The "when are you having kids?" question

You know, if it were up to me I'd say tell people straight. I hate that we are expected to hide that we are trying and haven't "succeeded" yet. It makes me feel I should be ashamed of it when I'm bloody not (2 years and I really am doing the best I can)

DH not so open though so I tend to say "oh yes when the time is right" and change the subject

Sypathies - it's bizarre how all and sundry seem to think it's appropriate to enquire about your sex life and fertility when they feel the time is right for you to have children, isn't it?

"When are you going to have children?"
Dismissive laugh "Oh, who knows? That's a lovely jumper you've go on - where's it from?" (People love to be flattered and asked about themselves - good distraction, usually works)

"I hear your sister is expecting - it'll be you next!"
"You think? Well, I would not want to steal her thunder… That's nice necklace…."

"Now, it's your 25th/30th/35th/40th birthday today - you know time is not on your side, don't you?"
"Yes, there is no denying biology. That's a gorgeous dress you've got on…. "

Do you see a pattern emerging?
I got rather adept at deflecting all enquiries (except my mother's - she does NOT know when to stop and head to be told to Drop It in no uncertain terms)

I have also used "I don't want to talk about this at all as it is very upsetting to me" with some (good) friends as I did not want to lie. It worked but was a bit of a conversation stopped at the time - we all got over it.

Good luck

I've been getting this about having DC2. Lots of "you don't want too big an age gap". Ugh.

What are you supposed to say? Well actually me and DH were at it just before you came round? There's never an appropriate answer. So far I've been using the house as an excuse, as we're selling. Hope you get your bfp soon.

Ugh I hate this question. I just don't understand why people think it's ok to ask it, it's basically asking about your health, sex life and finances all in one go, but casual acquaintances seem quite happy asking it!

We tried for 2 years before conceiving DS and in the end I started answering "I don't know" in a tone which shut down all further enquiries . IME it's often asked by people who've had no problem falling pregnant and have no idea what it's like to wait month after month without success. I didn't feel it was my job to educate such people about the ins and out of infertility so can understand why you wouldn't want to share, but I think after about a year I did start telling close friends, and actually this made the whole experience a bit easier as they were a bit more sensitive.

It's a really shit situation and I hope you get your BFP soon.

I completely sympathise. We have been trying for years & it seems like everyone around you gets pregnant with no effort, while you are struggling on.

I tend to try & deflect with humour & just say something like 'I enjoy my sleep too much to give it up yet!'

I agree that it is really hard to deal with, especially if you are in your thirties. People seem to think it is ok to point out that you may not have much time left. Gee, thanks!

Hopefully you will get your bfp soon & then can tell the whole world!

Lucifer - I have the exact same thing! We have been trying for a year and I swear there are pregnancy announcements and people saying 'it'll be you next' everywhere I go! I don't really have a any advice (I had to go to the loo to cry last week) but wanted to sympathise with you. Xx

I used to dodge it by saying something like 'when I'm pregnant, you'll be the first to know!', but that usually led to the inevitable 'you don't want to leave it too long' comment. I think the only answer you can give them which shuts them up without going into details is 'its none of your business' - but I was never brave enough to say that!

Good luck with ttc. It took me over 1.5 years and 1 mc to become pregnant with my ds but it's worth all the stress and worry when you finally get there .

It's really hard, there is no real advice I can you other than stay string and have a list of answers.

I went through the exact same it took 3 1/2 years to get our ds, all I wanted to do when asked was scream I'm trying I'm really trying.

I would say things like

We only just brought our house there are things we want to do it

We are happy just having fun at the mo and have exciting holidays booked

Dh isn't ready

We are not ready

Maybe start thinking about it next year.

The important thing is that your dp is supportive to you and your needs. If your feeling sad then let it out. It seems like the world and their wives are pregnant when your trying.

If possible try not to track everything and have sex when you both want it rather than because a chart or stick says you need to.

Good luck xx