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Original poster

Forty and over trying for a first baby - join us here

811 replies

JessieMcJessie · 25/11/2015 11:38

A year ago today I started this thread

Any 40+ladies out there TTC #1?

and, 1000 posts later, it has filled up with the shared experiences of various fantastic women who find ourselves hoping to start a family after the age of 40. And listen out Daily Mail - not one of us deliberately "delayed motherhood" to concentrate on our careers or frivolous pursuits. By and large we just didn't meet the right person (or decide to go it alone) till we were quite long in the tooth.

Trying for a first at this age has its own special challenges. The old thread contains its fair share of sad tales of early miscarriage and disapointing test results. However it is also a great place for success stories and positive thinking and it has been a lifeline for me over the past year.

Although those who already have a child or children and are trying for more in their forties are welcome to join (and we absolutely understand the real pain of secondary infertility), part of the value of this thread is the opportunity to share experience amongst those of us for whom failure will mean no children at all, rather than a smaller family than we'd like. It's also a place where we all share a sense of total uncharted territory where pregnancy and childbrirth are concerned!

There are a number of stalwarts who have been with me from almost day one and I hope you'll join this new thread too, but we all hope to graduate eventually to the pregnancy boards so new joiners are very important! If your fortieth is looming it's fine to join a bit before.

A newish poster asked last week if people could post their "stats" and I think that's a good idea. So I'll kick it off (feel free to include whatever info you feel like giving):

Jessie McJessie 42, TTC since October 2014 (13 months) having only met my DH at the tender age of 38. 2 chemical pregnancies, one blocked tube, low AMH, one failed IUI, 1 failed IVF and about to start our second IVF. Just moved back to London after 6 years in Hong Kong.

So, off we go. We have a special skill at scouring the media for stories of celebs having babies over 40. And there's no such thing as TMI Grin.

OP posts:
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AnnieHoo · 06/04/2016 19:05

Oh jessie I can't believe it's 19 weeks already! It's wonderful.

No I've never been referred to a recurrent miscarriage clinic. I'm not sure if there is one in Scotland, maybe Glasgow. I was just discharged by consultant as they said it was my age.

The GP phoned back later this afternoon and said he'd spoken to the same local OB/GYN consultant and he said I should go back for one last blood test to be extra sure which is delightful.

I am amazingly cool about it. Last night I was upset because I knew and it's the dread of the miscarriage that upsets me the most and makes me anxious more than the thought of not having a baby because I've had some pretty awful experiences. I spontaneously miscarriages while walking into the maternity ward the first time! It was like waters breaking, the same contractions the second time and brought into hospital for the night, the third was early so just a heavy period and the last one was a D&c which was blissful.

I'm feeling a bit euphoric that this is finally over!!! No more roller coaster of optimism, despair, hope, brief joy and then crashing depression. I can have my body back and my social life. I can do what I want forever!

Thank you so much for your support I would NEVER have coped with all the amazing mumsnetters. OMG I Can't stress that enough!!!

Original poster
JessieMcJessie · 06/04/2016 17:51

Oh and welcome to powwow and bonxie! You probably haven't trawled through the whole thread. I am 42 (closer to 43 actually) and am now 19 weeks pregnant after our second round of own-egg IVF- it was a long journey and it's not over yet but it can work. Very best of luck to you both.

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Original poster
JessieMcJessie · 06/04/2016 17:48

Annie I'm so sorry. I remember being in exactly the same situation about a year ago and how frustrating it was, but that pales by comparison with your having gone through it 5 times now. Might this trigger a referral to a specialist or have you already been to the recurrent miscarriage clinic? (Sorry, I am sure you've explained before but I can't recall the details).

Loueeza best of luck with the tests tomorrow. They should be able to tell you immediately if the tubes are open. Given that you have never had a BFP I wonder if you maybe do have a blockage. I was assured by my first doc that it was unlikely since I had no history of infections but the left one turned out to be totally closed for business when I had the test that you are about to have.

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Loueeza · 06/04/2016 17:14

Hi everyone!

Congratulations to all the BFP-ers around here lately! You've all done so well, and it certainly gives me hope for any future IVF attempts we have.

Thanks for thinking of me, City! I've been following along but having a bit of a break from thinking about ttc as much as usual. I think I've got to the stage where I've been on the monthly hope and disappointment train for SO long now (without seeing any results at all) that I just don't feel like I can realistically expect anything to happen any more.

Because of this I suppose I haven't felt like I've had too much to share.

Annie, I really don't have the words. I know I haven't experienced any losses to know truly how it must feel, but I certainly know that awful cycle of hope and disappointment. You start to believe you really might have got there, only to have it all come crashing down. I do know how that feels. Sending many many Flowers your way.

I've finally got my hsg test tomorrow (the one where they inject a dye into you and have a look around, including checking your tubes are open). Feeling really nervous about what they might find!

AnnieHoo · 06/04/2016 14:06

Oh well, only 400 for HCG yesterday so gp said to expect my period in next couple of weeks. So glad I had my meltdown last night at home with DH instead of here at work!

Retail therapy needed urgently!!! Buggery buggers.

Cityzen74 · 06/04/2016 08:13

Annie am sending you Flowers and Chocolate and Cake. Am hoping is better news today than you think. It's a very stressful time and thinking of you.

