Angels and Rainbows - remembering our angels and praying for rainbows (thread2)

Hope there's no more bleeding town.

Hugs to you madem.

Well it's dd's birthday. Was easier than I expected (with the large wine) not as bad as the build up

X

madem sorry to hear you're having a tough week, sending hugs x

town glad you're feeling better, i really hope the bleeding stops for you x

(Thank you Critter - I haven't caught up at all yet but was drawn over here again as am having a really tough week...so your litle wave means a lot. I think of you all every day and all the little hopeful beans are in my prayers.
Off to catch up on the thread now x)

Hi everyone,

Lots to catch up on. Welcome April and Kitty, so sorry you're both here and I'm so sorry you lost your precious little ones.

Town, I didn't even get to congratulate you, I am so sorry you're already having bleeding. With this pregnancy I had a lot of bleeding which stopped at 8 weeks. It was completely terrifying and awful, I was sure I was miscarrying again. I so hope that this is just a horrible scare and that everything settles. How far along are you? The doctor told me that 50% of people who have bleeding go on to continue the pregnancy.

Tulip - I told people at work last week after my 16 week scan showed a healthy baby. Still no obvious bump so I could probably have hidden it longer. The congratulations are weird but most people 'get it' - that it is bittersweet, even though we are obviously grateful to be here. There's another girl at work who is almost exactly the same stage with her first, and that hasn't been nice because she is all excited and innocent and it just reminds me of how I was, and how a pregnancy should be - uncomplicatedly happy.

Lake - YAY! I am so happy for you lovely. Tight tight squeeze. Take it day by day.

vicky, congratulations to you too.

cake that appointment sounds really tough. I am glad she went through it all with you, although the details must have been painful to hear.

madem - I think of you a lot. I hope you're doing ok. I am willing this to be a better year for you.

betty - ditto. Hope you are doing as ok as you can be right now. Big hug.

Adding my intro for those who haven't properly 'met' me:

Critter: 35
Started TTC 2011.
Long-awaited DS born by EMCS at 39 +3 in Jan 2014 after a haemorrhage (didn't go into labour, just started bleeding) after uneventful low risk pregnancy. They think a velamentous cord insertion rupture deprived him of oxygen. Died on the evening of the day he was born.
Early MC in July 2014. Second baby due July 2015.

vicky i didn't get my positive until the day after af was due, and in all honesty, my best friend was the first person i told (it was 6am Christmas eve and she was the only person i knew would be awake), then waited until dh was awake and waved the test at him asking if he could see the lines. I'm sure your dh would want to know.

town how scary for you, i'm sending big hugs. Make sure you get lots of rest and take things easy xx

Oh town how scary! Sending you big hugs x

town hugs to you. Take it easy! Rest x

Thanks everyone.

Vicky, I think it depends. You hve a positive and if that changes (fingers tightly crossed it doesn't) would DH be supportive? I told my husband straight away, only because I had to tell my mom as if anything were to happen I would want them for support. But, if everything goes smoothly then there would be no harm in telling him.

I have no idea what I'm waffling on about any more

I haven't told the hubby yet...feel bad but seeing as I'm not actually late yet im trying to hold off. Thoughts welcome from you all. What would u do?

ducky sending you hugs. The next few days will undoubtedly be hard. I hope your visit to the grave isn't too painful for you

lake and vicky congratulations to you both

AFM kitchen STILL not finished- not helped by the cooker very nearly blowing up on Thursday night (luckily no actual damage, and new cooker sorted my the landlord very quickly). My midwife rang me yesterday and my second urine sample was fine so good to know i don't have an infection

Ducky hope the anniversary goes as nicely as possible.

Kayleigh I hope the kitchen is finished and things are calming down a bit at home

Cake you are coping so well whilst waiting for you DH to be ready to TTC. Must be hard for him as you went through quite a lot medically, hope he manages to come to terms with it all soon.

Tulip 17+1 things seem to be moving on fast, are you finding out the sex at your 20w scan?

