Struggling to concieve....

Wow Little, congratulations. I'm absolutely thrilled for you. I often feel guilty announcing my pregnancy on here when I know how much it must pain others. So it's nice that we are both in the same boat. I have found this pregnancy different to my DS. I am not excited and I think it's just my way of protecting myself. At the 12 week scan I was fully expecting and just waiting for her to say what was wrong. I guess that's me after 11 attempts at IVF, meaning 10 failures, so I got pretty used to expecting failure and it's still what I'm expecting this time too.

I don't quite understand that the Dr wouldn't do any further tests because of your age? If you were 38 at the time, I would think that was all the more reason for urgency and to get on with some tests. So I gather you are 40ish now? I got paranoid when I was about to turn 38 with my last IVF that it was all over for me - I can imagine your desperation at 40. You must be pinching yourself!

I am due March 26. Had a horrid experience first time so I'm really hoping things go better this time around.

My DD was unplanned & we started TTC #2 in January 2013. I had a scan & blood tests last year but all was fine & my doc wouldn't do any further tests because of my age - I was 38 then. On Tuesday after over 2.5 years TTC I finally got my BFP, showing as 2-3 weeks.

How is your pregnancy going? When are you due?

Thank you so much Tink/Bobsy I have been overwhelmed by the kind words of everyone on mumsnet when I finally got my BFP on my 11th IVF attempt, despite these ladies still struggling with their own infertility journeys. I remember your name but can't quite remember your story. Where are you at with this lovely infertility saga?

Shellster I just want to say I'm so happy for you for finally getting your BFP. I remeber chatting to you on here many months ago. I don't know if you remember me I was Bobsy.

That must have felt weird going on the pill in order to achieve a pregnancy! I would have felt like I was losing 6 attempts at trying.

Like you, so many people around me seem to get pregnant at the drop of a hat (er, or yes, their knickers!) My sister even got pregnant while she was on the pill during my struggle.

I totally understand what you mean when it feels like things are at a standstill as I recall feeling that way many times during my infertility saga. Is it rude to ask how old you are? For me, the fact that I was 35 and had found out then my AMH was only 2.5 (meaning my fertility was very low) put extra stress on me that it had to work fast. I first sought help through the public system and they would do tests which would come back normal and then I would have to wait months for a follow up appointment and it felt like I was getting nowhere. I was about to turn 38 when I underwent my 11th IVF attempt and I was scared that I was just about out of time and wondering how I would cope the rest of my life feeling like this if it didn't work. I can imagine that in your situation with knowing exactly what the issue is, you would be feeling quite desperate for her to finally give you that Clomid so you can see if it resolves your issue. It seems they don't have any hard and fast rule about Clomid and BMI if she once said she'd let you try if you got your BMI to 34 and then another time saying it had to be under 30. Makes it all the more difficult to know what to expect at your next appointment. Well it's October today so another month closer to your appointment next month when you will hopefully get some help. Perhaps you can come up with some speel so you can be ready to plead your case in your appointment. I really hope she sees how far you've come - you are doing amazing.

I am not sure what OP stands for, but I assume you mean the lady who initiated this thread.

It is a massive motivator. I'd had tests before that appointment, bloods, HSG etc and she put me on Metformin and a contraceptive pill for 6 months to try to regulate cycle and help with weight loss. The pill regulated my cycle perfectly but her plan was that my cycle and ov would be regular once the 6 months was over but obv this did not happen. She was disappointed the Metformin had had no effect on my weight but it doesn't work for everyone. Luckily I'm getting results doing it the natural way but I don't think I'll get under 30 by 4th November, as I'm on 35 now. I think I'll be able to get to about 32 though, so I'm hoping she takes this into account as she had said previously that she would let me try Clomid if I got down to BMI 34. However, last appointment she said it had to be 30, so I'm not sure what will be said really. The aim is just to get it as low as I can before then, and plead with her to get things moving, as I feel like it's come to a standstill. I've had no bloods or tests for ages and time is ticking by. I'm doing the only thing I can do to help myself by losing weight, so I hope they'll help me too.

Vent away, I completely understand. I don't know anyone who has struggled, everyone just seems to conceive at the drop of their knickers, sometimes without giving it any thought! I'm on a thread on here for ladies with PCOS and often vent to them when I've had an esp tough day. I have confided in close friends but whilst they are sympathetic, none of them can truly understand how it feels. That's why it's a big support to be able to chat on here as we're all experiencing it. I know what you mean about feeling better now you're pregnant. I often think, I don't care if everyone I know says they've fallen pregnant within a week, just as long as I'm having my much longed for baby, I don't care!!

P.S. I'm not sure where the OP has gone, looks like it's just us!

I can understand having an upcoming fertility appointment being a motivating factor to stick to your weight loss diet - I guess having a set date in November really helps with the motivation. When they said 'come back in 4 months' the first time, was that an initial assessment where they just saw your weight at that point without anything to compare it too? This time, I hope they take into account your amazing progress and know that you are on the right track. I gather you know your target weight if you need to get your BMI under 30 to be offered Clomid. Does it seem at all achievable by your appointment date?

