Strapping on our lady balls and going menkul because we HATE THIS SHIT!! The Berries: a lovely bunch of 30 something Ladybros TTC #1

happy I'm so sorry
This shit stinks.

Stinks over here too. Scan this afternoon (at the private clinic as epu couldn't see me before Wednesday) showed not what we wanted to see.
Cramps have started. Looks like I've got some more pain ahead. I've called in sick for the rest of this week.
What the fuck did we do to deserve this?

Aw Happy I'm so sorry it was bfn. Gutted for you. Did you get any frosties with this round? big hug. Have you looked into doing donor eggs and have you seen anywhere in particular?

Sesame so not a particularly helpful appointed then. Hmm. Have you decided what to do? Fwiw I reckon take a list of the level 1 tests to the GP and explain you're looking to have them done before you decide whether to have treatment and if you get a good one they may well do them. I've always found the younger female Drs are quite sympathetic (stereotypical I know, but it's been true for me) and have done the additional/repeat tests I've asked for and I've usually just said we were trying to decide whether it was worth going ahead with treatment. They did mine really quickly too and printed off the results for me to collect. Big hug to you.

Barking thinking of you

Tiger I'm so pleased you've found the dress, have you sorted much else now?

Smidge how are you getting on? Have you started stimming yet?

clem best of luck for your appointment, I hope it's all great news. Fx you can move on to ivf ASAP.

Thanks everyone for the info - I've never had allergies until recently. It went away gradually and was totally gone this morning, it must be paint I think, there's nothing else different. Smidge for me I think it's age! I feel like I'm falling apart. I've been diagnosed with asthma recently too

barking thank you for your comments. I'm thinking of you. Did you manage to get an appointment at the epu? How did you get on?

beaky thank you, to you too. It's been an exhausting day. The long drive to the fc in horrid weather didn't help. And I've had that sinking feeling in my stomach too. How are you getting on? Has the rash got any better?

tiger thank you for your comments. Really glad to hear you found the dress. Nice to hear some good news on here.

happy thinking of you. Have you made a new plan to test or will you hold out till otd do you think?

clem thanks, my fc will do something resembling that list of tests you got for close to a grand. Think you did a good job getting those from your gp.

smidge at taking it on turns to be woeful! What stage are you at now? Have you started stims already? I had almost 2 weeks of lovely normal skin with my bfn, but now I'm back on dhea my horrible hormonal spots have returned.

Back from my wtf appointment. No donor eggs forced on me this time. I guess they've given up. Not much new to report this time. No way of telling why embryo didn't implant. I can do more tests if I want (eg 'level 1' immunes/mc), though they don't think it will make a difference. They don't think a hysteroscopy will make a difference. If I want iui instead of ivf they will do it. They agreed to refer me for an hsg if I want, though don't agree it's a superior test. If I want to do more ivf they will do it. They are not keen to drop the drugs dose/do minimal stims - they might make some compromise if I ask for it, but I suspect it would not be a simple process to get them to amend my protocol.

Oh beaky I hope the rash is going down. I seem to be getting little patches of eczema and scaly dry scalp at my hairline (and eyebrows ) which I never used to. Hurumph. Is it age? Immune system going into overdrive (rejecting embryo not enough..?!) or a reaction to something? Answers on a postcard please...

Oh Barking I hope you can get in to see someone asap. Hope you managed to get some sleep.

Tiger I'm thrilled you've found the dress. So good to have something tangible to look forward to.

Thanks everyone for your support and understanding. IVF impacts so many things but not being able to head home to family wasn't one I'd considered.

sesame this is a great place for woe is me posts. As long as we can all take it in turns

beaky sorry to hear you've reacted to something...not quite an allergic reaction, but I have had a horrible flare up of ezcema over the past few months (I normally don't suffer too badly), and it drives me crazy. not sure if clomid caused/exasterbated it.

barking thinking of you.

seasame I think going back onto the clomid all depends on what my ovarian reserve tests/AMH results come back like on Wed. I think I'll ask them in the meeting, whether they would advise it, in light of my results. sorry you have been feeling so down, know that we are all here, if you need to vent.

tiger glad the list seems useful...and like I think I siad in my post, just ask your GP...worst they can say is no. I think the way I phrased it, was "I was advised to get these tests done by a friend, who has had fertility issues for many years". ref. copies of my results, already have all my fertility results from the first dealings with the NHS when they put me on clomid, and I have also just requested a copy of the results from all those blood tests. they do charge £10 each time I ask for something, but I'll happily pay that, to get a copy of them.

barking thinking of you. Hoping it's nothing to worry about and keeping everything crossed.

Huge hug for you sesame. This shit is so hard, but we are here for you, and feel free to post the woe is me posts if and when you need to. Hope the appointment is useful today. I think the IUI approach sounds attractive.

beaky that rash sounds nasty. Any ideas on what has caused it? Hope it has gone down - did you get any other symptoms? I used to be a very allergic person - animals, hayfever, washing powder but I mostly grew out of them. Still struggle with cats, rabbits and horses though! How's the house coming along - when do you move in?

