ttc #1 support during the waiting game and friends needed on same boat

Hello everyone. I hope you're all ok .

Pallas - I'm good thanks. Looking forward to getting back in the TTC game in a few weeks. Tbh, it's been quite nice having an enforced month off TTC as I've been able to relax a bit and not focus on every tiny symptom. How are you getting on? How is DP? I hope he's starting to get back on his feet and feels up to some TTC-action soon!

Babycakes - Your long ramble is definitely appreciated, ha ha. Thank you so much. I know what you say is true. The situation has become ridiculous. Unfortunately because I am very junior I have no control over the hours I work. Also, there is a bad "long hours culture" where I work so everyone is pulling those sorts of hours. It definitely sucks for TTC purposes (not to mention my general life and happiness, ha ha!). What's frustrating is I worked my arse off so that I would be in a "good job" so that I could provide for my family. I also hoped that by working this hard now, I'd be able to relax a bit once pregnant and with young kids as I would have "proved myself". I never ever thought it would take this long to get pregnant, and I obviously can't say to my colleagues "I need a quiet week this week as it's my fertile window"! I think what you say about exercise and diet is a MASSIVE factor. Over the last year+ I've been really bad at eating sugar and processed foods. The hours mean that I have many weeks where I eat every single meal at my desk, and if you're eating dinner at 2am the last thing you feel like eating is a salad! Ha ha. I definitely think we should bring in your suggested TTC-leave . How are you getting on with everything? Are you managing to stay positive about everything?

CinderToffee - ha ha, you're just like me. I am super organised and have a plan for everything. I am the last person to just "go with the flow". Just think - when we actually are mummies we'll be super organised and on top of everything! As for the EWCM, I wouldn't worry too much. I hardly ever get anything (I'm actually not even sure what I think may be EWCM IS actually EWCM). If I ever do get anything it seems to be in the days before my period. Give temping a whirl as it can show you quite a lot. For example, I found out that I ovulate later than I thought. I'd get a positive OPK and assume ovulation would take place 12-36 hours later, but the temps suggested it was more like 48-72 hours later!! It does take some time to get used to, as you need to do it as soon as you wake up, so it takes a while to get into the habit.

LL2015 - thanks as well for the advice. I think that the eating at the dinner table would make a massive difference, even if it's just a few times a week. I can also see why the walk home helps clear your head! I often pop out for 20 mins at lunch and put my iPod on, just so I'm switching off and getting some fresh air. It sounds like you're also in a stressful job. How are you getting on? Managing to stay relatively sane with all this TTC nonsense? .

Finally...welcome to Bananafish and Funnybeanz! Good to see some newbies . To echo what Babycakes said, it can be very hard to be happy for other people sometimes. It sounds awful, but when you have disappointment after disappointment every month...then people come along who "weren't even trying", it can be so damn painful. We've had loads of friends do that and it can be hard to put the fake smile on all the time. What's worse, is that loads of them say things like "you two should totally have children" or "you've been married a few years, when will you have kids" or even "you two need to stop focussing on your careers, because one day you'll wake up and find you've left it too late". Errm thanks you dickhead, I actually can't remember the last hour when I didn't think about kids at some point.

Babycakes I have the CBFM - it unfortunately won't tell you for definite if you did ovulate - only a blood test and/or temperature charting can do that. It will tell you if your body is indicating that you're going to ovulate (although if you're pcos like me it says we shouldn't use it as we can have false positives - we can get the LH surge which OPKs detect to indicate ovulation is on its way in the next 12-36h. Except we don't always then go on to ovulate. My temperature shift confirmed for me that I definitely did! If you're not pcos you don't have to worry about this!)

The CBFM does the same as the CB dual hormone OPKs in that it detects the increased levels of oestrogen that precede the LH surge - ie your whole fertile window, not just immediately before you're about to ovulate. Your CM ought to be a sign of this too. The difference is the CBFM learns your cycles - so it will remind you to test based on when you ovulated in your previous cycles.

I ignored the instructions not to use in the first month off the pill, which is prob why I was caught on the hop....I went straight from 'Low' (not fertile) to 'Peak' (ovulation imminent!) skipping 'High' - because my oestrogen rise started immediately before my LH surge - the fact I didn't have any EWCM reflected this (which is apparently common just after coming off the pill)

So great for predicting, but wo5n't tell you for definite if you did. But ought to give you a pretty good indication!

In any case, if AF or a BFP turn up 2 weeks after your peak reading, that's pretty much confirmation!

