Things only TTCers will understand (swearing expected)

I've been through the full spectrum:

1. Hopeful ttc-er thinking this is fun and I'll never be one of those obsessed women because that's just silly.

1. 6 months in, it hasn't worked. I start symptom spotting, avoiding alcohol and caffeine during peak times, counting down the DPO until I can test, mentally planning when the baby would be due.

1. A year in, it still hasn't worked. I decide that romance, fun and sexiness is out the window. I have to throw science at it. BBT, charting, EWCM and cervix checking. Eating graprefruit for the CM, and pineapple to help implantation. Excitedly telling my (cynical) Mother that I've had implantation bleeding so this is the month. Then telling her I was wrong and she was right. Excitedly showing DP my evap lines and asking him whether he could see a line (he could - 2 months in a row) and posting it on canyouseealine.com (they couldn't).

You read those hopeful posts on the conception board 'My tea tastes funny .. am I pregnant?', or 'I'm 3 DPO but I feel sick... shall I test?' with a cynical sigh. Resist the urge to read the updates ... 'I was right.. BFP at 8 DPO!'

1. 2.5 years in - Pain, hospital, chocolate cyst removed, severe endo with frozen pelvis diagnosed. TTC is out the window for a few months. But at least you know now why it hadn't worked so far... which leads on to...

1. Recovering from laparoscopy..... re-start stage 1. The cyst is gone, things will be different now.. right?

Sigh.

I sometimes wish I could just be knocked out and wake up in 2 years time and find out if I have a baby or not, and be done with all this uncertainty. Or wish that Marty McFly could just whip me forward 5 years, so I know and can stop bloody wondering.

Just to be clear that's my realisation this month after yet again all looked great and then it turned out my body was tricking me. Plus preseed is fucking expensive when you end up with nothing.

When you realise you are actually obsessed and need to step away from it for a while.

When things are looking on track this month, positive opk's, peak fertility on the monitor, ewcm, prime cervix conditions etc. Then your body decides that actually it can't be arsed to ovulate after all, meaning you've shagged your dh/dp mercilessly for days and for nothing . CD19 and still no fucking thermal shift in my bbt.

When DH's aunt abruptly & rudely said "why would you want another child?" after I casually mentioned my feelings about 2 years ago when DS was 3....I told her that it was a good job my parents didn't feel that way in 1978..I'm the youngest of 3! She went silent. Why why why do people say such **ite?

pjs - so bloody true!!

OK here's another one.

Your DH has gone from someone who is usually delighted to have sex, probably doesn't get enough of it (in his eyes), to someone who sighs and says 'what, again?' when you demand sex for the 5th night in a row as you resist the urge to tell him that YES AGAIN, I've got EWCM so it's now or fucking never, and you have ONE JOB so get the fuck over it and hop on!!

Love love LOVE this thread. All so true and so bittersweet and funny. I relate to them all.
One I stumbled across this morning is that predictive text sometimes innocently spurts out 'DTD', 'EWCM' and 'DPO' amid typing u related messages to family and friends. Must remember to proof read everything!

Cheesymonster I hear you on that. I ate some crisps which tasted rank and thought 'maybe', only to find DH tried one and found them equally rank and having one off.

And I hate those threads to heyarnold19. It's like POAFS, why post and not just do in the first place.

Trying not to symptom spot and failing miserably. I had a dizzy spell today and have inexplicably started eating green olives when I have always detested them and I can't help but feel a little glimmer of hope even though I know it's really unlikely.

This thread really is a god send! So good to hear you all have the same thoughts as me.

Another one for me is how frustrating it can be when people start the 'Do you think I could be pregnant' type threads on here. They always list all their symptoms and say things like 'Oh I couldnt possibly be, its only the first month ttc'. And then they always are! I know it is lovely and I really don't want to be mean to fellow MN users and if I was less stressed out about my own situation I'd be happy for them, but I always read them thinking 'why cant this be me'!

PJs I totally get your point about kidding yourself. Dh and I fantasise about the amazing holidays etc that we'll be having without children in tow. It feels so false though.

Every Christmas I think 'Ooh next Christmas I might have a baby / won't be able to drink because I'll be PG'. And them I don't / I'm not. Every single sodding Christmas.

So I try not to picture it now. And try not to cry when we sing hymns about babies and virgin fucking births.

