ttc after mc- the best shit place to be! #2

Came back from EPAU this afternoon and nothing there. Time to get busy

Hello there, can I come and join you. I've been mostly avoiding the ttc board because it tends to fuel the madness, and my head tends to be a mess at the best of times.

But I'm after advice, and some companionship in all of this. I've not read the whole thread, but enough to know that you lot get it.

So, quick history, I have a daughter who is 3 and fabulous and I am thankful for her every day. Took a year to conceive her, then I was fortunate that the pregnancy was fine. Now two years into ttc again. I miscarried at about 8 weeks in Jan, and 5 weeks in Sept. Am obsessive about ttc at the best of times, so have a good idea about cycles and have tried many things over the years to help.

Anyway, the need for advice is that I finally got round to making an appointment with the GP to see if there's anything they can do. I saw someone in the summer who said if I wasn't pregnant by the autumn to come back and he'd refer me for fertility testing given my age, but he's not at the practice any more so I'm seeing a random GP who I happened to be able to get an appointment with.

So, any thoughts on what I can expect from them/ask of them? I have a nasty suspicion that I won't fit criteria either for fertility testing, or for investigation of recurrent mc, but what worries me is that if it takes me another year or more to get pregnant and then I mc again, that's a lot of time disappearing and I'm not getting any younger. So I don't know how pushy to be or what I should be hoping for (apart from making sure the second mc is in my notes given the EPU managed to not take me off the system when it happened, so who knows whether they wrote to the GP as promised).

Sorry, that was a v long introduction. I promise I won't just talk about myself if you'll let me hang around! I shall however offer chocolate and wine to everyone struggling with this time of year - it's hard going for all sorts of reasons I find.

Thanks girls. I am have been trying since DS was 6 months and he is now 25 months but I didn't start ovulating until I quit breast feeding which was a year ago. Then I caught in December 2013 miscarried at 6.5 weeks and had a chemical in April/May. Nothing since.

My cycles were as short as 23 days but averaged 25 days (ovulating around day 11). A combination of acupuncture and very expensive supplements saw my cycles increase to 26 days and this month I ovulated on day 14 ( I think).

I have put a comprehensive post in Conception listing all the supplements I was on, so the info is there. I think in my case because of age my cycles were getting shorter, I was ovulating earlier and this the egg wasn't sufficiently mature to fertilise/implant.

I am taking 75mg aspirin a day, a multivitamin and high dose folic acid now. My acupuncturist is going to get me some herbal drink and I will carry on having treatment throughout the first trimester.

If I can just get past my period without bleeding I will feel a bit less scared. With the pregnancy I lost I started bleeding the day I was due and just kept spotting on and off until I miscarried. I am praying I don't have to go through that again.

Brilliant newera!!! Huge congrats - what a lovely Christmas present. Remind me - how many cycles has it been for you? I need reminding it can still happen!

Huge congratulations NewEra - I am absolutely delighted for you. What an awesome early Christmas present.

Sorry to all those having a hard time at the moment. Sending a big virtual un-mumsnetty hug to Monten, Treacle, AlltheQueens, Stocking and anyone else who needs one.

When we embarked on our ttc journey back in May, I never imagined that I wouldn't be pregnant before the end of the Summer, and was utterly convinced I'd be in the final trimester by now. The EDD for my cp is 6 March and I would LOVE to be upduffed before then (although realistically if I don't get a BFP in the next two cycles that isn't going to happen). The EDD for my ectopic is 25 May, and I can't even begin to imagine how I'll feel if I don't have a BFP by then, particularly as the last of my close friends will probably have given birth by then. I'm just clinging onto the hope that 2015 will be OUR year and that all those of us still waiting get BFPs and healthy, sticky beans long before Spring.

Huge congrats newera!!

Just wanted to update and say I did another Tesco test in the gym toilet whilst shaking like a leaf and got a definite BFP.

Can't believe it, I'm just kind of shell shocked as I was waiting for BFN. I can recommend these tests, they are bloody sensitive to have picked up a BFP with afternoon wee on 8/9 dpo.

Treacle that is just so unbelievably insensitive. It's bad enough when people keep asking when they don't know, let alone asking it when they go.

