help! i'm feeling broody

Sid,

Misunderstood yr message - have you had #3? If so, how old are #1 and #2?

(Just interested in age differences )

thanks bootsmonkey

In reply to your post lieman, i think if you really want another then you might regret Not having it. Go on, join the queezy club

I'm 38, btw.

Just do it! I think if you really want another, throw caution to the wind....and you will cope, whatever happens. (Thus speaks someone who with her husband thought long and hard about having no.3 and never thought she'd want another after, but I do. My dh has been very anti, but I sense a certain changing in his attitude for no reason I can work out - so I might get lucky )

(I'm 35 this year BTW)

Good luck Angeliz! My DP is also very young at heart and is a joy to watch with our DD, but he FEELS older now he is a dad - does that make sense? He is not against having another, but dosn't want to do it again without backup - we have no family near by - or as a SAHD.

Thank you all for your replies - I feel somewhat better. Also to you who are "older mums" - I had my ds when I was 39 am now 41 and although it never worries me being older (certainly don't feel it) I guess my time for having another child is running out fast so have to accept my lot. Would have loved another one but will have to spoil my ds rotten ....

my dp is 48 and i'm pregnant with our second. we may have more, see what this one's like

I don't think dp is that bothered about his age,(has obviously been discussed), but he's a young 48 and i have NO intention of letting him retire early, he's do my head in

(I'm 30 BTW)

(Un)Fortunately he's not the pipe and slippers type, but I do think he is worried about being so much older than everyone else at the school gates (10yrs+++). He has visions of being wheeled round by a teenage DD in a bathchair! He is the primary carer though and so bears the brunt of the day to day stuff. Both of us look back at the first 12mo. with a mixture of horror and wonder that we got through it!

Good luck BTW - are you on count down mode yet??

DH is 40 (my toyboy ).
I haven't had any comments about my age. Amongst dd's friends there are quite a few older mums - a couple of others in their early 40s and several in their late 30s still trying for number 2, so actually it's the younger mums who are in th minority.
Being pregnant this time is slightly harder than it was 4 years ago but I'm still pretty fit amd don't feel 40 - and it's nearly over (fingers crossed).
I would balk at leaving it too much later though (especially as it seems to take us 3-4 years to conceive so could be 45 if we went for a 3rd) just because I don't want to be retirememnt age (however young a 60 I might be) and have kids still at school.

I think the age thing matters a bit less for the dad though. I know a couple of 50 year old men who have recently become new dads with second wives and one of our friend's dh is 43 and they're trying for number 2. I guess it's up to your dh whether he feels up to it or whether he's ready for his pipe and slippers .

....I mean at our local school. (I must preview these msgs before I post!)

BTW, good luck with your forthcoming baby

Also Sponge - how old is your DH if you don't mind me asking as mine is 47 this year and really feels too old to be a father again.

Sponge, how are you getting on being pg at 41? Have you had any nasty experiences (I mean people making comments etc)? Ikeep thinking that I'd be 45 taking potential #3 for their first day at school and that does put me off a bit! Even last year at 39 I was/am one of the oldest mothers of a 5 yr old....

oops that sounds a bit callous 'although they are not my family!' - what I mean is that even though they aren't my family, as they are dh's and he is a very important part of my life I would do whatever I could to help them out!

boots/brads, my dh is an only child as well. I think his mum and dad wanted more but couldn't have any (and no fertility treatment those days).

He says to me that he never missed having sibs because he never had them in the first place! Also, his mum and dad were brilliant about encouraging him to socialise - always offered to take friends on holiday with them etc. All dh's friends are very fond of his parents as they often stayed over when they were kids. I also think dh has closer friends than me because I had 2 sisters (one who was very close in age to me) and I think I tended to worry less about my friends because I always had my sisters.

In terms of looking after parents when older, I must say this is one of dh's concerns - the fact that he has to shoulder the burden of their old age on his own. But as I have told him, I am here to help (and although they are not my family, I would certainly help out where I could).

I think that as long as you feel you want another one then you should probably at least keep your options open andtry (no guarantees you'll have one of course).
We had one and took so long to conceive number 2 that we were sure that was it. Stopped worrying and fell pregnant so will have number 2 in 3 weeks or so. That will be it for me as I'm already 41 and it seems to take us a long time to conceive. Dh is still talking about a potential number 3 but he can forget it!

Also, a friend of mine who always wanetd lots of kids got to number 3 and realised that was enough.
So I think you know when your family is complete and you've had enough. If you don';t feel that yet then go ahead and try for more. Don't live to regret it {smile].

bradsmum - my dh is an only and is quite categorical that that is the ideal way to be! I think I only want one as well - got very depressed and ended up on Prozac whilst PG so don't want to risk another PG. Also there is a certain appeal to having got the hardest bits out of the way now!

bradsmum

My dh is a only chiled and has had phases of wanting a sibling adn others where he was quite happy about it. I ahve friends who have been only children and have never regretted it as they realised all the advantages of not having to share their parents (and their money!) with anyone.

As with all things there's no definite answer, you just do what feels right for you. Personally I don't think one should ahve children just to provide a sibling to their existing one, but only if you really want them yourself.

DOn't worry about your DS, he'll fine whatever you choose!

solo

Also, am I tying my DD down to looking after aged Parents sol, later in life??

Bradsmum - it is such a hard decision to make isn't it, and a subject close to my heart! I have friends who are only children, who had an idyllic childhood, but miss siblings to talk to now, especially as they are having children, parents are getting older etc., etc.

There is no answer! I feel happy with one child and really don't know if I could cope with two, but there is always a part of me nagging away. It is also accepting that I will never ever be pregnant again and giving up that part/function of my life. Not explaining very well - sorry.

I would like someone to tell me that 1 is OK... have DS of 22 mths and would love another but DH not interested and won't even discuss it. I'm worried about DS being an only child - everyone I know who has been an only child says they would have loved siblings and regret not having any. Any answers to this dilemma pls from those who know?

I've been feeling like it for the last 4 years since I MC'd #3!! I've been trying to let my head rule and tell myself that I should be content with what I've got, and I constantly tell myself all the sensible reasons why not to; sleepless nights, financial drain, loss of independence, making the house too small for us all etc etc but the old body clock is still ticking away.

I just don't know how much longer I've got (it maybe too late, dh caught mumps off dd 3 years ago!) and can't help feeling time is running out.

If only I could get over it and accept that what I have is perfect!

message withdrawn

I don't think I could go for 4, I'm not sure my body (or dh's) would last that long!

I can personally recommend 2 - not twice the joy, but take it and square it, which is why I'd love a 3rd.....