Struggling to concieve....

You shouldn't at all. It's funny, I'm always happy to hear of a lady falling pg on here. It's much worse when it's someone I know in RL, such as my cousin and a work colleague who've both just announced their pregnancies (naturally, first time trying!)

I'm happy that his SA is normal too, as it will help as you say. Haven't been on here for a while, so it's only 2 weeks tomorrow til our appointment! Weight loss has slowed down now I'm smaller but just going to keep going, especially as hospital thought losing weight would make me ov but this cycle has been anovulatory. It just confirms that I'll likely need help no matter how much weight I lose, so it's all about losing enough to get the Clomid to start with.

Glad you find it useful hearing my story. I know I found other pregnancies really difficult to cope with when I was struggling, and a part of me now feels guilty being that pregnant woman in your face.

I can understand you feeling guilty that it's your fault for DH and you not having the family you want, although I am sure your DH doesn't feel that way and just sees your pain and feels badly for you. Trying to put a positive spin on it, I guess the positive side of him having two normal SA's is that it ups your odds of you being one of the lucky ones that Clomid works for.

Well, you're two weeks down and four more weeks to go until your appointment. You are doing absolutely amazing to be so determined and stick to your healthy eating for so long. I guess it's good your next appointment will be mid December when you will be prescribed Clomid and just have to wait until the new year for your period - at least knowing that you are going to start Clomid with your next cycle will help you stay healthy over Christmas with all the decadent food that will probably surround you!

I like doing the OPK's and temping too (I also use FF) as it feels like I'm doing something productive. Although of course I wish I didn't even have to think about it all, but I am where I am. It's the lead up to ovulation that's really long for me, I'm CD24 today and ov on CD 31 last cycle. The lp after ov is on the shorter side.

I find it useful to hear your story so thankyou for sharing and your advice. The focus is all on me and rightly so for this, as hubby has had 2 SA a few months apart and they are normal. My main focus is Clomid, as I need to try to see if I'm one of the lucky ones it works for. If not, I know I'll be looking at further options like IVF, and have read up a little on it, but I always tend to get ahead of myself so am trying to just concentrate on Clomid first and see how it goes. I find it crazy that it took them so long to suggest testing a SA for your hubby, it was one of the early things suggested to me, along with my bloods. It does make me feel like it's my 'fault' that we haven't had children yet as he's fine and would most likely have a few by now if he wasn't with me, but I know I'm being down thinking that way. Trying to stay positive and just get to the next step.

I used to enjoy doing the OPK's and tracking my cycle in a website called Fertility Friend - it at least felt like something practical I was doing in amongst all the waiting and worrying. So now that you know you've ovulated the last two cycles, is it the actual lead up to ovulation that is long, or after ovulation that is making your cycles longer? Whichever it is, I hope Clomid fixes it!!

FYI, I spent the first year of my infertility battle working on myself. I had the opposite problem with short cycles. Also, I'd had low milk supply with my son and so I spent the first year of my infertility battle assuming the problem was with me and trying all sorts of supplements to lengthen my cycle and increase my non existent fertile CM. It then turned out hubby had abnormal sperm to add to my low fertility and it felt like I'd wasted a year working on only me. Does the clinic have your hubby do any investiagtions, or do they mention this as a plan B for after Clomid.

In one way, I feel like you are all elated about trying Clomid and I am bringing you down implying that Clomid might not work and best to think of a plan B, but it's just that I was really annoyed that I was going back and forth to fertility specialists and it took one year for them to do a suggest a simple semen analysis instead of wasting a year of my time and emotions, so I like to share my story.

Complain away! I'm sure I'll be the same lol That's the thing, I've always had a period, it's just long. Can guess roughly based on the average of previous cycles though. Am hoping the weight loss has helped though, as signs as home through temping and opks etc show I have ovulated the last 2 cycles. I didn't temp or use opks before that so annoyingly I'll never know whether it's the weight loss that has helped or reinstated ov. Still no pg though so hooray for Clomid!

Yes, that way my theory too that I aimed not to put too much on during pregnancy, but the theory has not been put into practice! If I just ate normally prior to this, I would probably get all excited and go into extreme healthy mode for the 40 weeks, but because I spent 4 years living my life that way, it's exactly as you say that I have enjoyed easing off after 4 years of restrictiveness. Wow, 4 stone is a lot for your cousin to put on, and it must seem even more of an enormous task when also needs to lose a few extra stone she already had on before hand. But perhaps I shouldn't speak too soon... there's still 20 more weeks for my weight to increase by 4 stone.

But still, I shouldn't complain to you who is just dreaming of being in the position of being pregnant and needing to watch your weight, as opposed to me having been fortunate enough to have IVF success and now concerned about my weight. So I shall stop complaining about me and focus on you.