Madem I hope you are doing ok

Well apparently I'm 4+4 which is ridiculous and have an EDD 9/10/15 although likely to be induced at 38. Doesn't feel in the slightest bit real and I have absolutely no symptoms. Frightened that I'll miscarry or something else awful will happen, feel like it's going to be a long 33/35 weeks. Trying to keep myself busy to stop thinking about it all!!
Think if I'm still in the same situation on Monday I'll call the childrens centre and get a booking appointment with the midwife.

Vicky, congratulations

Cake hope your appointment goes well.

Town that's good that it is with the bereavement midwife. My midwife managed to get me an early scan at 6 weeks and I saw the consultant at 9 weeks but he was pretty useless... Didn't see a consultant again until 26 weeks and that was only after going to hospital in tears, the bereavement midwife came to see me and sorted it. Apart from that there was nothing extra. I think sometimes they expect us not to worry until later in the pregnancy as that is when we had our losses, well that's the impression I got. I needed to fight for extra care but when I got it I couldn't fault it. How are you feeling?

Little I think I'm going to just get her some nice flowers and go to her grave with ds. . In regards to the movement I had the same thing! At 17 weeks I called the midwife (well actually I got so worked up my mom had to leave work and come to mine and call for me ) she was lovely and came straight round and listened to the heartbeat. So nerve wracking isn't it! I didn't get regular movement until late

Hugs to everyone x

Hello again!

Sorry I have been absent. Thanks for starting the new thread town, think this might be the 3rd or maybe 4th Angels and Rainbows thread I've been on, I'm a proper old timer! Fingers crossed this is the thread that'll give us all good news.

Welcome to our newbies, I am so sorry to hear of your losses. You are most definitely in the best place for support.

Cake I'm glad you finally had your appointment, I understand you wanting to wait until your DH is ready, it is so difficult when sometimes all we want to be is pregnant!

Town, Lake and Vicky, gentle congratulations to you all! It is so unreal isn't it getting that bfp?

Kayleigh to answer a question you posted earlier, I had an early scan at 7 weeks, then the consultant wanted to scan me at 10 weeks. The next time the consultant wants to see me is after my 20 week scan. I have a brilliant team I am seeing a specialist midwife, and she has pretty much said I can go and see her whenever.

Ducky I am so glad your little man is home and getting better. Sorry you are feeling so sad about your angel, are you going to mark the day by doing anything? I planted a tree on 'A's birthday

Giant I think you mentioned age... I started TTC when I was 28, conceived and had a still birth at 30. I'm now 32, I really don't think age has much to do with it. It takes me ages and ages to conceive!

Critter how are you lovely?

AFM all going ok. I am now 17+1, have been feeling movements for a couple of weeks now. Last weekend I woke up feeling nothing, freaked out and booked myself in for a private scan. Scan was fine - phew! In my head i knew I was being ridiculous, you're not supposed to get regular movements at 16 weeks but I just had to know baby was ok. Not sure how I'm going to cope with this when the movements do get regular. I am trying to take each day at a time, my next milestone is the GTT next week and quick ante-natal check. I have requested the GTT test as I want all bases covered!

I am still hiding my pregnancy at work. My manager and a couple of close colleagues know but that is it, I really cant be doing with all the congratulations! And talking about the pregnancy - Aaarrghhh

Waves and hugs to all the others on the chat, sorry it's another quickie from me

So sorry to hear you're having a bad day ducky and april, sending you and anyone else who needs one a massive hug. These anniversaries are so very hard, and those days that for no reason you just feel so so sad are awful too. I hope you we getting lots of love and support in rl and we are always here to offer virtual hugs and shoulders to cry on xx

lake and vicky a line is a line, however faint! Keeping it all crossed for you both xx bfps are like buses it seems! Good luck to anyone else waiting to test.

madem and ellie hope you're both doing ok if you're still lurking x

Afm, still feeling desperate to get ttc'ing, but I've got to be a bit patient and let dh come round in his own time, I can't and don't want to pressurise him into anything, but I have moments of panic that he won't want to. We're seeing the psychologist this week so I'm hoping she may be able to help us work through this a bit.

Hi all
ducky sorry to hear you are having a bad day, be kind to yourself and just go with it, don't let anyone tell you what to do or how you should be acting.