I'm actually having a phase of thinking about all the fun trips away I've had recently, and great nights out and thinking I quite like being childless. So I'm going with it, might as well kid myself that I'm loving being barren!

I also have a SIL who got pregnant with both DCs on the first cycle of trying, both times. It's like she's got a damn magic fanny or something!

My Facebook feed is covered in babies, to the point where every time AF arrives I have to avoid it like the plague for a few days otherwise it just makes me feel really crap.

Yes yes to the "if you just relax I'm sure it'll happen soon"... Oh really? You're sure are you? Well that's just great! How easy! Why didn't I think of that?!

Also really identify with the whole - booking an event a few months in advance "oh, isn't it exciting, I'll probably be pregnant by then!" then the event happens and I'm not pregnant and it's hard.

I'm near the end of the TWW at the moment and it just sucks!

it will happen but you keep thinking about it to much my thought is go to hell been ttc 8 months

oh you have a little family i have 3 dc but want more f*k off !

pregnant woman every where just awful when your ttc

urge to watch baby/pregnancy related programs even know i am so desperate to get pregnant why do i do it to myself!

pregnancy announcements on facebook or new birth my heart sinks

all in all i think i have driven myself crazy with it all i am currently in the 2WW 4 dpo i really am not pinning hopes anymore

When my cousin announced her second pregnancy around 12 months into us ttc #2, my mum (who didn't know we were ttc but could have guessed) turned to me and said "NO PRESSURE THEN". And said she wanted to have the youngest grandchild.

The next six months were great, she kept staring at my stomach.

The shittiness of having your once pregnancy symptoms' become AF symptoms- post miscarriage.

Biggest one when ttc every time- ;just relax' oh do fuck off, any more relaxed and I'll be unconscious.

"all you need are those one a day pregnancy vitamins,"

erm...is that so....do you think I dont take them, PLUS
co-enzyme q10, soy isoflavones, maca root, evening primrose oil, zinc, selenium, agnus castus, dong quai, l-arginine, magnesium, calcium and industrial strength folic acid........

raspberry leaf, b2, b6, b12, fish oil, this vitamin, that vitamin, progesterone cream, fertility lube...i rattle when i bloody well walk!!!

findingmyfeet12, if I may suggest a mooncup (or softcups) to contain everything afterwards. Also cough medicine for chesty coughs particularly ones that contain guaifenesin as they help with cervical mucous and make things much more erm hospitable.

joey38 I get you!

My sister got pregnant by 'mistake' when I was convincing partner to go for it. Then I got preg and she got preg with 2nd 1 month after me, I had a still birth, she has 2 babies and I only have chemicals!!! Ah love her but it hurts!

PJ problem is that it's not something I could tell MIL without DH's permission and he does not want to talk about it. Barely wants to talk about it to me, never mind his Mum.

PJs thank you

Jessie I'd just tell her the truth. But then I'm far too open, everyone knows about my infertility because I've had surgery so I've had to explain it to people and the obvious question on everyone's lips is 'will it affect your fertility'? So I just say, yeah, it will, but if it doesn't work I'll keep having fabulous holidays and lots of dogs < Forced Grin.

Cheesy here's a gentle grip go there, congratulate, hug and smile. You can be happy that you have a wonderful new DN, you can be happy for SIL and just warn your DH that you might have a little cry afterwards and that's ok too. Just tell yourself that that's their story, and your story will happen to you when it's good and ready.

I always worry that I come across as the 'crazy barren lady' whenever people with new babies visit, because I always want a cuddle and want to talk baby talk and show that I'm Breezy about the whole thing!! The new mums are probably anxiously waiting to pounce on me in case I try to steal their baby or something...!

Brilliant article PJ.

I don't have one to add but given that socially it's still more or less the norm for stable couples in their 30s to have children, why on earth would anyone assume that a couple who did not had decided against it or had somehow forgotten they were supposed to be getting on with it? For me the default assumption would be that they were trying and having problems and I would not dream of asking them or saying something like " ooh you'd better hurry up". The closest I might get would be if it was very close friend or family in which case I might ask what their views were on children.

I have a very high flying job. I actually made a point of telling my MIL that we were trying for kids as I did not want her to think that I had convinced her son to not have kids because of my career. I am also nearly 5 years older than my DH. But we have just found out that our problem is actually male factor, and I would really like her to know that it is not her son having fallen for an older woman that is holding up the grandchildren. (She's lovely by the way, but she must speculate).