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Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

Original poster

Forty and over trying for a first baby - join us here

811 replies

JessieMcJessie · 25/11/2015 11:38

A year ago today I started this thread

Any 40+ladies out there TTC #1?

and, 1000 posts later, it has filled up with the shared experiences of various fantastic women who find ourselves hoping to start a family after the age of 40. And listen out Daily Mail - not one of us deliberately "delayed motherhood" to concentrate on our careers or frivolous pursuits. By and large we just didn't meet the right person (or decide to go it alone) till we were quite long in the tooth.

Trying for a first at this age has its own special challenges. The old thread contains its fair share of sad tales of early miscarriage and disapointing test results. However it is also a great place for success stories and positive thinking and it has been a lifeline for me over the past year.

Although those who already have a child or children and are trying for more in their forties are welcome to join (and we absolutely understand the real pain of secondary infertility), part of the value of this thread is the opportunity to share experience amongst those of us for whom failure will mean no children at all, rather than a smaller family than we'd like. It's also a place where we all share a sense of total uncharted territory where pregnancy and childbrirth are concerned!

There are a number of stalwarts who have been with me from almost day one and I hope you'll join this new thread too, but we all hope to graduate eventually to the pregnancy boards so new joiners are very important! If your fortieth is looming it's fine to join a bit before.

A newish poster asked last week if people could post their "stats" and I think that's a good idea. So I'll kick it off (feel free to include whatever info you feel like giving):

Jessie McJessie 42, TTC since October 2014 (13 months) having only met my DH at the tender age of 38. 2 chemical pregnancies, one blocked tube, low AMH, one failed IUI, 1 failed IVF and about to start our second IVF. Just moved back to London after 6 years in Hong Kong.

So, off we go. We have a special skill at scouring the media for stories of celebs having babies over 40. And there's no such thing as TMI Grin.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
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Kwick709 · 02/03/2016 09:32

So just had day 14 scan - 1 follie at 16mm, 1 @ 10, about 4 @ 5mm. Waiting for blood results but egg collection likely in next few days... Fingers crossed!

AnnieHoo · 01/03/2016 22:36

kwick keep positive, what stage are you at now? I've forgotten what happens next will egg collection be v soon? Sounds like better numbers.

daisy how are you? Had anymore tests? Fingers firmly crossed it's a sticky bean!

How's everyone else doing? Day 9 here... Better find some enthusiasm for the shaggathon I had planned....Confused

AnnieHoo · 01/03/2016 22:29

Hope your feeling a bit better loueeza. Yes I had a horrible horrible heavy period after IVF. Just bleurgggggggh. The hormone crash makes it so much worse, all those drugs tricking your body into thinking its pregnant for so long, it's bound to have a effect. Once the hormones settle you'll feel better again.

jessie another big milestone - you're doing so well.

Kwick709 · 29/02/2016 22:03

Loueeza sorry that you are having a bad af time. Are you starting IVF again straight away?

Jessie glad that you are low risk - what a relief :)

Daisyboo how exciting!!! I would normally say use a FRER but not sure you can get hold of any.

I had my day 12 scan today - 5 follicles, one at 14mm. Last scan there were only 3 follicles, so I feel encouraged with the progress... although I would feel more comfortable if I had a lot more follicles... to up my chances. Anyway I am doing everything I can - especially trying to be positive.

Original poster
JessieMcJessie · 29/02/2016 15:33

Just throught you might be interested to know that we got our Down's screening results back last week and have been categorised as "low risk", which is a relief as I always expected that someone my/our age would get a high risk result and have to go on to have the diagnostic testing (amnio or CVS), both of which carry a risk of miscarriage.

My Trust do not give a number so I have no idea how narrowly I scraped into the low risk category but I don't think it really matters.

The NHS screening is not fail safe but we have decided that we are comfortable enough with the result not to have any further testing (which would not now be available on the NHS anyway). Had we got a high risk outcome, or I'd been given a number that was very close to the threshold, before going for amnio/CVS I'd have paid for the private Harmony test which is not definitive/diagnostic but is much more accurate than the NHS screening with no miscarriage risk. It's about £500 quid.

In other words, the old eggs are doing OK so far. Not much else going on now, am embarking on the second trimester and no more scans or appointments for over 6 weeks. No bump to speak of yet; I've always had a bit of a fat tummy though so am caring less about holding it in now that the news is public Smile.

Soory about the PMS Loueeza I don't remember mine being much different after the first failed IVF. Glad you're on an optimism roll Annie.

City I found the IC ovulation tests worked fine but if you want to go all out and to hell with the cost I have friends who swore by the Clearblue Fertility Monitor.