Right, so nearly one week down since your last appointment, and 5 more to go before you go back for review and get your Clomid! Interesting that your periods are quite regular that you are able know that one is due a week before your next appointment. Does that at least indicate something positive with your weight loss, because I thought women who didn't ovulate had periods all over the place. The fact that you have regular cycles must at least mean your body is going through a regular routine?

Nothing has been mentioned about how I'll be monitored whilst on Clomid. She'll go through all the details at the next appointment, but of course um hoping to have scans and bloods, not just bloods.

It's natural to ease off when you have been restrictive, but if you're still eating healthily a lot of the time, you're still better off than a lot of pregnant women. My DH's cousin put on 4 stone! She just ate everything and anything she wanted and is just starting to think about losing it all, plus a few stone she already needed to, 8 months after having her baby. Personally, when I'm lucky enough to be pg, I'll aim not to put much on for health reasons and to make the pg easier, but also so I don't have much to lose after. Doesn't hurt to have a few treats though!

That's so true. It feels like such a long build up to get to the point of Clomid for you/IVF cycle for me, that it is all the more gut wrenching when it doesn't work. Will you be monitored by the clinic during your Clomid cycle with bloods and / or ultrasound to see that you do actually ovulate?

Yes, it does give you a couple more weeks to get the weight off, but I can so understand wanting to get a roll on and do it one cycle earlier because every day feels like a week when you're counting down.

I on the other hand, am naughtily putting on weight. I usually weigh between 72kg when I'm being good and 74 after being naughty. They say you should put on around 14kg during pregnancy and most of that happens in the second and third trimester. Well I'm only half way at 20 weeks and I already weight 83kg. I was so restrictive during my long IVF battle that I have just enjoyed chocolate, chips and ice cream that I have deprived myself of for so long. I am still healthy most of the time, eating lots of fruit, veg, good fats like nuts and avocados, but I seem to have this evil night time eating monster that comes out after about 7pm when I just want to pick at something naughty. So I'm certain that while some of it is pregnancy weight, the rest of it is me rebelling after being so strict on myself for so long.

It is typical about AF being the week before I get Clomid, I kept bringing it up as I was keen to take it before Christmas and finally get things moving, but she wouldn't budge. It does give me a couple more weeks to get the weight off though, so I can't complain too much.

I have had a couple of depressed moments when I've thought about eating something unhealthy but I just picture a baby and the desire for that is much stronger than for a burger etc! Just hoping the Clomid will be it. Feels like I've been trying forever already and will be gutted if it doesn't work but I'll just have to wait and see, which is always the worst part isn't it.

I felt heartbroken for you when I read your first sentence and just imagined how hard it would be to be positive and hence, keep up all the hard work you've done so far when you'd waited so long for that appointment to provide you with the next step and it didn't happen.

But as I kept reading, at least there was a silver lining. You have a definite count down date until when you now know you will be taking Clomid that cycle... but typical murphy's law that your period will have arrived a week before you get the Clomid. I hope that you have a few things planned over the Christmas period to make time go a bit quicker (not that anything ever made it quicker when I was counting down to an IVF cycle!)

Glad you left the appointment feeling positive as that makes it easier to keep soldiering forward. After each of my IVF cycle failures, I was always depressed and my healthy eating went out the window. So I'm happy for you that at least she was impressed with your efforts and left you feeling like you're almost there.

I had the appointment on Wednesday. The consultant won't budge, BMI has to be 30 for treatment. There must be guidelines to follow in my area, as I know other women with much higher BMIs are given treatment. I was gutted at one point during the appointment, but there is a positive, which is that she wants me to lose one more stone, then go back in 6 weeks when she has promised to prescribe Clomid, no questions asked! She was impressed with how much weight I'd lost and I left the appointment feeling positive that I'm getting there. It does feel like progress. Bit gutted I won't be able to take the Clomid til January due to AF being due the week before i get the prescription in Dec, so will have to wait for the following AF. I'm glad I'm getting there though :)

As I read your post about it taking over your life, I just feel for you so much as I know the feeling all too well. It completely took over mine. It was all that was on my mind every minute of the day for 4 years straight, and because I turned 38 during my last IVF cycle, the last couple of years with infertility were really the worst because I had been through repeated failures and so it really seemed like IVF would not work and I was close to turning 40 and thought I would be living in that deep dark depressed state the rest of my life. So I really feel for you as I know how awful it is.

