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Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

Forty and over trying for a first baby - join us here

811 replies

JessieMcJessie · 25/11/2015 11:38

A year ago today I started this thread

Any 40+ladies out there TTC #1?

and, 1000 posts later, it has filled up with the shared experiences of various fantastic women who find ourselves hoping to start a family after the age of 40. And listen out Daily Mail - not one of us deliberately "delayed motherhood" to concentrate on our careers or frivolous pursuits. By and large we just didn't meet the right person (or decide to go it alone) till we were quite long in the tooth.

Trying for a first at this age has its own special challenges. The old thread contains its fair share of sad tales of early miscarriage and disapointing test results. However it is also a great place for success stories and positive thinking and it has been a lifeline for me over the past year.

Although those who already have a child or children and are trying for more in their forties are welcome to join (and we absolutely understand the real pain of secondary infertility), part of the value of this thread is the opportunity to share experience amongst those of us for whom failure will mean no children at all, rather than a smaller family than we'd like. It's also a place where we all share a sense of total uncharted territory where pregnancy and childbrirth are concerned!

There are a number of stalwarts who have been with me from almost day one and I hope you'll join this new thread too, but we all hope to graduate eventually to the pregnancy boards so new joiners are very important! If your fortieth is looming it's fine to join a bit before.

A newish poster asked last week if people could post their "stats" and I think that's a good idea. So I'll kick it off (feel free to include whatever info you feel like giving):

Jessie McJessie 42, TTC since October 2014 (13 months) having only met my DH at the tender age of 38. 2 chemical pregnancies, one blocked tube, low AMH, one failed IUI, 1 failed IVF and about to start our second IVF. Just moved back to London after 6 years in Hong Kong.

So, off we go. We have a special skill at scouring the media for stories of celebs having babies over 40. And there's no such thing as TMI Grin.

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Kwick709 · 18/02/2016 21:21

what a lovely thread to read this evening :)

Daisy so very pleased for you!!!!!

Jessie so so exciting!! well done you!

Chewy it looks like a I will need to learn a whole new vocabulary if the IVF works... lots of words in your post that I have no idea what they mean Confused.. but all good as I am taking one thing at a time.

My af finally arrived (with a vengenance)... having my baseline scan and then a medication teach session tomorrow... gulp!

Loueeza · 18/02/2016 20:04

Agreed - some lovely upbeat news here today.

Jessie ... arms and legs??? Yay!!! Definitely a day to celebrate .... erm, with a nice hot chocolate? :-)

Daisy ... congrats to you too! So far so good, honey!!

Chewy, when did you have your daughter? Did it take long to conceive her?

All OK here. To be honest I think I've dealt with my disappointment quite well. I'm mostly just frustrated that we can't try naturally yet as DH is away at exactly the wrong time :-(

My cycle seems to have got straight back to normal as far as I can tell - unfortunately, actually. A delay would have worked well this month!

The clinic called me today to tell me they'd discussed my case at their weekly meeting. They said we did quite well with good quality blastocysts, so it's hard to know why it didn't work. They'd recommend a slightly different protocol next time - just a slightly different drug cocktail and slightly longer time after the trigger shot and before egg collection to allow more eggs to mature. So we'll see. I'd love to try again naturally for a few months first, but I know time's of the essence. Will just have to have a think about that I suppose.

Well, that's all then, really. Have a good weekend, everyone! :-)

Daisyboo1203 · 18/02/2016 00:01

Brilliant news, Jessie!!!! That is so fantastic! You are well on your way.... Does it feel real yet?
I am taking it a day at a time, as Hcg decreased each time before, I'm trying to stay positive as Hcg is present today!!! Will probably get beta test down Saturday or next week if my cheapie tests are still showing 2 lines.

Annie, glad to hear you are feeling more positive,

Chewygiraffe, thanks. Fingers crossed this time is the one for me.
Good to hear you are TTC and overwhelmingly happy with your daughter.xxx
Definitely an inspiration to us all.

Still had 2 lines on the test this morning, I can stay positive today!!

