Strapping on our lady balls and going menkul because we HATE THIS SHIT!! The Berries: a lovely bunch of 30 something Ladybros TTC #1

rain what shitty news, I'm so sorry. sending you a big hug. xx

Really hoping the rest of our lovely PUPO ladies have more luck, still enough of you for a cluster! beaky any blood is stressful but like spare said, the timing is pretty perfect for implantation. Keeping everything crossed for you!!!

smidge fuck that stupid woman. Why does the medical profession always seem to attract admin people with power complexes?

Have taken a duvet day, DH couldn't get out of work but has been given the tasks of booking sone time off so we can plan a holiday and bringing me home a nice bottle of wine.
I'm reading through Agate's guide to learning from failed IVF and putting together things to talk to the fc about.
I feel like I probably wasn't stimmed aggressively enough, eggs collected v follies present and the fragmentation we had both tie in with that. Or, I have shitty defective eggs, but I'm going to go with the former for now. Anyone got any advice for me on what to be asking for protocol wise next time given our experience this time with LP? You lot are generally more informed than Dr Google!!

Ah no Rain, so sorry lovely massive hug your way.

Thanks Tiger I really don't know what to make of it.

Smidge make a complaint about her! She must be the cause of upset for so many women at that clinic. They really need to look at a better way of doing things.

Oh no! I'm so so sorry rain!

So sorry rain. I really hate this shit. Look after yourself and do what you need to help you through this.

beaky I hope it's nothing to worry about - spotting seems to happen with bfps as much as any other scenario - I'm cheerleading away madly for you in this corner.

smidge that secretary sounds bloody annoying. It's all so bloody frustrating. Gerr on your behalf. But yay to coming back to England!

Friday, at least. Can't wait to get home!

So so sorry rain xxx

Rain I'm so sorry. It is just too unfair and shitty

BFN . Hate this shit

Touch-screen! Not tough screen

Gosh everyone I've not been a very up to date berry and have just read this weeks posts in a state of anxiety, there is so much going on with everyone. So sorry for the bfn kerrie but as the others said, I'm glad your dh opened up to you. An alternative plan definitely helps pull you out of the doldrums. I don't know much about donors, except the success rates tend to be better, so if you're both open to the idea then it's definitely worth investigating.

PUPO ladies I'm on the edge of my seat and have everything crossed for Otd.

Loving the embryo welcome and implantation cd! (There I am again, referring to old technology. Whoever asked about the getting a video out thing - it was actually a DVD, but I suspect that's still a bit old hat these days! There are machines in all the supermarkets where you can use tough screen see that's modern to choose a DVD and pay $3.50 to rent it for a night. It pops out like a vending machine)

I'm still grumpy and short tempered. I think I should get a better job. This current contracting is annoying in that they don't respect the days I'm supposed to be working/not and I'm not getting enough work to warrant sitting around waiting for emails etc. And it's lonely. I'd rather be in an office. Of course that means updating my cv and when I looked at it yesterday I got fed up coz I feel as if I've completely ruined my career over the past 4 years. I had such a good job back in England not still bitter at having to give it up to snare MrSmidge at all, honest and ever since then it's been crappy work, big gaps (waiting for visa/hoping to get pregnant/doing IVF etc) and now we're due to head back to England in March (yippee!) so I won't be able to get anything good between now and then.

Bah humbug. Like we don't all know I just want a baby dammit and I HATE THIS SHIT.

Oh, AND stupid annoying secretary is really pissing me off again. . I emailed on Monday to ask her to ask AliG to call me to confirm on protocol. Tuesday I went in to remind her. Thursday I called by phone again. Still nowhere. She hasn't even asked AliG yet coz she hasn't had time to sit with her and go through all her 'hundreds' of emails etc. Grrr. I said I was concerned as i don't want it to delay my cycle start - does she not understand that IVF women are on a deadline with menstrual cycles being key???

Fuckity fuckity bollocks.

Tmi alert! Well there's some more red blood again, it's not enough to need to use anything but it is definitely there and bright red. I don't know whether to ring the clinic tomorrow or not. I've got a few pains too. Sesame it's definitely more than a few specks, thanks though, and I suppose you never know.

Lol Tiger I felt bad enough when it was only dh who heard! Hope you're doing ok. Friday tomorrow!

Rain my pompoms are on the go and I'm crossing everything.

Aw, masses of love to you all today ladybros.

Good luck tomorrow rain, have been thinking of you loads.

Big squeezey hugs for beaky and spare. Hang in there ladies. You too minx. Enjoy the opera!!

beaky I hope it's implantation bleeding. I'm keeping everything crossed.

spare the last week of my 2ww was like that. Horrible vivid dreams. I hope it's a sign that something good is happening!

So sorry your cycle was cancelled sesame. It's hard to remain optimistic sometimes. You do have time to think through your next steps, try not to put yourself under too much pressure. Hope you're holding up ok.

I loved the image of you getting in the car and 'all your embryos being on board' beaky! Hysterical! I once accidentally pulled my headphones out on a packed train when I was listening to a fertility track and it blared out. The shame!

kerrie hope you're doing ok. No experience of donor sperm but sounds like progress after the talk with dh.

