TCOYF - follow on chart spotters thread

as long as you two know you are doing the right thing then sod everyone else! so what if they feel uncomfortable for a while, they will soon get over it and have something more exciting to gossip about before you know it!

Thanks greedy, I don't feel that strong sometimes but I have to say I'm quite proud of myself for getting through it all without falling completely apart!

It's difficult with friends and family - I've just been talking to a good friend about it all and he says (& I agree) that it's more uncomfortable for people that we've stayed together, in a way, than that the wedding itself was called off. People are unsure what's happening between us, and yet it's very private and not easily discussed with either friends or family.

i really admire you xmassy, you must be a really strong person to pick up the pieces and try again after being let down like that. do you get much support from your family and friends? what do they make of what your dp did? he must be really commited now too, because it cant be easy for him facing everyone and the easy option would have been to run away wouldnt it? i am sure things like that must make you much stronger as a couple, so i am sure you will be fine, especially when you get your lovely ickle baby!

Thanks sparklytreeangel

I'm a bit embarrassed now; having revealed my dark secret! It's funny how even 5 months on, on a message board with strangers, the humiliation of what happened still stings.

Some good suggestions there; some of which we've already pursued (eg. counselling). We've spoken a bit today and I think things are okay, but there's so much that needs to be 'righted' - we're at our best these days when we're on our own, and not having to confront the bridge-building that needs to be done with all our friends/family, apart from anything else. I think the pressure and guilt, brought on by the emotion of writing these sort of Christmas cards/apology notes really got to him.

I think more counselling is definitely in order for both of us; whether together or separately. Just to make things worse (!) my mother announced that she was getting remarried just three months after this all happened. The thought of going to that after what I've been through just makes me feel sick.

Life, eh? I could never have predicted this would happen to me, and wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy to be honest - but I am proud of the way we've handled it, and been able to deal with our issues and hopefully become stronger.

Xmassy Charlotte that's tough. I got married this year and can only imagine what that felt like
He seems to be a stressfull bunny putting himself under a lot of pressure.
Maybe plan a few days away and try to really talk about what happened and his worries.
Pressure in the bedroom can escalate and lead to performance issues so try and avoid him getting stressed out and shutting people out otherwise it could be a viscious circle of asociating sex with performance rather than fun and love.
As you're planning on having kids together that can put quite a strain on a relationship. You might benefit from looking into relationship counselling locally. There are some very good modern options these days.
They might be able to help you get to the root cause of his anxiety so you can draw a line under it and move on
You can't change what happened and that's probably what he's finding very hard but if you're planning a life and family together anyway then you'll have to find a way to de-stress yourselves and move on.

Finally just got a +ve OPK reading, although who knows if it's accurate!! Has put a Clearblue Digital smile on my face, anyway Although dp is off out tonight and was mighty grumpy when he left for work anyway... so it might all be for nowt!

I also decided to amend my temps for the first 5 days of this cycle - I had added 0.5C onto my oral temps to match my new method of taking my temps (as recommended by TCOYF). After testing a few times, I realised that there wasn't any difference between the two methods, so I've taken the 0.5C off. So my chart looks a bit different now... but still no EWCM It's proving more elusive than... snow on Christmas Day

everyones charts are looking good! especially yours geek! perfect timing!
xmassy dont stress too much,one of my friends got pg by bding 6 days before she ov'd so just try and get another bd in when you can and relax! sounds like a tough year though, you are a stronger woman than me.

Thanks geekinasantahat!

It's been a really tough few months, and although we're trying to get back on track, I think we still suffer a lot from me not forgiving him, and him feeling pressured by guilt. It's very very hard to truly forgive him for what he did, even though I know that I want to. We decided to forget about the wedding and just focus on TTC, which (at my age - 36) seemed like the best thing to do to move on (it was what we had planned to do after the wedding), and a positive step forward.

Good idea to maybe play with the preferences, although I'm concerned I'm just changing stuff to make my readings 'fit' the software. I'm desperate to make it say that I've ovulated but don't think anything I change will actually influence that!

