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Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

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Original poster

The BESH are powering ahead on a gin and prosecco fuelled hover board, in the general direction of 2030

995 replies

barkingtreefrog · 12/12/2014 21:42

Rules of entry: must be ttc #1 for over a year, be suitably evil and hag-like, and submit your BESHtionnaire for our approval. If you are a baby duster or a hun, this ain't the thread for you.

In order to join the BESH you MUST be over 30 and TTC for baybee no. 1 for over a year, be ok with swearing, shout CUNT at the world on a daily basis and howling at the moon should be a regular occurrence. BESHtionnaires must be submitted - no admittance allowed without it (we just want to snigger at your lesbian crush - it's true).Â

Revised BESHtionnare for reference

Do you like gin? (This is compulsory, you must say 'Yes')
Men - are you a gold digger or a cradle snatching cougar?
Baybee-making - to put a baybee in your tumtum, which hole do you use:
a) weewee
b) poopoo
c) foofoo
d) none, you just pray to the baby Jebus.
Testing - when someone wonders if they should test for updiff (pg), do you:
a) bellow 'POAS!' at them non-stop and punch them repeatedly in the kidneys till they wet themselves anyway.
b) Sprinkle them with babydust and send them hugs and kisses on lickle baby angel wings.
Is R2D2:
a) an adorable robot from Star Wars.
b) the source of all evil.
Number of pets?
Inappropriate (read: weird) crush of shame?
Lesbian crush?
How much money have you spent on sticks you then urinate on?
a) Oh nothing, I'll probably catch first time and then get the doctor to confirm it.
b) Over 100 quid
c) I opened an account on ebay solely for the purpose of purchasing sticks
Which of these sentences is appalling:
a) Off to see the consultant today!!! So excited!!!!!
b) Gud luck hun sprinkling babydust for ya lol xxx
c) both of the above
How barren are you?
a) childless and TTC for at least one year
b) one child and TTC #2 for at least two years
c) I've been trying for 2 cycles and the wait is driving me mad!

If (c) then the BESH is not the thread for you.

OP posts:

cherrycoconut · 17/01/2015 10:37

'Actually I'd like to experience being pregnant and giving birth as a life experience' might be the truth but doesn't really cut it as an ignoramus retort!

Sorry to hear about your mum Fab, I hope she's better soon and the cyclical pattern of parental disruption doesn't replay itself over for this cycle.

Barking don't get me started on the disparity between us and them and the looking after ourselves mark. There seems to be a complete disconnect on that score, too much head nodding, not enough application and discipline employed. Grrr.

Fabuluce · 17/01/2015 10:25

The joys of having older parents eh? Hold on, they were 40 and 45 when they had me and I'm now 42.....oh....hollow laugh...

Fabuluce · 17/01/2015 09:46

No the timing is not good but then my parents between them have had phenomenal timing with my ivfs - mum was poorly for the first, dad for the second, 3rd was cancelled as dad died and now here we are for the 3rd try again. Fingers crossed eh.

Original poster

barkingtreefrog · 17/01/2015 08:08

bugs my boss laughed the other week about how he's avoiding having children while his wants them, so I didn't bother telling him about the iui, just the office manager and the colleague I work closely with. Some people are idiots. DCW got some very flippant remarks about his 'swimmers' when he told a friend we were struggling . You'd think it was a man thing, but I've had stupid comments from women as well.

Fab hope your mum makes a speedy recovery. Not what you need right now!

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Fabuluce · 17/01/2015 07:48

Oh Bugs the naïveté of some people. It's funny and awful at the same time. I mean really? Do you think we thought fuck it let's go through this major, invasive, fuck with your body procedure (not to mention expensive) instead of just having a shag? Really? Do you maybe just want to take five minutes and have a think about this one?? Luckily for me both my bosses had been down that route to a greater or lesser extent so they were, in their own special ways, understanding. The general consensus was get us some twins. Do my best sir!

I remember you had a hell of a time with downregging Bugs but I'm doing ok so far. It's always the sleep problems that dog me during all of this but as I'm not working it makes it a lot easier to cope with. Downreg scan next Friday so hopefully we should be good to go for stims then or Saturday.

In other news my mum is very poorly again. How's that for timing! She lives 4 hours away so it's not a quick trip to get up to her but thankfully I have lots of siblings so that helps. Fingers crossed it doesn't develop into anything more sinister.

TheBuggerlugs · 17/01/2015 07:26

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This post has been withdrawn due to privacy concerns.

Original poster

barkingtreefrog · 17/01/2015 00:45

fab we get asked about adoption as well.
DCW finally got out of the pool having swum 3km. I was good and didn't have a gin in the pub. He did have beer. But stopped before drinking his second when I gave him the eye. Hmph. He's going to be giving his sample in 7-10 days if all goes well. Is it really too much to ask that he doesn't drink before then? And of course he wanted praise for not drinking the second beer. If a miracle happens all goes well I won't be drinking for 9 months, plus potentially longer if breastfeeding. And he wants a pat on the back for not actually stopping but cutting down for only 10 days and sticking to only one beer, when he was in the pub last night as well?!

