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Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

Original poster

BeckiF going for EGG COLLECTION ... at LAST!

122 replies

BeckiF · 08/11/2006 18:14

Dear all

What a year it's been. Two tryies at Clomind which had no effect. Then our first IVF where I didn'tr espond to treatment AT ALL. This 2nd attempt I've done better and we go for an egg collection on Friday! God willing and all being well I'll have a transplant on Monday. Even if I don't I know that I DO respond to the drugs! So there is hope!

Just wanted to share my news ... I'll post more as and when I have it. I will know on Friday how many eggs they collected and they will let us know on Saturday how many have fertilised ...

YIKES!

OP posts:
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Pruni · 28/11/2006 18:56

Message withdrawn

sleeplessinhants · 28/11/2006 18:52

Beckif, Have finally managed to log on. I am very sorry things did not work out. We to did not have any luck this time. Despite feeling very disapointed, I'm trying to remain optimistic for the future. I just wanted to wish you the very best for next time and Thank you for starting this thread which I (and possibly many others) have found to be a great source of support over the last few weeks.

Look after yourself x

EllieHsMum · 27/11/2006 16:44

So sorry Beckif. I know there isn't anything I can say which will make you feel better or take the pain away.Sending big hugs.

Natty1806 · 27/11/2006 14:50

Really sorry to hear that becki

why do you have to wait 3 months? Sorry if i am being thick.x

Twiglett · 27/11/2006 10:19

There's nothing I can say to make this better but I'm really sorry BeckIF

expatinscotland · 27/11/2006 10:18

Really sorry, Becki .

misdee · 27/11/2006 10:14

was so hoping this will be the time for you.

Saturn74 · 27/11/2006 10:13

So sorry, BeckiF.

BudaBeast · 27/11/2006 10:09

Oh Becki. Am so so sorry. It is such a horrible feeling. There is nothing I can say that will make you feel any better right now so I won't even try. Am here if you need to vent/cry whatever.

Look after yourself.

Original poster
BeckiF · 27/11/2006 10:04

Negative. And we have to wait three months before we can start again.

Devestated.

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gingernut · 26/11/2006 20:16

Oh Becki sorry to read this. Will still keep fingers crossed though.

BudaBeast · 26/11/2006 20:09

I didn't have any pain at all. Just bleeding with clots.

(Am stupidly still sort of hoping that next AF won't arrive and that I am PG after all! How dumb is that??)

I still sometimes feel as if I am getting cystitis or somethign similar which I had the first w/end I was using the pessaries - assumed the pessaries were irritating somehow - still have that on and off.

It is hard to figure out what is what after so many hormones I suppose.

Original poster
BeckiF · 26/11/2006 18:32

Thank you Buda, but I'm positive it will be a negative, although I still have that spark of hope, as ridiculous as that seems.

I have noted that although the bleeding is all but gone I still have a 'tender' feeling inside when I sit down and when I pee. I also have gotten some more sort of AF pains in the centre. I'm sure this is all normal when you've lost everything but I'd appreciate any input.

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BudaBeast · 26/11/2006 17:25

Oh BeckiF - so sad for you.

My last attempt (October) was the same except I had a 3 week wait (am in Budapest and they do it differently here), period never came and I was even feeling sick for a couple of days. Allowed myself to seriously hope I was PG. Then 2 days before was due to go to doc I started to bleed. Did a test and was negative. Cried and cried.

Went to doc and he did a scan - He just said "yes the womb is empty". Can still hear those words reverberating.

I will try again in January but don't really hold out much hope due to my age (am 42). Have one Ds of 5 who is fab and I just keep hugging. He wants Father Christmas to ask God for a brother or sister - breaks my heart.

Will check tomorrow for your "final" outcome. Hoping for a miracle for you.

Hugs.

Original poster
BeckiF · 26/11/2006 10:10

Hi bubbly

Sadly I've had the cramps and very heavy bleeding, so it's obvious that I've not held onto them. Feel like I've been made to hang in limbo until tomorrow, which has stopped me moving on. We both need to.

I'd just like to thank you ALL for your support and information. I will of ocurse post the final outcome for you tomorrow.

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bubbly1973 · 26/11/2006 09:53

becki i been lurking in the background quitely supporting you, but feel i want to write just to let you know that im thinking of you and hoping for a positive against all the odds that you have gone through

has the bleeding gone heavy that you need to wear a pad or is it still light? are you having cramps and period pains?

dont blame yourself, its one of lifes mysterys as to why the embroys didnt hang on in there IF your not pregnant, so please dont think its something you have done, it isnt, i hope you can find the strength to just hang on in there, and once you know for sure the outcome it will be easier than it is today to cope with...at the moment its the not knowing but hoping but scared to hope that is torture but once you know what you have to deal with i know you will get through it

good luck for monday and i truly truly hope its a bfp

Original poster
BeckiF · 25/11/2006 19:50

Thanks ... I'm sure that we all know the outcome already though if we're honest, but hope springs ever eternal.