My best bet is probably just to leave it for this cycle - I'll know what to look for a bit more with cycle 2, and will be able to determine whether or not it's usual for my CF to fail to rise to the challenge of EW consistency! I've found it hard to tell what's CF and what's leftover gunk from the night before

I think patience is the key really - but somehow, because of what we've been through this year - especially with dp's history of changing his mind!! - patience is somewhat thin on the ground

Hope everyone's having a lovely day xx

Doh! Was composing this post in a separate window so I could browse around the threads to check up on everyone, and then ending up posting the message in the December thread instead of this one by accident!!! Must get more sleep, and in the mean time more coffee... Anyway:

Well as predicted, temp went up again this morning, so I'm pretty sure I OVed in the past 36 hours, and lovely DH obliged again last night I almost feel guilty that we've been enjoying lots of BDing in this month when it sounds like so many people on here are finding it tough for various reasons...

XmassyCharlotte, big hugs, really sounds like a difficult time for you honey! Are you getting some time off over Christmas? Maybe you need to take a day or an evening with DP and just relax together, have a romantic meal or something - have a good old fashioned 'date' to remind yourselves how much you do actually love each other, and forget about all the wedding and TTC stuff for a bit. Re the TCOYF, you may need to fiddle around with stuff in the 'Preferences' bit of the software to tailor the calculations to what's normal for you. Having said that, your chart does look fairly flat (on average) for the past week, so maybe it's right and you just haven't oVed yet this month. You could just be a few days late this month, so stay positive!

MrsMc - Congrats on the positive OPK How are things with your DH at the mo?

Am going to try some chart spotting to cheer myself up

MrsMc - looks good if you OV today..?! Very of your big green PLUS on your chart!! Thanks for the CM info re. how to tell if it's you or pre-seed the next day. What about if you BD'd in the morning? Presumably just allow a similar 12 hour-ish gap...

sparklytreeangel - lots of BDing for you too..! We managed 4 days in a row and anyone would think dp had had to run a marathon. He's been printing articles off health sites on the internet which tell him what he should be eating to help production "down there" and was most alarmed to find that the list of foods didn't include vast quantities of cake.

geekinpigtails - you're at a similar stage in your cycle to me. Lots of BDing for you too!! Fingers crossed.

3cats - again, fingers crossed! I'm just a beginner but your chart looks good to me!

Good luck to all, I think I need to switch off a bit... cheer myself up by going out and doing something totally un-TTC and un-DP related!!

Feeling really down this morning... first month of using TCOYF software throughout my cycle and I don't like it! I'm on CD17, haven't had a + OPK, no EWCM, no temp hike - I'm worried!!! Although we've only just started TTC with any real enthusiasm, I did use OPKs for a couple of months before and always got a +ve ~CD14/15. I've since changed onto the cheapie sticks and haven't had a definite +ve although have found them very difficult to interpret! The software seems to have moved me into the infertile phase without predicting OV, as it says it doesn't have enough information to say when or if it happened

Also, after a marathon 4 BD sessions over the past 4 days, I think the pressure really got to DP and he slept downstairs last night We've had a real 'annus horriblis' (sp??!) this year, the stuff of nightmares really as he called off our wedding at the last minute. We were meant to get married in July. He now feels under enormous pressure to 'right' things, to apologise to everyone (he got all withdrawn last night after writing apologetic Christmas cards to all our guests... think it really got to him and I'm not surprised!) and to stop me hurting. I still cry a lot over what happened.

Not the best background to TTC! Sorry for the moan..!

Hey all, sorry, this is my first chance to get on here since Friday morning.

MrsMc, I think I'm OVing today actually, the mini peak on Friday was just a wobble - if last month is anything to go by, my temps should be jumping higher than that, and it was on the way up this morning. And managed to get a good amount of BDing recently, even on the night of the youth group party, when I got home at 1am! Nothing as audatious (sp?) as greedy tho, little minx . Feeling pretty positive about this month actually, but I probably have each cycle at this stage! Hoping to get another session in tonight, but DH is pretty tired and 3 nights in a row might be a bit much we'll see...

Sorry, not much time right now, I'll chart spot in the morning. Best wishes and babydust everyone!

I never doubted you MrsMc, just wanted to add some weight to your suggestion!! The helpful soul that I am!!

course it works!

Shamefully... I tried the CM/Seed (?) experiment to see if it was "me" or "the soldiers" and it does work! And I would concur about midday!!

3cats ? fingers crossed that that is the job done!

BBW ? even if Boxing Day is not your best day, I hope you have lots of fun

Geek ? looking good, you got a good few BDs in there!

Sparklytreeangel ? such an impressive BD record, hope you?ve cracked it!