OP posts:

Fabuluce · 16/01/2015 23:34

Cherry EVERYONE seems to ask us if we're considering adoption. It's such a laden question!

Fabuluce · 16/01/2015 23:33

Funnily enough I'm good with front and back crawl but utter shit with breast stroke - can't get anywhere for love nor money. It's embarrassing and knackering!

Fabuluce · 16/01/2015 23:32

You can get some spotting with it but apart from my first wipe it's all be A-OK down below thankfully.

I've just had a very fun evening out at a local quiz night. It's all done in the local schools you bring along your own food and drink. Historically everyone gets rip roaringly drunk and has a jolly good noisy time . I decided to treat myself to a glass of wine as I'm in downreg not stims and I was so miserable over Christmas with the lurg that I didn't get to eat or drink any of the things I liked. I also took the opportunity to have some of the stinkiest Brie I've had in a long time and some delicious Shropshire blue as if this all works out I won't be able to have them for months so it was a little bit of a last hurrah and I loved it!! Back to being good tomorrow. Sigh. I'll miss a good old vino et fromage!

Original poster

barkingtreefrog · 16/01/2015 21:01

Thank Fuck It's Friday!!
Just been swimming. Still trying to teach myself front crawl. Still can't manage 50m, start doing a brilliant drowned rat impression with 5-10m to go. Every time. It's becoming a self fulfilling prophecy . I should stick to the 25m pool really until I can actually swim properly. Hey ho. Now waiting for DCW to come out as half an hour of drowning was enough for me but he was staying in until he'd swum 1km.
Off to the pub. Quite fancy a gin but cycle has started now so maybe I shouldn't. Wow, that's a totally different me to the one who was studiously tee total for the first 2+ years of ttc!!!!

OP posts:

cherrycoconut · 16/01/2015 19:29

I am studiously ignoring the poolside living comments Erica if only you knew how Baltic it was in Blighty currently! Though there is something also lovely about getting cosy and hunkering in.

Yeowch Fab, glad it subsided quick but the deed itself sounds heinous. Do you get any bleed with it? The remainder of the avo sounds like my kinda time though.

I talked to my boss about IVF#2 coming up soon. He asked what it costs and whether we would consider adoption awkward male.

Fabuluce · 16/01/2015 18:49

Ps - very jealous of poolside living this week Erica!!

Fabuluce · 16/01/2015 18:48

Good to hear it Chez. enjoy the fire and the gin, you deserve it!

I so wish there was a queuing system - just think of all those smug differs you could go along taking back their babies saying 'nope you've all jumped the queue and there's this bunch of hags that need to be first up. THEN you can have yours'

Well hags I confirm the scratch is bloody painful. Yikes! Good news it's only about 30 seconds of ' sweet jeeeesus that hurts' before it subsides to period type totally doable pain. Intralipid infusion on the other hand was a dream - sitting in a warm comfy room with a drip, a book, a hot drink and 3 others all feeling comfy in our own worlds for 1.5 hours. All quite lovely really - thankfully it's that one I get to repeat not the other!!

cherrycoconut · 16/01/2015 18:19

Hope it went OK Fab, your pain assessment is eagerly awaited as I've signed myself up for this voluntary mutilation too.

Hope you're doing OK today Rain, thinking of you.

Lol Barking you're what now, not at home at 7pm? You have a life outside TTC? Tsk!

So if there's a queue system in operation did we get stuck on hold then? Are we in some parallel universe of broken switchboard hell? Why did no-one say; do you think Anne Robinson off Watchdog could get us a baby each?

I'm so fucking glad it's Friday hags, I even got up early to clean the kitchen this morning somInwouldn't have to do it tonight. We have shut out the world and now I'm on my sofa with roaring log fire and gin. ROCH was even well enough to make it for me. Right now in this moment my world is complete.

Original poster

barkingtreefrog · 16/01/2015 16:02

I would love there to be a queuing system Erica!! I can just picture me strolling through the maternity wards and selecting a baby.

I had to call the nurse with a stupid question this afternoon. I wasn't sure whether the 'same time every day' was 'evening' or '7pm'. And it said to keep it in the fridge, but what if I wasn't home at 7pm? Was the time more important or the fridge?
Apparently the time is important. The fridge is, but less so as long as I get it back in the fridge as soon as I can.
It was weird though, she asked me why, did I work nights? As if there was no reason other than work I might not be in my house every night at 7 pm! I didn't want to say I was planning on going swimming and would have to inject in the toilets at the pool! 'What if I was in the pub?' didn't sound right either, so I said I would be at my mum's! . Why did I feel I had to lie to the nurse?!
She just said 'oh well you can pop it in the fridge at your mum's then!`
Possibly leaving it in sauna heat swimming pool changing rooms might not be great then....

