The BESH are powering ahead on a gin and prosecco fuelled hover board, in the general direction of 2030

Whoop Cherry you're back on the ivf bus!! There's something very positive about getting back on it, wishing you the absolute very best of luck!

Bad welcome to the land of the dildocam! The first time I must admit to being a little bit on the petrified side (having had an horrific coil fitting episode previously) but my consultant is one of the nicest Docs around and said if it ever hurt it's because someone wasn't doing it right and to tell them off! It's been fine ever since :) and yes as previous hags have said it'll become weird not to whip off your knicks as you walk in the room and throw your legs into the stirrups whilst carrying on a normal conversation with your doc and your nurse!

Gaaaaah about men and their spaff tests. It's just so astoundingly frustrating. I had a big chat with TWH about it all and to cut a VERY long story short he says the best thing to do is to manipulate the men in to wanting to have the best spaff ever rather than thinking they are failing and being cajoled into getting slighter better jizz. I guess the best example of that was Bugs whose husband took the Ozzie vits and then came back with mega jizz results - imagine boasting about that to your mates at the stag do?? 'I've got to amp up the jizz potential boys so no booze for me this weekend, I'm going for winners!!!' Of course that depends on how open you're being about your fertility probs but it's worth a shot maybe?

Now this cheese thing. As hard as I try I just can't quite get to grips with the coffee thing. And would it work with decaf?? I love cheese with most things (peanut butter anyone?) and can totally do the honey thing but the jury is out for me on the coffee...will ponder it some more...

9dp2dt for me and getting by with the most excellent pompom waving from you hags :). Strictly speaking I could test today but my clinic says to wait until 16dpo which is next Monday. I'm just not ready to end it all yet so I'm keeping my head down and hoping for the best whilst preparing for the worst. So talking to my embies daily whilst job hunting for roles that I wouldn't do if pregnant. It helps keep me grounded. Meanwhile I've been really good at avoiding the lurgy from the family....and then TWH came down with it yesterday. FFS! So fingers crossed it doesn't jump over to me. Not not not what I need!

Sounds like a holiday of pure bliss Fiz, glad you had a good time. I'm rattling at the moment with all the drucks, vits, sups etc. I'm taking - but exciting news; we are officially over the start line on our protocol for lucky IVF #2. Yup, yesterday saw the start of the yucky norethisterone hormone hell for a week or so but luckily short lived until I can get into the super human doses of oestrogen. Oh yes.

A tricky week in many ways. Tin hat ready hags, hope you are also weathering the storm.

Wowzers, sure you guys aren't already diffed with all this weird food combo talk... What will the cravings be like when the pregnancy hormones start circulating? The mind boggles

There is strange comfort in knowing I'm not the only one struggling with keeping the manfolk teetotal. To give him his due he's been exemplary since 'the incident' but I'm still not sure the longer term message has hit home. Keep at it hags. My response so far has been 'show me the research that says alcohol is good for swimmers and then we can talk about it.'

Ah yes, the dildocam Bad, you'll be blasé in no time, don't you worry. Barking is right, you'll soon be adept at whipping your kegs off, quick rummage and back on again without a break in the small talk. The padded versions in theatre that they strap you in to are a little more alarming. At one point during my tricky transfer IVF #1 I had three doctors, a nurse and an embryologist gathered round for a rummage.

COW Fab hope you're hanging in OK there?

badb welcome to the wonderful world of the dildocam. Like barking I feel like a seasoned pro now. In fact it's all I can do to remember to keep my knickers on when going to any clinic, for anything! Even if it's just a sore throat

The hols were luffly, thank you for asking. We went to a sunny country that is famous for wine, so neither of us were on good behaviour wrt drinking. I disapprove of the amount that GFBW drinks, but only on general principles rather than ttc ones. His spaff seems fine, and we've done the embryo bit, just got to get the buggers to implant! He did say at one point that if I get diffed he will only drink what I drink for the duration, but I have to confess I'm a bit sceptical. Similarly with vitamins, he was never great at taking them when we were actively ttc and now we have both fallen out of the habit. Which reminds me, I must dig out the frolic acid.

What is all this talk of coffee on cheese? Have you gone completely mad?

I'm the unhealthiest thing in the world, I also don't take my vitamins. I need a wife to look after me!

I accidentally got rather trashed with an ex-colleague last night. Whoops. So may not have much of an upper hand in terms of demanding that Mr Erica stops drinking just right now.

Off to try Rain coffee on cheddar recipe. Yum yum. I like the strongest cheddar I can get with some raspberry jam or honey on top. This coffee thing could just take it to a new level!

Rain... Coffee on cheese??? Really?

Hi, fizz (I had a urge to say yo instead of hi but couldn't quite make it work)

I HATE the lack of responsibility taking! It worries me for when a baby actually comes along,will I always have to be the boss then too? And Erica - yes! Mine asks for permission at baby making sex time too!

Barking - maybe us hags should write our own since journal and the infiltrate his computer with it?