That sounds like an excellent plan to tell them not only the physical things of what has been happening (or not happening) with your cycles, but also the fact that the longer it goes on, the worse emotional effect it is having on you need treatment to help with your depression about the situation. Surely they will be understanding. You've done amazing with your weight loss and I am sure that will show them how much this means to you. I wish the people we have to deal with at the infertility clinics had been through it themselves as then they would truly understand!

To be honest, the whole thing has been depressing me. I feel like it's taken over my life. DH feels the same to an extent but seems to cope better than I do. I'm going to tell them how it's making me feel in the hope that it, along with weight loss, will make them help. Thanks for the tips re taking mind off it, I am going to take a list of questions and points I need to make so they listen x

No need to apologise - you do whatever is right for you. But I will worry that you've fallen into a black hole of depression if you do choose to disappear so you'll have to give me a heads up. But yep, I totally agree with you - not obsessing can't be done! Although if it's any reassurance, I too tried to find ways to not think about it because everyone who has no clue about infertility gives the well meaning but frustrating advice 'forget and it will happen'. But I too failed miserably and yet I still got pregnant on both of my last two IVF cycles - when the pressure of success was at an all time high because that was the last cycle I could afford. In the end, I figured that I can't forget so if I am going to think about it, I may as well be constructive and I would do practical things like come up with questions for upcoming appointments, listen to my IVF hypnotherapy CD during my cycles etc. Don't know if that is any help to you but thought I'd share.

I really hope you get what you want at your appointment. You mention that you are ovulating and yet still not getting pregnant and my first thought was 'I hope they don't refuse you the Clomid because there is no point to it if you are ovulating on your own'. But you have a different thought that you are ovulating but still not getting pregnant so you need the Clomid. Either way, the long cycles don't sound normal so surely they should do SOMETHING because that is not normal. And you've worked so hard in the lead up to this appointment. Surely they will see that and finally help to save you the agony of waiting waiting waiting!

Will be thinking of you and how you get on xox

Sorry for the slow reply, had a little break from here to try not to obsess about getting pg- can't be done it seems!! I was referred to an Endocrinologist by the Gynecology dpt I've been seeing for ttc. They checked bloods and put me on Metformin as it's supposed to increase insulin resistance, which is common in PCOS, and to lose weight as a consequence. It's also supposed to encourage ov. However, I seem to be ovulating at the moment before taking the Met, according to my temps and OPK's, just no pg yet and still really long cycles. I'm going armed with this info on Wednesday to show that even after weight loss and supposed ov, I still haven't gotten pg, so hoping this will get them to help! I'll soon find out. FX!

Do you see someone else also who has prescribed the Metformin? I've not been in your boat with non ovulating cycles so I'm not familiar with the drugs - how is this supposed to help?

You've got it spot on there again! 3 weeks today now. Just been prescribed Metformin again too to help, but as it's so close to the app, don't think this will make a difference in that time, but you never know I suppose. I'll take anything to help!!

I was feeling a bit wrong for my reason for wanting twins. I thought I should want them because I want them rather than for spite of wanting to be more special after feeling a grudge at everyone else in the family producing babies while I continued to struggle. So it's reassuring to hear you wanting twins for the same reason - though your sister in law seems to have made that difficult by producing non identical twins - and then conceiving them so easily on her honeymoon just to rub salt in the wound! Although like you say, you want two in the long run anyway and you would obviously love them and be more grateful for them every day than the average woman who falls pregnant at the drop of a hat, so you would be having twins for the right reason too!

Wow, three and a half weeks to go. I remember waiting to gear up for each IVF cycle and 3.5 weeks would seem like an eternity. On the other hand, if you are wanting to lose that bit more weight then I guess 3.5 weeks doesn't seem so long and would give you some motivation to keep going knowing your weight in 3.5 weeks is going to determine your fete.

That's exactly it for me! I want more in case I have the same struggle trying to get pg a second time (though I have heard that cycles get better after pg, as you said). Also, DH and I expected to provide our parents with grandkids first, and due to our struggles and his brothers partners both getting pg immediately, we are now going to be last! This has been and still is really difficult to come to terms with, so I think we both kinda want twins or something that will be different (though our sis in law is currently 21 weeks with non identical twins conceived naturally on honeymoon!!) so we'd need identical twins or maybe triplets for it to be any different!! Or a son, as they're all girls so far.

Don't know why it matters to me lol I'd happily take anything at this point baby wise! Keep thinking ahead but need to actually get pg first!lol Time is going fairly slowly but I don't mind so much as it gives me time to get more weight off before the app. Only 3.5 weeks to go now!

