Angels and Rainbows - remembering our angels and praying for rainbows (thread2)

trying welcome to the thread. I'm so sorry for the loss of your twins, if you want to share more about them you're welcome to here. I can imagine the due date is hard enough without having to deal with af turning up too. Hope you have plenty of support.

cake! Lovely to hear from you, I know plenty of the other ladies have been wondering how you are. Sorry to hear your dh is still struggling with ptsd, but am glad to hear you are getting support and I really hope it will help both you and your dh. It's so difficult dealing with your own grief whilst supporting someone else. It shows how strong you are coping with all this, even if it doesn't always feel like it.

My body is so confusing, don't think my body knows what cycle length it wsnts to be yet. Af is late but bfn, same as a couple of months ago. Looking forward to the weekend so I can mope around the house ignoring the world and comfort eat!

Sorry that should be oct '14 of course.

A wave to everyone, it's been ages since I popped in but I too have been hiding. Partly because we aren't ttc so it's hard sometimes to come here and see bfps/hear ttc tales - I'm thrilled for all the bfps from this thread I really am but when it's so far away for me it's hard to hear. Sorry if that sounds awful but hopefully you all understand more than most.

A warm welcome to you trying, I am so sorry for the loss of your twins and hope so much you're successful in ttc. How far along were you?

ellie I'm sorry things are difficult for you and your dh. It must be so stressful trying to deal with grief along the frustrations of ttc too. I hope you're able to talk about it with him and work things through, maybe even give yourself a couple of months off ttc if it helps you to feel stronger together.

For those that don't know me, my son W was born prematurely at 27wks in Oct '15 by emcs. So we are only just past the 6 month mark and whilst a lot of the early rawness has gone I still have days where I miss him terribly. My dd who is 3.5 keeps me going but she also has lots of questions about why her brother died which is very hard. We have had great care from our hospital and all tests etc have come back as no obvious cause and physically I have been given the all clear to ttc. I would really like to but sadly my dh is suffering from PTSD and is very far from ready. So I have to concentrate on supporting him as best I can - I need my lovely dh back and it's so hard to see him like this. We are being supported by a counsellor and I am trying to think about a future where did may not have another sibling as I'm getting older (almost 39) and we can't put any timings on dh getting better. I know it's not the worst thing in the world for dd to be an only one, but I so hope in future we will have our own rainbow.

Anyway enough of me me me but for anyone still reading I just wanted to say hi and wish you all luck with ttc and much love to all those grads from this thread. I'll keep stopping by to see how everyone's doing from time to time. X

Hi. My first time here. My twins were premature/ still born in dec. we've started ttc again with no luck so far. I'm trying not to get obsessed with it all but it's hard. Got my period today which was my original due date before I knew it was twins. Feels like a double slap in the face. Gutted.

Just popping on to give a quiet cheer for you both. The TTC phase after losing a baby is the absolute worst and miscarrying after a loss is the pits, it sends you into the black hole of despair. Thinking of you and hoping that this horrible period comes to an end soon.

ellie temping is pretty easy, you can get a basal body thermometer off Amazon or maybe in the chemist (I got mine here in the US). But it sounds like you're doing everything right already! Sorry to hear about the strain on your relationship, it is bloody hard when you process grief differently. Keep talking to each other, the only way out is through.

save did your last name reference a feminist icon? Have been wondering how you were doing. Big hug.

Oh bless you, so you've had a miscarriage after your stillbirth. Hope you are doing ok and have plenty of support. I'll be honest, my miscarriage hasn't really had much of an effect on me, mainly as I hadn't tested so didn't really see my self as pregnant. A lot of people irl have had accidental pregnancies, including my best friend who is having a girl (I was dreading she would have a girl) so I spend a lot of time being happy for people but desperately wishing it was me. People are also mentioning it being time I was pregnant, are you having that too?

Temping is something I'd thought about but haven't done, don't you need a really sensitive thermometer? Don't want to use opk's if they're unreliable, some people seem to love them . Have just been checking cm and trying to dtd every other day throughout my cycle.

