ttc after mc- the best shit place to be! #2

I can really relate to all this. DH was meant to be going to work the day I passed everything.
The pain started in the early hours of the morning and by 5 am I couldn't cope with it. Painkillers weren't helping. When I went to the hospital they gave me co-codamol but by that point I'd passed nearly everything.

I had no idea it was contractions until DH pointed it out.
I'm getting a bit down now thinking I shouldve been giving birth in 4 days :(

Sorry for the typos! 'There just isn't enough information about what to expect'.

Here just isn't enough information about what I expect. I was given painkillers but they did nothing for the pain for about half an hour before I past the baby. I was on all fours on the bed in agony and I also had a CS with DS so was scary for me and DP. The only 'good' thing that came from it is that I'm sure I'm going to push for a VBAC when we do conceive.

eggs I'm with you on the 2WW, I ovulated on Thursday. Fingers crossed for us both!

I was like you too, MsJ and treacle. Mini labours with both mc. Needed very strong prescription pain killers with the first.
I'm feeling a lot better again today. I just think it must have been having to go through it all again at the complaint meeting bringing all emotions to the surface.
Anyway, OH dragged me upstairs on my return yesterday to 'put a smile on my face' and I have EWCM today so guess I'm heading toward a 2ww (or likely 17 days).

Hows everyone else doing today?

I also had no idea it would be anything other than a heavy bleed. I went from sitting in A&E and every few minutes having a crampy feeling, to being on my hands and knees in a side room trying to breathe through the pain and suddenly my mum said, it's like you're having contractions - which of course I was. DS was born by CS so I hadn't experienced labour before and I had no idea how bad it would get or what would happen next. Ended up ripping half my clothes off and bellowing like a cow until it suddenly stopped. Shortly after that they took me up to the ward and I felt an urge to go to the loo and passed the sac. In hindsight it all made sense and my body did what it needed to do very efficiently, but it was terrifying as I had no idea what was happening. None of the doctors or nurses explained either.

I keep wanting to say to people, but you don't understand, I had to give birth to it! I still find it quite shocking. It is interesting that so many of you have had similar experiences but it's not widely understood that (pre-12w) mc can happen like this.

So sorry to hear that Creme. Look after yourself if you possibly can x

I know what you mean ladies. I had no idea of the pain id be in.
I can only imagine it was labour pain. I was 8+5 when I passed the majority and it was a fully grown sac and a yolk sac.
I was in intense pain which I wasn't prepared for.
Worst pain ive ever been in.

I dunno how I'm gonna manage xmas eve :(
I feel like I've been on hold between miscarriage and due date.

Also, BB01 I know exactly how you feel about mourning the potential of a baby, rather than the baby itself. Fingers crossed for us next time x x x

to everyone.

I had a blighted ovum and had medical management last Saturday. Bled heavily til Wednesday and passed some huge clots, but luckily have not been in as much pain as some of you have. I am currently performing in a show and have also had to work every single day. Dead on my feet does not cut it!!

Want it all to be over so I can try again.

It started late Monday night and my DDs ended up having Thursday and Friday off school as nobody else to do the school runs 3x a day and I was so physically and mentally worn out by that point I just couldn't handle it. On the Tuesday it was the midwife drop in day so lots of heavily pregnant women but fortunately I was only sat there for a few minutes.

Oh phew Haribo that's good, I think I'm being super paranoid this week, sorry! I am currently sitting on my hands trying not to text a friend who I think is pg but isn't telling me for fear of upsetting me or perhaps isn't past 12 weeks yet and I logically know I can't prise it out of her but I just want to know so I can get all the out the way.

It is awful when you just expect bad period pain. I can imagine it'd be even worse further on or if you had more to pass than me but even I struggled with it.

BB01 don't worry, i took your post as explaining your experience completely and it wasn't insensitive, i hope mine came across the same way. Although we all have the common pain of MC, each one of our experiences is different but counts just the same. It absolutely helps to share, especially as in RL when i tell people i'm still weepy they just start talking about TTC again.

