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Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

Original poster

Forty and over trying for a first baby - join us here

811 replies

JessieMcJessie · 25/11/2015 11:38

A year ago today I started this thread

Any 40+ladies out there TTC #1?

and, 1000 posts later, it has filled up with the shared experiences of various fantastic women who find ourselves hoping to start a family after the age of 40. And listen out Daily Mail - not one of us deliberately "delayed motherhood" to concentrate on our careers or frivolous pursuits. By and large we just didn't meet the right person (or decide to go it alone) till we were quite long in the tooth.

Trying for a first at this age has its own special challenges. The old thread contains its fair share of sad tales of early miscarriage and disapointing test results. However it is also a great place for success stories and positive thinking and it has been a lifeline for me over the past year.

Although those who already have a child or children and are trying for more in their forties are welcome to join (and we absolutely understand the real pain of secondary infertility), part of the value of this thread is the opportunity to share experience amongst those of us for whom failure will mean no children at all, rather than a smaller family than we'd like. It's also a place where we all share a sense of total uncharted territory where pregnancy and childbrirth are concerned!

There are a number of stalwarts who have been with me from almost day one and I hope you'll join this new thread too, but we all hope to graduate eventually to the pregnancy boards so new joiners are very important! If your fortieth is looming it's fine to join a bit before.

A newish poster asked last week if people could post their "stats" and I think that's a good idea. So I'll kick it off (feel free to include whatever info you feel like giving):

Jessie McJessie 42, TTC since October 2014 (13 months) having only met my DH at the tender age of 38. 2 chemical pregnancies, one blocked tube, low AMH, one failed IUI, 1 failed IVF and about to start our second IVF. Just moved back to London after 6 years in Hong Kong.

So, off we go. We have a special skill at scouring the media for stories of celebs having babies over 40. And there's no such thing as TMI Grin.

OP posts:
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Original poster
JessieMcJessie · 21/04/2016 15:11

Hi Dixxie. I am on daily 75mg aspirin now but I wasn't prescribed it till 13 weeks. Don't know if that was just because I didn't see consultant till then, or whether it is not recommended in early pregnancy. Good luck!

OP posts:
Russkispy · 21/04/2016 13:02

Was made redundant yesterday and just landed in the Blighty! And now it's all about DTD and TTC for a baby #1! No Iraq or work related issues and stress involved! Hopefully will be positive before I know it!

Alicekeach · 21/04/2016 07:37

Hi Dixie and thank you. I don't know about the aspirin - I'm only on blood thinners because I have a genetic blood clotting disorder.

Dixxie · 20/04/2016 22:32

Hi Alice, welcome and best of luck. I'm a newbie too. I'm 6 weeks, on progesterone pessaries. Haven't felt much in my womb area the last 3 days and panicking but not necessarily a bad thing? I'm just 43, listening to the group and a friend who was prescribed 75mg aspirin a day, should I be taking it too then? Sounds like it... Shock

Alicekeach · 20/04/2016 14:17

I'm in the north of England, Russkispy.

Original poster
JessieMcJessie · 20/04/2016 12:50

I was in Hong Kong when this thread started but now in London. Daisy is also in Hong Kong, though we didn't know each other IRL. Annie is in Scotland (where I am from originally) and I can't remember if other have said - Loueeza I have in my head you are in the N of England but can't think why.

Ah yes the pessaries Alice. A bit messy but at least I felt like I was doing something proactive. I didn't have to have blood thinning injections though, but am now on aspirin 75 mg a day to thin blood a bit as apparently over 40s more prone to not so good blood flow to placenta. My consultant last week, a slightly eccentric Indian lady was very direct "you must remember that your uterus is 42 like the rest of you so might not work like a young one". OK then.

OP posts:
Russkispy · 20/04/2016 11:50

Alice - sounds very complicated?! and I hope it works for you! Please let us know. Fingers and toes are crossed for you.

And thank you for welcoming the newbies. This is indeed a very friendly bunch of ladies. Guess we're all scattered all over the UK? I'm in Iraq at the moment but live in Kent. Any Kent ladies out here?