Me and dh seem to be at a bit of a disconnect atm. I think we're both having a hard time with it all and with af due I'm quite emotional, we just don't seem to be very 'together' and I don't know how to fix it. Not very good when ttc!

Hi Ellie, I was on her under a different name, but name changed as I was worried I was going to be too recognisable to anyone who knows me! My daughter died neonatally in May last year (after a placental abruption at 35 weeks). I've been temping this month (for the first time), as well as checking cm, but not using opks as they seems unreliable and a bit of a faff. Sorry to hear about your recent early miscarriage. You could look at it as your body being very clever and doing exactly what it should (flushing out an unviable embryo early on so make way for a viable one), but that probably doesn't help much at this point in time.

Hi Saveme is this your first time posting or have I missed you up thread? So sorry about your loss, if you want to tell me more about it you're welcome to. You say you think you've stopped ovulating, have you been testing? I will be doing that next. Didn't want to go that route but at least I'll feel like I'm doing all I can. Dr's think I had an early miscarriage the other month so sent me for an ultrasound, all is ok which should be a relief but instead I'm feeling angry that my body is not doing what it should! If you are concerned about it and have been testing, maybe go to the doctors and discuss your concerns.

Think I'm out for this month, am at the end of my 2week wait and have been feeling cramping on and off. Here we go again....

Hi EllieandAnna, I have been hiding too. I had a missed miscarriage in January, and it was too painful following the pregnancies of people who would have been due at the same time as me. To cap it off, I'm pretty sure that I have stopped ovulating since the eprc, which seems particularly cruel. How is your ttc going?

ellie i felt like that at times too, like everyone around me was getting pg at the drop of a hat but it wasn't happening for us. I think for me i was putting too much pressure on myself and that's why it wasn't happening, as the first month i thought "bugger it i'm not worrying about all this fertile window bollocks" i got my bfp. I hope you get your bfp soon x

Hellooooo hears echoanybody there? Ashamed to say I have been hiding. But I do want to say that I am so happy for all of you with your rainbow babies, I'm just struggling with all this ttc stuff and frustrated with everyone except me being pregnant (yes, everyone in the WHOLE WORLD, well that's how it feels!) Sorry I scared everyone off (think I'm the only ttc'er now!) So if anyone does come back to this thread and reads this, I hope all of you and your rainhows are all ok.

Just wanted to send a massive tight squeeze to tulip. I hope so much everything is ok. I had a similar experience at 25 weeks with this pregnancy and it turned out ok (after a horrible scary visit to the hospital to make sure I wasn't going into labour) but with your history of having a preemie you must be beside yourself. Tightest of hand holds.

Winter you and your DH sound like you have a really strong bond. Well done to you both for surviving the past year.

Towns thanks for setting up the new thread.

Am posting and dashing so haven't read through the recent messages though I saw Tulips post so just wanted to say thinking of you and have everything crossed. I hope they are taking very good care of you. Hoping that since you posted you've got some positive news x

Oh little, how scary for you really hope everything is ok. Please update when you can x

littletulip I hope that little baby stays tucked up a little bit longer!
Sounds like you're in the right place - hoping everything is still shut down there?!

You posted a while ago so might know a little more now xx

Hi ladies,

Sorry if this is a me, me, me post. I'm currently at the local mat unit hooked on to the ctg monitors.

Had a horrific night last night. Whilst in the shower had a massive blob of mucusy discharge with blood. Had nothing since but have been up all night with loose stools and what has felt like reduced movement.

So far the ctg monitor shows good heart rate and baby movement. I'm waiting for the doc to check my downstairs.

It is so fucking unbelievablely scary. I'm only 29 weeks and have so long to go yet. I just want a baby safe in my arms.

mademoiselle been absent for bloody ages haven't i.. Sorry..
Tried dipping my toe in an antenatal thread again a few weeks ago but it's so hard - I soooo want to be a part of a group again though :(

Also agree with an antenatal thread..good idea.

critter lovely that you're able to reminisce together.. :) It's odd how there are funny memories but you're right in that the body just goes into shock.. Me & DH weren't in a brilliant place when DD died (he had depression for a while before hand & then her death obvs didn't help) so it was a very lonely time for me/us.. Thankfully he's on meds now & we're 100% in a less shitty place than last July..

