ttc after mc- the best shit place to be! #2

Allthequeens that appointment sounds horrible. I'm sorry you had to deal with that.

Thank you to those who have asked after me. I'm doing ok. Physically well, just still a bit tired and crampy. Hardly any bleeding though. Still do relieved it is finally over. Can't quite believe it has all happened. Dh and I are still feeling that we will wait at least a month before ttc again- just so we can relax for a bit after this difficult period.
What is far more scary is the prospect of going back to 'normal life' now. I've been locked in this bubble of finding out about mmc and then waiting for it to happen, for weeks. Can't really remember what real life is like. One day at a time I guess. I'll work from home tomorrow and Tues just so I can rest physically (I usually cycle to work!) and then get back into usual routine maybe Wednesday.
Hugs all round.

Allthequeens, i have a friend exactly the same. It's been a rocky road. We had a little chat about it which helped but we can't get over the fact that she has a baby and I don't.

Your appointment sounds horrible and I can't believe how useless professionals can be. Sending lots of hugs.
I'd say after how he treated you definitely make an appointment with your gp and explain. Don't suffer through it again.

Afternoon everyone

guy been thinking of you this weekend, hope you are ok.
cariad hello again and daisy fantastic news!! treacle I am feeling your pain on the baby bombs. I actually think if I listed them all nobody would believe me. The worst one being one of my close friends who I seem to be losing. We had a mc within weeks of each other in March. This time we were due within a week of each other and she has just had her 20 week scan. Dh thinks she doesn't want to upset me but she has not called for weeks and I was in tears this morning to see the sex of the baby on facebook without even a message to me. I have really tried to be positive and supportive to her and it really hurts.
Appointment on Thursday was horrendous and it's taken me until today to be able to write about it. It was a male consultant, female nurse and two medical students. He was extremely short and blunt and I was in tears within about two minutes. He did an internal scan and made shitty comments about me not making it very easy being so tense and uptight. He said several times that it was probably just "bad luck". He made a dig about dh not being with me. The appointment was at the local hospital rather than the maternity one and there were six people I knew in the waiting room. There's no way I could have sat there with dh and avoided crying when asked why we were there. I can't cope with gossip on top of everything else right now. He took blood and urine and said I had to go to the larger hospital for a different blood test which needs tested immediately. I had written out the dates of the mc and my cycles in advance and he laughed at me.

Been really upset all weekend and don't really know what to do now. I thought about making an appointment with my gp and asking whether there is a different consultant I could see in the future. This one said that if I get a bfp I have to go straight to him and will get seen by him for the pregnancy. He upset me so much. It's hard to explain but I just felt belittled and stupid.

Very long post alert!! Thanks to anyone who gets this far. Hope everyone is having a good Sunday.

Unclearpath, thanks for posting that. North and treaclepie, I don't think your other halves meant to upset you. I think they worry about us and unfortunately most men just aren't very articulate when it comes to emotions and end up sounding somewhat callous, that can cause conflict even when that wasn't their intention.

snoopy for your husband. goodmenproject.com/families/the-reminders-of-daddyhood-ddw/?utm_source=huffingtonpost.com&utm_medium=referral&utm_campaign=pubexchange

Treaclepie, so sorry you feel that way. I guess in some ways I was lucky, I still haven't started bleeding and everything will be managed. But then I keep thinking I still have a dead baby inside me.

I've been signed off working for a couple of weeks and I'm dreading going back. Everyone knew I was pregnant because I was moved off of my team due to the nature of the work.

I have been pretty concerned about my husband. This is the only time I've ever seen him cry and I know he's trying to be strong for me but he has his own grieving to do. I think we're very lucky that we agree the best way to move forward it to try again as quickly as possible.

A quick question that I will ask at hospital but wanted to see if everyone has experience. At the epu there were posters up everywhere saying if you've had three miscarriages then they are doing a study where they will test you for thyroid antibodies. I'm taking medication for hypothyroidism but I've never been tested for antibodies despite every woman on my mothers side having an autoimmune disorder. If I do have these antibodies what will that mean? I so desperately don't want to have recurrent miscarriages.

The hospital were so non plussed about the thyroid it took more than three weeks for my blood results to come back, they arrived the day my mmc was confirmed, but they had classes me as a high risk. I'm so confused and I don't want to blame anyone but I can't help but think what if.

Sorry this is so long

If your concerned mrsconfusion, I'd go to the doctor for some advice. My test was a bfn about 2 weeks later I think.
I bled for a long time but passed most of it in the first week so I think mine went negative quicker.

Having bad flashbacks today. I'll never get the moment I woke up bleeding out of my head but I don't know why it's so prominent today.

Welcome to the newbies - really sorry you find yourself here, but glad you've found the most supportive, strong, funny and brave ladies I've known - we'll all get through together!

Congrats on new BFPs, sending super sticky vibes at you all.

monten, treacle, north totally understand milestones and power of dates. It's really shocking how deep these dates are - random comments about February or July have totally knocked me this week. I don't think other people will ever quite understand unless they've walked this road too. Big hugs (perhaps unMN but necessary!)

Waves at MrsD, so sorry we're still here but can at least struggle together. We're waiting til new year also (well after wtf cycle and that's likely to mean New Year). 2014 can just sod right off, I've had enough of it now.

guy how are you doing after op? Been thinking of you. What you said about regaining trust in your body was beautiful. Hold on tight to that.

