I'll try to keep this as simple as possible but need some advice!
Potted history:
Ectopic 18 yrs ago at uni that nearly finished me off & R tube removed. On pill from then on.
Fast forward to Feb 2011, 34 yrs old, came off pill and started TTC.
Never had a single bfp.
Investigations through 2012 showed FSH 12 AMH 4.2, diagnosed diminished ovarian reserve. No male issue [plus he has 2 kids from previous relationship]
Autumn 2012 long IVF cancelled due to poor response [1 follicle]
Feb 2013 short IVF failed after all 3 embryos retrieved fertilised abnormally.
June 2013 Clomid failed, following month IUI failed.
Tried a cocktail of supplements & hormones until Jan 2014 when I started new job and refocused attention.
Over last 18 months AF is consistent only in its erraticness,
I spend most of my time bloated and pmt'y, and the bleed when it comes is horrendously heavy 
and the pain/nausea takes me back to when I first started my periods, this month I was physically laid up for a day
I feel like the only way to end it is to go back on the pill but at 38 I still feel too young to give up altogether, which is what that means. Plus we just got married, I am still holding out for a miracle I think.
Help! Basically give me a reason it will be worth feeling so shit for most of the month 
Or tell me to stfu and just go back on the pill lol x