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Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

Original poster

Forty and over trying for a first baby - join us here

811 replies

JessieMcJessie · 25/11/2015 11:38

A year ago today I started this thread

Any 40+ladies out there TTC #1?

and, 1000 posts later, it has filled up with the shared experiences of various fantastic women who find ourselves hoping to start a family after the age of 40. And listen out Daily Mail - not one of us deliberately "delayed motherhood" to concentrate on our careers or frivolous pursuits. By and large we just didn't meet the right person (or decide to go it alone) till we were quite long in the tooth.

Trying for a first at this age has its own special challenges. The old thread contains its fair share of sad tales of early miscarriage and disapointing test results. However it is also a great place for success stories and positive thinking and it has been a lifeline for me over the past year.

Although those who already have a child or children and are trying for more in their forties are welcome to join (and we absolutely understand the real pain of secondary infertility), part of the value of this thread is the opportunity to share experience amongst those of us for whom failure will mean no children at all, rather than a smaller family than we'd like. It's also a place where we all share a sense of total uncharted territory where pregnancy and childbrirth are concerned!

There are a number of stalwarts who have been with me from almost day one and I hope you'll join this new thread too, but we all hope to graduate eventually to the pregnancy boards so new joiners are very important! If your fortieth is looming it's fine to join a bit before.

A newish poster asked last week if people could post their "stats" and I think that's a good idea. So I'll kick it off (feel free to include whatever info you feel like giving):

Jessie McJessie 42, TTC since October 2014 (13 months) having only met my DH at the tender age of 38. 2 chemical pregnancies, one blocked tube, low AMH, one failed IUI, 1 failed IVF and about to start our second IVF. Just moved back to London after 6 years in Hong Kong.

So, off we go. We have a special skill at scouring the media for stories of celebs having babies over 40. And there's no such thing as TMI Grin.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
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Dixxie · 14/04/2016 08:40

I just had 43 birthday and BFP! It's possible ladies, think positive! I have 3 friends same age who had babies in past 6 months. V excited but anxious about getting to 12 weeks. Met younger hubby 4 years ago, been TTC 3 years, 1 MC. Just had hysteroscopy and tubes flushed, maybe that did it. Gave up caffeine and booze and eating lots of fruit and veg, low meat. Swollen tummy, sore boobs, terrible headaches and insomnia just started. Taking Pregnacare, what else can I do?

SparrowSG · 14/04/2016 08:22

Sending you lots of virtual hugs Annie Flowers

ChewyGiraffe · 13/04/2016 22:24

'painful' ? Shock WTF!!! painless obviously! Blush

ChewyGiraffe · 13/04/2016 22:19

Oh no AnnieHoo! Sad I'd hoped that with almost a week since your last post you might just be quietly getting on with being pregnant after all. Sending Flowers Chocolate and Cake. Would you have been about 6 1/2 weeks, or more? Well, if this has to be endured, I hope it's at least as painful and swift as possible. Is DH with you? Assume you're going to stay off work a little bit?

F*cking hell, you get sperm to meet egg all fine, lovely BFP ... and then WHY can't it just be a matter of doing nothing special except take folic acid, avoid alcohol and germy food and then carry on with regular life for 36 more weeks! NOT FAIR!

I wonder though - whilst of course I wouldn't wish you to go through a MC ever again - were you a little bit encouraged by Magnificat's marvellous progress after so many early losses? I get the impression you have wanted a child as much as anyone on any of these threads has ever done and I hope you can survive this low point - after an appropriate degree of wallowing (very important) - without becoming totally destroyed by it.

If you could ever face trying again (you are still young enough, and with enviable AMH) I'd tentatively suggest:
(a) Going to Coventry implantation clinic - brilliant and cost is subsidised by their research programme;
(b) Take your DHEA (and Ubiquinol) - it seems to have done some good;
(c) Try something to mitigate the tendency towards polycystic ovaries that you mentioned - take Inofolic daily, it's supposed to improve egg quality if PCOS;
(d) Eat low carb, high protein diet so far as possible for egg quality - a lady on the other 40+ thread recently fell pregnant after more or less completely cutting out all refined sugar from her diet.

Hmm - as for me, thank you for asking ... I know the polite answer is 'fine' but I've had one of the worst weeks of my life. I've barely stopped crying. (I can't say more, but suffice to say it's a particularly shitty episode on life's rollercoaster.) Am now forcing myself to be distracted by MN and catching up with telly on Sky Planner for a couple of hours - somehow need to find (or rather 'fake') my game face again for tomorrow. Tough times eh?

AnnieHoo · 13/04/2016 20:31

Ahh chewy thank you so much for asking. Started to miscarry today. Sore tummy getting worse. Camped out in front of telly with painkillers, magazines, doggy for cuddles and chocolate. ChocolateAbsolutely dreading this.