OP posts:
Cityzen74 · 29/02/2016 09:17

Annie thanks for the advice - think will get some of those Internet Cheapies as you suggest. Will be good to have a cycle buddy as well. I am trying to be optimistic too. My friend who is 42 has just had a baby so that's helping.

Loueeza - sorry PMS is really bad. That sounds horrible and I really hope things settle down soon.

Hello to everyone else!

Loueeza · 28/02/2016 20:41

Hi all!

Daisy, looking REALLY good there!

Annie... great that you're having a surge of optimism!

I've been having a little break from thinking about everything ttc - or trying to, anyhow - which is why I've not been around so much lately.

So just checking in to say a quick hi! Still reading and following along...

Af due at the end of the week and I've had the most horrendous PMS since a few days ago. And when I say horrendous, I mean horrendous. Grumpy, spacy, back ache, horribly crampy, not sure what to do with myself tonight.

Did anyone have this after failed IVF? I'm thinking it must be my hormones all messed up from last month. Timing-wise I'm on track, but I REALLY hope things settle down soon. I can't cope with this every month! :-(

AnnieHoo · 25/02/2016 22:14

Looking good daisy. Hope little bean is burying away in there, growing and growing Smile.

I must be feeling super-positive at the moment. Decided today that I do still want a baby and I'm really going to go for it from now on shagging-wise. Not only that, I want two!!!! Ah it's wonderful being an optimist. I can tell this to you lot without sounding like I've lost all grip on reality but I fear my RL friends and mother would be concerned. Best to keep this between me and you!

Daisyboo1203 · 25/02/2016 01:17

I did a cheapie test the other day just out of interest. Only now is the second line as dark as the control line, and my hcg is in the thousands! Haha

Forty and over trying for a first baby - join us here
AnnieHoo · 24/02/2016 22:48

City I recommend internet cheapies - you can use as many as you like because they're so cheap so you're certain to catch the first dark line. I usually buy these:

http://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B001G7STT0/ref=pe385721137038051TEEdp_2

There are many versions of these.. You can watch the line get darker and darker over time.

For double reassurance you can use with clear blue smileys ( older version better than digital).

I'll be your cycle buddy Smile

AnnieHoo · 24/02/2016 22:44

Good to hear your doing well Jessie and baby is growing and growing xxx

AnnieHoo · 24/02/2016 22:43

Congratulations daisy amazing news!!!!!

My best friend is also pregnant at 41 nearly 42. It's really giving me hope and helping me believe I can actually have a baby!!

At came a few days ago but I've got a month's DHEA under my belt this time...

Cityzen74 · 24/02/2016 08:19

Congratulations Daisy that is exciting news!

Jessie hope your consultant appointment goes well today.

Well AF is here - she turned up yesterday. Deep down I knew that she would appear but I kept trying to convince myself otherwise. Disappointed but I have made a doctors appointment for a week on Monday. Have been meaning to do that for a while but kept putting it off. I realise that I won't get any answers then or anything but in a way the fact I have booked the appointment makes me feel like I'm doing something! Of course as well as that will keep trying very hard.

I use the clear blue digital ovulation predictor but I think it was wrong last month. I think I've read on here that they are sometimes a bit inaccurate so I was thinking of trying other ones. What would anyone recommend?

Hope everyone else is ok.

Kwick709 · 24/02/2016 07:38

Daisy CONGRATULATIONS! I am sooooooo happy for you!!!! How exciting!

Original poster
JessieMcJessie · 23/02/2016 22:11

Great stuff. When you have, as we did, planned every last detail of the conception part (and for you in particular that was one helluva lot of planning) it's a really strange feeling just to sit back and let nature take its course as the baby beds in and gets bigger. I actually found it quite weird that it was just growing quietly in there while I have been going about my daily business.

Seeing the consultant tomorrow (standard for my age); not sure quite what she will have to say, although I have a few questions of my own. It's all about assessing how high risk I am, so they can decide if I need to keep seeing a doctor or will be OK with midwife and scans. Suspect I am pretty low risk apart from age. My brother and I were both premature and my Mum had a premature baby which died so I want to ask if the cause (incompetent cervix) is possibly hereditary. Trouble is I am a bit hazy on the details, like how many weeks I or the others were born at, and nobody left in the family to ask.

OP posts:
Daisyboo1203 · 23/02/2016 13:58

Hi Jessie
Hcg test confirms I am pregnant. eek!
Now time to wait for scan!!
You are right!! Another nail biting wait!
I hope everyone is doing ok! Xxx

Original poster
JessieMcJessie · 23/02/2016 12:13

How's it going Daisy?

OP posts:
Kwick709 · 21/02/2016 12:57

remember if you google her you can see her website - she has some videos also which are interesting.