Stocking one of the things I found most upsetting was having to give people bad news instead of good news. I know that telling people about being pregnant is such a small part of having a baby but it's a lovely part. So sorry you had to tell them then untell them so soon after

Some people are just very, very strange.

Went to my step dads today (him and my Mum divorced a few years back but we're still close) my elder sister was there. She pulled me into a massive big sister hug and I had a proper snotty crying session. Even at 28 she can still make me feel as better as I did aged 8. She's been through it herself twice, both pregnancies quite by accident, but lost both within a fortnight of discovering she was pregnant. I'm still a bit wobbly now, I've been quite stiff upper lip about it since the night I woke up to find I was bleeding heavily, I think I've been in a daze. As soon as big sister walks in, floodgates open.

hope everyones had a decent weekend.

Gosh stocking. Sounds like you've had a really tough time :( Glad you got to voice how you feel though.
Some people are just ridiculous.

Just listened to small bump by Ed Sheeran again. Bad idea.

Just to add DH is now completely NC with his father. They were very close but his partners behaviour has been driving a wedge for a very long time. All added drama that we don't bloody need right now. They were so adamant that we'd known for weeks and that I was around 12 weeks along. Absolute bollocks. Her sense of entitlement is unreal and she is a classic Narc. MIL is fuming and said she cannot believe how FIL is behaving (they were married for 27 years) as FILs father was all his second wife and her kids and shoved FIL and his siblings aside, and he'd swore never to do that to his own.

Sigh. At least we are NC properly now and I finally stopped biting my tongue and told them both some home truths.

We'd planned to have an early scan today and then do print outs of it to put in families Christmas cards to announce it. Only SIL and my DSis knew we were trying/actually pregnant.

However. FILs partner is a nasty piece of work and 2 days after we found out she started telling people and I've had nothing to do with her since she slated my DH on Facebook for not going back to work after his son died and he was a single Dad to his eldest and was on JSA for 2 years after. His Dad said nothing to her about it. I said my piece via FB then blocked her and said next time she interfered in our lives or spread gossip I would go fucking nuclear. She despises all 4 of FILs kids and SIL has shouted at her on many occasions for her vile behaviour. Shes asked my step sisters Dad about me - I've only met him a handful of times in 12 years - and other people. Shes quite obsessed and it was beginning to grate on me. We have no idea how she found out about the pregnancy. True to promise I went up there and tried to have it out with her but she hid in her bedroom and refused to engage with me or DH and FIL just stood there defending her and insisting we'd known for weeks and hadn't told them and we were wrong etc. We'd known for 36 hours. This then meant we had to tell wider family members as we didn't want them finding out through her. Which meant that 72 hours later we had to tell people that we'd lost the baby. That was the worst part: repeating it over and over to people who shouldn't even have known at that stage.

Thanks ladies x
It did upset me. I just thought they would know that.

Anyway, I'm off to read back now. Hope all is ok x

Morning ladies, sending huge hugs all round.

new congratulations! lovely news.

treacle aaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!! What is wrong with some people. I was the same as you with my due date. I know everyone is different but like you, mine was rather significant in that it was fifth November and I can hear the chanting remember remember. I totally wound myself up about it but in actual fact it did pass and in a way I was better than I expected as I could then move past that. Christmas is hard though and I totally get how your feeling. My next due date would have been my dad's birthday in May and even though I lost both it's like I can't stop thinking where I would have or should have been. Babies everywhere just now and I keep thinking I should be at home with a newborn.

I think we might all need to hold each other up over this next week.

Oh treacle [hugs] how totally insensitive of them! Tossers.

monten, more hugs for you hun. Keep on pushing the nhs, they must do something for you xx

Oh treacle I am on your behalf, what a bunch of insensitive idiots! I'm Just why?!

I'm so sorry for moaning and will be back properly in the morning but been out with dh's family (who know about the mc) and spent ages talking about how it's my turn to have a baby and glaring at me.
I'm aware of that... and I shouldve been due in 5 (now 4) days time. Please leave me alone :(

Thanks ladies. My arms are just rely aching at the moment. I want my baby.

chasing accupuncture and supplements can help I've heard so am going to give them a go.