How are you getting on yourself? X

ChewyGiraffe · 13/04/2016 19:56

Magnificat - just adding my congratulations too on your wonderful news. After 7 early losses you must be on top of the world. So I suppose you're 7+3 today, is that right? Wishing you all the best for a healthy and happy pregnancy.

AnnieHoo - I was so sorry to read your news from last week Sad, but I notice that your GP had recommended doing a third blood test - have you had that yet? Anyway I was just wondering whether you're doing OK? Are you sure there's no hope for this particular pregnancy?

I remember reading somewhere that the rules of thumb about 'normal' B-HCG doubling times will hold good for about 85% of normal pregnancies, so it's far from infallible on that measure. You've perhaps also seen those tables showing 'normal' ranges for HCG levels at various gestations - the ranges are absolutely huge. I think this HCG calculator is quite a good one for inputting individual results.

Take care x

Rememberallball - wishing you all the best with your supplements and clinic investigations - sounds like a good, pro-active plan!

Rememberallball · 13/04/2016 11:33

Thanks Daisy, will look this afternoon

Daisyboo1203 · 12/04/2016 20:36

Remember, yes. Plus all the extras which you don't get in the uk. Eg I had embryoscope (takes pics of the embryos so they know which are growing in the best way, blastgen (which was the only different thing that got me pregnant on this cycle.

Also you could think about a tandem cycle. This cycle tries with your eggs and has donor eggs as a backup, using both if needed. This is what I did as I don't produce many eggs.
Look up 'team miracle' or TM on 'baby centre forum' (Cyprus babies) or on fertility friends. You'll see the success there.
You only have to go out for 10 days using own eggs or 5-6 days de. And it's a nice holiday!!
Good luck with your trying! X

SparrowSG · 12/04/2016 15:59

Remember I have a full bottle of DHEA tablets that I never used sitting in a cupboard downstairs (it's the same brand mentioned on this thread before ordered from the USA). If you would like it please just message me, I'd be happy for it to go to a good home :)

Rememberallball · 12/04/2016 15:51

Hi Daisy when you say similar costs, does that include being in Cyprus? We have family connections in Spain, Portugal and Greece so could potentially stay somewhere during treatment (depending on distance to clinic etc) however we'd rather not have to take too much leave to go abroad as I get limited leave. We have thought of treatment abroad and, if supplements don't make any difference we will research prices more thoroughly!!

Daisyboo1203 · 12/04/2016 14:28

Have you thought about going overseas? I am pregnant from a cycle in Cyprus. Similar prices and top notch clinic and treatment! The clinic I went to are having an amazing run of BFPs at the moment! They add lots of extras that increase your chances of success.

Rememberallball · 12/04/2016 11:10

Morning all. Apologies for being absent for a while; I needed to step away while DH and I reassessed what we're up to.

We have stopped, thought about it and thought some more. And the upshot is.......

I am going to try boosting my chances myself by trying some DHEA; CoQ10; Onega-3 and Vit D3. We're going to give that 6 months and then, if no changes, we're going to save like mad and self finance 1 cycle of IVF!! We have looked at costs and there is a clinic here in UK who offer donor egg treatment for around £5300 including minimum 4 eggs and all the matching; preparation of sperm; drugs and the like for me and donor; pregnancy test and follow up consultation!! I do wonder if that's too good to be true but would mean travelling to another part of the U.K. for treatment!!

Cityzen74 · 11/04/2016 09:40

Annie I agree with everyone else and think you are amazing. It must be a really hard time for you and I can't imagine how you must be feeling. Thinking of you.

Good to hear from you Loueeza - am glad to hear that your tubes are not blocked - you must be relieved about that.

I've been for my day 21 blood test this morning. I've then got to go and have a swab test tomorrow morning and then I'll make an appointment with my doctor to discuss the results. Of course I'm now worrying that I've got my days wrong and my period will turn up too late (or too early which I believe also means you have to do the test again!). Then of course I'm also hoping that this might be my month but I was in a really bad mood at the weekend. I'm due AF on 19th April so that is surely too early for PMT but you never know! I've spent the weekend at children's birthday parties and visiting a newborn. He was very lovely but of course made me feel very broody.

Magnificat - congrats to you too.

Hope everyone else is well.

Loueeza · 10/04/2016 19:15

Magnificat, that really is amazing news, and a reminder that if we have the heart to just keep on going, we might eventually get somewhere in the end. :-)

Couldn't be more pleased for you! xx

magnificatAnimaMea · 09/04/2016 01:08

Thanks all. This is the furthest I've got with a conventional pregnancy (molar last year got further). Fingers crossed!

Original poster
JessieMcJessie · 08/04/2016 12:44

Glad to hear the test was clear Loueeza and even more pleased that you've got another referral.

Congratulations magnificat, fingers crossed all continues to go well for you. Have all your miscarriages been early ones, so that this is the furthest stage you have reached so far?