Naff all to report here and on phone so struggling to do comprehensive update. Just tired and a bit lackluster at the mo.

Hang on in there beaky! It could be implantation. When I got my bfp I had a few specks of something when I wiped and that was around 10/11dpo. Have all my fingers and toes crossed for you.

minx I think all those things can be pregnsncy symptoms....

Good luck for tomorrow rain! Will be waiting for your news.

Sesame, sorry your follicle disappeared, that is rubbish! Hope they can tweak your protocol next time for a better outcome.

Hi to everyone else and good luck to all the other PUPO ladies!

I would love for it to be but I feel very af like. It would be really early for af and I'm on bloody loads of progesterone. It's died off again now but is still lingering

Are you ok Rain? I'm thinking of you for tomorrow, very best of berry luck for pimping, I'll be checking in with everything crossed.

Beaky, that smacks on implantation spotting to me!
How are you feeling?

Hello ladybros.

Spare have a little hand to hold, this is so hard but I'm keeping my fingers crossed.

Hope everyone else is ok today.

Rain how are you feeling?

Minx I bet neck ache is a sign

I've had some spotting this morning and again there this afternoon. This is so shit. I so hope it's not early af.

rain and other Pupo berries, hang on in there. A big day for you tomorrow rain. Will be thinking of you this evening, hope you get some sleep.

I'm getting really nervous for the rest of the PUPO berries now.

Rain, really hoping you don't get to go on that nice holiday in Mexico, how's it going? Do you pimp tomorrow or go in for a blood test?

spare sorry about all the vivid dreams keeping you awake. The 2ww is just so anxiety ridden. That sounds really knackering. Just a few more days left now though and I totally have my fingers crossed for you.

beaky Loved the car radio welcoming the embryos on board! If you're obsessing a bit about when to test, have you seen the hcg doubling calculator? It gives you an idea about when you might see your bfp, depending on which day your embies might have implanted.

minx how about you, how are you feeling? Do you have any symptoms?

barking how's it going with the testing? Do you have to go back to the fc? When do you get the results?

kuma glad you have a plan for getting diffed while dh is away. Can I ask you a question about natural cycle? I'm still actively thinking about this as an option. Did you do this totally without drugs, or were there some drugs to regulate your cycle? I'm worried about the ovulating early thing, do they do anything to stop this from happening?

happy when is your antagonist protocol due to start? Have they given you info about your protocol, or do you wait for baseline scan? Do you know if they start you on a natural cycle or put you on bc first?

Kerrie if you're thinking donor as an option, you might want to look at the donor conception network. There are some really good resources there and I think some case studies that make a good read. I think for IUI at your age, the success rates per cycle would probably be good and you might have the opportunity to do a natural cycle, so drug free. There would still be the same anxiety over the 2ww (as for IVF) and there may still be a risk of mc. Will you have a follow up at the clinic after your failed FET? Perhaps you could ask about it then?

I'm feeling ok right now after the shock of yesterday. I'm just a bit worn down and also a little uncomfortable after the hcg trigger shot. Like rain, I just want a baby dammit! I don't want any of this other shit. And I really hoped I would be much further forward. All the positivity I previously had around 'getting pregnant' before, and that it 'just needs to stick' next time, is starting to drain. There are so many options and next steps to think through and I'm feeling the time pressure once again. I will probably post more about this for some wise berry advice.

seasame/barking/beaky thanks for the advice on supplements, really appreciated. will be ordering some later on today.

seasame so sorry your cycle was cancelled with the fc...hope you are okay.

kerrie so sorry to hear about your bfn, hope you are holding up okay (sounds good that you and your dh were able to talk some of this through.

PUPO ladies thinking about you all...hope the symptom spotting isn't driving you totally insane.

beaky your "welcome to implantation" and "so now your embryos are on board" comments, made me laugh out loud at work...got some very strange looks, as office was silent

minx my house isn't quite "magazine ready", but I am very proud of it (esp. as I decorated a lot of it, before I started studying interior design...and turns out I got a lot of it right naturally). hoping to move house soon, as need a new project to get my teeth into.

Hello spare, I was exactly the same. I didn't even sleep well last night mainly due to really bad cramps. Hang in there I have everything crossed for you all something good has to happen. my dh and I had a tearful chat yesterday and he actually opened up to me, he does really still want a baby he just don't want me getting bad again. So we decided together to try something different. Anyone had iui with diner sperm?

Berries, I'm bloody exhausted
I haven't had a proper nights sleep since transfer day, because I've alternated waking up and trying to feel for any twinges, or gone to sleep and had really vivid dreams about testing, getting a bfp, getting a bfn, going for a scan, knowing I'm pregnant, knowing I'm not pregnant, telling DH I'm pregnant, telling DH I'm not pregnant.

I think I'm going to have to go for a nap later on..!

How is everyone else?

Sorry it was bad news sesame and kerrie

To all the PUPOs, hang in there, it's tough but it's time for another cluster diff.

barking, I'm totally up for a second cluster diff although mine won't be a ironidiff whilst DH is overseas. Still we have a plan now, new consultant has agreed that we freeze a sample and go ahead next cycle.

Right, iPad is barely working so I'm off.