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Original poster

The BESH are powering ahead on a gin and prosecco fuelled hover board, in the general direction of 2030

995 replies

barkingtreefrog · 12/12/2014 21:42

Rules of entry: must be ttc #1 for over a year, be suitably evil and hag-like, and submit your BESHtionnaire for our approval. If you are a baby duster or a hun, this ain't the thread for you.

In order to join the BESH you MUST be over 30 and TTC for baybee no. 1 for over a year, be ok with swearing, shout CUNT at the world on a daily basis and howling at the moon should be a regular occurrence. BESHtionnaires must be submitted - no admittance allowed without it (we just want to snigger at your lesbian crush - it's true).Â

Revised BESHtionnare for reference

  1. Do you like gin? (This is compulsory, you must say 'Yes')

  2. Men - are you a gold digger or a cradle snatching cougar?

  3. Baybee-making - to put a baybee in your tumtum, which hole do you use:
    a) weewee
    b) poopoo
    c) foofoo
    d) none, you just pray to the baby Jebus.

  4. Testing - when someone wonders if they should test for updiff (pg), do you:
    a) bellow 'POAS!' at them non-stop and punch them repeatedly in the kidneys till they wet themselves anyway.
    b) Sprinkle them with babydust and send them hugs and kisses on lickle baby angel wings.

  5. Is R2D2:
    a) an adorable robot from Star Wars.
    b) the source of all evil.

  6. Number of pets?

  7. Inappropriate (read: weird) crush of shame?

  8. Lesbian crush?

  9. How much money have you spent on sticks you then urinate on?
    a) Oh nothing, I'll probably catch first time and then get the doctor to confirm it.
    b) Over 100 quid
    c) I opened an account on ebay solely for the purpose of purchasing sticks

  10. Which of these sentences is appalling:
    a) Off to see the consultant today!!! So excited!!!!!
    b) Gud luck hun sprinkling babydust for ya lol xxx
    c) both of the above

  11. How barren are you?
    a) childless and TTC for at least one year
    b) one child and TTC #2 for at least two years
    c) I've been trying for 2 cycles and the wait is driving me mad!

If (c) then the BESH is not the thread for you.

OP posts:
cherrycoconut · 21/12/2014 22:24

This whole thing is the biggest head fuck going; thank god for the fish, gin, small geezers and most importantly our ESHly clan. The only stuff guaranteed is that TTC will drive you beyond the edge of reason and to face situations and emotions you never thought you'd have to. It will definitely make you stronger though. We're like nails, innit. And like my mate said to me today, way better equipped to become parents as a result when the time fucking comes I just hope for us all that 2015 is our time.

Yo Frankel 9.5 months, wowzers, bet you're excited about your first Christmas!

Ooh Rain IVF here you come, salmon of speediness for quick waiting times for you.

TheRainDrops · 21/12/2014 18:21

Small geezers! Grin is that an auto correct improvement?

Thanks frank - wow, 9.5 months already! I think I'd only very recently joined the ESH when you had your baybee, and that feels like forever ago now!

erica I hear ya - it's impossible to totally disengage. When I went rogue earlier in the autumn we DID manage to stop obsessively ttc ing but it was always there in my head, you just can't unlearn your cycle after 2.5 years! I was reading a list of things mentally strong people don't do and I felt like a total weakling failure because I do all of them, but I decided bollocks to it - whoever wrote that has no clue what infertility is like and dealing with it day in day out for as long as we all have makes us mentally hard as nails.

fizz poor mog, that's such a shame. I am sure the cattery will make a lovely fuss of her while you're away.

fab what shitty timing - hope you're feeling ok and are on the mend for Christmas. It was me with the earache, it's gone now but my ear is still totally blocked - it usually clears up when the cold is gone, so hopefully will be ok soon!

chez thats you and me both with festive FC appointments then! We're back at our hospital consultant on Tuesday next week to hopefully get our path to IVF on the move. Fingers crossed!

I am awaiting the droid at the moment and trying to stop myself from foolishly hoping for a Christmas miracle. Fish slaps please.

Fabuluce · 21/12/2014 17:10

Omg!!!!! I know it's an over said phrase but - where's the time gone??

FrankelandFilly · 21/12/2014 16:56

She's good thanks Fab 9.5 months already Shock

Fabuluce · 21/12/2014 15:42

Gin and small geezers eh Frank - fabulous, exactly what a hag needs Smile especially brilliant as IRL I definitely can't drink at the moment and have forgone the choc for about 8 years now but I used to LOVE small geezers Grin

How's the Filly doing?

Hey Erica - soz to hear about your visit from the Droid. The bitch.

