Angels and Rainbows - remembering our angels and praying for rainbows (thread2)

Flambola I am so so pleased for you. I think we must be in sync. I felt/feel the same. It is very surreal, I feel like I'm in some kind of long dream/nightmare and my life is not my own any more if that makes sense. However I'm taking this (cautiously) as a big positive step and something positive to hold onto. How your counselling session goes well. I am thinking of looking into counselling myself as I think the next 9 (I hope 9) months is going to be very stressful and emotional x

Well, I am pregnant. It's come as a bit of a shock even though we were actively trying. Now I have a huge knot in my stomach which I'm sure will never go away.

I have my first counselling session today, too.

Hope you're all well.

Congratulations april!! So pleased for you.

I think I might be pregnant. Not sure if my eyes are playing tricks on me though.

Hi all hope everyone is doing ok, just been reading through the latest posts.

So it seems that I am pregnant, I'm very excited and have noticed a big shift in my mood but as we all know, it's not the same as the first 'innocent' bfp. I'm grateful regardless though and will have my first scan mid march at 7 weeks.

Flambola, my cycles changed after birth and got a few days longer. I have my fingers very tightly crossed for you.

Town - I think you were asking about progesterone? I will be taking it from around 16 weeks in addition to a cervical clercage at 12 weeks. I had a few doses of progesterone pessary when they were trying to stop me going into labour in December. It was such a small amount I couldn't say what side effects I had. I have heard very good things about progesterone and prevention of early labour though. The only side effects I have been told about was a slight weight gain, but since I will be on bed rest for most of this pregnancy and won't be able to exercise at al I expect I'll be getting fat regardless!

xxx

Pregnancy seems to make some people much more selfish. One of my colleagues is 2 weeks ahead of me and is already making a big deal of it making sure everyone knows and refusing to do certain parts of the job. She seemed slightly annoyed to have found out I was pregnant. It's nice for me at work though as it's deflecting all the attention off me!
Flambola I hope you hear something soon must be very frustrating for you.
Ducky hope your DS has got his appetite back after his immunisations.
Not much news over here. Got the date for the 12 week scan and DH is working, not sure whether to get him to change his shift or get someone else to come or just go alone. All the friends or family I'd be comfortable having with me at the scan I feel like I've already put them through so much after losing E that I'm not sure it's fair. I was tempted to call the bereavement midwives and see if one of them could be with me but not sure if that's reasonable as obviously they have a lot of their own work to be doing.

flambola sorry to hear you're worried your cycles gone haywire, and that you've still not had a consultant appointment through, especially when your gp has been keeping you informed about results ect. I hope your gp is successful in chasing them up and you get your appointment soon.
With regard to my "friend" i doubt the situation will change as after speaking to another friend who works with her she's telling anyone who'll listen about her scan on Friday. I'm pleased for her that she's having a baby i just think it's best if i give her a wide berth for a while x

Kayleigh - I don't think you're being unreasonable. People can be a little bit selfish and caught up in themselves without realising. I hope she takes more of an interest.

I'm also being very selfish at the moment for which I apologise but I'm driving myself potty at the moment waiting for my period to arrive. I've taken a pregnancy test but it was negative so now I'm worried that my cycle is fucked up. Before I was pregnant it was regular as clockwork.

Still waiting for a consultant appointment! My GP has been chasing them up but I haven't heard anything yet. I know they've had the pm results as GP had received a letter saying so.

ducky glad you feel a bit better x

Apologies, bit of a selfish moan. A friend of mine is expecting and has her 20 weeks scan this week. I sent her a message to ask how she's doing and she didn't once ask how my appointment with the consultant had gone last week. Don't get me wrong i don't expect to be the centre of everyone's universe now i'm pregnant again, but am i being unreasonable for assuming someone i've known for 15 years would take a little bit of interest??

Thanks Kayleigh. I feel better hearing it from you guys x

ducky your ds sounds perfectly normal to me, i've known plenty of babies/children go off their food for a few days after injections. I can understand your concerns due to him taking less than before, but usually if they're taking something in and still producing normal nappies it's not too bad. My friends little girl was off her food a bit for a few days after her jabs then suddenly my friend couldn't seem to fill her up, so you might find ds follows a similar pattern. (And you don't sound like a paranoid crazy woman at all- just a concerned mummy [flowers) xx

Welcome yummy, so sorry you find yourself here x

Sorry for the self indulgent post, just hoping someone might be able to put my mind at rest ds had his 12 week injections and since then has been off his food, he usually has 4-5 oz every 2/3 hoursish, longer if were out, now he's only having 2/3 oz every 3 hours at most, he has been sleeping lots. When he's awake he's been his usual happy self with plenty of smiles and wet nappies but he's not crying for food anymore. I have just been offering it to him when I think he might want it.