Rememberallball · 21/02/2016 07:31

Hi Kwick, no I've not read that book - not heard of it even!! Off to look at Amazon!!

Kwick709 · 21/02/2016 07:29

How exciting daisyboo!!!!! Keep us updated!

Remember have you read "right time baby" by Claudia Spahr? I just read a few chapters on friday as an amazon sample and it was very cheering and insightful... Book should arrive this week - I was in two minds about buying as I am in the middle if ivf so a bit hard to do anything dramatically different but nonetheless have found was I read so far very reassuring.

Rememberallball · 21/02/2016 07:20

Congratulations Daisy, Chinese New Year blessings to you xx.

Chewy great to hear your journey's story. It gives hope to me as someone who has been told my egg reserve is very low; AMH results are very poor (1.85) and that egg quality is likely to be bad as well. Add in being 44.2 and I've pretty much a 'full house' for not having a hope in Hades of conceiving - and, if by some miracle I do, the the likelihood of severe chromosomal abnormality is ridiculously high. The NHS consultant's only suggestion was donor egg IVF which is out of the question for DH and I. We are hoping something happens naturally but I'm pretty demoralised that it actually will.

Jessie, so glad to hear all looks well on your scan xx

Love and good blessings to everyone else xx

Daisyboo1203 · 21/02/2016 00:44

Hi All
Hope you are all having a lovely weekend. Just a mini update from me. I did another clearblue digital test and the week's indicator has moved from 'pregnant 1-2 to pregnant 2-3'!
So this mean hcg is rising and has risen higher than my last 2 attempts. So my feelings of it going the same way as last time are fading a little. I can take this as a fresh, different try!
Hcg blood test on Tuesday for more definite results Smile

Kwick709 · 19/02/2016 19:20

Chewy seriously no need to apologise - just realised that I still have a lot to learn... and I hope I get that far to learn it!!

You did NOT sound smug! Your story is inspiring although I am OUTRAGED that you had the assessment on the wrong day!!!!

I had a rather poor experience today at my clinic but I am happy to report that baseline scan was fine... and the injections start tomorrow - Merional, Zomacton and Fostimon plus some Dexamethascone tablets.

Loueeza · 18/02/2016 23:46

Encouraging story, Chewy, although it does sound like you've had a tough time of it. We all have our own stories with this ttc business, don't we, and none of it is easy.

I do still have hope for myself, but mostly I feel so IMPATIENT now. I hate that mostly it's all about waiting, waiting, waiting.

Oh well - not going to dampen the good mood on the thread at the mo. The good news is really heartening.

ChewyGiraffe · 18/02/2016 22:41

Kwick - I'm so sorry for rambling on. I thought Jessie was at the point where she'd had an ultrasound scan to screen for downs syndrome (Trisomy 21) but hadn't yet received a "risk score" as that could only be calculated once the blood tests results were back. It can be an anxious wait, but I noticed that Jessie seemed to have said that she was reassured by the scan part of the assessment and I suppose all I was trying to say (albeit not very well, I'm sorry) was that my limited personal experience would suggest that was pretty sound judgement.

Vocab-wise, you're bound to take it all in your stride when you're pregnant. Although you can sometimes feel a bit bombarded with the information on offer, there's plenty of time to digest and think about it.

Very best of luck with your IVF - how exciting! Are you starting your stimulation injections tomorrow then?

Loueeza - I had assumed that after some non-fertility health issues and much delay, I was bound to need IVF to conceive my DD. Once we were finally ready to start trying, I had a fertility assessment (the second one, actually) at a supposedly cutting edge IVF clinic. They diagnosed severely diminished ovarian reserve (or POF), said it was impossible I'd ever get pregnant naturally and refused me IVF. After rivers of tears I bought a box of Clearblue Original OPKs and conceived DD on the first go, when I was 43.3. (Years later I found out that the clinic assessment was nonsense as they'd done it on the wrong day of my cycle.)

Just in case it makes me seem like a total smug cow, I'll say that in many ways the circumstances of her conception haven't served me well at all.

Firstly, because of what the IVF clinic told me, I was convinced it must mean there was bound to be something fundamentally 'wrong' with DD. These worries were compounded by the fact that my pregnancy was a total nightmare (kept bleeding) and birth was a traumatic laundry list of everything I never wanted (took me weeks to believe DD was actually fine). Please note here - these things were nothing to do with my age.

Secondly, after DD was born I imagined that conceiving again would be at least achievable, even if not so easy ... but all I've had since is a MMC at 10 weeks having seen a heartbeat on a very early scan.

I'm still trying to keep trying, I think. But I do know that my age now is a totally different proposition to yours, so you should keep your chin up. x