Sorry for rambling, just chucking in my tuppence worth on the fertility monitor

Lemon - I will have to look into the dual monitor as it would be good to know for sure that I ovulated.

Oh Mermaid, I hope that AF stays away for you!!

Hey funnybeanz - 6 months isn't too long but if you do have genuine concerns, it's best to go get them checked out so that you can do something about it. Totally with you on the family issue - it is hard as you care about others but ultimately your journey is most important, especially when ttc number 1. My SIL recently announced she was pregnant. She and her partner are in no way financially secure (still living with parents etc). It may sound horrible, but for a while I found it really hard to be happy for her (I still do I guess), as we have been ttc for a little while now that we are financially secure etc and she just seemed to fall pregnant almost just expecting that everyone will rally round her. It may sound silly, but I wanted us to give our parents the first grandchild and I feel that the news just won't be as exciting now. But life goes on and I've just tried to focus on us now and stop being jealous! Easier said than done

Hi everyone

Can I join this thread, I haven't read it all but it seemed relevant to me. I'm nearly 33 years old and have been ttc for 6 months, my fiance is 31 nearly 32. I have a regular cycle of 28 days and have just started using the ovulation sticks. I'm worried because my fiance was born prematurely and I've heard it can be linked to infertility. So far I'm too scared to go to the gp. My fiance is very relaxed about it, wants children but talk about 'when' not 'if' which makes me nervous. I also haven't told anyone we are trying, people ask but I'm very non committal. Also my sister (has 2 daughters already) just got pregnant but had a miscarriage. Obviously I am upset for her but also a bit envious as she gets pregnant easily. I can't talk to my family about ttc because I feel bad for my sister but deep down I just want to get pregnant despite what happened to her.
Hoping to get some support from here and hopefully share stories. I'm brand new to this but read a few threads and they seem so friendly and supportive. :-)

Still no AF but don't think I'm PG either...can't do a test until at least Tuesday...

Cramps have stopped, no other symptoms of AF.....suspect I'll just explode out bleeding when I least expect it!

Yes babycakes I wish I could relax and see what happens but just been waiting so many years to start trying, I quite enjoy all the research and charting etc. (forgot to mention I also temp now which I find very helpful!). DTD EOD between AF and fertile window then try every day until I get a temp rise. I'd highly recommend CB dual hormone on monitor to reassure you you're ovulating! Have taken this week off work as originally thought would be fertile window but now it's in 2ww think it will make the wait even longer!

Thanks Cinder :)

Welcome Lemon! Thanks for the advice. I think my sore boobs may have been imagined as they feel fine now tbh :( although they do feel fuller. I am jealous of your cycle lengths I think you're right about OPKs - they seem to make the whole thing more stressful don't they!

I know what you mean - it always seems like you should be doing something more. HOWEVER, maybe that's where we're going wrong. People who fall pregnant by accident certainly aren't doing anything special, so maybe we need to follow them! How often are you dtd?

How is everyone else today? Anyone else dreading work tomorrow? Would much rather be at home relaxing, dtd and thinking of baby stuff. Would be great if ttc leave existed wouldn't it

Hi, may I join you? Long time lurker, feel compelled to write today as it appears I'm almost cycle buddies with you bananafish. Also babycakes I wouldn't be so sure you haven't ovulated. I find OPKs very unreliable as you can easily miss LH surge and personally my boobs always start hurting day after ovulation!

25 yrs old, TTC #1, Cycle 5, 6 DPO

Came off cerazette pill 4 months ago (having been on pill for 8 years). First AF 3 weeks later then 3 x 3 week cycles. First normal 26-27 day cycle last month possibly due to taking Agnes castus. On EPO, red clover, AC and multivitamin. DH on multivitamin. Add in another level of trying each failed month so using CB ovulation monitor now. Worked great first month, no solid smiley this month as probably didn't start early enough. OPKs only work for me if I take when I'm pretty sure will be high anyway, late in the evening.

Sick of 2wws! Wondering if there's anything else I could be doing? Might try preseed next month!

I hope you get a positive soon babycakes.

I'm not testing, so I should shut my whinging really! If I did ovulate then I must have caught the window, so I guess now it's time for the TWW. I'm going to start temping and see what that reveals over the next few cycles - I'm not keen on OPKs really - I feel like they might stress me out too much.