OP posts:

EricaJ · 16/01/2015 15:21

It was quite funny actually. A friend of a friend who also has been TTC for ages (but we only discuss it when drunk, we don't know each other that well) mentioned it in a whatsapp message... and it was like '... because X is pregnant' 'Oh, I see' 'Aha' 'Nice' Yeah'. We were obviously both a bit meh about it but none of us daring to say 'FFS!!!!!!'

If it wasn't because of the health plan I would invite this friend of a friend out for a drink or seven! :)

EricaJ · 16/01/2015 15:15

My pool-zen vibe has been ruined by a pregnancy announcement by someone who has been with her partner for, like, 5 minutes!!

I am not saying she doesn't deserve it but c'mon! Isn't there some sort of queuing system here????

Obviously fucking not.

Argh!

Original poster

barkingtreefrog · 16/01/2015 11:26

Erica just rub it in why don't you. Cold, wet, windy and miserable here. Well, the sun is trying, I'll give it that....

GOOD LUCK FAB!!!!

OP posts:

EricaJ · 16/01/2015 09:08

GOOD LUCK FAB!!! Buckets of lobsters of it!

Rainy I am so sorry. I haven't lost a pet yet but I get myself in a state when they are sick so I can't imagine what you're going through. Hugs, hag. You've definitely done the right thing.

It's Friday! It's hot and sunny and planning to go for walks and (some) wine and to the pool and maybe even feel a bit smug that I can just read my book and not worry about babies getting too hot/screaming their heads off/peeing in the pool.

Fabuluce · 16/01/2015 07:10

Oh Rain I'm so gutted for you (I finally managed to see a pic of her and she was divine) but you're right, you've done the right thing for her. Life can just be shit sometimes can't it . Arm rubs and the squid of solace for you.

I'd like to second Cherry - Barking officially knows more diffed/childful couples than anyone. Ever. It does tend to rub it in a bit too bloody painfully doesn't it. Don't worry about the drucks - I've done that occasionally and the nurses have always said it's fine. So long as you don't leak a load every day obvs!

I'm doing ok and my woo needles lady said my pulses are the best they've ever been which is great! Unfortunately the drucks do affect my sleep however and for some reason I woke up freezing in the middle if the night and could not get back to sleep so ended up in my dazed confusion at 1:30 this morning stumbling into a onesie and grabbing thermal socks to warm me up. Seemingly did the trick as I woke up in an oven like state this morning!

Glad your week is getting a little better Chez and hope you have relaxation and time with the boys scheduled at the weekend. Is there an end in sight with the stresses at work or do you just have to keep your head down and plow (not plié autocorrect although might be more fun) through?

First intralipid and endo scratch today. Wish me luck hags!

cherrycoconut · 15/01/2015 22:31

Drucks overspill happened to me too Barking but I remember another BESH having the same and being reliably told by medical BESH that they always put a little extra in the vials to compensate for some not quite making it to source. Glad it's going OK.

Yup affirmative on your winning of the most diffed connections ever. Have the mackerel of mostness, you defo win that accolade.

cherrycoconut · 15/01/2015 22:24

Oh Rain, hearing phantom kitty noises must be heartbreaking. You did the right thing but it's so hard. I hope Rainycat #2 is bearing up and getting extra cuddles. Gentle arm rubs and cockles of comfort to you.

Original poster

barkingtreefrog · 15/01/2015 22:22

Oh, rain. Wish I could give you a big hug right now .

OP posts:

Original poster

barkingtreefrog · 15/01/2015 22:21

I know, cherry!! I think it's our group of friends. They're all into the same outdoorsy stuff as us, had other priorities earlier in life, and none of them married early. It seems all DCW's mates have got married one after the other in the last 3 years (us included) and then each couple have popped out a baby while we've been trying and looking on with . Well, not quite all, but pretty damn close actually. The friends on my side are the more random ones. The colleague who struggled to have the first two, then got diffed within a month when they decided to try for a third five years later. The single accidental differ. The army mate and her army husband who managed to get diffed despite being posted in different countries for most of the year. The friend who wanted to stop at two but was horrified to find she was pg with number 3. oh the sympathy I didn't have for her Anyway, I'm depressing myself so I'll stop before I carry on with the ones who drank/smoked through pg without a care in the world or have now had two since we started ttc.

Hope both the men in your life feel a hell of a lot better before the weekend.

Drucks going ok. Managed to somehow end up with a drop of the liquid on not in me after I withdrew the needle today, but I'm on a bigger dose than last time anyway, so if I didn't get it all in it doesn't really matter!!

fizz I'm not convinced DCW cares what people think! He was fine with changing his name when we got married, and he did get some stick from his mates about it. It's more the financial aspect really. He's thinking about using the day to do a part time uni course or something, so it would actually be a good thing for his career.

OP posts:

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