ttc after mc- the best shit place to be! #2

Chookford that's wonderful, congratulations! x

Aww Monten you don't at all hun. I totally understand how you feel. I've woke up today in a much better mood than I have been. I spent most of Saturday crying over pregnancy announcements and pregnant women on facebook etc and just thought how bloody unfair it is, and if they haven't been through MC they couldn't possibly appreciate their babies as much as people like us would, although that's probably not true at all, I definitely think going through MC shows you a different side of life and feelings that you couldn't kn0ow unless you have been through it. I had a horrible feeling I would never be able to have children and I would just keep on miscarrying. I think it probably goes through all of our heads at some point. Hope youre feeling better soon xx

Hi ladies

I just wanted to give you a little bit of hope, I was on this thread back in 2012 after a mmc was discovered at 8 weeks I had a little break from TTC as I was in a bad place for some time afterwards, like alot of you I assumed I would fall very easily had done twice previously to cut a long story short it took me 14 months to fall again I am now just over 14 weeks, I too had some very very dark days and used to hate people saying it will happen stop stressing etc but it was true... I had sort of resigned myself to the fact I would never have another baby then went away for a long weekend to celebrate our anniversary and hey presto conceived. I am not sure if this will help anyone but thought I would share just incase it does, I know I used to love hearing success stories whilst on here... I wish you all the best of luck and hope 2015 will bring you all a much wanted baby.

Thanks ladies, have just read that back and I sound a bit self-indulgent. I know I just need to stay positive. And in the grand scheme of things, I'm pretty lucky and my life is good.

ginger I saw a therapist when my dad died and found it incredibly helpful. I had a very good relationship with him and have been considering going back again, but the fact he is a man is stopping me. I'm just not sure if he'll get it! That's probably an awful thing to say. Someone on this thread recommended a specialist miscarriage counselling service which I haven't tried yet, but perhaps I will in the new year.

Chasing thank you - that just shows you never know what someone's journey has been, do you? Poor woman. Am so glad you got your bfp x

amy yes that's the thing, in my better days I know I'll get my baby one day but I also know that nothing in this life is guaranteed and perhaps I will be one of the unlucky ones and won't. Once you've had a miscarriage you realise bad things can and do happen and there's nothing to say then won;t happen to you.

northdown I'm 37 now, I was 35 when we started trying. My clock is ticking so loudly I can barely hear anything else!

metal thank you. I feel relieved to have finally made the appointment, if a little gulp-tastic at how much it will cost! I just am really looking forward to being able to speak to someone about my fears - ttc and mc is a lonely business from a medical professional point of view. Thanks for your advice on the matter.

Ahh ladies sorry to hear you're not feeling good this morning :(

Monten I wish I could give you some stats etc, unfortunately the only thing I can tell you is when I very first MCd the only thing keeping me sane was reading through all of the old threads of TTC after MC to find success stories and I came across a few (albeit very old) threads of ladies who had been trying for quite some time, one I remember was 2 years, and then fell pregnant, and they were late 30s/40s. It has helped me to think more positively in that as much as it would be lovely and ideal to fall pregnant straight away, I can't just expect it to happen and it may take some time but I should have my baby one day. The problem is in this world we aren't promised anything. So I can only hope we all get our babies, because each and every one of us do deserve it! Sending you big hugs and everything crossed for your BFP.

North Fingers crossed!! Hope you let us know ASAP if you get your BFP :)

Just wondering how long it took for people to have their first af after MC? If I was to have a normal cycle then af would be due on Wednesday. On Friday night I had a dull ache in my lower back and twinges in my tummy (very similar but much less painful than when I had my MC) and I was convinced it was my af coming, but nothing at all since then. I stupidly got it in my head that when I worked it out I could potentially have a BFP on Christmas eve, and now I've gone all crazy lady wanting my af to come on time lol. I know its my wtf cycle, but I also think I ovulated normal time this month. SO really just wanting to hear other's stories?

monten no wise words I'm afraid but you're in good company.

In both of my pregnancies, We wer pregnant within a month of "trying". So far it's 3 months since the MC and I'm struggling daily with the paranoia.
In in the 2ww at the moment, AF due on Wednesday and I'd promised myself not to test before then. Cracked on Saturday morning, which I know was too early - what was I expecting!!
Then wee'd into a sample bottle this morning before giving myself a good talking to and pouring away.

I'm planning to allow 3 months of tracked OPK sex, where we're hitting every other day in the run up then 3d when the test goes positive. This was month one and I'm going a bit mental already.

It's just all so unfair. With the MC My due date was just before my 40th birthday so now I'm getting all those wee voices in the back of my head that maybe it's taking so long because I'm too old now and a bit past it.

Sorry I cant be more inspiring - I'm trying to take a practical approach, having a plan and setting a date after which I'll allow myself to worry is helping a teeny tiny bit

monten I know only too well how you feel. With DD I got pregnant after 2 cycles, then last year after 4 cycles though we only had sex at the right time with two of those. This month would be cycle 8, though we won't be trying now until I've had my Asherman's surgery. I hope you get some good news from Dr Lower at your appointment or at least a plan to move forward.

Having said that, I remember a couple of old timers on this thread when I first joined who got their BFPs after a year or so, so there is always hope! (Oh, and I really don't buy the whole 'just relax and it will happen' attitude - no offence ginger - IMO that's just another one of those old wives' tales people like to trot out and 'support' with anecdotal evidence.)

monten, my friend had a similar experience to me with an mmc discovered at 12 week scan.

she tried straight away and is in perfect health, assumed it would just happen because of being extra fertile etc. it took her 9 months. she said when she finally eased up about it that was when she fell. previously to that she had been so focused and worried about it and like you was starting to think it wouldnt happen. her little boy is 18 month and beautiful.

i dont know how you get into the mindset where youre not pressuring yourself but worth a try. it understandable that youre angry, is there anyone you could talk to in rl or a gp?

i recently had counselling for another issue but could see from that how useful it would be through this horrible experience.