EricaJ · 21/12/2014 12:06

Definitely like the Clockwork OraNge guy. I do love my black eyeliner and I seem to be losing my mind.

EricaJ · 21/12/2014 12:04

Hi hags! Greetings from a week end away with crap internet.

It seems that many of us are having a hard time ON TOP of TTC hell. Sucks. Fuck it fuck it fuck it.

2014 can go to hell. I am going to make a priority in 2015 to 'protect my mental health', like Fab said.

We have taken this month off but still got upset whenthe droid arrived a few says ago. I am totally conditioned, like that dog (Pavlov?) or the dude at the Clockwork Orange :)

FrankelandFilly · 21/12/2014 11:18

Sorry, should have said for those that don't know me I'm Frankel currently a CRESH (child rearing ESH) having finally won my baybee after 3 years of hard slog. I would never have got through those times without the support of the ESH so I hope you all feel the love and support of the ESHly buzzwams.

FrankelandFilly · 21/12/2014 11:16

Hello fellow hags! Just swinging by to say I'm trying to keep tabs on you all and your journeeeees Wink

I come bearing gin and Malteasers (staple diet of the ESH) and big snogs under the mistletoe for you all Grin

FizzyFeet · 21/12/2014 11:09

Couldn't agree more with the 'projecting forward' thing. Doesn't help that my whole job is about forecasting future probabilities and working on longish-range projects. fab has some wise words Smile

cherry good to see you! Glad you have escaped the clutches of work. Good luck for Monday's appt.

fab ouch! UTI and kidney stuff is the worst. Hope the drugs kick in speedily.

to everyone else. Have we lost our newbie already?

AFM, doing ok today. Cat is now stable though in stage 4 kidney failure - she's happy enough, but probably doesn't have long left. It will be hard leaving her at the cattery tomorrow, but I can't not go and see my family. Am reassured that she will be in good hands at the cattery.

Fabuluce · 21/12/2014 08:00

Ah the simple pleasure if getting a fabulous book and roaring through it till the end - how blissful Smile

Barking - it's totally natural (IMHO - of course it may also just be a hag thingWink) to do that mental racing ahead thing of what if, what if, what if and to a certain extent we have to (we have friends getting married next year and TWH is best man - their provisional date set is currently 40 weeks after our ivf ConfusedConfusedConfusedConfused. Bless them though - they are able to be a little flexible and have said they'll keep it as provisional until April when we will know more. But utter eeeekers though! Totally didn't see that one coming!). But there comes a time when you can over do your what-if-ing and that's when it's causing you too much pain. For your own mental well being is it possible to try and start some exercises to stop you going off into that What If World? Even if it's just for your holiday? Every time you feel yourself going down that route try finding something else to fixate on instead - it's your holiday so give your head as well as your body a break from all the crap. It's hard but it really should help (am speaking from experience of having done this myself) although admittedly it does mean future discussion plans become more challenging as I'm so busy trying NOT to think about this stuff that I frustrate TWH with being utterly vague about it all instead. Have I thought about this, that, the other? Of course not! I'm busy protecting my mental health!! Anyway Barking, we are here for exactly this sort of thing so howl away but also know that in the wise old words of someone 'this too shall pass'. It's one of those phrases that gets me through the dark times.

Original poster
barkingtreefrog · 20/12/2014 22:50

That is utter wank, Fab, and what crappy timing Angry.

I started reading a book on the plane that I downloaded after seeing it while browsing at the airport. I couldn't put it down. Just finished it. DCW went to bed a couple of hours ago or more, but I knew I couldn't stop reading at that point Blush.

I had a weird experience on the plane. DCW is planning a month travelling in summer (him still being a teacher) and just before we got on the plane we were talking about it and he asked if I was definitely ok with it. Yes, of course, it's not his fault I left teaching and therefore don't get the summer holiday anymore.
But my ttc brain immediately started calculating of course. We'd already worked out that by August we would have exhausted our treatment options so there's nothing in the way there, but my already over-active imagination went into overdrive. What if the next two rounds of iui failed, but then we had successful ivf? I might be having my 12 week scan while he's away. I can't go on my own. Who could I get to come with me? I started going through my friends, wondering who would be available to come, realising that the only ones not at work would be those on maternity, knowing I wouldn't be able to face it on my own.
And then, sat there on the plane, I realised I was crying. The silent tears type. ON THE FUCKING PLANE. CRYING ABOUT A FUCKING HYPOTHETICAL SITUATION.
Hags, what the fuck is wrong with me?Hmm Hmm Confused Confused

OP posts:
Fabuluce · 20/12/2014 22:10

Well arseyfucktitwank! Came down with cystitis on Thursday only for it to escalate into a full blown kidney infection today and a trip to the out of hours emergency care gaff in the local hospital to get antiobios for 7 days this eve. Feeling proper sorry for myself (not to mention my poor bladder and foof for the constant too-ing and fro-ing to the bog) especially at the thought of being on them Christmas. Grrr. Still, it's better than getting sick on Christmas Day and means I should be completely clear for the start of downregging - really don't want to be feeling like shite down there when I've got to have the specialist rummaging around!

