscarriage.... need to get out of this funk Angry

Original poster
JessieMcJessie · 02/02/2016 20:40

Midwife today. Scan booked for 17 Feb, will get Down's test bloods done on same day. She seemed fairly nonplussed about my age and even had me down as "low risk" at one point but then changed her mind and said she'd better put me medium. She didn't comment on whether she sees many over- 40s. It was quite funny when she said "er I have to ask this, is there any family history of er, piercing or cuts "down there""? I looked a bit blank and then had a lightbulb moment- "you mean female genital mutilation?". "Yes, that's it," she said, "but I'm not allowed to call it that...". I reassured her that the clans of central Scotland were not traditional practitioners of FGM. Glad the NHS does ask the question but it was quite funny.

There was a bit of discussion about birth experience and I said I had not really considered it- I simply can't bring myself to read up on birth at this early stage and can't actually imagine ever getting there. Will cross that bridge much later. It was WEIRD sitting in a waiting room full of women with big bumps, I absolutely do not feel one of them.

Weird thing happened- there was some NHS video playing showing a newborn baby getting skin-to-skin contact. In the film there was a midwife with a Scotish accent who said to the baby"say hello to your Mum and Dad" and I actually burst into tears when she said it. WTF? I am hard as nails normally, don't even cry at funerals!

Also feeling sick again today and bone- achingly tired. Happy with that.

Hope everyone is OK - you're halfway through the 2ww now Loueeza. Good trip so far Daisy? Glad you're going to the docs City and great that DH suggested it.

OP posts:
Cityzen74 · 01/02/2016 08:41

Hi all just catching up with the thread. Jessie glad you have got your midwife's appointment through - hope all goes well with that.

Loueeza - I have my fingers crossed for you too. Hope you are feeling well.

Wotsits - sorry about that pregnancy test and about AF arriving. Is horrible isn't it? Hope you get your bfp soon.

DH and I have decided we are going to go to the doctors. I thought that I'd be OK with trying and then if that didn't work I would just accept that we wouldn't have children but it turns out that I don't think I will be able to accept it! Thought DH might not want to go to doctors but he suggested it so now have to make the appointment and see. I'm also a bit worried have left it too late and we'll have to go private if we want ivf but it's better to find out now isn't it rather than later.

Chewy - I am going to try that positive visualisation as well. Thanks for that suggestion!

ChewyGiraffe · 31/01/2016 18:06

Loueeza - still have my fingers firmly crossed for you, of course, that 9th Feb will bring you the best ever news possible x

ChewyGiraffe · 31/01/2016 18:03

Thanks for your comments on the stims Jessie / Loueeza - lots to think about.

Annie / Jessie - snap, I have the same DHEA too! Interesting how you took yours Jessie. I've been trying to take the 75mg as three separate doses, because I think that's how I've seen it written about. But because I have to take Thyroxine in the morning and there's lots of picky rules about how long you must leave it before eating/taking certain other tablets, I haven't been taking the first dose until noon. Then spacing two further separate doses is a fiddle, so I invariably forget one of them. So maybe taking two together is the way to go. It obviously worked beautifully for you Jessie! Did you read anything yourself about how to take it BTW?

Wotsits - I'm so sorry that the pregnancy test played such a cruel trick on you - horrid. I agree with Annie though - hope it's a trial run for the real thing very soon. I doubt I'll explain this very well, but you've probably heard of positive visualisation as a tool used by sportsmen/women. Maybe you could use this type of thing in a similar way to help think yourself pregnant - the power of positive mindset and all that?

I don't know if you've ever come across this lovely book by Claudia Spahr, called "Right Time Baby"? She has a -website- too. She certainly walks the talk, because she had her own children at 40, 43 and 45. She believes that the difference between wanting to get pregnant and believing you'll get pregnant is critical - it's hard to maintain though, for sure.

Original poster
JessieMcJessie · 31/01/2016 13:04

2 morning, one evening so 75mg Annie. Probably what the Rebecca Fett book said.

OP posts:
AnnieHoo · 31/01/2016 12:41

Hope the vino helped a bit last night wotsit. It's hard all this. Don't be too hard on yourself. Our minds play tricks on us because we are so desperately wanting it to be true. Sometimes when I had an evil evap line I think I knew deep down it wasn't real but let myself get excited and start dreaming and visualising a real baby. I think it's good to go through the whole realisation thing, even though it's not an actual bfp because it helps you to practice what your feelings might be in the future.

I sound a bit of a hippy now. I'm teetering on the brink of my learning from the self help section of Waterstones!

jessie I'm taking one pill in morning and one in evening (50mg a day). Is that what you took?

I also have this waiting for post- ovulation. NOT looking forward to taking it as worried I'll be a moody cow but needs must. This is natural progesterone.

Also taking 75mg aspirin and folic acid daily. Oh and my cod liver oil capsule.

Just need to remember to dtd!

Forty and over trying for a first baby - join us here
wotsitsmaltesers · 31/01/2016 00:17

Thanks everyone. Feeling okay(ish) today. Was just strange to think for two hours that it might all work out. A lot of strange thoughts went through my head that I now have to park. Nothing like having a mc or some of the things you've all been through - can't imagine what all of that is like. Anyway, have had a few glasses of wine and will pick myself up, brush myself down and start all over again (well in about 5 days as the beloved AF arrived today right on schedule).

Daisyboo1203 · 30/01/2016 13:58

Talking of lady garden.... Better get things in order before I fly to Cyprus!!! Hahaha
I bought DHEA, took it for a while, for the life of me I cannot find the bottle now, I took it as a sign. Hoping the Ubiquinol will do good things

Original poster
JessieMcJessie · 30/01/2016 12:30

That's the exact DHEA I had Annie!

OP posts:
Kwick709 · 30/01/2016 12:22

Wotsit so sorry. I have had my hopes raised and then dashed before with a BFN.

The Dummy Embroyo Transfer and 3D scan - they mimicked the procedure they will do when they transfer the embryo(s) and then they out some dye up my ladygarden and did some 3D images. The DET bit went well; the 3D scan showed an un-even wall of my cavity - which could impact implantation.

Feeling a bit delicate today. Need to get my arse off the sofa though as have a lot to do!

AnnieHoo · 30/01/2016 11:44

Oh wotsit been there a few times and allowed myself to get all excited. It's so cruel and you can't help feeling daft afterwards.Blush

AnnieHoo · 30/01/2016 11:35

FexEx and Amazon parcels arrived yesterday with my supplies! Been talking about trying DHEA long enough and finally bit the bullet.

Forty and over trying for a first baby - join us here
wotsitsmaltesers · 29/01/2016 23:42

Hang in there Kwick . Have had very depressing day today. Misread a pregnancy test and thought the control line was aying I was pregnant - thought that was the case for 2 hours, bought some more and then worked it out - embarrassed and down to earth with harsh bump. Feeling very sad. What's the DET/3D SIS you've had?

Kwick709 · 29/01/2016 21:58

Thanks Jessie I will read up later.

I had my DET/3D SIS today - will be back in on Tuesday for a hysteroscopy and D&C as there was a bit of the cavity doc not happy with. Feeling tired, sore and bit ambivalent. Think I just need some time to process (and free up Tuesday and Wednesday at work - which are my only 2 travel free days next week!)

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