Don't feel like I can ask anyone else as they all think I'm just a paranoid crazy woman. Don't know, maybe I am overreacting?

There's always something to worry about!

Hi all,

Aimee sorry you find yourself here. Sending as I like baking!

Hubby wasn't mad, he said it didn't surprise him that I went on my own, glad he knows me so well. I think even more so for him he isn't going to be able to get excited till we actually (hopefully with all fingers toes crossed) get a crying bambino.

ellie our dog got really bad acne so I feel for you on the cat front!

town good work on the consultant front, sounds like they have a sound plan. As far as progesterone goes I asked for it last time round after having a 33 weaker but my consultant said couldn't have it so can't offer any advice really other than everything is worth a shot!

flambola my cycle went from 28 days to 33 after giving birth and has stayed like that ever since x

vicky that's fab news, and what lovely staff too! What was dh's reaction to the picture?

ellie oh your poor cat our dog cost us a small fortune in plastic collars after she was speyed (after buying the 5th collar from the vets we decided to take our chances). Hope your cat gets better soon. Also pleased for you that the issue with your sil has been somewhat resolved.

critter so pleased your scan went well, and it must be very reassuring that they are keeping a very close eye on the cord.

yummy welcome and i'm so sorry to hear of the loss of your beautiful girls. I think the decision to ttc again is a very personal one. I had people giving me their "opinions" but ultimately i ignored them and dh and i made the decision together. It has to be when you feel ready for it.

town glad your appointment with the consultant went well, and they've told you what further care you'll get. I felt a lot calmer after seeing the consultant's registrar as i knew what the plan was. Glad your little bean is doing well too.

AFM well i rang the hospital where i'll be having my scan on Thursday and asked about not going into the same scan room as the days we found out Ben was gone. Apparently room 1 (the room i was taken to) is the room used by the senior sonographer so i won't have my routine scans in there, but i'll need to speak to the consultant about the extra scans.

Thanks ellie.

Thank you so much for your kind words, you're all amazing and I will lurk and pop by every now and again but for now we must focus on getting dh 'back'. I may not be here often but you will all be in my thoughts Xxx

Hi Flambola I know that your cycle can change, either total days in cycle or length of period. My period is shorter and different to how it was pre pregnancy. Also, after A was born I bled for 4 weeks, stopped for 1 then started again for 5 days. The nurse said it was probably my period so I was expecting my cycle to start up again, then it didn't! I waited until 3 months after birth to go to the doctors about it and she prescribed me the contraceptive pill to kickstart my cycle. Luckily my period arrived naturally after 4 months, it various from person to person. Hope that helps.

Hi Aimee, so sorry for the loss of your daughters. From my own experience and seeing from others here, I think the conflicting emotions are part and parcel of the grief we have all experienced. I decided to try again as I reasoned that I want a family and the loss of my daughter hadn't changed that fact. It hasn't stopped me going back and forth and wondering if I'm rushing it though. I would say that if you have plenty of support in rl and there are no medical readons as to why not then just go with how you feel, there is no right or wrong in this situation.

There have been some ladies on here who are undecided on whether to ttc yet so if you're still welcome to come and vent here if you need to I really don't think people understand if they haven't been through it themselves. Of course Ava does not substitute for your angel daughters in the same way that a new child wouldn't. Each child is special and whilst I can imsgine your daughter is a great comfort to you, she won't fill that space that has been left in your life. I hated it at around the 3 month mark as everyone seemed to feel like I should be ok again when I know that I'm going to have a part of this sadness for the rest of my life.

The ladies on this thread are fantastic and I hope you get as much from this thread as I have x

Hi guys, just a quick question - can your cycle change after labour? I previously had a 24 day cycle and was just kind of expecting it to fall into place again.

Hi Ladies,
Been having a browse through previous threads for a while and finally got the courage to join today.
I'm Aimee, 21 and have 3 beautiful children.. My oldest is my 3 year old, Ava and my youngest are my twin girls, Zara and Layla, born sleeping on the 29th November last year at 23 weeks.