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sleeplessinhants · 25/11/2006 18:35

Beckif I'll be away from home next week, but will try to get access to a computer if I can. Like everyone else here will be thinking of you on Monday and hoping you get that BFP. Take care x

Original poster
BeckiF · 25/11/2006 09:16

This morning the bleeding has finally subsided, I'm still bleeding but in a less dramatic and more managable way. Part of that tiny spark of hope ocassionally flares up to a real 'what if' but it soon subsides.

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munz · 25/11/2006 06:55

oh becki (((hugs))) I only wish I could say something more reassuring to you. it really is so cruel for you and DF.

Pruni · 24/11/2006 23:22

Message withdrawn

Original poster
BeckiF · 24/11/2006 23:06

Hi Hester!

I am so grateful that you have posted for me, I really am. I already know that the test will be negative, I have passed so much blood and so many clots it's just not possible for something to survive. The fact hat my unit want me to continue the Cyclogest and test on Monday is just torture, although today I am brighter, as I have had several days to absorb the loss.

Our only two embryos were SO good, one going to the morula stage and the other a fabulous 8 cell just makes it worse. I of course am going through the guilt of 'what did I do wrong', of feeling a failure, of feeling distraught for myself and for my darling fiance who has been better than I could ever have imagined and of course I feel unfeminine and unwomanly. As I sat and sobbed in the early hours of Wednesday morning, 'My right has been taken away...' and 'It shouldn't BE like this' ... and just simply 'Why? ...'

I find the boards a mixed place to be. On the one hand I get support and many questions answered, and then I also get to read the 'Should I have my 3rd/4th etc baby' ... or read about people who have been trying for just months and get there naturally. I know it's normal to be jealous and resentful. But then there are also the stories of those that have perservered for years.

I know that come Monday and the negative test, the tears will flow once more. Because there is a little spark of hope within me. It's like I know the answer but just don't want it confirmed.

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hester · 24/11/2006 22:38

OK, there's something else I want to say, and I'm going to be blunt. I think the symptoms you describe are not hopeful. On the other hand, sometimes it seems impossible that a pregnancy will continue and yet it does.

You may remember that I got pregnant three months before conceiving my dd. I was completely ecstatic and kept retesting just for the joy of finally seeing that double line. Then, after a week, the second line started fading. The next day I went to an EPU to be scanned. I'd been there ages before I asked them, "Could I possibly still be pregnant?" and they looked at me like I was mad. I realised that there was no question for them that I could be, that falling HCG levels only mean one thing, and that their only concern was to check it wasn't an ectopic pregnancy. It was a horrible feeling.

Three months later I got pregnant again. Six days after my positive test I couldn't resist and tested again. The second line was fading. You can imagine how upset I was. I kept retesting that day and next morning - different tests taken at different times - and they consistently got paler and paler until the second line all but disappeared. This time I didn't bother going to EPU, just shed my tears and waited for the bleeding to start. But it didn't start. And two weeks later, feeling I was losing my mind, I went for a scan and there she was.

I still don't understand how it is possible that I didn't miscarry a second time, and no-one has been able to explain it to me. But I also think the whole of this fertility and conception business is essentially mysterious, and we have to live with a great deal of uncertainty.

Why am I telling you this? Not because I think you shoudl have unrealistic hopes. But because there are situations - like the one you are now in - when it is truly impossible to know what is going on, all you can do is try to still your brain as much as you can and do whatever you can to get through the days until greater certainty is possible.

I've probably been no help whatsoever but please know, Becky, that you are in my thoughts. You really deserve all the good luck in the world.

hester · 24/11/2006 22:27

Here I am, Becki. So sorry I missed this thread earlier, but I remember you so well and am thrilled that you have finally started IVF.... and so sorry that you are having such a stressful time.

As I'm sure you know, loads of women bleed during early pregnancy and at least 50% of the time they don't lose the pregnancy. I bled for six weeks and nearly went out of my mind, but I was fine. Having said that, my bleeding didn't sound like yours - lighter, with no clots. I think anyone would be worried in your situation. But of course that doesn't tell you whether you'll be ok.

I'm really sorry I can't say anything more reassuring. My heart is breaking for you going through this. You really deserve better. I will pray that you get good news next week.

xxx

munz · 24/11/2006 09:13

i'll email her now beckie and ask her to come on and talk to you.