Amazing how time flies.. DD would have been 9 months old, but instead I've got a 14 week old baby tucked away again! I just want to skip to the good bits!

vicky so sorry to hear about the placenta complication and the infection - hopefully they can clear it up (the infection) with antibiotics? And they will be watching you like a hawk this time, I hope, so you'll be in safe hands - they spent ages looking at the cord insertion at my 20 week scan as that was what ruptured and caused my son's death last time - so I bet you'll be really really carefully watched. Tightest of hugs and so sorry you have this extra worry.

ducky you did make me smile with the dogs conversation, that is so funny! Your friend sounds great. Strong painkillers are wonderful things, I remember my DH joking that he could have done with some too after J was born! They guessed 2lbs 13 oz at 28 weeks - apparently it's 76th percentile? I don't have gestational diabetes and I'm pretty short, but the men on DH's side of the family are all 6 feet or more. DH is calling him our 'giant monster baby'!

winter I reminisce with DH a lot about the aftermath of J's delivery - I guess he can't talk to anyone else about it so it's nice in a weird way - it was so awful, and afterwards we were just clinging to each other in this twilight zone of terribleness, but I also remember laughing hysterically a lot (painful on the c section stitches!). I guess your body just goes into shock and humour helps you cope with the horror of it, it's like you've been hit by a truck emotionally and physically.

Kayleigh so sorry about the aspirin, I would have thought a painkiller helped with migraines, talk about adding insult to injury! Hope the midwife can help.

Winter, you're here!!

I think a/n thread is a good idea. I'd still pop in here regularly but I'd hate to think we might be putting people off. Who will start one?

Sorry to post and run x

vicky I've just quickly googled your placenta complication - sounds as though you've organised a lot of antenatal care which is fab :)
Sorry that you're having complications again..

ducky thanks for providing me with chuckles haha!

kayleigh hope all goes well with the B- Midwife if you see her.. Sorry the aspirin is making you feel shitty..

lake i'm gobsmacked at your midwife's reaction! Surely if for your own reason you don't want to hear the heartbeat that's entirely your right?

madem i'm glad everything went ok with your colleague, personally i think you handled it perfectly.

flambola i would have complained about the drink too.

critter sorry to hear you're having anxiety, sending you huge hugs.

winter i talk about Ben's labour quite often, usually due to the experience i had while high as a kite on morphine (and the awful "salad" they expected me to eat)

AFM i'm not sure that the aspirin i'm taking is agreeing with me, as an hour after taking it i'm left with the most awful migraine, which isn't too nice because they leave me feeling very drained. Might be seeing the bereavement midwife on Thursday though so i'm going to mention it to her.
Love to all xx

She did winter she reminds me of it every time! She was on loud speaker and apparently she was telling me exactly where they were and what they were doing and the waiting for me to ask about the next one :,) although apparently they were all asleep all over the house as it was about 4am (yep she still answered and had a full strange conversation with me!)

Vicky, glad your appt went well sorry there's stress of the placenta, I've not heard of what you mentioned? And the infection i had a water infection with both dd and ds

Hello all, so consultant appointment went well, basically I demanded lots of appointments and all scans to be done by consultant sonographer. Even managed to get a scan today. Saw heartbeat etc.....

BUT, why does there always have to be a but! Yet again we have a funny placenta that can cause problems in later pregnancy, last time it was a bilobar (2 lobed) placenta, this time it's a circumvallate placenta... Cue much googling and it doesn't look fun! How I wish I could have a large glass of fruity cider right about now. In addition to this protein in urine and perhaps an infection, had urine tested last week due to repeated headaches first came back borderline, second came back clear... How I wish for simple!!

Really sory for the me me me post, just need to get it all out as thoroughly fed up and don't want to just bitch to hubby about it seeing as he is only one in RL to know.

Hope all you other Angel and Rainbow mommies have had better days x