So sorry to hear about your uncle smidge, it must be hard being away from family at times like this, but you're right to focus on your cycle and the future. Big hug.

happy how are you feeling? Still keeping everything crossed for you.

clem thanks for the list of tests. Might see if I can wangle them out of my GP too. Worth a try. I would just make sure you get copies of your results and the specifics as being told 'normal' can mean a wealth of things. Also understanding timescales as others have said - I think I might have gone elsewhere if my FC had told me it was an 8 monthas wait.

lucie my FC had the same approach on my first cycle. Very ridged e.g scans following DR were only on Thursdays and EC only on Mon/wed/fri! Success rates were slightly above average.

I had a nice weekend - shopping for the dress and think I've found it! Back on the early train to London this morning though and would rather still be in bed. FC appointment on Thurs, will hopefully give some clues about the next cycle plans.

barking

Hugs sesame, I think you're so strong to be going through this shit on your own .
Hope the appointment tomorrow is useful.

I'm spotting. Was just when I wiped but on the pad now as well. Fucking hate this shit. Going to call gp/epu tomorrow.

Aw Sesame big big hug. This is just so hard so it's perfectly understandable to feel like you do. Keep going, that's all we can do.
Ill be thinking of you at your wtf appointment tomorrow - do you have anything in mind you want to ask them to do now? Do let us know how you get on. And well done for going for a run! Mine are few and far between but I'm hanging in there. Hugs x

barking I'm still willing on your little embryo. Keep hanging on and we'll be with you all the way up to your scan.

clem hey, glad things are moving forward. Do you think you'll go back on the clomid, or will you wait for your appt first?

happy when you are ready to test we will be here for you. Absolutely everything is crossed still.

beaky I'm sorry about the nasty rash. Perhaps if you were diy-ing and got something on your hands then rubbed your face? I'm sending you some virtual calming antihistamine vibes... I'm sure all the hard work on the house will pay off. Hope you got some chance to relax too?

I wrote a woe is me post last night but didn't stick it up. This weekend has been really hard. I've been on my own a lot and haven't really been coping. My wtf appointment at the fc is tomorrow too. But I did manage at least to go running this morning. First time out for 4 weeks. It was tough but I'm glad I went out.

*hoping, not hopping.

Hmm. I've had an allergic reaction to something tonight, all over my face, neck, arms and back. It happened last night but not as bad, wtf is going on I've never been allergic to anything until recently!

Barking, thinking of you and hopping everything is ok.

barking hope you are holding up okay, totally understand why its a head fuck...sending you a big hug. xx can I ask...when is your next checkup? would be good if its soon, in order to put your mind at rest. can't remember where you are in the UK, but in the Midlands, there is a fertility clinic that offers "dating and reassurance" scans from 6 weeks (sorry if you are aware of this, or if its not appropriate for you. it was one of the ones I met at the fertility exhibition we went too in Oct, and they talked to us about this (I didn't even know that service existed) just thought I'd mention, in case you weren't aware. xx

barking/seasame thanks for your advice, ref. my opp.

beaky the appointment is just to go through the ORT and SA tests we had recently (although we have asked the GP to refer us to this fertility clinic for out funded NHS try, as they take NHS patients too (apparently this will hopefully speed things up, once the referral goes from the GP (not hopeful it will happen this year tho). app is on wed next week, thanks for the advice on what to ask them. x

happy good on you for holding off on testing

hi to everyone else. [waves]

Sending strength for another week then Happy .

Beaky thanks. I slept better last night than I have done for 2 weeks, and I woke up without feeling nauseous. Feels like my symptoms have vanished overnight. I'm 6w today by dates and that's when the other two stopped growing. It's a total head fuck.

Sesame sorry, I missed your post earlier! Yeah I will go with Gennet if I need to they have said they can do the hysteroscopy and a scratch at the same time if I want. I can't afford to do the hysteroscopy before my NHS round unfortunately. They've asked for more info on my allergies and suggested some other immunes testing and also karyotyping (sp?!) I can't remember the others but I can send you the list if you like? I want to try and get those done before The NHS round if poss. I know what you mean about getting on with things, I really feel extra pressure as my or is so low.

Happy big hug for you. Still willing your little embie on and I really hope you get a bfp. I don't blame you for waiting though.

Smidge I'm so sorry to hear about your uncle, massive hug. I don't think they would expect you fly back and I certainly wouldn't expect anyone in my family to do that. If it's a little hour or so type flight fine, but that's all. Plus you're in the middle of cycle which is a priority. Everything crossed for you on that front.

