Emmsys Weebles - The one we keep going!

Hey ladies!! MLS here, moon sorry you are struggling. It sounds like you are being pulled in every possible direction & feel like you have nothing left to give. What you are feeling about motherhood is perfectly normal believe me, so don't feel guilty. Sometimes things are so bad in our household I can only describe it as toxic. What is it about kids, they certainly know how to press our buttons along with some buttons we didn't even know existed??!!!! I swear I was a nice person before I had kids & now I feel like I'm a miserable, moaning shouty old hag half the time! I'm not surprised you are upset when your ds says 'no thanks' I'd be completely gutted. In fact it would probably make me very very shouty! I'm with neeko, you need to get dh on board & on your side.

Hello cloud congratulations on your beautiful dd. Welcome to the world of pink & also the word of madness that is having three children!

Hey Moon. Of course they need you! To be honest I think your dh is being a little unfair saying that and I'd hope he doesn't realise how hurtful he is being. (apologies if overstepping)
Dd2 was exactly like that with DH when she was little but she adores him now and can't wait for him to come home from work. I promise it will get easier.
Stop apologising for finding it tough. Becoming a mum doesn't make you infallible and it's doubly hard if the wee monkey keeps pushing you away. Keep on with the I love yous and even tell him he can't stop you from loving him.

I really believe you need some moon time. What time does J go to bed? Pick one evening a week after he is in bed to do something for you and insist on your DH doing the same. In fact if he can arrange to be out for the whole bath and bed time so it is just you and J even better.

I'd also try to be more visibly living with your DH in front of J. Lots of cuddling and holding hands (if you don't already do so). Your DH needs to show him that you are a very important part of the triangle. A huge greeting from your DH when you come home from work each day could be just the model that J needs to see. It really helped when I did this with DD2.

It won't be forever. This too shall pass (but it doesn't make it any less tough whilst it is happening!)

Thank you all for your lovely replies. They made me cry! I feel so bad complaining because this is what I wanted, I remember the days when I thought my heart might break because I wanted a baby so badly, and here I am saying I've got it tough! I know many people who would love to be in my position.

Dh and ds do have a brilliant bond, ds will do anything for him, and will ignore me. If dh says to ds I love you, he says it back. If I tell ds I love him, he either ignores me or says no thanks. Usually I can laugh it off, but on the bad days, it's horrible. I know he's only little but still. Dh says he hates weekends when I'm home because we all fall out over ds misbehaving. Then I wonder what I'm doing here at all if they don't need me. All I do is pay the bills.
No, I don't get any me time. But I would feel guilty if I did. I can't justify that in my head when I hardly see j as it is. And dh and I don't have anyone near enough to baby sit for us. We've been out twice without j since he was born. I know we do need time together but it isn't possible atm.
We just keep plodding on.

Congratulations Cloud, wee Nancy is gorgeous . Hope you find a new routine and things start to settle soon for you. I bet her big brothers love her to bits

Moon it sounds like you're going through a pretty tough time just now. You do need some time for you, plus time for you and dh, and maybe just you and wee man time, a play date with just you and him would be good, something the two of you can bind over once a week, maybe a swim or the park or something that is special for just the two of you.

Such wise words neeko

Beautiful picture of your smashing girl, Cloud.
If it helps, we do a lot of nagging at the weekend too but so did my parents (so they tell me) and those really aren't the parts I remember.

Moon- firstly really sorry to hear about your recent loss. That's an extra strain on you all and difficult to cope with at the best of times.

My gran used to say that we kick back most at the ones who love us best because we know they will forgive us. J is just wee but he knows his mummy adores him. The bond between j and your dh will be strong simply due to the time they have together. It's difficult for you as you cannot possibly match that time. Once j starts preschool that tight dynamic will lessen and things will seem easier. It is the intensity of their relationship (which is no one's fault) that makes it so challenging.

I know that you feel guilty for not being there and this next advice may seem at odds with what you want but give it some thought. Do you ever have any time for you? I know you work but do you go to an exercise class or meet a friend on a weekly basis? You need Moon time, not working time or mummy time, simply Moon time. This might help you to relax a little and help things to feel less strained. I started an ashtanga yoga class a few months ago and it has helped me enormously.

Ultimately though just remember you are doing your best. Becoming a mum is hard and there is no manual. Don't be so hard on yourself. Have a wee cry when you need it then take a deep breath and go on. Each day is a new day.