Morning all. Sorry to see new faces ginger guy lucy. Sorry to everyone going through a mc and all the shittyness it entails right now. My only advice is look after yourself and take as much time off as you need. The doctor or hospital should sign you off for two weeks, without question. Work can be a good distraction but peace and quiet and taking things easy is what I needed at the time.

brummie that’s just brilliant news. Your symptom spotting was correct! Congrats my love, you have had your bad luck now and I have everything crossed that this is the baby you get to meet.

I need you lovely people to talk me down of a ledge. I’m just really really struggling at the moment. I keep bursting into tears and feeling overwhelming rage at the universe. Sometimes it feels like my anger is a great big boulder that I could hold in the air and look at and I just don’t know what to do with it. The first time I got pregnant after 5 cycles. Then I got pregnant again after 3 cycles. Now I am in my 6th cycle post second MC and still nothing. Fast approaching my second due date. I feel like I’m only just now realising the nightmare I am actually in. I’ve got this huge, over-whelming fear that I will never get pregnant again. That this is going to be my story and I am never going to have kids. I know no one can tell me I’m wrong but can someone please spout some stats, facts or anything else at me about having been pregnant before meaning eventually you will be pregnant again. I’m finding it very hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel right now.

Whoops sorry everyone so far behind but ha a quick scan through...

Sooo sorry to the ladies who are going through MC :( sending love and hugs. Xx

Brummie !!! Ahh!! Congrats hun over the moon for you!totally get you being apprehensive but just try and enjoy the pregnancy as much as you can. Fingers crossed you hve a super boring uneventful pregnancy with a very sticky bean :) xx

Hope all you other ladies are doing well. Is anyone on the 2ww?

No news here, just waiting for af next week (hopefully!)

hey guy, thought i would join after your recent update on other thread. hope you are ok this evening. glad you have managed to arrange to work from home think its for the best.

finally braved joining this thread...i am in the midst of an mmc as we speak.

things stopped progressing at 5 weeks however i would be 12 weeks on thursday so just waiting to actually mc. only had it confirmed after a rescan on thursday that had definitely mmc'd so altho sounds like a long time it hasnt been for me as such.

anyway as with probs a lot of women in this situation i am massively focusing on my next bfp at this.point so thought id get on board.

so sad to see so.many people have been through the same. good luck to you all for future bfps.

Congrats to brummie! Wonderful news....sorry to hear that you're going through mc again lucy how are you holding up? Im back on board i was four days late before af arrived this month....(finally came on friday) hoping that our third cycle will be our lucky one xx

lucy so sorry to hear this is happening to you again.

So sorry lucy

guy it's such a horrible time, the waiting. For what it's worth I had an erpc and although I was nervous I was very glad I did and it was quick / no discomfort afterwards. My body never got going in terms of miscarry ing naturally, I was 10 wks but had mmc'd with twins around 5/6 wks and I only had a little spotting. I couldn't stand more waiting, especially while looking after a toddler. Thinking of you x

Nothing really happening- spotting starting and stopping but nothing really. Going to book erpc for Thurs or Fri hopefully so there is an end in sight. Working from home this week if I can concentrate.
I'm mostly emotionally ok and have accepted that this would never have been my baby. Occasionally get hit by sudden shock and disbelief at what has happened. And what is still to happen. Just can't wait til it's all over.

lucy I'm so sorry your BFP has turned into an early MC :-(

My first MC was at 5 weeks, a natural one and I had a week off. All I will say please go to the docs so it's logged. Sadly it's unlikely you'll get help after 2 - I asked and was told no, got to be 3.

So get it recorded!! I hope you never need that info, but as this is my 3rd BFP im straight down to the docs so get the pregnancy recorded so if the worst happens, I can get help

Guy how are you getting on?

and to everyone who needs it today

Lucy i'm so sorry the same has happened again, big hugs to you, maybe go see your GP, i know I would to get it "logged" which sounds horrible and clinical but unfortunately its the only way forward :(

I almost don't want to write this because I feel it will jinx it but I think we've all had so much bad luck that writing this won't make any difference but... I really feel like this month is my BFP month... I suffer from really bad eczema all over my back and legs and it never goes away apart from when I was pregnant and today I have none, my skin is completely clear with no creams or anything...really hoping this is a good sign!!! Driving myself crazy here :( someone needs to hit me or something I think.. meant to be doing coursework and instead im on google and here... and watching The Holiday whilst eating chocolate covered marzipan, i really need to get a life

Guy your plan sounds very sensible to give you flexibility, as you might be waiting for a few days for something to actually happen. With mine, I had pink/red spotting on the Thurs which is what prompted me to get EPU scan and found out baby had died. I then had intermittent pink/red spotting and light bleeding until ERPC on the Tuesday, but still no sign of actual MC, despite occasional mild cramps. I was 13 weeks, baby died sometime in the previous two weeks. I read somewhere that the later the MC is, the longer it can take to start naturally and can just 'threaten' for a while. But you don't want to be caught out, so having maternity pads, wipes, painkillers, etc, on hand as already suggested is a v good idea. Thinking of you xx

Lucy sorry for your loss. I second others' advice to listen to your body and don't rush back. Your job is just a job but your physical and mental health is more important. You're going through a lot, even if the physical side of it has not been too traumatic so far, so look after yourself and don't feel guilty if you need time off. You're not under any obligation to tell your boss why, but in my experience being honest with a few key people at work really helped them to be a bit more understanding which made it slightly easier