The BESH are powering ahead on a gin and prosecco fuelled hover board, in the general direction of 2030

Good to hear you've managed to book some time off even if it's just one day. Something to look forward to!

Lovely to see you hear Bugs, how's life in the CRESH? I'm 2dp2dt and otd is 23rd feb. Sooo far away! Got a fair amount if cramping today - I guess that's the cyclogest doing it's thing? Tooooo early for symptom spotting surely!?!

only if it's not too much trouble bugs!

bugs I was just thinking about GP's spaff the other day (I know that reads terribly but you know what I mean!). RAF needs to get on a good multi bit regime prior to IVF and I knew you'd had good results with his. Trouble is I can't find anywhere that seems to sell this Menevit stuff that looks legit? There's 30 caps on Amazon for £35 Inc p&p, does that sound about right? Where did you get yours from?

barking just let it all out - half the battle in preserving sanity is letting the crazy out when you need to and not internalizing your doubts and fears where they can fester. Having you lot as a sounding board for that stuff is invaluable but it's also really important that our OHs hear it now and then too. Just be sure to accept it for the fear driven outburst it is and be ready to discuss it with DCW again later when you're feeling more in control.

barking, I don't know what to say. I mean, I can say that the grieving for the lost possibility, the hormone crash, DCW trying to deal with his own emotions in a somewhat ham-fisted way, the terror of the future and possibly feeling like this again or worse, are all normal and understandable - but that's no good to you right now. But you must give yourself a break, lovely. I know that taking time off is not an option and would not actually be relaxing, but maybe look into taking even a day or two holidays if at all possible.

And then, if you can at all, get away: physically, I mean, to another place - somewhere in the country or by the seaside. And maybe by yourself - leave DCW at home. You need some time to recover and begin to gather yourself together.

Oh Barking lovely . You're in hormone crash droid hell which is the worst time. Any and every conversation you have at the moment is probably going to end badly. Please try all you can to concentrate your thinking on day to day living rather than thinking about the future as it's not going to help you at the moment. If you're not able to take any sick leave are you able to get an emergency woo lady appointment at all? I think that would probably really help to even up your hormone levels and calm your head down. She should be able to put some seeds in your ears as a minimum and that always help relax me (I have some in right now). I've found that when I've been at my most anxious and stressed out (basically at point of collapse) that woo needles were the best thing to get me into a better state of mind.

You hags are all fucking lovely!

That's all. Off to work with tampons & tears now!

Oh no, even the hypothetical shellfish Barking?

That sounds much more positive anyway. We just all need to cut ourselves some slack methinks.

Another good quote too. In the same vein It'll all be OK in the end. If it's not OK it isn't over

Loving the woo needle point names Fab. On my last IVF cycle my acu lady hit up some points for me with cool names too, wish I could remember them!
How is your mum doing luffly?

Have a good day hags.

Whizzing in during today's paper thin gap between work and bed to check in on the hags and leave rotting shellfish and gin to those in need. Except Fab, you'll have to make do with Ovaltine and some velvety hospitable wombleine thoughts for the octagonal embies.

Barking you've had some great advice so far, please take some time but also know that this is the lowest point of the whole damn lot. Worse than the crushing BFN the hormone crash makes the bottom fall out of the world. You will feel better in time but that's slim compensation right now. Arm rubs to you my friend.

Oh, wise hags you are all amazing. The combined compassion and wisdom for each other on this fred is incredible. I ame in awe of our collectiveness. Much love and respect to all, Rain, Blue, Erica, Bad, Fizz and anyone else I've missed.

Oh my god, you guys are making me salivate with all your porridge talk! I mix frozen summer berries in to mine, which is yum but not sweet enough. Dates sound tasty and peanut butter - someone hold me back!

barking hopefully these dark thoughts are being amplified by the usual shitty pre droid hormone crash. It is a shit old time, and we've all made sacrifices, lost innocence, lost faith and continue to grieve for the thing we want so sadly but have never had but we are BESH and we will endure and at the end of this, by hook or by crook we WILL win. Whether that's in the form of a biological baybee, adoption or acceptance, it is still fucking winning in my book, and we will be all the more awesome and formidable for it.

erica Great news about the job decision. I think my single biggest regret of this whole protracted ttc shizzle is letting things pass me by 'just in case'.

fab I like your woo nicknames! My lady never told me any. Speaking of whom, I guess I should get back in touch with her at some point soon for pre ivf needling. I miss my relaxing meditation hour! Hope those embies are multiplying nicely!

Form is safely in the post now - barking you don't know how close I was to phoning when I found it! Was Quite a confusing form - each field had to be completed with a yes or a no. For some fields a yes/no meant exclusion from funding and yet the questions didn't always either have a yes/no answer or the answer that would have been ok for funding contradicted the way the question actually implied you should answer. Very confuzzling.

RAF is making chilli con carne for dinner, I am bloody starving! It is WW friendly at least this time (WW is weight watchers btw barking)

Lol yes how madly badly were we all lied to when we were told you get pregnant ANY TIME?? All those lies....bastards!! That's so lovely that you're excited about my embies Blue . Today they should be 8 cells hopefully and they should start the embedding process in a couple of days - I don't know what they do until then - do they float around bumping off the womble walls like a pinball or what??