I went and caught up with two women I hadn't seen in ages who I met through a mothers group after having my first son. They knew of my struggles for a second and so sent me a text forewarning me that they were BOTH 17ish weeks pregnant. Lucky I am now pregnant too so it didn't sting as much, but I was surprised that I still got myself quite in a tether about it. One is about to turn 41 in Feb and the other is 40 too! I read all these stories how your fertility goes downhill from 35 to 40 and when one told me last time that she was trying for a second at 40, I thought at last I would know someone who understood infertility as I thought she had no chance. Yet they both conceive naturally while I struggled from age 35 to 38 and had to go through four years of torture and 11 IVF attempts and go broke to complete my family! Sorry, I know that has no application to your journey; I think I just needed to vent to someone who understands.

Thanks Shellster. I do eat lots of protein and fruit/ veg, with low carbs as part of Slimming World. I'm initially losing weight to encourage ovulation naturally and to enable me to have Clomid if I still need it. However, I'm aware that there are guidelines too for other fertility procedures should I need them, such as IVF, so think it's best to lose as much as I can now in case so I'm in the best position and don't have to wait any longer (hopefully!) I think I'm only so motivated this time as I know I won't get any help otherwise and as it's clearly not happening naturally, I need to do this so I have the best possible chance of getting pregnant.

I've only told close friends and some family about the PCOS, and most people don't understand it, and do say it'll happen when it happens. Think they just need more information, then they'd see that that totally isn't how it works! Also had a friend tell me ages ago that I needed to have more sex, as if that was the problem!Haha! I think it's just ignorance/ lack of knowledge and understanding. Quite a few people don't seem to know what actually has to take place in the body in order to get pregnant, which astonishes me.

I want the appointment to arrive, but am also not willing the time away, as I'm trying to lose as much as possible before it. If I haven't got my BMI down enough, I'm scared she'll say come back in 4 months, which they have done once before. I can only do the best I can though and keep going if it's not enough by November. I have been a little confused this cycle, as I started temping using FF which says I ovulated this cycle. I'm not sure whether to trust this, but even if I do, I still had my period, so I'm just hoping there isn't yet another issue that I'm not aware of yet.

Congratulations on your BFP by the way

Glad to hear the weight loss is going well. Because I was doing IVF, studies showed a high protein low carb diet gave significantly higher success rates. So while I wasn't dieting to lose weight, I was trying to stick to a strict diet too which consisted of protein shake for breaky, tin of tuna and salad for lunch and fish and veg for dinner, with high protein snacks like nuts in between. It was so hard, especially after an IVF failure and it made me feel like whats the point, so I'd eat junk or drink alcohol because I was so depressed, and then I'd feel even more depressed because I felt like I was also ruining my chance of it working next time. So I take my hat off too you for being able to eat healthy and lose weight under difficult stressful circumstances.

Interesting that you get the 'forget and it will happen comment too MrsC... no amount of forgetting is going to make your PCOS go away!!!! I think they just don't know what else to say and they feel they have to come up with a reply, but that is the worst reply ever!

Hope your appointment in November comes around quick and I really hope it's a case of just getting you to ovulate and then it will happen quickly. 2.5 years is long enough!

I've heard that phrase thousands of times myself too Shellster, so frustrating! I've been seeing a consultant at the hospital for over a year now and have my next appointment in the first week of November. I'm losing weight in order to be able to try Clomid, as BMI needs to be under 30 to have it and mine is over It's going well though so they're also hoping the weight loss will help me ovulate on my own in the meantime. I wish! Would love to have just gotten pregnant without explaining all about my sex life to strangers at the hospital/ doctors etc!! However at this point I'd happily tell anyone if it'd help. You just never think it'll be so difficult. I didn't find out about my PCOS until TTC.

Oh MrsFoster, I completely get where you are at and how depressing it is. We too suffered secondary infertility. I conceived my son within a year of trying and after a year of no success in trying for a second, I sought medical help. At first everything came back fine with my husbands sperm being reported as only slightly abnormal and after many more months of frustration, a Dr recommended doing the sperm test at a specialist andrology lab rather than a regular lab and the sperm result came back as a whopping 98% abnormal. I guess we just got lucky with our son as it took four years in total before I finally conceived on my 11th IVF cycle in July this year, with not a hint of a BFP despite trying naturally every cycle we were not doing IVF.

It's exactly as you say MrsC, that it is difficult to talk about to people we know as they just think we are crazy and many times I received the frustrating comment 'when you forget, it will happen'. I completely agree with you that it's much better to vent on here to others who understand rather than having to bottle it up.

Have either of you sought medical help? Personally, I think that helped keep me (slightly!) sane, knowing I had an upcoming medical appointment to take the next step rather than month after month of failure. I feel for everyone going through this. It's a tough journey.

Hi there,

I too am up late browsing for support and came across your message. I have been ttc 1 for 2.5 years with no pregnancy at all and I have PCOS, so whilst we don't have the exact same issues, I can empathise with you. Especially on beating yourself up about it, as everything is fine with my husband so I feel like it's my fault :( It's forever on my mind, more so than I admit to anyone as they'd think I was crazy and obsessed! lol So I did some searching and found a thread on here with a lot of ladies in my situation (PCOS) and can vent whenever I need to. It helps so much as you know it's not just you and it's not as easy as everyone makes out- it's ok to need to talk about it and not bottle it up all the time!

I know you said you have been trying for 2 years for your second child. Have any tests been done/ are you having a regular cycle? I'm not an expert but I'll try my best to help and can offer support if nothing else xx