Daisyboo1203 · 05/04/2016 22:27

Annie, thinking of you.
I had the same scenario after my second IVF. So it is something that your body did try to implant an embryo naturally. I never achieved that.
FlowersCake

Kwick709 · 05/04/2016 20:41

anniehoo let me send you some of these too 💐🌹🌷🌾 but I REALLY hope that you get good news tomorrow. Much love 💜💜💜💜💜

Kwick709 · 05/04/2016 20:40

congratulations sparrow!!!!!!🎉🎊🎉

Kwick709 · 05/04/2016 20:39

Welocome powwow and bonxie!!!!!

anniehoo completely empathise with head in sand approach :)

AnnieHoo · 05/04/2016 18:36

I phoned today but no results yet so I couldn't help myself and just did another clear blue digi. This time it's saying "pregnant 1-2 weeks".

This kind of confirms it for me that this is another miscarriage. 5th and final!

Will wait and see what he says tomorrow but I just know it's not going to be good news. Better to find out gradually like this than get a phone call from the doctor tomorrow at work and completely break down. Sad. I'm sending myself some of these Thanks.

Cityzen74 · 05/04/2016 08:31

Annie - will be thinking of you on Wednesday when you get your results.

We didn't manage to DTD again last night as we were both too tired but hoping for tonight and then off into the 2WW. Then we'll see. I am trying to think positive but is hard sometimes.

Welcome Bonxie and powpow This is a great thread - is really supportive and friendly and you get loads of good advice if you ask.

Was just thinking that I haven't seen Loueeza on here for a while. Hope you are OK?

AnnieHoo · 04/04/2016 20:05

Welcome bonxie!! Smile all nearly-40's very welcome!

Bonxie · 04/04/2016 19:11

Hello all, I'm 40 in a couple of weeks, and I've been waiting to join you - any chance you'll let me in a bit early please?

3 friends are currently pregnant naturally at 40 + which is very encouraging!

I've been following the plan in 'It Starts With the Egg'. (Although I did just have a weak latte and an apple muffin to prove to myself I'm not being too extreme.)

AnnieHoo · 04/04/2016 16:19

OMG sparrow!! Yeehaa! Looking good for 12dpo too! How exciting! Wow.

city keep on going my friend, I know it's hell (sometimes!!) but it's worth it to know you gave it a really good go.

Blood test was today, result Wednesday. Managed to read the notes on the screen and Gp had written "looks very low". I knew that though so keeping expectations very low. Feel remarkably ok about it though.

kwick no I was bad and didn't Ask about blood in urine. I didn't want to hear it could be miscarriage so didn't ask. Head in sand technique. I'll ask next time if there is a next time.

Welcome powpow! You've joined the right thread, a real mix of us trying naturally and through assisted conception. Ask away if you have any questions.

PowPowPow · 04/04/2016 12:20

I'd like to join this thread please.
I'm 42 and ttc since March 2016. Total newbie at all of this so any advice welcome.

Daisyboo1203 · 04/04/2016 12:03

Wow! Great news Sparrow!! Grin
It's so exciting to get a positive test on those things!!
It Defo beats getting an email about hcg! (It never opens when I want it to!)
Looking forward to your hcg number! Mine was REALLY high, scarily so!!

Original poster
JessieMcJessie · 04/04/2016 11:41

Congrats Sparrow, fingers crossed for smooth sailing from now on!

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ChewyGiraffe · 04/04/2016 09:31

Sparrow - Congratulations! That looks like a great line for only 12DPO in old money! I must admit, I had very high hopes for you with your three 5 day blasts - it will be so exciting to find out how many have stuck! Absolutely delighted for you Grin. Honestly this thread is awash with BFPs at the moment!

Annie - I shall be crossing my fingers for you too that all is continuing to progress well.

Cityzen - sounds like you're on schedule with the SMEP and as this thread seems to be on a roll, it might just be your lucky month - FX.

Cityzen74 · 04/04/2016 08:32

Annie - am thinking of you. Is it today you have a blood test? Fingers crossed for you.

Sparrow - congratulations to you. Hope you are feeling well and your blood tests go well too.

I have been trying to follow the Sperm Meets Egg Plan thing this time. So far we have successfully DTD on day 8, 10, 12 and 13. I think we're supposed to do it again today and then again on Wednesday but we'll see how we get on later! If we don't manage today then defo tomorrow.

Hope everyone else is well.

SparrowSG · 04/04/2016 07:41

My impatience to know one way or the other got the better of me!

7dp5dt. Official test date Wednesday with HCG blood test booked in.

Forty and over trying for a first baby - join us here
Original poster
JessieMcJessie · 01/04/2016 18:36

Keep Calm and Carry On Annie. As I think you know, the clincher is whether it has doubled in the Monday bloods. Hope everyone has a good weekend.

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Kwick709 · 01/04/2016 18:26

Anniehoo that sounds encouraging. Did the Dr say anything about blood in urine? Keeping my fx for you!

AnnieHoo · 01/04/2016 18:22

Hcg is 305 for yesterday's blood. GP said this was normal sounds low to me but what I've learned from all this is that you just don't know. Off for a long walk with the dog now after waiting by the phone for hours. Another blood test on Monday but long long way to go so just going through the motions. Very calm about all this!

Kwick709 · 31/03/2016 21:28

anniehoo what chewy said ^. Fingers crossed for you my lovely.