TTC after MC (#7) - fx for better times ahead

emu thank you for taking the time to write that, it does bring me some comfort knowing that it's normal to feel how I'm feeling....sorry to hear you have similar days, I guess we all do....its so hard to be able to function on those days isn't it? Thing is, I'm like that every day, and can't see myself feeling positive about life again unless I'm pregnant! We've got a 2 weeks holiday in Corfu coming up in September, dh really excited, all I can think about is that I should have been 15 weeks pg by then, and won't get to wear any of the maternity clothes I bought specifically for the holiday, not looking forward to it at all tbh....
I hope you have lots of support, and are managing to keep more positive than I am?
See if I tell dh how low I 'really' feel (although I'm sure he knows) he may say I'm not ready to try again yet, and that it's not a good idea, but any extra time added to not being pg is only going to drag me down further?! God knows how id feel if we lost a 3rd baby, I think that would be the straw that broke my back mentally....
With the glandular fever, my blood tests showed critical high levels of white blood cells as my body was trying to fight the infection (that was the week of mc no.2)
I often wonder if the mc wouldn't have happened if I hadn't fallen so ill? So perhaps my next pregnancy will be fine, and there is nothing medically stopping us from having dc's...this is the way I'm trying my best to see it anyways!

With regards to treating myself, I wouldn't know where to start tbh, I enjoy just being outside, and love the woods...perhaps just force myself to have more nice walks outdoors?

Do you have any dc's yet? How many mc's have you had if you don't mind me asking, what type of mc's? Xxx

Ah paws I really feel for you and can't imagine how tough it is going through two in a row AND illness. I guess you can only take it one day at a time. Good for you for having interests but don't blame yourself if you can't face doing things. Maybe try to find things that are more of a treat to you at the moment rather than keeping busy. I've had acupuncture and it's been a godsend in terms of having someone to talk to who has treated a lot of woman with fertility issues. She said sometimes it's just a matter of getting outside, breathing in the air and trying to centre yourself. I'm not spiritual but I've gone from rushing around trying to occupy myself to taking it easier more generally and think it has helped.

I do still have bad days and can totally relate to how u feel about days turning to months. I was saying to my husband today that I hate even organising social things now as don't know how I'll feel and can't always cope with pretending everything is great when actually I'm mentally running through what cycle day I'm on, whether I need to dtd or have I got symptoms.

I guess I'm just trying to say be kind to yourself, take time to grieve, and heal xxxx

Thank you all for your kind replies...i understand I just have to be patient, its just crushing having two mc's in a row, you get your second bfp and tell yourself 'this is it' (as the statistics say it is) Then you lose a second baby, bam! Headfuck...been so depressed lately, after the glandular fever in hospital along with mc no.2, I can't even drag myself out of bed most days, just get up, test, stare so hard willing a line to appear (so hard I think I am imagining them)

Will this get better with time? How do I take my mind off everything, I have so much to be doing, nvq3 in health and social care, my photography, decorating etc...but just don't want to do anything. Life just seems in hold till I'm pregnant again, every day seems to last weeks, I'm always counting down the days to something and doing math in my head (which I'm sure all of you can relate to)

Sorry for the 'me' post...i just can't see any light at the end of the tunnel at the moment x

Sorry paws I have both red and brown spotting. I will keep my fingers crossed for you anyway, some people don't get their BFPs until after 1 week late but I don't want to get your hopes up too much as I know how they can come crashing down very hard xxx

Hope you're OK paws. I did get something similar the cycle I got pregnant but have also had it on cycles since and not been pregnant. Serious head fuck. Not what you need right now

Thank you mummy...was the spotting you had brown in wtf cycle at all? Was red yesterday, now brown today...
Upon further reading, spotting brown before/after first AF post mc, is quite common, so given the fact I'm getting stark white bfn's day after day...im gonna say I'm out this month, feel so stupid to have gotten my hopes up xxx

Sorry paws I have no idea. I haven't had implantation bleeding either time. However on my wtf cycle I did spot and bleed on and off randomly. I hope for you this is late implantation x

Welcome back penguin, hope the time away done you a world of good x

12dpo today, still not even a whisper of a line...brown spotting this morning now! Surely red to brown is a good sign as opposed to, brown to red?
Just wish I knew one way or the other, the suspense is killing me!
Again, sorry for the pic x

Hi.