Sorry for the me me me moment. Hmm

Chez welcome back - good to see you on the shiny new fred Smile. Have vague memories of the chart but that's about it I'm afraid!

Fizz, how's it going?

Barking have a fabulous time - time to booze, relax, have a lovely time with Mr B and not think about ttc NOT ONE LITTLE BIT!!

Who was it with ear ache? Do you still have it? That's one of those things I have no idea about how to deal with as I have it so rarely. But when I do I want to gouge my own ears out so I feel your pain Hmm. Hope you feel better soon.

Original poster
barkingtreefrog · 20/12/2014 17:21

chez I remember the paint chart! (I was a lurker at the time).

In Spain. Sun is shining, sky is blue and we have a view of the mountains we are going to be cycling up tomorrow Grin Grin. Oh, and we stopped at the supermarket on the way and bought more alcohol than food. Including gin Grin. But no tonic.Angry Fail.
Still, there's another supermarket just round the corner, and bars...

OP posts:
cherrycoconut · 20/12/2014 13:27

Is anyone else barren enough to remember the BESH paint chart of CM? Can't answer your question Erica as I kinda view my HRT induced random symptoms as irrelevant but would be worth a laugh to dig them out if anyone fancies a ferret through the archives...

Hope you're feeling better Rain waves to Fab, MissH and ooh, fresh meat, yo Coop. Like a bit of the mature lover hey? Jon Snow, that's definitely random enough for in here! Sorry you find yourself in these straits but good to have you along for the ride.

I'm Chez, 35, certified barren. Diagnosed prem ovarian failure @33 DEIVF#1 failed Oct 2014, on the list for another donor match to for go #2.

We've got our first consultant apt coming up at the new clinic on Monday so fingers crossed all will be well.

How's the downregging treating you Fab?

cherrycoconut · 20/12/2014 13:18

Fiz what crap news. As others have said the mere mention of the big C is enough to instill fear whatever the prognosis for treatment and recovery. I hope she's getting good support and you all know more soon. And your poor kitty too, glad she's getting lots of cuddles to see her through but a double whammy to take the shine off your festive cheer, so sorry. More unBESHly arm rubs coming your way and some very loud cunts to the universe!

cherrycoconut · 20/12/2014 13:05

Wotcha hags fanks for the shiny new fred Barking sorry, arriving fashionably late to the party here. Work has a lot to answer for but I'm now on holibags for Chrimbo so all good! Trying very hard not to fall in a heap and get festive lurgy!

So sorry about your dad Barking. It's heart wrenching news especially to get at this time of year. The only thing I can offer to take hold of is that the arbitrary years they put on these diagnosis can often be way off. I think a lot of it depends on how much the patient wants to live and you can definitely give him something to live for, with or without grandkids. You as his daughter are just enough as you are and I'm sure all he wants is for your happiness.

I read something the other day which really helped me, that your parents are the only ones in life that really have your back and want the best for you. Despite the weird shit that gets in the way of it all and all the twisted emotional baggage I know this is true of my folks. They just have no skill set to show it and the fucked up ness of it often backfires into them hurting instead, but I guess if I know the former it helps to forgive the later. Sorry, this didn't mean to turn into an all about me post.

However way you dress it tis shit shit news. I hope Christmas in Spain will be just what you need to get you back on your feet for iui in Jan, woo needles or none! Happy hols, an unBESHly arm rub and a gin Prosecco cocktail with optional fish decor served up your way.

FizzyFeet · 20/12/2014 12:49

Happy holidays, barking! I may have missed where you are going - is it somewhere hit and sunny, or cold and snowy? Have a brilliant time wherever.

Just back from finishing Christmas shopping. Have to say I was glad not to have to do it with a screaming toddler like some I saw today...

Original poster
barkingtreefrog · 20/12/2014 09:11

At the airport! Whoop! No Christmas happening here Grin . Although I did start feeling like a girl when I caught sight of the Radley bags in the duty free...

OP posts:
Fabuluce · 19/12/2014 07:47

Last day before your hols Barking - whoopee! Hopefully the change will banish your cold too? Top tip with woo needles is to get some who is trained in Japanese rather than Chinese acupuncture style as they tend to be more gentle and use finer needles on sensitive points.