Alicekeach · 20/04/2016 11:32

Thank you both, need all the support I can get, am a nervous wreck. And don't even get me started on the progesterone pessaries and the blood thinning injections....

Cityzen74 · 20/04/2016 10:47

Good to hear from you Jessie - glad all is well with you.

Welcome to Russkispy and Alice - this is a very friendly and supportive thread.

Original poster
JessieMcJessie · 20/04/2016 09:51

Hi Russkispy and alice! Exciting posts- best of luck to you both. Russkispy you sound like you have been very proactive and juggling ttc with working in Iraq is definitely a new one on this thread!

Alice gosh you could be almost there...we've had a couple of IVF successes on the thread- me as above and also Daisyboo who is pregnant with twins after treatment in Cyprus (hope all OK Daisy). Sorry to anyone else I have forgotten. Not first time for either of us though. I had frequent twinges in my ovary in the week leading up to my BFP.

OP posts:
Alicekeach · 20/04/2016 09:42

Hello, can I join too? I'm 40, no children yet and in the 2ww from my first round of IVF. Official test date is this Friday and I'm terrified. Been having odd symptoms all week (cramps in my cervix and by my ovary, feeling hot and cold) but I guess that might be the IVF drugs. Scared it won't have worked but also scared in case it's positive - I don't know anything about babies!

Russkispy · 20/04/2016 09:23

Hi ladies, Just turned 40, DH is 41. TTC for baby #1, never had children before. In 2014 had 2 polyps in cervix, had a procedure done in Riga (grew up there). All my tests are in in IVF Riga clinic, procedures and consultations too. Even took my DH for his tests there and we got his sperm frozen there too. Also, my left tube was blocked, was given some tablets and next I know the tube is open now! I've been OPK since 2015 and pretty regular with OV on CD13. Been away from DH is a nightmare in terms of fertile window (working in Iraq). So going forward, there will be alot of thinking and logistics involved as how soon can I get out of Iraq to be in time for OV etc fingers and toes are crossed.
I'm taking loads of vitamins/supplements. I exercise, keep myself healthy. But totally aware of as to what to expect in terms of TTC, pregnancies, MC etc
I'm in CD9 and flying home tomorrow am. Will keep you posted. And thank you for all your support in advance!

Original poster
JessieMcJessie · 20/04/2016 09:17

Hello all. Won't say too much as I am wary of sounding smug having made it to the other side, so to speak, but just to say that I am still following everyone's stories and wishing you all as much luck as I possibly can. Loueeza are you still taking the DHEA? Did the most recent consultant have anything to say about it - I think it was a the IVF clinic that recommended it before? If you can possibly find the funds and energy then another try at IVF would be a good bet as they can tweak the medication using the data of how you responded last time so it is more precise than the first try. I was really disillusioned with the process/my body when ours failed first time round but so glad we tried again.

All fine with me, 21 weeks now. Had the anomaly scan last week and all seems fine. The baby is a boy. Just needs to keep growing.

Fingers crossed for everyone.

OP posts:
Cityzen74 · 20/04/2016 08:23

Loueeza - thanks for your kind words. I am trying hard not to worry too much and just wait and see what the doctor says on Monday. I'm glad that your appointment was OK after your HSG. I think you are right that it is normal to take a while but I've got my fingers crossed that you will get your bfp soon.

Chewy - thank you for your advice about DH's SA. He is very worried about it I think - we are completely opposite. When I'm worried I just want to talk and talk and talk about it but I can tell he is worried because he just clams up and doesn't want to talk at all! Hopefully it will be OK though.

I've been reading that book 'It starts with the egg' that Jessie recommended and I'm trying very hard to implement some of the suggestions in there. It really made sense to me. I'm a bit anxious about taking supplements - I don't really know why (apart from Folic Acid). I think I should be taking some B vitamins but then I read somewhere they make your cycles longer but if it helps I think I should take them. Anyway, I might see what the doctor says on Monday.

Annie - thinking of you.

Loueeza · 18/04/2016 18:40

Hello All,

Hope everyone is doing (relatively) OK. I just had my follow-up appointment today after my HSG and it was confirmed that everything looked good.