I was hoping for twins as well with my IVF. No idea why - I only every wanted two and I already have DS. I guess after it being such a struggle for a second and now knowing this was my very final time, I kinda wanted two. And I have despised everyone around me who has been having one while I struggled, so I wanted a different pregnancy from theirs and something special. But you have a much more genuine reason. I have a lady at work who wasn't ovulating and it was a big struggle to conceive her first. The second time they knew what worked at she repeated that and fell pregnant easily. So if you do only get one with Clomid, I hope for you that at least it works the first couple of tries so that you can be reassured that it will work again next time. Actually, another lady I know had PCOS and had medication for her first baby, but then the pregnancy helped get her body on track and she conceived naturally for her second. Come to think of it, my periods were all over the place before DS and since him, they have been regular. So I hope your first pregnancy does the same for you. But of course, first things first - you need to get pregnant the first time! Doesn't seem long until your appointment now - although I bet time is dragging for you!

Thanks for the kind words both of you

You put it so well there Shellster, I'm willing them to look past my age and see the bigger picture. I'm one of 3 and so is DH, so I always wanted/ expected to have 3 kids. Never expected it'd be this much of a struggle just to try for one!! If I go on Clomid, I'm kinda hoping I have twins, as at least then it's one pregnancy and I don't have to be disappointed again in another journey trying to have another!

I can totally understand it's still a matter of urgency for you MrsC. You still wanted to start a family at 25 and that hasn't happened, and you've decided that the time is right for you now (or 3 years ago)!. Also, I started trying for my first when I was 32 which didn't seem too old fertility wise. But I wasn't aware of the struggle for number two and if this last IVF didn't work as I turned 38, I would have been out of time by the time I had repaid my IVF debt and could afford another. So if you want more than one, and the second is going to be as long as this journey, that needs to be factored in too. So I totally get that it is urgent to you!! Plus, you can't take this emotional torture until you are 35!

I too found the pregnancy announcements difficult on the IVF thread I started Little. I was having IVF failure after IVF failure and then others would join the thread right as they started their IVF cycle, then 4 weeks later announce their pregnancy. Really made me feel like IVF was not going to work for me. Infertility is just torturous and if I were on that thread, I would totally understand why you needed time out so I am sure the others don't judge you. Others seem blissfully ignorant of all the stats as they easily conceive babies in their late 30's. But because we've struggled and seen specialists and done research, we know the statistics and I know this adds worry about how things will go. When do you go for your first scan Little? I read some statistic that once you see the heart beat, the m/c rate drops significantly, so hopefully that will help put your mind at ease.

Thanks MrsC2013. I know exactly what you mean I know so many people who have conceived their second fairly easily, a girl at work got pg first month of trying with her second & I'd been trying over 18 months at that point. It got to the point where I dreaded going in work & seeing her with her baby bump. TTC is one of the hardest things I've had to go through & ive had no support apart from on here.

I hope things get sorted for you very soon.

No of course it's not rude Shellster, I'm 28. I think that's partly the reason why they don't treat it with much urgency, as I've had the consultant tell me I'm still young and they would be rushing things along if I was closer to 35. As I said to her though, it's been 3 years since we started trying (2.5 years actively, due to the 6 months on the pill) so I think it's still a matter of urgency! I'm not going to be fobbed off at the appointment, I've lost 1.5 stone so far and expect to lose another stone or so by the time I see her, so she WILL take that into account! (Practising forceful talk!) Ha It's difficult as they think I'm not ov properly/ regularly due to bloods but they always take them at the wrong time so even that isn't set in stone I've never had the AMH test, presumably due to my age?

Yes OP stands for Original Poster. She has disappeared!

Congratulations Little, so lovely to hear of BFP's on threads like this. IT's strange how downright jealous and bitter I can get when family/ friends/ general population seem to get pg so easily, but I never feel that way when someone on here gets pg as I know they've experienced the struggle.

Thanks Shellster. I felt a bit guilty to be honest because I left mumsnet earlier this year as I was finding it difficult finding it difficult seeing the pregnancy announcement's difficult as I was the longest one trying on the 'struggling with number 2 thread', but I did want to give them some hope, and also see how everyone was getting on. I don't feel pregnant yet because the nausea hasn't started yet. I'm also worried because of my age. I think if you've got to 12 weeks then you should be fine but I can understand you worrying, you've been through so much.

I don't understand it either, after my blood tests came back fine I asked her what next and she said there is nothing else to test, and at my age I wasn't producing as many eggs and the quality of my eggs wasn't as good. She suggested me and OH just 'enjoy' each other but that's easier said than done when you've been TTC for so long! The other problem I've had is OH's low sex drive and sometimes we would only manage twice in the fertile window. I'm 39 now, 40 next year and the baby is due before I'm 40.

I hope things go better for you too. I was in hospital for 5 days, people who had sections didn't stay in that long.