AFM... Well I think I got a faint line this morning, couldn't resist having a go. Could be nothing though as not due for another couple of days, so we shall see. lake I haven't told my hubby either yet, silly isn't it, but I'm going to try and hold off until the weekend when past AF date!

Lake, am keeping everything crossed for you. My first positive after dd was so faint only I could see it, no one else could! I sometimes wonder whether there was no line but my body just knew I found the first response to be the best x

Well I think I might be pregnant. AF is now 4 days late although only got a really faint line on a supermarket cheapie this morning. Haven't told DH as I think he'd be so sad if I was just imagining that line. Going to buy an expensive digital and test again on Thursday. I have everyone of my fingers and toes crossed for this to work out for us!!

townsender - I was also 12 days in the NICU with my son.

I'm not totally convinced on the prevention of premature pregnancy next time but we have an option at least. I am actually on maternity leave from my job in the UK still. We moved abroad, for a year, with the plan being that I would have the baby here and take the year off from work as maternity leave ( I took it a little early). So obviously our plans are completely on their head and I feel totally in limbo. I am busy at the mo with moving and furnishing the flat but come the end of Feb I will have little to do. Having been so busy at work to stopping is hard enough anyway but I expected to be heavily pregnant now and then preoccupied with a baby from March. All of that is now feeling like it is so far away. I really want to get pregnant again to get 'back on track' but I know that could take a while which is scary.

It is a completely new country for us both. However, we do have some good friends here who have been great. It's hard though as I am generally meeting new people (their friends) and I don't feel my usual bubbly self. I never know whether to explain what has happened or just pretend it hasn't. I also don't know how to deal with people in the UK who I haven't told yet. They will be expecting me to have a baby soon. In some ways being able to hide away abroad is quite nice as I don't' have to face people. It does also give me the option of not being at work too.

Pleased to hear that you will be consultant led this time around, it's nice to have that reassurance. As I am abroad it is all private insurance and it's nice to have doctor led care, especially when things have gone wrong in the past.
x

townsender - I was also 12 days in the NICU with my son.

I'm not totally convinced on the prevention of premature pregnancy next time but we have an option at least. I am actually on maternity leave from my job in the UK still. We moved abroad, for a year, with the plan being that I would have the baby here and take the year off from work as maternity leave ( I took it a little early). So obviously our plans are completely on their head and I feel totally in limbo. I am busy at the mo with moving and furnishing the flat but come the end of Feb I will have little to do. Having been so busy at work to stopping is hard enough anyway but I expected to be heavily pregnant now and then preoccupied with a baby from March. All of that is now feeling like it is so far away. I really want to get pregnant again to get 'back on track' but I know that could take a while which is scary.

It is a completely new country for us both. However, we do have some good friends here who have been great. It's hard though as I am generally meeting new people (their friends) and I don't feel my usual bubbly self. I never know whether to explain what has happened or just pretend it hasn't. I also don't know how to deal with people in the UK who I haven't told yet. They will be expecting me to have a baby soon. In some ways being able to hide away abroad is quite nice as I don't' have to face people. It does also give me the option of not being at work too.

Pleased to hear that you will be consultant led this time around, it's nice to have that reassurance. As I am abroad it is all private insurance and it's nice to have doctor led care, especially when things have gone wrong in the past.
x

Ducky23, I'm so sorry you are having a bad day.

The 'anniversary' days or any day you can remember what you were doing before are definitely the hardest and I know there's absolutely nothing I can say to make you feel better.

I am sat hear in floods of tears myself. I don't even have a particular reason why, I just burst into tears because a thought of my son popped into my head from nowhere.

The rest of the week is bound to be very hard for you too. If you can do something nice together, maybe a meal out or something after you go to her grave (I think you said you planned to do that on her birthday) that could be a way of coping a little with that day.

Thinking of you x

Having a hard time.

I keep havig flashbacks today this time last year I picked up my pram and was unpacking it where my ds is sat in his bouncer it was probably one of the first times I got excited about being pregnant. A year ago tomorrow at 10.30 I was told my baby no longer had a heartbeat and a year go on Thursday was the first and last time I held her