Aww cloud she looks perfect! Eyes open and looking contented. Thank you for putting her picture up. And thank you for your lovely reply to my post, especially when you must have a million and one other things going on right now. It is very hard sometimes. I feel like both dh and j don't need me at all and then I don't know what my role is anymore.

Here's the little lady..I may delete this post after a bit though so her pic doesn't stay on here

Oh moon I really feel for you. I feel the same about the weekends, fwiw.. My DS are absolutely lovely on their own (have lovely afternoons with ds2 after nursery and before we get ds1 from school) but when they're together a switch flips & they're basically unbearable..makes me dread weekends cos dh & I just end up shouting at them all the time so am even more worried about that now that I have another one to think about!! So you have my sympathies about motherhood not being what you expected..sometimes it is just the hardest thing ever and you wonder why you bother, but your DS does need you and love you, never forget that. Xxxx

I don't think so neeko but thank you. We seem to have a lot going on all the time. Work is busy, j is very full on, I'm not sleeping very well atm and I feel like I never get caught up with myself. J is a monster around me, dh says he behaves beautifully when I'm at work. Weekends are horrible because of it and dh and I fall out all the time. Dh's Nan has just died which adds to the strain. I don't really know what I'm saying here, I guess that I'm tired, so tired of fighting all the time and this is definitely not what I expected of motherhood. I keep thinking I got it all so terribly wrong. I have everything I ever wanted but I don't think it wants me. My heads in a bit of a strange place and I don't know why.

Glad to hear the pain is lessening, Cloud. Hope this week is more relaxing. I'm sure the boys will settle down once they have adjusted to their new normal.

Moon- sorry to hear you are having a tough time. Anything we can help with?
The benefit of having more than one is you can only really notice one of them being naughty at any given time! Don't be too hard on yourself.

Cloud, glad to hear the pain is better, it's hard enough with a newborn but with pain thrown in its difficult. You'll find yourself a new routine, you did it before, you can definitely do it again. For the non Facebookers, pretty please can we have a peek at Nancy?
Thanks neeko, we're all good. I'm having a bit of a tough time at the moment and j is particularly hard work, but I'm ok. I admire all of you with more than one child, I really don't know how you do it. Hope all is well with you too neeko.

Thanks moon we're doing well, pain is less every day and I'm a lot more mobile now. Hopeful that dh second week of paternity leave will be a bit more fun, coffee shops are in my plan!! Little N is lovely & chilled so far..but her brothers are madder than ever so goodness knows how I'm going to do this alone after next week!!

chintaria loads of love to you xxx

The brain is indeed a funny thing. Hope you are doing ok, Moon.

Hope you're all doing well cloud and the pain is better. How's everything going? Are you getting some sleep?
Chintaria we all know what its like, being genuinely happy for the girls on here, but a little part of you is sad for what might have been. We understand. Even now, and I don't know why, I still feel a pang of jealousy for everyone who has a new baby and I have no reason to. The brain is a funny thing. Thinking of you.

Congratulations Cloud, wonderful news! Enjoy Nancy and am wishing you all lots of happiness together!

Moon thanks so much for thinking of me, you are so lovely x

Chintaria hope you're ok. I know this must be difficult for you. Big squeeze.

Ohh congratulations! Very happy for you all. How lovely to have another graduate! Hope you're not in too much pain. Thinking of you lots. Enjoy the newbornness!

Congratulations (again) Cloud.
Absolutely delighted for you. Hope her big brothers are pleased. How lovely for her to have two big brothers to stick up for her in later years.

Hi ladies sorry not to update sooner, but we had a baby girl!! Can't believe it! Her name is Nancy and she's a dream so far!
I'm in a fair bit of pain but home now so need to just take it easy and recover! xxx

Hi all,

Sounds like you had a good Christmas 4ever, hope your nan's okay...

Moon lovely to hear that J is doing well, and that you're surviving! Terrible two's are tough!

Neeko sounds like you had a good holiday too, lucky you re excellent dd's!

It's back to work for me tomorrow too. Am in denial still in pj's cuddling L in front of tv

Hand holds to anyone who needs them from me too, lots of love to you all x

Hey 4ever. You sound well and that you have had a lovely Christmas.

Back to work and school here tomorrow.

Squeezing the hands of all our Emmsys that need it, whatever the circumstances. Hope this thread can help to give you strength.

for back to normal. No idea where ringer came from.