Quick question - anyone who had natural mc around 7 weeks - just did test 16 days after passing sac, expecting BFN but got what looked like strong BFP still. Argh! Planning to retest 21 days after sac, but just wondering how long after you got BFN? I'm still feeling poorly (virus for 3 weeks), has 7 days heavy bleed then clear a few days and now spotting again and sore tummy. Just have no idea what my body's doing

North I'm exactly the same. Spoke to DH yesterday about it and he's like "i don't understand the rush". I had just taken it for granted that by my due date I would be pregnant. I've got one last shot at that and it's not looking good.

monten you aren't the only one measuring by due dates. Completeky normal. We all do it, have done it. Big hugs

Oh daisy stay with us long as you want, we all understand the fear.

I've had a particularly low couple of days, Af finally caught me. 3 days late and I'd been testing negative so it wasn't like I'd been hoping. But still spent a few hours in tears.
I had a training course at work and one of the girls in my group was just about a pregnant as I should have been. Between that and the Christmas preparations, when all our plans were made based on being too far on to travel.

It's just all so unfair.

My DH has been brilliant but he's stating to worry that I'm putting myself under too much pressure. We had a serious chat and he said he wants me to think about taking a break from OPKs and timetables. Not right now, but maybe early in the new year if he thinks I'm getting too crazy about it.
He even taked about all those mythical people who conceive when they relax and stop trying so hard. I swear if I hant been crying I would have yelled at him. I don't understand his thinking, I need to feel like I'm doing everything I possibly can to get pregnant. I know he really want this too but I can't help feeling hat he doesn't want it as much... Or enough?

I've realised I'd been pinning all my hopes on milestones. "Well at least if I'm pregnant by Christmas/ my due date then I'd be able to cope"
I'm now trying to wrap my head around the possibility that it probably won't happen. It's heartbreaking.

monten No, I didn't do a test after the mc, which I'm kicking myself for now.

I'm going to call the EPU and see if they'll do a blood test. The hcg levels of my last test after the mc were at 16. Really didn't think after around 5 weeks there would be anything left in my system, but really don't want to get my hopes up. We'd been ttc for a year with no joy, then I got my first bfp, but it wasn't to be.

Sorry there are more people joining here. So sad.
I'm still getting the pains so am going to call the hospital tomorrow and mention it. Still getting a very feint positive. Hoping for a scan in case it's a cyst. Other than that its trying very hard to ovulate!
Hugs to everyone. Christmas is a difficult time with everything geared up towards children and hopes and dreams.

treacle sending you so many hugs for this time of year, it must be so hard for you and I'm really sorry you're having to go through it

I'm still too scared to officially move to the antenatal thread but did brave it and do a digital this morning that came up pregnant so maybe I'll start believing it all a little bit more. Please can I hover here a bit longer! :)

Oh and we've just put our tree up too. Did think that I should have a massive bump getting in the way of the tree. Still... onward and upwards...

Thank you monten, you ladies are amazing.
Today it was a friend of ours and yesterday someone at work.
I've got a lump in my throat reading about your little owl xxx
You will have a baby to celebrate and you'll be even stronger having gone through these terrible times. Sending hugs to you x

Hi Merch, sorry you've had to join us, the ladies here are amazing though.

Oh no treacle who dropped by baby bomb? I remember your due date well too. Thinking of you. Xx

Sorry you're here snoopy and giantmama and merch Hopefully you'll find lots of support here. I don't know what to advise merch - had you tested negative before af since the miscarriage?

We just put up our tree. Early I know but I'm away for a week in dec then we're not here for Christmas. Very bittersweet. The day we found out I was pregnant last year we bought a little owl decoration. The day of my 12 week scan in January, when it all went wrong, I spent the day at home packing up all the decorations. Unpacking them all again today, and the owl, was hard. Had a little cry. Can't believe I'm approaching due date number 2 (5jan) and still not pregnant again. Very hard.

Hello everyone, may I join you? So sorry to see these losses, I hope we all get there.

I had an early miscarriage 5 weeks ago. decided to do a test today after a week of what I thought was a light period, just to confirm for definite that my levels were down to normal. Fully expected to see a negative, but it's positive. Really don't know what to make of it.

This will be your time Brummie, you really deserve it.

I'm hoping that's how I will feel but also thinking I may end up doing an opk tomorrow anyway... We will see.
Mil came over earlier when my eyes were red from crying. Hoping she thought it was just from my cold, i feel so pathetic.

I'm 4+1 which is nothing really. Lost number one at 5 weeks and number 2 at 8+5 so it's a long wait.

Every time I go the loo I feel sick with fear. I remember the bleeding just comes out of nowhere so I'm convinced every time I look in my knickers or wipe I'm going to see something. But so far nothing, but it doesn't feel real.

I did the trying without using opk's when in Florida last cycle. Before w started I stressed about what if we miss that one day??? But actually after a day or so ignorance was bliss and I actually enjoyed DTD for what it actually was and it was nice to have a break from the "pressure" and it got back us to just having sex. I didn't catch but it did mean the pressure was off sex wise and I caught this cycle.

Enjoy your break from the opk's, even if only for 1 month x

Thank you so much ladies.
Brummie ive just started counselling, well I've had my initial assessment and have to wait 6-12 weeks for an appointment.
It really means a lot that you remembered my due date so thank you for that as well.
How many weeks are you now Brummie? I really have my fingers crossed for you.

Thank you Guy, me and DH had a long chat and we have decided we are trying this month after all. It's stressing me out just as much not trying.

You are not irrational Treacle. Saying he can't relate is just totally unhelpful.
However you feel is ok and normal and he should allow you to feel it. Big hugs.

I'm having counselling because I just couldn't cope with it. I was getting so angry and distressed and couldn't understand why these peoples babies were surviving and mine didn't.
My rage and grief were overwhelming me and it hurt so much. I can completely relate with you so do not beat yourself up. I know Christmas Eve is approaching and that's all you can think about x

My counselling now will focus on trying to stay positive as I'm consumed with fear