Badb - to your droid

So, I just learned what a transvaginal ultrasound entails. There was me thinking it was just the old cold jelly on the stomach malarkey. Oh dear. clutches pearls

I realise of course this is just the thin edge of the doctors-poking-about-in-fanjo to come.

fizz how were the hols?

Wotcha hags - sorry for the silence, am just back from hols. Ugh for all the general shitness there has been recently and grrrrrrrr about the menfolk and about patronising comments about how "lucky" we are, cos infertility is a really fun lifestyle choice, isn't it? Bah!

Along the lines of 'I know we are supposed to have sex tonight, but can I go and watch the football with the guys beforehand?' - what the hell am I supposed to say to that 'yes, but make sure you are in shagging mood once you are back'? - if you know tonight is seksy night, make your own decision, don't ask for my permission, ffs!

Badb I've been eating cheese with raspberry jam all afternoon. I look semi-pregnant. Not fair! If I'm going to be barren, can't I at least look slender?

Barking I would get really 'pissed off' at the 'am I allowed' thing... I haven't had this particular problem yet but Mr Erica sometimes makes this sort of comment, as if the baby thing is MY thing and he's kindly humouring me... I told him it really hurts me and doesn't do it near as often anymore but still.

And...period. Ah well, knew it was coming. Off home now to eat a naughty and calorific pasta dish for dinner, which I will surely regret tomorrow.

Hi hags! I've been AWOL on a little jolly for the weekend (not for Valentine's Day, which we do not acknowledge, and not with Himself anyway). Just been catching up.

Cherry, I'm glad your appointment went well. I'm sorry that ROCH is being difficult - it's so annoying, I can't understand why they won't just get on board for a little bit. Himself hasn't quit drinking (but then again, I haven't yet either - though I've cut right back), and he has his first spaff test this week. It'll be interesting to see how it goes. Though, knowing him, he'll have the super-sperm of a man ten years his junior. However, if we need to get any treatment, we'll both be quitting to give it the best possible chance. I'm hoping the huge financial outlay will convince him.

Rain, we are not in the UK, but not too far away. All treatments are private here, so if we have to get treatment we'll be saying goodbye to (at least) one year's savings a our house deposit.

barking, you sound much more positive. I'm glad. The babies thing is hard. I'm dithering over whether to go to this spa weekend thing some old friends have organised for the end of next month. I haven't seen them in forever, but they are all mothers and half of them are pregnant. And seriously, all they talk about is babies. And, some of them are really insensitive and keep going on about how "lucky" I am and what a great "lifestyle" I have without kids. It's also really patronising because in the same breath they will bang on about how their lives are so much better and more meaningful now. And also, this spa weekend will mean a three hour drive for me, because it has to be local for them because of the kids. I'm in a bit of a grump about the whole thing.

Fab, I'm shaking pompoms as I type! COW!

Erica, it was great not having a 2ww, but now I realise that I did in fact have one, but I just didn't know it. I ovulated later this cycle, so we did actually have a shot this month. However, I'm 100% getting my period today (negative test yesterday, massive temp drop this morning, tearfulness, some - um - digestive issues). So I'm a bit pissed off, because I had thought we just missed out and that was ok, but now I realise that it was yet another unsuccessful cycle, and I'm more worried than ever that something is wrong.

Typically, of course, my cycle would fuck up the month that I go for tests. This means that my progesterone test was done earlier than 7 days before bleed (though still after ovulation - I think you all said as long as it was post-ov, that was ok?).

UGH, Mondays. I've done zero prep work for the seminar I am leading this morning. I very nearly called in sick. I keep thinking of my bed and how much I want to be in it.

Morning hags,

I have no idea why men feel so 'castrated' for being asked to be healthy for a few weeks... When it comes to it, my strategy will be to ask the consultant about healthy habits that could make a difference, so it's not me being 'irrational and obsessed' but a professional advising, from a scientific point of view, what will improve our chances of succeeding.

Of course, that may not work either and I will be raging here!

Blue 100 million babies, eh? No wonder the BESH are struggling to get preggers, all the babies have been taken and were at this Christening party!

I am having one of those days when I feel like everyone is pregnant, everyone has babies, all the real life friends that were also struggling like me had their baby (or two) by now and I feel completely left behind and that they actually find it a bit embarrassing to talk to me ... I know it's not true that absolutely everyone around has babies already and that I am being paranoid but that's Mondays mornings and the droid arriving for you sometimes.

It was nice not to have a 2ww, wasn't it Badb?

Fab -cow cow cow! When is the 2ww over?

Cherry, it won't help but Mr B is the same, I've had to resign myself to the fact that he will never be healthy. I wonder if a printed journal article about spaff would help? Mr B just thinks I'm a nag but he trusts science!

Just been to a Christening with 100 million babies at the after party (seriously there really were 100 million of them - I counted!)

Fanks hags. We've made awkward peace this morning. Too many similarities Barking they just don't get it hey?