Thanks so much for your detailed response banana, I really appreciate it! :) I have irregular periods and have never had a scan so at the moment only 1 out of 3 symptoms. Ah yeah I remember they tested for testosterone too. Well actually...I do have a few spots (mainly on my chin) but I don't think I would call it acne?!Generally comes and goes at certain times of the month and has only happened since coming off the pill. I don't know. I guess spots at age 23 isn't normal is it?! I didn't realise there was a difference between PCOS and just polycystic ovaries either - thank you for clarifying. I think I am just going to wait to see if I get my next AF (or BFP before that FX) and then, if I'm waiting a while, I will go back to the docs again. Both my mom and sisters have/had irregular periods. They were never diagnosed with PCOS and had no problems conceiving so maybe it's just a hereditary thing. I really wish, more than anything, that I never went on the pill. I know that it it scientifically proven not to mess with your fertility, but as it's relatively new, I don't think we really know enough about the potential side effects. It really changed my personality - since coming off it I am a compeltely different person (far happier and nicer). I went on it like 12 months after starting my periods too so I feel like I never really gave my body chance to do its thing properly...if that makes sense. Plus it may have disguised a problem with my fertility. Just praying for my positive OPK soon. Day 24 today and nothing still. Ahhh starting to feel all worried now :(

Thanks babycakes! Not a prob at all to ask about pcos - Apols for waffly response!

Normally hormonal blood tests are called Day 3 bloods (although they can be done CD2-4!) but as long as it's not in the middle of a cycle if was when AF came along that's probably not far off!

The criteria for diagnosis for pcos is at least 2 out of 3 of the following (known as the Rotterdam criteria):

1. irregular or absent periods
2. Clinical or biochemical hormone imbalance ie elevated testosterone in your blood OR physical evidence of hormonal imbalance (ie acne, hirsuitism) - even if bloods are normal
3. Polycystic ovaries (PCO) visible on ultrasound scan

I had v irregular periods, acne and polycystic ovaries - so even though my bloods were normal, I had 3/3 of the criteria. But as you only need 2/3 for a diagnosis, it's possible to have PCOS without actually having Polycystic ovaries - and lots of women are PCO without having the syndrome, if that makes any sense!

PCOS is actually a metabolic condition related to how the body processes insulin - it's that which causes the hormone imbalances and it's why PCOS and being overweight often go hand in hand. The insulin resistance can make losing weight v difficult - but equally losing weight can often help regulate hormones.

Unfortunately that's not the case with me - as I'm in the smaller proportion of women who have so called 'lean' pcos - ie we don't have weight issues, and losing weight isn't advisable. My gynae actually said I needed to put on weight as being underweight was as unhealthy as being overweight (body needs minimum 22% body fat to ovulate) and so was told to get my BMI up to a minimum of 18.5.

He did say that even lean pcos women should eat a low GL diet as we still have insulin sensitivity, so chocolate is sadly only a rare treat for me nowadays!

I don't know if any of the above is of any use whatsoever? Would def be worth speaking to your gp if you have any concerns (and if any of the above sounds familiar)

Xx

Welcome banana! That's great news about you ovulating! I do hope you get your BFP this cycle or if not very soon xx Thanks for info about preseed too - I guess it's worth a try!

Can I ask you a little bit more about PCOS? If you don't mind...I do worry about having it a bit but I had blood tests which apparently indicated everything was 'normal'. I had irreulgar periods as a teen (about every 6/7 weeks maybe) then I went on the pill for 7 years. After I came off it, I had three AFs then nothing for 7 months. Then I had another last month. The thing is, my blood test was on the day my AF came!! So do you think that would have affected the results of the test? They checked my FSH and LH and can't remember what else. I'd been going through a tough time before my most recent AF so I put the long wait down to stress (my doc said I could have still been ovulating). Anyway, so sorry for the long message - just wanted some advice from someone who has a bit of knowledge and first-hand experience.

Cinder - are you testing? I guess that would be the only way to know for sure! Sorry you may have already said! I'm getting the opposite - EWCM for the past week but no positive OPK.

I might get some PreSeed next month - I don't think I've spotted any EWCM! Given the cost of the stuff, I will wait until AF comes - in the unlikely event I have got pregnant this month I'd be annoyed to have wasted the money! I've ordered a Basal Thermometer though - it wasn't very expensive and can be used as a normal thermometer as well.

I'm becoming paranoid that maybe I haven't been ovulating because I haven't seen any EWCM. Plenty of watery CM, but it never seemed to become egg whitey. I'm sure I do remember seeing some one month ages ago, but I haven't been paying super close attention and I don't think I normally get any! I usually get twingey back/side pain around the time I might expect to ovulate though, and it alternates sides every month, so I wonder if that could be ovulation pain, even though it isn't usually abdominal?

