23 year old single and have been thinking about having a baby

I came on here to agree that you don't sound like you're really ready- especially if you want to have a partner to bring up your child with, which it sounds like you do.

I think some people on here have been a bit patronising though. I'm sure you are aware that having a baby involves alot more work than cooing about how beautiful it is.

I had my son at 20, he wasn't planned and I was far from ready for having children. I still lived with my parents at the time too.

You would, I assume have maternity leave to adjust without having to fret about working straight away?

DS' dad has been completely absent, I have had other issues, but being a single mum hasn't been one of them so don't let that put you off. You could look at sperm donation if you feel you want to do this alone.

FWIW, I have brought DS up myself, he is now 5. I have never wished I had a partner other than having to rely on other people for childcare a bit more. I don't have anyone to argue with and DS and I can just please ourselves. We have quite a harmonious and peaceful life, I get by financially (though I don't have to pay for childcare) with some spare money to enjoy things like swimming lessons and days out for DS.

I would say to give it more thought and of you still feel as strongly in a year or two then consider it more seriously. In the meantime, gaining some more independence, like getting your own place might help?

Just wanted to point out that partners are not the be all and end all, I am only 25 and have been celibate by choice for 3 years, I have no desire to find a partner and i don't think I ever will.

Sorry but I'm still giggling at brooki's spelling of 'whom', i've not had a baby yet but I do know it's spelt womb. That's no autocorrect error.
And her 'at her age' comment. I don't think ANY doctor would say that regarding age as that issue could happen to any aged pregnant woman.
Erm, I can think of many ways to spend my early 20s. Growing into an actual adult. Gaining an education. Building friendships. A career. Becoming independant. Finding the love of your life. Having fun without the responsibility of being a parent.
I'm so very much trying not to judge, but from your name 'tannedbarbie1' and your comments it is sounding like you are very immature.
I too have been broody from a very young age. But I wanted to make sure I had a healthy and secure relationship before having a child.
A baby is not an accessory. Or something you fancy having as your friends have one. And a baby deserves the best possible start in life, which as a single parent and living with your mum would be really challenging. I don't know any single parents that have chosen to be in their position. My sister had her baby at 33. (Ancient I know, he'll the hell did she even manage being THAT OLD) and she, even with all her life experience, independence and other family support, finds it really tough. It is exhausting and lonely and not something that I think is a sensible option at your age.
You sound immature and selfish. Sorry to be blunt but it's such a crazy ill informed thing to consider.

Everything about you screams out immaturity, from your username, to "Hi Girlies" to living with your Mum and particularly your saying that you are very mature for your age!

You sound bored. How about going to University or college or moving cities and making some friends who (like the VAST majority of people your age) don't have children? You might even meet a potential husband.

Sorry, posted too soon.
This would give you a chance to see the full demands of a small child, rather than just the "oh aren't they beautiful" and "I'll hold him/her while you do x"

You sound very immature. You are very young and have a lot to do in terms of learning, experiencing, building a life, making mistakes and having a child now would make all of that so much more difficult.
Being a single mum is hard. Most people don't choose to be a single mum, they find themselves there because of a relationship breakdown or because they don't meet someone. You haven't given yourself chance to meet someone. It's great that you know what you want and you have set yourself high standards in terms of the person you might spend your life with. Keep those standards, don't miss out on your fun twenties and don't be in such a rush. When the time comes, you'll be a great mum.

Could you offer to look after a friend's baby for a day or so, or perhaps your cousin?

Having a child is amazing and fulfilling,

BUT

It is exhausting, emotionally draining and expensive too. I am lucky enough to have a partner and a supportive family and I still feel like this. I went back to work when my daughter was 1 and my partner is at home with her when she isn't at nursery.

You will not be able to work any significant amount while looking after a baby. Babies need attention. Toddlers need even more attention. When you are not giving them attention you need to rest or wash your and their clothes which are covered in food.. Or worse. My daughter woke up five times a night until she was 2. Now I know why the midwife laughed when I said "the baby will just have to learn to sleep"!

You sound very warm and loving, and it am sure you will be a great Mum when the time comes. But it doesn't sound like now is the right time. I had my daughter at 33, and had a very easy pregnancy, as did my friend who had her son at 40. I'm not suggesting you need to wait that long, just pointing out there is no rush. It doesn't matter what other people are doing.

Exactly what I meant when I said the more I read ops responses the more the immaturity becomes visible. Please don't do this now. Bush fly hits the nail on the head.

Very good post from buhfly PLEASE listen to her.

I actually (finally) registered just to reply to this.

I am a single mother of one child. I love children and have always wanted to be a mother. I was 28 went I had DS.

DO NOT TRY TO GET PREGNANT AT THIS STAGE IN YOUR LIFE.

Being a single mother is hard. It is lonely. You have no partner to consult when things get hard (and they will) and you have no break. Sure, you could ask your mother or a friend to babysit, but do that too often and they will start to feel taken advantage of.