I wish i'd been warned that i'd labor, i didn't expect it. I expected a heavy bleed, really bad advice to tell you to go to work Guy.

My MC was 4-5 weeks and even at that stage it was not like a heavy period, I had severe cramping for half an hour on day 2 and had a clot/sac about the size of a 50p come out of me and I can't begin to imagine what it would be like further along so to you all.

I have just cried reading your post broody. So beautiful.

I laboured for my mc as well. The stupid woman at epu said it would be fine to go to work as it would be just like a heavy period. Thank goodness I didn't listen because it was exactly like labour with dd (except just a couple of hours rather than 3 days). Heavy period my arse.

Broody that is so touching x

So sorry Haribo. No idea what that must feel like except for the labour bit as mine was like that too. Also I hope my post wasn't insensitive but re-reading it I'm worried now. It was the last thing I intended - was trying to explain my own particular feelings on mine. (Hoping that's just what you're doing too and I hope that telling us does in some way help you, though I know nothing can make it better and I'm so sorry about that).

Broody that sounds so so lovely.

I can only see the baby as a baby as i was 10 weeks, baby was 9 weeks and very much looked like a baby on the scan. I semi labored when i MC and felt that i gave birth to that baby. It so hard to come to terms with that i'm not sure i ever really will. 7 weeks post miscarriage and i'm still in a fog of so much sadness. The idea of going to see DP's family over Christmas and plastering on a smile feels very hard at the moment but i want DS have to have magical time.

Evening ladies. Just wanted to drop by and see how you're all getting on. So sad to see new names in here, I'm so sorry for your losses.

I've just been to church to light a candle in remembrance of our little bean. I was so emotional, it all just came out in a messy heap in the pews! I'm not overly religious but this should've been our first Christmas as a family of four and I wanted to take time out alone to remember my darling baby somewhere peaceful and neutral. I'm so blessed to have a beautiful dd but I will never forget our baby who we couldn't hold. I prayed for all the other lost babies too. I feel so emotionally drained right now but at the same time, quite at peace with myself. The vicar held my tummy and said a lovely prayer for our bean to flourish and grow and give us a wonderful family Christmas next year. I was so touched

I also have teared up several times at 'All I Want for Christmas is You' this year. Partly as I do feel so lucky to have DD but also sad as would of course have been lovely to have had the gift of pregnancy this Christmas. Never mind.

Sorry can't remember who it was who said it now (struggling to keep up!) but my feelings on the mc are also that I don't grieve an actual baby loss so much, as mine was blighted ovum - a baby was never going to come of it. But more the loss of what I thought was our future over those nine months and beyond. That's what I've never liked the idea of marking the loss with any kind of remembrance gesture. But I totally accept that others find this helpful, whatever stage their mc was and whatever type. I kind of wish it did appeal to me but it just doesn't.

I had kidded myself that we had managed a BFP first month trying for two times in a row (last was mc). Think it may have been chemical pregnancy as tested on period due date (very rough estimation as don't track ovulation etc) and I'm sure there was a vvv faint line. But AF is well and truly here. Really wish I was more patient with testing.

On the plus side, cheered myself up with a very lovely afternoon wrapping pressies with Christmas music on while 18-month-old DD 'helped', bless her.

Really wish us all BFPs soon and while I'm so grateful to not feel alone anymore, I wish you all weren't going through this too.

Gosh the emotions a MC evoke continue to suprise me. Listening to 'all I want for Christmas' on the radio today had me bawling my eyes out. The lines about not wanting presents or wishing for snow, just wanting 'you' really got me. All I could think about is wanting that baby back, really longing for it :(

I'm finding the emotion on TTC, especially as I know I ovulated yesterday, really hard. I really want to be pregnant again but I'm so scared of it.