Barking I'm thinking of you regularly and really really hoping everything is working out. I bet your house looks immaculate! And what a happy coincidence that you've recently painted in some rooms too!

clem is this appointment for ivf or just to go through your results? Make sure they fully explain what the results mean and how these things can impact (if there's anything that comes up) on ttc and what you can do to help yourselves etc (again if anything). When is it? Best of berry luck!

I am covered in paint and sick of DIY!! Can't wait to get home to a bath.

lucie I think coasting could have a small impact on success rates tho these clinics still look generally ok on the hfea stats. And it is still really common. My fc say they offer a 7d service, but tbh I've still never heard of them actually doing an ec at the weekend, cos of the way they time cycle starts and they flat refuse to do scans and bloods then either - which means you pretty much can't do a natural period start for an antagonist cycle as they won't baseline scan you at weekends. Glad you liked the posts. There is a nearer place that could do an hsg, but it's 300 more and I suspect they would also make me pay for a consultation first.

beaky thanks for your comments. Yes, maybe I could try to get some things on nhs, at a minimum some of the basic tests. I just didn't want to fess up to my gp and I would just rather get on with things on my own. And because of my age I'm not keen on waiting for anything. I did also wonder though about lying about period pain etc if that might get me a referral for an hsg/hysteroscopy, or even inventing another mc for rmc referral. Also I will need all my viral bloods renewed soon and it would be nice to at least try and get those for free. But I don't know, I'm just not keen involve anyone else in my own choices.

I get what you're saying about iui, it was nice to know with ivf that I definitely had an embie in there, willing it to grow.

So do you think you will definitely cycle with gennet if your final nhs doesn't work? What tests did they recommend? And will you do any of these prior to your nhs round?

clem I agree about asking if they open at weekends, if they recommend doing any more tests prior to treatment. If they think next step is ivf. What are their success rates based on your diagnosis, age and amh etc. Anything you can do to prepare yourselves for treatment.

smidge thanks for your advice. I'm really sorry about your uncle. I was also sad to miss my uncle's funeral last year, but I phoned and sent a card and I did make his memorial. You will be able to pay your respects in your own way.

barking hope you got some great pics and your house will be snapped up on schedule. Everything still crossed for you.

barking thanks.

smidge so sorry to hear of your loss, sending my condolences to you and your entire family. this sort of thing is such a shock to the system, hope you are holding up okay. and try not to feel like you are letting people down...I'm sure they don't feel like that. xx

Smidge I'm so sorry, what an awful shock. DH's uncle died suddenly this year as well, fit as a fiddle then suddenly gone, also in his 60s. Really gives you a jolt. And I'm sorry you can't be at the funeral either

clem apart from the obvious questions about their preferred protocol and treatments I'd be asking about timescales so you can manage your expectations. Will they give you clomid first? Iui? Straight to ivf? What is the waiting list like? Do they open at weekends for scans /ec/et?
I'm an impatient control freak though. If someone had told me it would be 2 years from my first fc appointment to starting ivf I might have burst into tears on the spot!

Well. We've been emptying, hiding shit and cleaning since 6.30am and I think we're done. As much as we can. Photographer is due in 15 mins. Let's get this house on the market...

Sesame I liked the sound of the chap at the last place. He seemed to talk sense, even if these weren't his areas of expertise... Sometimes logic is all you need though. I mean, if you're only getting one egg when stimulated, and blood tests show you ovulate naturally yourself, then (assuming tubes are clear) IUI sounds a very sensible option to me.

Happy good luck for testing on Sunday (surely you won't be able to wait til the following Saturday!)

I've started my stimms today. Apparently my blood tests yesterday showed my prog and oestrogen were both very flat so they were surprised AF hadn't already appeared, and AliG got me to start stimms as soon as AF showed up. So Day 1 is truly Day 1 for once (usually I've not started stabbing til day 2 or 3 before so this felt a bit odd!)

Next blood and dildo booked in for Friday.

I hope everyone is having a good weekend. Unfortunately I had some really sad news from home - my uncle died, just like that. It was a real shock and I'm still not really believing it (until I have to tell someone then I fall to pieces). He was only 67, a heart attack. So sad, he was the loveliest man - a real gentleman, always so positive, caring and a great story teller. He loved his family so much too and was so proud of them. I hate being away from home . I won't even be able to fly back for the funeral as I'm in the midst of the IVF. My mother said that my uncle would have told me the idea of flying back for a funeral would be utter nonsense and he'd much rather MrSmidge and I work on the future with the IVF. She's right of course. But I feel as though I'm letting the rest of the family down by not coming back to support them.

morning everyone, how are your weekends going? I've got a nice quiet one planned, sure it won't pan out like that tho...

so we have our follow up consultation with the fc next week, to talk through my ovarian reserve test results and my dh sperm analysis.

can anyone advise any particular questions we should be asking, when we talk to them?

I'm sure they will offer up a lot of what we need to know, but it would be good to go in there armed with some questions, so we can make sure we don't miss anything.