I work from home. It is not easy. For the first four years of life your child will need constant attention. If you are LUCKY you may get a 2-3 hour break in the afternoon for work. But probably you will be too sleep deprived to actually do the work and you will either crash on the couch or cook, clean, and do laundry.

Having kids "completes" me in a certain sense. They are probably the most important thing I will ever do. However, kids alone do not make parents happy. Parents still need goals, hobbies, careers (if they choose), private time, romance, etc. All those things are in VERY short supply as a single parent.

I don't mean to offend you but it really sounds like you are too immature to have a child right now. To want children just because your friends are having them, or because you want a "beautiful baby", or because you have "spent time" with your cousin. You honestly have no idea what will be required of you as a parent for the REST OF YOUR LIFE. It seems like you have an idealistic dream version of what parenting is like.

Having a child when you don't even have your own house is irresponsible.

Get a puppy.

The more I read the OPs comments on this thread the more convinced I am that she should be waiting to start a family and absolutely not doing it now. In the meantime here are some things to focus on - develop career, travel, move out, date, revisit situation in two years.

And that doctor who said it was her "age" at 29 - horeshit is a rather kind word to describe that.

It depends on what kind of person you are barbie. Prior to having my own kids I never felt maternal urges or the desire to be a mum. I did find the maternalness and love came quite naturally though. I guess if you're the kind of person who has always wanted kids then it probably would 'complete you'.

I did struggle with pnd after DS2 as I found my entire identity was subsumed by being a mum, being a non stop meal cooking, cleaning, child caring robot and I needed time to myself. To be able to go back to studying and enjoy my own hobbies. In that sense being a mum didn't complete me, I felt overwhelmed by it.

I love my DSes , had them at 22 and 24 with a supportive dp who I'm still with. But I do wish I had waited. I love them dearly but in hindsight, I wish I had waited. I juggle going to uni, studying and being a parent and I have my lovely dp and its still bloody hard at times.

I had easy pregnancies and labours and I'm sure a few years wouldn't have made a difference to that

I'm sorry but that Dr was full of shite. The average age of a first time mum in the UK is 30.

Please please please think about this. I had children young with a long term partner and turned out to be completely miserable in my 2nd pregnancy, knowing I couldn't stay with their dad. I am with a new partner, I am 28, he's 25, it's absolutely amazing, but tough at times because we don't often have time without them, we certainly can't go on holidays. It would have felt amazing to have saved myself for the love of my life, to have our first child together in a few years. Please think about it, you are still so young.

Absolute truth! She could hardly walk. No bladder control, it stuck to her whom.
But her daughter, 7 years prior. No probs.

Her doctor said it was her age, at 29? HORSESHIT.

I'd say do it. My boy is 8 now. I had him at 20. He's my best mate! I couldn't think of anything else I would of rather done with my 20's :)
Also my friend just had a baby @ 29, spent 6 mths of her pregnancy on the settee crippled, had to have a c-section & still isn't her self now 6mths on. The doc told her that was down to her age. I sailed through pregnancy & skipped out of the hospital after a natural labour.

Also I'm a single mother.... My son has a idiot absent dad. No biggy! Just 1 less person to run around after :)

I felt like this at 23. In fact I yearned for a baby from the age of about 16 onwards. The broody feeling doesn't go away in my experience but I'm so glad I waited.

I met DH at 25 and we had DS at 28. It was perfect. Hard, but perfect.

What you do is entirely your choice but I do think having a baby now might cheat you out of a more positive experience down the line.

How do you think your mam would feel about having a baby in the household? She would most likely take on a parenting role, as you would naturally struggle and need her help (as any single parent would). That is a huge responsibility for her to take on, with very little choice in the matter. I'm 24 (with a 20mo DS) but most of my colleagues are my mother's age; they would be less than impressed if they had to take on a round the clock childcare role.
Have you cared for your cousin overnight to give you a little glimpse into what it might be like? Babysitting for a few hours cannot ever compare to parenthood.

I remember saying to my mw when my son was a few days old "how do single mums do it". My baby was permanently attached to my boob when tiny and my dh had to do everything including all the housework, cooking etc. I genuinely do not know how I could have coped without him. Baby is easier now (18m) but i could never ever go out of an evening or do something normal like go to the hairdressers at the weekend, if dh wasn't able to look after him. Have you thought about that? And about how you'll afford to put your child in childcare AND pay rent/mortgage AND eat if you're only earning SMP or less? You will definitely not be able to work with a newborn.
I know people do it, but I think raising a child without the financial, practical and emotional support of a partner, deliberately, when you're so young , sounds like a really silly idea. Sorry.

I was still single at 24, feeling pretty much the same as you that my friends were settling down and I wouldn't find someone till I was much older. I'm now 26, married and baby is due in 4 weeks! As soon as I met DH I knew he was the one, we were married within a year and now baby is on his way! I would say wait and see what life brings you. I know friends who have coped amazingly well as single mums, but I am so glad I have DH! Pregnancy is a scary thing and the prospect of me looking after baby on my own would terrify me! Xx