No one in the NHS seems to want to take it seriously. I have had light periods since second MC (erpc). The doctor said it was 'normal'. I had an appointment at the recurrent miscarriage clinic and she scanned my uterus (normal) but called my lining thin. When I quizzed her on this and explained my light periods she basically totally dismissed me, saying it was nothing to worry about. I read my notes afterwards and my lining was 6mm (on CD22). Dr Google tells me that is thin, and IVF cycles are cancelled for anything less than 8mm. I'm completely freaking myself out.

I went to see an ashermans syndrome specialist and he's recommending I have a hysterocopy (where they put a camera up there to see if there is scarring) - but it's £5k! A sickening amount of money. I just don't know where to turn next, the NHS just seem to a have a line that scarring is very rare and won't take it seriously.

monten This is the place where you can as negative as you want, because we're all feeling the same feels. I understand the resentment. I caught within 6 weeks with both of my DDs and caught within 6 weeks again this time, only to lose the baby a few days after discovering the pregnancy, and, as stupid as this sounds, I was/am just utterly shocked that my body has done this. My eldest DDs pregnancy was hard - a lot of complications - my second DDs pregnancy was fine barring some pre-eclampsia right at the end. I'm now resenting myself for not being able to carry this baby to term even though I know it was nothing I did or didn't do that caused this.

Aargh newera I'm sure you have a bfp on your hands there lady! Digis are notoriously insensitive. Get a frer tomorrow - I'm sure it will be positive.

Sorry have been very quiet ladies. I have been finding it tough. Hopped over to the recurrent miscarriage thread too to ask for some advice.

Af arrived yesterday and its very light again so am really worrying about the state of my lining. It's now been six cycles since mc no. 2. I'm really starting to panic I'm broken

Just found out my cousin who had number 1 in Jan is preg again and due in May. Why do some people have such an easy ride? Why couldn't I be one of them? My mum was wanging on about how sad it was that she was having to work on Xmas day and wasn't going to be able to spend it with her new baby. I just l looked at her in disbelief. I just wanted to scream 'but she has her baby!!! I should be having my first baby's Christmas too'. People just don't get it, they don't. Even mums

Sorry, not posted in ages and being really negative. Just finding this whole Christmas thing really hard. Thinking of you treacle I know it will be extra hard for you

I had a shockingly bad night last night, very emotional, feeling crap, force myself out to SILs for her Christmas party, had a good day, come back to this and theres LOADS OF BFPS CONGRATULATIONS Santa better make those BFPs sticky ones or I shall be with him

Only skim read as the children are all still up watching Despicable Me... The amount of sugar they've consumed today I am expecting the littlies to be up till midnight Funnily enough the toddler is being the quietest - she found herself a felt tip and one of my bills and is stood at my coffee table scribbling all over it yer you stick it to the council tax bill

broody Quick reply - thats lovely. I've been away from my Church for a while - long story - but I am missing them so much right now, I am so glad you have them for support during this. I wish I could go and see them instead of just texting Especially when I know that, sadly, so many of the women there have experienced this.

Now, Clear Blues digital conception indicator - I got a BFN on the Monday afternoon from one and a BFP on the Friday evening 5 days later.

Eeek!! Gorgeous bfp!! How exciting!! Congratulations

The vicar from last night has just emailed me with this - it was written by a dad whose daughter was still born. I don't know if it'll help anyone but I think it's pretty special. Oh and I forgot to mention the vicar used to work at the local nhs trust and so counselled many parents and conducted many a funeral for tinies - explains why she was so understanding yday.

A Cradling Song
We cannot care for you the way we wanted, or cradle you or listen to your cry; but, separated as we are by silence, love will not die.

We cannot watch you growing into childhood, and find a new uniqueness every day;
but special as you would have been among us, you still will stay.

We cannot know the pain or the potential which passing years would summon or reveal; but for that true fulfilment Jesus promised
we hope and feel.

So through the mess of anger, grief and tiredness, through tensions which are not yet reconciled,
we give to God the worship of our sorrow and our dear child.

Lord, in your arms which cradle all creation we rest and place our baby beyond death, believing that he/she now, alive in heaven, breathes with your breath.

Fuck you autocorrect. A prize for anyone who understands my previous post.