I might get some PreSeed next month - I don't think I've spotted any EWCM! Given the cost of the stuff, I will wait until AF comes - in the unlikely event I have got pregnant this month I'd be annoyed to have wasted the money! I've ordered a Basal Thermometer though - it wasn't very expensive and can be used as a normal thermometer as well.

I'm becoming paranoid that maybe I haven't been ovulating because I haven't seen any EWCM. Plenty of watery CM, but it never seemed to become egg whitey. I'm sure I do remember seeing some one month ages ago, but I haven't been paying super close attention and I don't think I normally get any! I usually get twingey back/side pain around the time I might expect to ovulate though, and it alternates sides every month, so I wonder if that could be ovulation pain, even though it isn't usually abdominal?

Oh and way to jumping in on my first proper post with a TMI post, but was just reading your posts about CM & Pre Seed. We used Pre Seed because I didn't seem to have much CM - it's not the same as arousal, er, wetness, which comes from the vagina to, er, grease the wheels for DTD. CM comes from inside the cervix and is designed to help the boys swim up through the cervix to get where they need to be. The more and slipperier the easier it is for the boys to swim through it. So the Pre-Seed goes right up where it needs to be (it comes with some REALLY alluring applicators...I told DH to stay away from the bathroom!) - that was why we used it anyway.

Orgasm is totally not going to hurt, and its benefits are pretty obvious, but I think it's been shown that it doesn't actually make any difference to conceiving or not...

There is a school of thought that the contractions help the cervix 'suck' up some of the sperm, but I think that's been discredited....but certainly can't hurt, eh what girls?

Right, well, now I've lowered the tone, can I still stay?!! Haha

Hi ladies, lovely to 'meet' you, can I join you? It's lovely to read a thread just for TTC #1, it is a very different beast to TTC when you already have at least 1 child (and know you can get - and stay - pregnant!)

I'm 33, cycle 1, TTC #1. I have PCOS and never really had proper periods - when I last came off the pill, in order to get myself checked out, I had a 9 month long anovulatory cycle. Gynae said fine to come straight off the pill and start Clomid, given we don't know if I've ever ovulated more than a few times in my life. But DH & I decided I'd come off the pill to give my body a break from one lot of hormones before chucking another lot at it, and start Clomid after the summer. Also by charting am hoping to try to tune into my body and be able to better understand if/how Clomid's making any difference.

So this is my first cycle off the pill - wasn't expecting anything at all to happen. Yet by some miracle it appears I have somehow managed to lay an egg! We did our best to try and catch it and currently 6dpo in the 2ww. If AF turns up I'll know I did O and will be able to get day 3 bloods done, if I've had my first genuine period in over 10 years! If it doesn't, then I guess I'll know not to rely on a +ve OPK & temperature shift as signs of ovulation. Unless by some mad stroke of luck I get a BFP....well a girl can hope!

Apols for wanging on, thanks for having me xx

Hi everyone

Happy Saturday!
flatwhite gosh those are long hours - suddenly feel lucky with my lot! I agree with baby cakes with trying to switch off when possible, though of course it's easier said than done. My chill out techniques are listening to music, eating at the dinner table with OH (not sitting eating in front of TV gormlessly as I used to do all the time) and walking - I try and walk part of my journey home and find that while I leave work tense, I'm a lot better when I walk through my front door.

cinder don't beat yourself up too much. Sounds like you're making brilliant progress. And take the BMI thing with a pinch of salt - it considers athletes overweight because of its calculations! I've read that the waist measurement method is better to go by.

So my update:

Flashing smiley face tues and weds, solid smiley thurs and fri (fri was cd16) Tested with a boots OPK fri morning too and got a positive. dtd Sunday, Tuesday, Thursday and Friday. OH wants a rest today! But Ovia says today is my last fertile window. Haven't tested OPK today though.

Maybe I should just chill out... Do you reckon not dtd today is ok?

Thanks ladies.

I think I will find all this a struggle - I'm not a relaxed, go with the flow sort of person, really! It's hard when something is not really in your control, isn't it? I hate not knowing how long it will all take!