The consultant said (in a little bit of a hurried manner, I must say! Good 'ole NHS!) that we are now in the 'unexplained infertility' category. However, I then asked him if we could be expected to take as long as this to conceive just due to my age, and he said yes, so to me that's not unexplained - it's just being old!

Of course, we haven't had every test out there (you could probably go on and on), but there doesn't seem to be anything obvious 'wrong'.

City, try not to worry about your tests. I have, so I can talk (!!) but I think I've decided that it is relatively 'normal' to struggle. The consultant also said that we can expect two thirds of my eggs and 5% of DH's sperm to be chromosomally abnormal. And if you think that everything else has to go right on a month when the egg and sperm do happen to be good, you can sort of begin to see what we're up against.

Not meaning to discourage anyone further with all this - it actually encourages me to think that I'm normal - it's just that it's going to be more difficult at this age :-)

ChewyGiraffe · 18/04/2016 13:56

Cityzen - thank you, that's kind of you to say so.

About your test results - I think it's only natural to worry, but I'm sure you'll be absolutely fine. Just a thought - when your DH has his SA, perhaps consider asking exactly what they'll be testing for? My DP had an SA which looked at Count, Motility and Morphology (I think) and was all fine. Eventually he had another SA including a MAR test for anti-sperm antibodies, which found he had a really high antibody level. It means we'd require ICSI to conceive - we were NEVER going to conceive naturally and had wasted loads of time trying. Having said all that, please do NOT panic! As I understand it, what my DP has is really rare, but I'm just mentioning it as I think it's worthwhile understanding which tests have been ticked off the endless list of possibilities and which haven't.

AnnieHoo - just to add my best wishes to the pp - thinking of you and hope you're getting through it physically as best you can. A very gentle suggestion - if you feel you might benefit from some additional emotional support (sometimes family and friends are a bit too close, IYSWIM), I wondered whether you'd considered ringing your local hospital Early Pregnancy Unit (or perhaps Antenatal Care/Fetal Medicine, if there's no EPU)? They should be able to put you in touch with a bereavement services midwife or a miscarriage counselling service. This type of service was offered to me after a miscarriage (medical management at 10weeks) and I never took it up. I probably should have done in hindsight. x

Cityzen74 · 18/04/2016 08:39

Annie - sending you Cake and Flowers. Am really sorry this has happened. Hope you managed to stay at home and look after yourself this weekend.

Chewy sorry you have been going through a bad time this week. [Flowers] to you too.

Had all my tests and everything now at the doctors and get my results a week today. Am really terrified of what they might say but at least will find out. DH has his SA on Wednesday which he is really not looking forward to! At least then we will both have been seen and we can consider next steps.

AF is on her way - due tomorrow although I started spotting on Thursday and thought she was coming then. I was really annoyed because I thought that would mean my day 21 tests would be messed up but she seems to have gone away again. Have all the usual signs though and this has happened before so fully expecting her today or tomorrow.

Hope everyone else is ok.

Kwick709 · 18/04/2016 08:03

Annie how are you feeling? My heart goes out to you. Flowers

Joeypotter1 · 15/04/2016 22:37

Hello, I turned 40 recently and met my partner when I was 38. I have been trying to get pregnant for just over a year but my first problem was soon as I came off the pill, my periods change to twice a month (with a week break) and was put on clomid to try and regulate them. I've had a hormone test, scans, day 21 test and a hycosy and all have come back with good results. I'm trying to book for an ovarian reserve now and I'm hoping that all goes well there too. My best friend (also 40) has just given birth to twins through IVF so I'm hoping that I'm just as lucky too.