AnnieHoo · 17/02/2016 23:26

Aww fanks chewy! SmileStar needed that! xxxxx

ChewyGiraffe · 17/02/2016 22:45

Forgive me for gatecrashing (again) but just had to say what very lovely news on here today!

Daisy - woohoo! Congratulations on your BFP! They say fortune favours the brave and it sure looks like your gutsy decisions and 'throw everything at it' efforts have paid off. I am totally in awe that you've flown thousands of miles to pursue this on your own. Good for you.

Congratulations too for Jessie - how wonderful to have reached such a big milestone. I think you're totally right to be reassured by your excellent, low nuchal measurement.

I was given a high risk score from my NHS scan, 1:50, which the nurse then immediately and 'helpfully' pointed out that I might like to consider as being 2% (I must look like I'm remedial, FFS).

I had the Harmony test (result 1:10,000 for all 3 trisomies) but hadn't been particularly nervous about getting the results, mainly because the NHS risk had been ramped up entirely by the bloods (PAPP-A) and age statistics, yet the nuchal measurement was fine (1 point something, as yours is).

Interestingly, prior to the Harmony results, the Harmony test people did their own ultrasound and calculated the downs' risk as 1:625, and 1:1,165 for T13/18. (Bloods and age obviously identical, the difference was that their algorithm used 3 further soft markers from the scan in addition to the nuchal translucency - nasal bone, ductus venosus flow and tricuspid flow. Clever.)

I should say that I'd no idea what we'd have done - if anything - had the trisomy risk remained high. I just had a vague notion of wanting to 'be prepared' and thankfully, we never had to consider it any further.

Anyway, It's truly wonderful that you're into the safety zone and well on your way now.

Annie - "I'm still only 42 - there is hope for a natural full term pregnancy and heathy baby!!!"
May I say, thank f*ck you are back to your senses! It's great to hear you being so upbeat again, when I believe you've had perhaps more than your fair share of challenging experiences.

I'm no great example of anything at all and I'm ashamed to admit that I hadn't even had any unprotected sex whilst still 42. Desperately wanted to TTC at 42 and before, but time had passed me by in a blur of sort of faffing about, then tests (and more) for another health issue. Yet luckily I've still since then been truly blessed with a super little girl. Yes, TTC her potential sibling has tried my resolve, patience, spirit ... more than I could ever have imagined possible (and may yet prove a bridge too far) but I absolutely treasure my DD as she is my whole world - I'd run through brick walls for her.

Sending you - and everyone else - loads of good luck wishes x

Special Flowers for Loueeza - I imagine you must still be terribly disappointed, but hope you'll be moving forwards again soon. Good luck with your HSG/tests if that's your next step.

AnnieHoo · 17/02/2016 19:48

This good news and news from my best friend that she's preggers at 42 have really spurred me on.

I really need to make more effort to get preggers! I wish I'd continued with IVF now as it really increases your chances.

We need to dtd a lot more though. I'm so sick of it though - all this trying has put me off!!

I've been on the Pregnonolone or whatever it's called for a couple of days now that I'm (probably) post-ovulation. It's Day 24 here.

Still taking CQ10 and DHEA. Forget to take aspirin and folic acid most days. God knows what. Effect this cocktail has but feel ok.

No booze. Lots of water. Eating "clean".

Need to get to gym and lose weight.

It's a long struggle this. There is hope all around us 

I'm still only 42 - there is hope for a natural full term pregnancy and heathy baby!!!

Clara101 · 17/02/2016 18:39

Wonderful to read your news Jessie and Daisy... Hurray!

Cityzen74 · 17/02/2016 16:36

Thanks Jessie

I am really excited for you about your scan. That is such good news!

AnnieHoo · 17/02/2016 16:32

Ahh jessie that's very good news. Big milestone Smile. So exciting! Xx

crispiecrunchie · 17/02/2016 15:48

Yay Jessie I've been checking back to see how you are doing!! Fab news. Xx

JessieMcJessie · 17/02/2016 14:25

Unchallenged? Nuchal!