Fizz it's a good sign that your cat seems happy in herself at least. And it is amazing what they can come back from if caught at the right time.

For those who missed it I shall be stabbing for ivf in January (stabbing = injecting). Fun fun fun - ime for my belly to become a pin cushion yet once more! Intralipid infusions are basically what really sick people get in hospital when they can no longer eat but apparently it has been found that it can make a difference to the way a woman's body accepts an embryo. In my case I seem to be able to do everything ok (produce reasonable quantity and quality eggs, TWH's jizz is pretty good, we get a good amount of good quality embryos....and then implantation doom strikes) so it looks like my body rejects the embryos a bit like it would a cancer cell. The intralipids are hopefully going to help with this. Hope that all makes sense??

Original poster
barkingtreefrog · 18/12/2014 23:08

No tips for the ear ache I'm afraid rain, other than maybe a holiday?! I've been lurgied or fighting off lurgy for a month now, I figure some time chilling out in Spain and getting out on bikes in sunshine (even at lower temperatures) will finally cure me!

coop Barren Evil Selfish Hags. What the Daily Mail think of older women who've put careers before children. Not considering that maybe some women actually started trying to conceive as soon as they'd met the right man, only waiting a couple of years to make sure it was probably going to last. If I'd been a proper slag at school and had a teenage pregnancy caused by a lad I never saw again I wouldn't be in this mess would I?! Stupid me.

P replaces Barren with Pregnant. We're still evil and selfish even when with child Wink.

And yes, woo needles = acupuncture. Not the first time, but will be the first time with new lady. The last one didn't speak much English and was very crazy. And made me cry as the needles were so painful and her room was so cold it made it worse. There's a long story with me and woo needles. The crazy lady wasn't even the first. She looked nice compared to the nasty, patronising woman I saw first, but I won't bore everyone by repeating that particular rant again.

OP posts:
cooperG · 18/12/2014 21:52

Evening all, I need a dictionary for this thread, or at least a link to all your -isms! PESH and BESH?

Sorry about your cat news fizz, fingers crossed for you, and best wishes for your sister and fam Flowers

barking, is this acupuncture you're waiting on? Will it be your first? I've been considering it but dh is very cynical.. :/

fab, sorry to ask, what's your stabbing for/in prep for? Sounds delightful for sure...

Have a fab time in Spain barking, not jealous at all! Grin

Sorry to anyone I've missed, still really pissed off for no reason in particular this week. Think I'm anticipating the shitness which is going to be Xmas day when the bitch arrives Xmas Angry

TheRainDrops · 18/12/2014 21:16

Alreeet MissH! Thanks for stopping by, glad you're doing well in PESH land. You'll be proud to know I got a good half a dozen 'cunt's in at work today (in reference to the douchebag to end all douchebags that I had to endure a work lunch with yesterday). So glad I work in a cunt friendly environment! Wink

barking don't you go succumbing to ideas of doom and fate and all that bollox. Spend the money you would have spent on the session on gin = problem solved and much better for the spirit too!

fab Intralipid infusion? I'm assuming that's not some fancy new range from Twinings? Apologies if I missed this exchange whilst AWOL but what exactly is it?! Not long to go!

fizz I'm so sorry there isn't better news from your vet, but hopefully mog will prove them wrong. One of ours has been back and forth to the vet recently for a vomiting bout - many eye wateringly expensive tests later and it seems she's ok. We switched her food (again) to a really expensive one and the vomming has abated. Hopefully that's it! wouldnt surprise me if she was scamming us all along for a better plate of dinner.

I've got terrible ear ache today. Have had a crap cold all week which was slowly getting better but now I'm in agony. Anyone got any tips??

how are you all doing blue, coop & erica?

FizzyFeet · 18/12/2014 18:54

Hurrah for swimming and gin, barking. Good call!

Whoop whoop for stabbing, fab. Will you be having a strait-laced Christmas or a final let-it-all-hang-out one?

Hello miss h - hope you're doing ok in the land of the PESH! How much longer to go now?

Really mixed day of cat news today. Prognosis from the vet is very poor - biopsy inconclusive but contains worrying signs. But she's still bright, eating well etc. more waiting games until more tests on Sunday. Arg. Staying hopeful while preparing for the worst reminds me of all our ttc travails!

Fabuluce · 18/12/2014 13:02

How's the cat doing Fizz?

Hey Miss how are you doing? Are there many in the PESH at the moment? How long have you got left?

I start stabbing on 29th Dec (and an endo scratch and my first intralipid infusion on the same day) so there will definitely be some counting from my end of the BESH!