Barking lovely I really think you could do with getting yourself signed off sick for a couple of weeks and getting yourself better. You're clearly poorly and quite frankly your head, as well as your body, needs a break. You are more important than your job, they WILL cope without you and it will be much better for your relationship too if you can just give yourself time to grieve and then get ready for the next stage. Ivf is not easy at the best of times and you need to prep yourself and your relationship, body and mind so that the little things don't become big things when you're menkulling and hormonal. Please please consider this. If you're at home all day for a couple of weeks it will give you that time to grieve on your own that you need. You will also then be in a better position to get your game plan together with DCW and for both of you to state what is important - what is the outcome you both want and what are you prepared to do to get it. And if there are things you aren't prepared to do, what are they and why. But that is a conversation for when you are feeling more like yourself not now. Right now you need time out of everything, a lot of tlc, probably some more antibiotics by the sound of it and lots and lots of sleep. And some box sets. And choc (it's for the happy dolphins ).

On the porridge debate I always used to love brown sugar and a nana but am now totally converted to the date thing. Give it a go I say!

Oh Chez I forgot to say well done on the new plan - how's it going?

And Rain, congrats on finding your letter - woohoo!

It can't be easy BEING an ill and miserable wife though either, hey barking. You aren't doing this for cheap kicks, poor you - if I was this poorly I would be fucking furious, send dcw to live with me a few days, he'll soon be grateful for you!

Mr Blue won't do his part of the deal either, sometimes I care sometimes I don't (it's hard for both of us I think considering we both work with super fertile, super unhealthy people) but I also don't do my bit. I'm overweight, I am not eating porridge at 7am! No woo needles so fair enough to him I guess. It is all such an arse though, remember those innocent days when you believed even a little fumble might get you accidently up the duff?i miss those days, I hate 2ww with a passion (I even hate yours hags, I just want to know now how the egglett duo are doing in snuggling into Fabs womble - someone needs to give me psychic powers dammit!)

No I find the dates make the porridge sweet enough so I don't need the honey - remember it's dates in sticky toffee pud (yum!). I've never tried putting peanut butter in it but that would be fatal - I love it too much! Dammit, am now thinking how delish it might be with hazelnut butter. Mmmm.

Do you have a woo needles lady yet? She'll advise you as to what's best and what type you are but also if you get Emma Cannon's baby making bible she goes through the different types in there so you can self diagnose and what's best to eat.

Fab Loving the sound of your breakfast!! Do you add honey? I used to add organic organic peanut butter and it was delicious but my thighs started to show it pretty quickly so I cut back.

How do you know if you are a hot or cold type? I know it should be obvious but I rarely feel super cold, in general (like, I don't need lots and lots of layers of clothes in the winter) but my feet, hands and nose are often freezing.

Good for you Erica - sometimes we just need A Plan to keep us going rather than living the indefinite life of 2 weeks on, 2 weeks off. Not sounding smug at all

I hope you're feeling better today Barking. Please don't forget it's only a few days ago since you got your bfn, you've not got rid of your mystery uti plus you've got a streaming cold. Now I'll admit I probably wouldn't fancy a drink with all that going on but if I did? I think i'd treat myself to a cheeky gin . You are already treating your body as a baby temple and even my nutritionist said in the run up to ivf that having a couple wouldn't hurt. Please please don't be too hard on yourself. Remember you are amazing, (yes you are!) but even hags need to be nice to themselves too sometimes.

Rain Wine! Cheese! Cake! I feel you, my lovely hag! Such lovely, yummy things...

Barking Sorry you had an argument with DCW last night, hope you made up. Everyone here is giving you excellent advice. It's hard, isn't it? Feels like we have to do EVERYTHING ourselves sometimes... Do have some more chocolate!

Badb I also heard the thing about being warm. I like porridge so I don't find it hard. I used to eat pineapple core first in the morning, because the bromelaine is meant to help with implantation. Stopped because a) it wasn't too pleasant and b) it never worked. Give me porridge with fruit, honey and cinnamon any day of the week!

Betacarotene is meant to be really good for fertility, how about some yummy butternut squash and carrot soup? Or baked sweet potatoes? Getting hungry now

Cherry 21st of March should be around the next time we get the chance to TTC so we can be sort-of-buddies!

I am doing well. I think I am going to accept the full time position at work, it feels right. I must grudgingly admit that a break from TTC is doing wonders for my mental health, I feel like myself again, it's given me headspace to concentrate and get excited about non-baybee related stuff. That and the therapy. I hope I'll be able to keep some of the sanity when we start TTC again, fx.

Hope that didn't come across super smug and preachy. Please don't quick me out, BESH, I will do wither and die among the baby dusters!!

barking, I hope you sorted things out with DCW - I agree with the other hags that he is trying to find his way through it. That doesn't excuse unkindness to you though - it might be worth sitting down with him and having a big heart to heart when the dust settled. I hope you were able to enjoy your night, in the end.

cherry, the porridge is to warm me up - according to Chinese medicine, women need to be warm for fertility. Basically my diet was all cold foods (fruit, salads etc) until dinner time, plus I didn't eat breakfast till three hours after I got up - so she recommended porridge to start, and soup for lunch. I don't know yet whether I think it's hocus pocus, but I'm willing to try anything once.

How is everyone else doing?

Glad it turned up Rain, how fortuitously rare not to have to chase round the houses for it. Go go go, fast forward to assisted conception!