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JessieMcJessie · 17/02/2016 14:24

Wow chipmunk monkey dog BFP congratulations Daisy!!!! Fingers crossed it burrows down nicely in there. This is where I tell you that if you thought the 2ww was bad.....welcome to the 12ww Wink.

Mine is finally over and I am delighted to report today's sighting of a freaky little being turning somersaults on the screen and measuring just right for its tender age. The arms and legs have sprouted nicely in the month since we last saw it and it even did a little yawn/silent scream....

Thank GOD. I was really starting to lose faith in it still being there; so many sad stories of missed miscarriage on the Internet.

The unchallenged fold measurement was really good too- 1.2 which is better than average and miles away from the "worry trigger" point of 3. I need to wait for the blood test results before getting my final risk factor but am feeling sufficiently reassured to start telling people now rather than wait another 2 weeks for the results. I suppose I could pay £400 for a Harmony test tomorrow but think I will just choose optimism (probably for the first time ever in this whole TTC and pregnancy process.....).

Would be great news for us oldies if I get a risk factor low enough for them not to recommend any further testing.

city , hoping the combined power of both you and you DH's thought are gearing up to good news at the weekend. Love to everyone else xx

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Daisyboo1203 · 17/02/2016 10:03

Thanks Cityzen, loueeza and Annie. I'm feel ok, still spotting so just relaxing and staying positive.
So hoping it sticks.....

Cityzen74 · 17/02/2016 08:27

Daisy that is so exciting!! Hope you are feeling well.

I'm due AF on Monday (or possibly weekend) and everything feels as though she will arrive as usual. Have sore boobs and my dh thinks this is bad news as I always get them before AF anyway but I think it doesn't mean anything really as they might be a sign and might not! Anyway, just trying to be patient and not think about it too much but of course I end up thinking about it all the time! So is my DH which is unusual for him.

Hope everyone else is well.

Loueeza · 17/02/2016 07:01

Ooh Daisy, exciting!!!

Hang on in there - I know it's a strange, uncertain time. But don't forget you've got the luck of the monkey in there, whether the 'good' one was the monkey or not!!

Daisyboo1203 · 16/02/2016 23:47

It was 3.
I have had spotting the last 2 days. I know is is fairly common but still made me panic, I know it could be implantation bleeding.
I did the test to see if anything is happening.
Going to keep testing...

Daisyboo1203 · 16/02/2016 23:43

Haha!! I'll take the one monkey-chipmunk-dog, thank you!!
Feeling cautious as I have been here before (although I only got a positive much later last time), but happy that the first step is a positive one.
Going to work with a secret smile...

AnnieHoo · 16/02/2016 23:24

Oh wait it was 3 wasn't it? How are you feeling? Xx

AnnieHoo · 16/02/2016 23:22

Eek!!! daisy!!!!! Fantastic news!!! It could be the cartoon dog!! Or the monkey. Or the chipmunk or all 4!!!! SmileSmileSmileSmileFingers crossed for you xxx

Daisyboo1203 · 16/02/2016 22:07

I caved....I tested this morning at 8dp5dt.......
BFP!!!!

Kwick709 · 16/02/2016 20:02

*much

Kwick709 · 16/02/2016 20:01

Loueeza what a lovely video - thanks so muhc for sharing :)

How are you doing Daisyboo?

I am waiting for af to arrive - I stopped norethisterone on Sunday... bloody hope she comes soon!

Loueeza · 16/02/2016 18:45

The waiting and wondering is so torturous, isn't it Daisy.

When are you going to test? :-)

I watched a great video on Youtube the other night:

I just loved these two, and their story really encouraged me on a day when I'd been naughtily googling stats and thoroughly depressing myself. :-)

Daisyboo1203 · 16/02/2016 03:33

*just getting on with it!!

Daisyboo1203 · 15/02/2016 23:51

All quiet here, how is everyone doing?
I'm 7dp5dt, getting regular cramps and had spotting yesterday, trying not to read into anything and just get on with hints.
Hope everyone is well.