Flatwhite - your job does sound extremely demanding and stressful! I know it's hard but I think it would be a good idea to reduce your hours if at all possible. I know you say there's nothing you can do about it, but is there anyone you can talk to about it to at least broach the subject? I don't think it would be unreasonable to ask for less than 100 hours (which I'm sure you're not contracted to do?!!!) You probably need to be a bit less willing - the more you take on, the more they will keep on expecting of you. I understand it's difficult because keeping a stable job is all the more important at the moment when ttc isn't it?! BUT they aren't going to fire you for not working at a million miles per hour - they have to have good reason and show that they have given you appropriate support before it comes to anything like that. For me, it's less about the actual hours and more about meeting deadlines and the quality/nature of the work which needs to be bang on. It can be very intense. What I've been doing is making use of more senior people in my team, asking for support/guidance rather than taking accountability for everything. After all, they are getting paid more! That said, I'm not sure how senior you are so it may be more difficult for you. In terms of relaxing - long baths, trying to switch off when you arrive home (e.g. no work email rule), massages off your partner, have fun (go out for meals, to the cinema, for walks), exercise, eat right (sugar and yoyo eating, which is common when your hours are long, will only add to the feeling of stress as it will mess with your blood sugar levels). Take care of yourself and remember: on your death bed, are you going to look back with fond memories of your career or your loved ones? In the grand scheme of things, money and work isn't important in life; the people in it are. Sorry for the long ramble!!

Cinder - don't let it get you down! As long as you are eating healthily you will be absolutely fine. People of all shapes, sizes, ages etc etc have babies every day. Listen to your GP and keep at it

Thanks for the tips ladies! Looks like I can 'O' guilt free now ...when dtd isn't too much of a chore that is!

On another note - on day 23 now and still no positive OPK :( I think my boobs are getting a bit sore though?! I hope it's round the corner. One thing that confuses me is that i seem to have had ovulation CM for about a week now?! Confused.

Good to see you back too FlatWhite - yup we're all back to normal now. Such a relief. How are you?

Welcome Rach

Cinder at this point def don't put yourself under pressure! It should be fun!

CinderToffee - Don't feel ashamed about your weight. All you can do now is stay positive and do what you can to get your weight down. Don't do anything drastic...just take small steps which you'll be able to stick to! Every little thing you do will help your TTC journey and (hopefully!) pregnancy! Good luck - I know just how hard it is! x

It is difficult to get in the mood all the time. This is only month one - I worry about keeping this level going for months and months!

I'm also worried about being overweight - I'm losing weight slowly, but I'm still much much heavier than would be ideal (BMI over 35, I'm ashamed to say). My GP didn't seem too worried, and my gynaecologist seemed to stress that I shouldn't be hanging around with TTC, but I am worried about the impact of my weight both on my ability to conceive and on any subsequent pregnancy. I guess I just have to keep going - my weight is moving in the right direction at least.

Hi everyone. Sorry I've dropped off the radar a bit. It's been a busy few weeks. Just catching up...

Kezaroo _ I know what you mean. Never in a million years did I think I'd be saying we're 8 months in with no hint of a BFP. You see the stats saying "90% of couples conceive within the first year and 80% within the first 6 months". Never in a million years did I think we'd not be part of that 80% .

LL2015 and Babycakes - Work pressure and stress in general is something I'm really starting to worry about. I work in a very challenging environment, with difficult people and a lot of pressure. On a good week I'll work 60+ hours and on bad weeks I have been known to work 100+ hours. I'm really worried because this MUST be affecting me and my ability to conceive, but there's nothing I can do about it. I don't want to quit and do something "easier" as what happens if I NEVER get pregnant and don't have my career to rely on, but at the same time I appreciate that this can't really go on like this! Have you tried anything to help you relax and de-stress? When things are quieter I'm good at going to the gym, which helps, but it's impossible when things are busier.

Pallas - Good to see you on here . I hope OH is doing better!

Neetie - I'm sorry about AF. It's always such a huge let-down. It's even worse when you've spotted symptoms and have got your hopes up.

Babycakes - I totally know what you mean. It's hard to force yourself to get in the mood, and I often worry about how (sorry for TMI) 'dry' things are down there. We've used conceive plus. It's helped with soreness, but I don't think it actively does anything to assist conception (although it doesn't prevent it). From what I have heard, orgasming is good so orgasm away!

So sorry neetie
babycakes we use pressed and it helps make everything more comfortable when there's a lack of cm (ahem) and to be honest I don't know re orgasm or not but I wouldn't stop myself, that's part of the fun of it!

Positive ovulation test today and just on my way home from work, hope timings work out!

Hi. Ttc number 1 cycle 3. Last period start 22 june. Been on holiday in hope of trying. Dh and i ttc during right time. Downside im 40 and fed up of waiting to be a mum. Took us ages to get here.