Me again. Sorry I went a bit quiet. I posted at first and kept up then I ust felt the need to hide away.

af arrived at the weekend so I now feel like I can look to the future now and start ttc rather than being in limbo if that makes sense!

Sorry I have no idea on implantation bleeding so can't help there.

For everyone thata joined since I last posted ages ago sorry for your losses. I just needed that mental hide away time!

Right,....please excuse me if you guys think I'm being crude in posting this pic, but I have google searched, and there doesn't seem to be many pictures of implantation bleeding, and I think it would be useful to be able to relate to some!

Had this yesterday evening, nothing all day, now again this evening....could be just AF on way for all I know (probably is)
But thought id post anyhoos...11dpo today, bfn still, cramping a lot, very hot and headachy all of a sudden....
Either I'm pregnant and am having strong implantation, or this I just the start of what will be a very painful wtf cycle period....
Its orange like colored, with streaks of bright red, and has blobs of snot green tacky cm!

Sorry to gross you guys out

Thanks for the info raluca x

Paws I was having a BAD diarrhoea! I called 111 when I saw blood and they said not to worry as long as I don't bleed heavily.
It was strange but with both my mc I had bad diarrhoea and with ds was the exact opposite

Welcome hope..sorry for your loss.

carrot hope both you and your mum are ok.

carrot sorry to hear that, hope you're feeling ok and that your mum is home asap xx

11dpo bfn.....keep expecting to see blood when go to the loo...only spotting yesterday?! Still, this is a wtf cycle after all!

Could swear I'm pg though...

Thanks both. I had a negative test a week after the mc and the ewcm two days after that. I'm guessing AF is due on or around Friday based on what you've said.

Hope your mum is ok Carrot. That must have been really scary.

Meant 10dpo today, not cd10! ....sorry

Welcome hope...sorry for your loss
Have you taken a pregnancy test and got your first bfn yet? Your body will try and start a new cycle once your hcg from pregnancy/mc has gone, you will not ovulate or have af until hgc has completely gone as your body still thinks it's pg... However if you have had a neg pg test before that 10day mark when you had the ewcm, you 'may' have ovulated!
I had neg test as quickly as the day after mc, and ovulated on cd16, in my tww now, cd10 today but bfn ...grrrr!
So many pg symptoms but as I'm sure you know, progesterone that occurs in pregnant 'and' non-pregnant cycles is responsible for those symptoms wether you're pg or not
Time will tell I spose... Good luck with wtf cycle, hope it goes smoothly for you x

Hi, Could I join you please?

I had a mc at just under 6 weeks 3.5 weeks ago. It would have been our DC2.

About 10 days after the MC I had lots of ewcm so could have ovulated then.

I'm wondering at the moment when I'm likely to get AF? My cycles were always 27-28 days so would be due this week under normal circumstances (if the mc had been AF, if that makes sense?).

We have been dtd a bit over the past couple of weeks but don't want to torture myself that I might be pg when it's probably just a weird cycle.

Any advice would be much appreciated .

raluca did you have it in early pregnancy? And without going into too much detail, was it soft or hard? X

feather thanks, have become a bit of a google-holic! I have been constipated last few days, making sure I drink two liters of mineral water, and taking movical sachets (pg safe laxatives) x

Poor you Paws ! Could it be constipation, as others have said?

I know how hard it it counting down the days until AF is due/testing, but is there anything at all you can distract yourself with until then? Anything that will take your mind off it for a couple of hours each day? Happy to recommend books and also pintrest to pass the time.

You can get blood from bum in diarrhoea also when pg. I had it.

Thanks fruit, constipation in early pregnancy can cause fissures apparently...fc I just have another wonderfully annoying symptom! x