Dixxie · 15/04/2016 18:37

For those TTC, a friend over 40 had tried everything inc. IVF, her last try was a special diet, but she didn't expect it to work and also began adoption process. And guess what? She has a beautiful baby boy. She cut out wheat, diary, caffeine, alcohol and ate alkalising foods, so you may think it's worth a try... I gave up caffeine and most booze, ate more fruit and veg; apparently it's about the quality of your eggs and nutrition has a huge impact at our age xxx

Dixxie · 15/04/2016 18:28

Thanks Anniehoo! I called my NHS gynaecologist and spoke to his secretary explaining that I've miscarried before and asking for progesterone, she said it was his last day before retirement and to go to my doctor. She wasn't available and I'm told she's leaving at the end of April, so 2 people I trust are going... The doc I did see was so dismissive and not interested at all, she just said see the midwife at 10 weeks... I was not happy! Anyway I had a surprise call today to say my gynae had authorised progesterone suppositories before he'd left so I feel much happier. And I made a fuss to the doc and should have an early appointment with an obstetrician, so hoping to get HcG test and an early scan. I feel a bit bad for being pushy given the state of the NHS but I'm super healthy other than I've been trying for 3 years and I just want to do all I can... For anyone who's wondering: Apparently progesterone isn't definitely proven to stop miscarriage but it can help in some cases and you can't have too much of it, so I figure I want it.

Rememberallball · 15/04/2016 16:12

Afternoon all. Sorry for the troubles Annie I hope you are managing to keep going xx

I now have an array of supplements say on my dining table - I managed to CoQ10 and Onega 3 fish oil for 75% discount as the nutricentre at the local Tesco is closing down at the end of the month so they're clearing all their stock. I saved over £70!! The stuff from Biovea and Sparrow arrived so I'm all ready to go tomorrow!!

ChewyGiraffe · 14/04/2016 13:15

AnnieHoo - thanks. Yes going through a very upsetting issue, wish I had some answers/solutions ... maybe time will help a little bit.

But Goodness, you definitely should stay off work today/tomorrow, then it's the weekend (assuming you don't work weekends) ... be kind to yourself and have a good cry.

Thanks for being so generous - I was worried to suggest you might consider trying again, when you're ready, for fear of saying the wrong thing.

I do think it's worth going to Coventry, even if all you get is peace of mind that you don't have any underlying immune issues undermining these pregnancies. I've been to Coventry and in addition to the endometrial biopsy (gold standard IMHO) you get a consultation with a top professor (either Prof Brosens or Prof Quenby) to review your history and opportunity to ask lots of questions - e.g. if you're also wondering about potential clotting issues, you might discuss other tests.

I asked Prof Brosens about low dose aspirin, for example, and was actually told NOT to take it prior to BFP as in his view it can interfere with endometrial enzymes required for implantation, but could be started at about 7 weeks once a pregnancy had 'stuck'.
Can't remember how much it cost (about £400?) but was better value / information IMHO than the thick end of £2,000 I'd already paid to one of the well known private Miscarriage Clinics for consultation and bloods. (I think you're in Scotland - perhaps you could even fly into Coventry Airport?)

Also forgot to say, if PCOS is creating anovulatory cycles, Inofolic is supposed to help restore ovulation as well as reduce any tendency towards insulin resistance and improve egg quality. Of course, a low carb diet should help with that too.

AnnieHoo · 14/04/2016 12:16

Congratulations dixie! Positive stories happening all the time. Good news for us over 40 chicks!

You could take low dose asprin (75mg daily). A lot of people suggest that.

How many weeks are you? Have you been to the doctors yet? You could ask them to test your HCG levels for reassurance.

Sending positive vibes for the best results for you! Star

AnnieHoo · 14/04/2016 11:53

Oh chewy I'm so sorry to hear you are going through an upsetting time. I hope things get better. Distractions are good sometimes - complete escapism is the best if you can find it.

You are amazing btw!

Your post was EXACTLY what I needed. I was thinking yesterday of asking my best friend what I should do, to decide for me because I can't do it myself. What I needed was help to put a plan together and then so it's clear in my mind what the options are. But she doesn't have the knowledge to help me.

And then your post popped up! Thank you so much - a solid plan - you even bullet pointed it!! ; )

And yes I am absolutely spurred on by magnificat's success. I want that wonderful happy ending. What a lot she has been through.

I realise that I am in quite a good position in that I can see the many positives in both stopping and giving it one more try.

Yes it's just 7 weeks so that's early. I'm hoping it will mean that it's a little less uncomfortable. I came home from work early yesterday and I've called in sick today as the cramps are more and more frequent and I want to be at home when it happens. I hope it's over soon ChocolateChocolateChocolate!