OP posts:
AnnieHoo · 08/04/2016 10:54

Oh magnificat that's amazing!!!! WOW!!!! Grin I am so so over the moon for you!! Oh god this could drag me into thinking 5 isn't as bad as 7..! Could suffer another two....??? I'd better deal with this one first. Must have been amazing to have happy news and leave the room with tears of joy!!

Kwick709 · 08/04/2016 10:35

Loueeza congratulations on your results - I have heard that even just having the test can help with TTC.

Magnificat wow!!! Excellent news!! Well done!

magnificatAnimaMea · 08/04/2016 05:53

Annie FlowersChocolateBrewWine
Sorry to hear that.

After 7 previous miscarriages, I actually saw a heartbeat yesterday - 137bpm, blob measuring 6+6 (which is about right, I thought I was 7+1 ish). It was all so straightforward and normal - no radiographers whispering among themselves or strained silences. I am guessing the all-day nausea, heartburn, hungover headache, and feeling like I've been run over by a bus are all likewise delightfully normal, but I'm less keen on them... Grin

AnnieHoo · 07/04/2016 18:31

Thanks loueesa great news about the tubes - mat have been amazing to see!

I've already had all the tests done and they've never come up with anything. That's why I do think it's just age - or chromosome fragmentation due to ageing to be exact. It's cruel because I look (and act) much younger than 42. Maybe if I kept going the complete DNA double helix needed for life would happen...but so far it hasn't and my body has been quite efficient at ejecting these non viable embryos.

I am so addicted to this thread I don't know how I'll leave! It's very addictive this business!! X

Loueeza · 07/04/2016 17:24

Hi All. Thought I'd pop back again today to report a bit of good news. I had my HSG test today and witnessed (upside down on a big screen above me!) the dye spill gloriously out of the end of each of my tubes.

So no blocked tubes. I know nothing has changed, but at least that one can be ticked off the list. The other plus of this is that we now get a follow-up appointment with the same doctor we had when first referred to the fertility clinic. He was pretty good, so hopefully he'll have something more to suggest, or a bit of hope to give.

Jessie, congrats on reaching 19 weeks. You are still our poster child!

Sparrow, I haven't had chance to congratulate you yet either. WELL DONE - so pleased for you!

Also welcome to the new gals (we need you now that so many of us are 'graduating' around here!)

Annie, I agree with Kwik that you're amazing. You always have so many wise and kind words for us, and I really hope you're OK. I wonder if when you go back for your bloods again the GP will be able to help you with any next steps? As Jessie says, there may be a reason other than age for all your mc's. I know you must have thought through all of this carefully already, though, and I know you've made a decision to stop ttc now, so please ignore me if you like!

Kwick709 · 07/04/2016 08:51

anniehoo I am so so sorry. Not sure what else to say, except you are amazing.

AnnieHoo · 06/04/2016 22:31

Thank you powpow please don't let my tale of woe put you off! I've seen hundreds of older birds and over 40's get preggers and go on to have healthy pregnancies and healthy babies on these threads over the last (almost) 4 years. I am an exception so I have a lot of hope for you and all the others on the thread!Smile

Thank you all for your lovely messages. You are bouying me up nicely here. I'll probably come crashing down with the hormones next week so chocolate at the ready! X

PowPowPow · 06/04/2016 21:34

I've not gone through all of this thread, although I will to get to know you guys a bit better.

Annie sending Flowers. I'm at the beginning of my (belated) journey so I can only imagine what you guys are going through. Will second Total in that I wish you every joy going forward.

For a little bit more information on me: I'm 42 (soon to be 43) and my dh is 47 with 2dcs from his previous. After some persuasion (for me) we've started ttc in March which is when I logged on here and found a whole new world! My lingo and my knowledge is v.much in its infancy so do bear with me. Naively thought it would be a breeze, but after reading the experiences of those much, much younger I'm now bricking it that I've left it too late. (I have been with DH a little over 18 months, previous to that I was never in a stable enough relationship.)
Am now in my 2ww - doubt that I am pg (although tempted to test) so have a whole new cycle to look forward to (not).
I've come to an undiscussed conclusion that if I haven't had a bfp in a couple of cycles then I'll be speaking to a doc and going down the fertility route. Any advice here is would be so welcome.
Jessie Massive CONGRATS on your 19 weeks. Wonderful Smile
You too sparrow x

totalnamechanger · 06/04/2016 19:59

Annie this is incredibly unfair. I am so very sorry. I know what you mean about the cb digi measuring wrong. That happened to me in December and I tried to fool myself for a bit as I knew I ovulated late and probably implanted late but in my heart I knew and then it was the trepidation of a miscarriage. I was extremely lucky that mine was painless- like a three week period. I was very pleased with my body for that.

I really wish you every happiness for the next stage whatever that might be. You deserve it so much and with your attitude are very likely to achieve it.

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