XmassyCharolotte ? your chart looks great and I am V V [envious] of all that perfectly times BDing! Fingers crossed!

ohh Greedy, you are very, very naughty! Glad you got your office action . I?ve done that in the past ? brushed all the papers off the desk and went for it, boy did that make me hot when I thought about it afterwards on a boring Monday afternoon . Hope there is no CCTV where you work!! I know what you mean about Pecka, it seems the worrying never stops. I really hope that she is ok.

XmassyCharlotte ? I was about 7 when I had Sea Monkeys but I lived in the Far East and we had lots of American stuff like that!! I used one of my Access Diagnostics OPKs this morning and got a +ive! No rhyme or reason is there. I did it at 11am so am really tempted to try again tomorrow at 11am but the logistics of the new office and the dip in sticks might get the better of me! Can?t help with what you saw, not seen that before. I know exactly what you mean about the pressure TTC puts on your relationship, I think most people find that TTC is not as much fun or as romantic as they thought it would be, I know exactly what you mean about putting everything into it, I don?t want to start getting investigations that I don?t need just because we?ve not really tried hard enough! Fingers crossed that this is your lucky cycle. Try not to worry about the fertile signs, if you are getting the BDing in then you are doing the best you can. Rule of thumb though is that what you are seeing by midday the next day is you and not the remnants of the night before?s BD. If you really want to know, try putting the ?stuff? in some water, CM won?t dissolve

Here?s to sex because we damn well like it Ready!

Will chart spot now?.

Excellent Greedy!! This is what my aim is this cycle (and beyond if I can help it!) to stop treating sex as baby making!! To enjoy each other without stressing about "is this the right angle?" or "how long should I lay still?"... Proper sex!!

we were only using it to lean on! no fluids touched it!!!! hee hee! it was fun! and i did feel like a naughty teenager!

Hope the treatment bench has been cleaned!! Those poor patients that have to get on there, little do they know

BDing at work was fun!!!!.....

Thanks greedy... I'll pass on the message to the snoring man upstairs

We've had a small tiff tonight so I don't think there'll be any more of 'that' going on this evening!!

I've given up on all the 'evidence' of ovulation for the software. The ferning isn't appearing, my temps are still low, and because of all the BDing I'm not sure how to interpret the CF each day. It was quite EW this morning/afternoon, but then (TMI alert!!) we did BD last night using Pre-Seed, so who knows . Oh well, my cycle has been 27/28 days for the past few months so if I am going to ovulate, it should happen soon.

Too tired to chart-spot now but will have a look at others in the morning!

xmassy you are doing well. lots of bding and you are bound to ovulate v. soon! keep it up! (or should i say that to your dh!!!)

Lol @ greedy - what a mental image for me to take through the day!

MrsMc - ha... yes, remember sea monkeys. All I ever got were some extremely small worm type things swimming around. After a couple of weeks I thought "What exactly is the point of this? I'm cultivating what look like bed bugs, in my house and on purpose". Ahh, fond memories of being in my early 20s...

Good point about the OPKs. Maybe I should just leave them for this month. I really have been obsessing, and have decided if I am going to use them, not to buy any more of the cheapy ones. I did 2 this morning, and still can't interpret the results. They're those Access Diag ones, and I've got a dark pink control line, with pale pink flooded throughout the rest of the viewing panel, and a bright WHITE line where the test line should be. Good grief. It's enough to drive me round the bend. I was going to go out and get a Clearblue Digital today, but it's getting ridiculous. Might decide to leave it for this month. The main reason, I guess, is just to reassure myself that I am ovulating.

We've been hard 'at it' in the BDing department. We had a big old chat about it last night because it's only the first month of really feeling like 'oh god! must do it NOW', and it's already really getting to dp. He is exhausted. He's putting in a lot of effort, which is good, but it has put something of a strain on that side of things between us already. I think after this cycle we might have to readdress how we go about it. He said last night I'm already behaving like we've got a problem and we've got no evidence that that's the case. My retort is always that I'm 36 and I don't want to waste 6 or 12 months trying half-heartedly when we could put in 100% effort right from the start. I'm sure we're not alone with our different standpoints on this subject!

Hope you're feeling better today though - glad DH slept in same bed... it's a good start!! Have a fab weekend and good luck with the viewings.

hiya mrs! how are you today? i just read peckas post and feel sad. even a bfp isnt everything is it? i guess it has to stick after that doesnt it. i feel for her. i hope you are getting some more bding action in. my in laws are staying so its not really possible for us at the moment, but i have asked my dh to come and pick me up from work later, and i am the ONLY one here, and i have got my sexy uniform on!......so you never know what could happen over my treatment bench!!!!