I've recently had an urge to start trying again fairly soon but have so many conflicting emotions that come with the thought. I'm unsure if I'm just wanting to try because I'm coming up to my due date and I know I will be missing holding a newborn and all that comes with new babies. Or if it's something bigger than that and I'm genuinely ready for the rollercoaster that will be trying again...
I can't seem to find anyone around me that understands my feeling around all this, all I seem to get is that I have Ava and I should be moving on etc etc. So thought I'd give a forum a go, talk to people who will understand the emotional upheaval we've all been through..

Thanks ladies. X

Ducky Oh dear, it's so expensive isn't it, hopefully your dog is better now though. Hope you and your family are ok and you're finally getting to just enjoy ds rather than worrying.

Lake I remember the tiredness well, I remember struggling to keep my eyes open at times. I think you do right in ordering easy prep meals and at least trying to keep active (although it's important to give in and make sure you rest too!) I took up running again when I was 6months as midwife suggested keeping active (something about increasing stamina for labour) and I really enjoyed it.

Critter so pleased everything went well with your scan and that you are getting monitered. How did you feel about finding out it was another boy, especially as he looked so similar to J? I keep wondering how I will feel if I had another girl and I feel like I constantly change my mind. Whenever I talk about having another child I say 'she', force of habbit I suppose. And thanks, I'm sure kitty will be fine, definitely agree with them making great therapists.

Although I sometimes struggle keeping up to date with the thread (mainly because of how many people have sadly joined in the last few months) I feel like a few people seem to have disappeared. So just in case any of you are reading but not posting (don't think the term lurking is appt here!) I just wanted to wish you all well and I hope you're doing ok.

AFM Sil has 'apologised'. The 'apology' omitted the use of sorry and included an accusation of sabotage on our behalf of her daughters pictures and memories. She also managed to proportion a lot of blame on us, all in all, a well rounded apology! I suppose the main thing is she said she didn't mean anything by it and wouldn't upset us on purpose. I've felt more annoyed the more I've thought about it but she will never change, so for the sake of family I've decided to just leave it. It is important to me that, should I be lucky enough to have another child, they have a good relationship with their cousin.

Maybe I should post less, I spend too much time on here! Have a great weekend everyone.

ellie poor kitty with acne! The things you learn when you have a pet eh? I My dog has allergies - I never knew a dog could be allergic to things before he turned up in my life. But pets are such amazing therapists.

winter I am sorry that you're struggling, I haven't joined an antenatal thread for the reason you describe, but sometimes I wonder whether I should as it's an odd position to be in - expecting your second but never having been able to take the first child home.

vicky great news about the heartbeat. Hurrah!

lake hurrah for a booking in appointment. I've always thought October would be a lovely time to have a birthday. Your midwife sounds lovely, and I am so glad - you deserve lots of gentle support.

madem I dip in and out too. You have been though so much - so glad that your cycle is at least back. I really think this year your luck has to change and I so hope you have happy news about a sibling for G and your little girl soon.

tulip you must be at around 20 weeks too, did you have a scan yet? Hope all ok, thinking of you.

cake so sorry about your poor DH. It is a massive trauma.

Love to everyone I've missed - hoping for lots of rainbows this year.

AFM 20 week scan today and it's another perfect little boy. He actually looked a lot like J on the 3D scan. So relieved. Lots of emotions, but mainly just wishing away the next four and a half months. The cord is not velamentous but it is marginal so will have an eye out for that. But the difference this time is that I'm being watched super closely. Fingers crossed it all goes ok and we can take this one home.

Cake I hope something manages to help your DH soon sounds like he's really struggling, I guess at least he's been able to talk to a counsellor and try to address these issues.

Vicky congratulations glad you got such good news and I'm sure no one would have even thought twice about you being so upset when you got there. I kept my eyes shut for the whole of our early scan, the sonographer eventually said I promise it's all good news you can look at the screen. Hadn't really realised how frightened I was!!

Ellie cat acne sounds painful but does slightly sound made up, like when you take the car to the garage and they tell you all kinds of things are wrong with it!! Hope cat is feeling better after a Friday night facial

Town hope the appointment went well yesterday

Hope everyone else is doing well.

AFM had a few days off work, struggling a bit with the constant tiredness and nausea at the moment. Was sensible and got a lot of simple to cook but healthy food delivered yesterday. I seem to struggle just existing at the moment but think the less I do the less I want to do. Had to run from one end of the hospital to the other on my nights and realised how unfit I am so I'm going to get on with walking and maybe try couch to 5km not sure that pregnancy is the best time to try running but gotta do something!!