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Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

Remember, Remember, JS in November - no to bum fun, car shagging and worms. Control your stray wombles and windy boobs. Shout WANKBADGERS at the world of TTC and get your cape on for JUST SHAGGING 32!

999 replies

DulcetMoans · 08/11/2014 21:32

Ladies, Fred title says it all; we are the ones who shag as much as our men can cope with in order to get upduffed without the stress of scientific whatnots!

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

  1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
  2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
  3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
  4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.

JSing lingo


ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also know as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit). Or PIATLH (Tea light holder) PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage. Self explanatory, who wouldn't? 

ROC - Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Option decorations include photographs of political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedinging!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

The link to Part 31 is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2224162-Step-AWAY-from-the-pissy-sticks-and-get-back-in-the-bedroom-don-your-cape-but-dont-break-his-banjo-string-and-get-yourself-a-bun-in-the-oven-like-Paul-Hollywood-Its-Just-Shagging-31" target="_blank">here</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2217843-Just-Shagging-Grads-14-Join-the-viroids-for-scanxiety-Toni-Braxtons-a-little-less-JSing-than-usual?" target="_blank">here</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-websites-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">here</a>. We are the dark side of MN. Welcome.

Happy shagging, shaggers!
OP posts:
Thread gallery
15
jellypi3 · 13/11/2014 17:00

Thanks Lil :) I guess it's just not what I'm used to that's causing me the worry!

LemonDrizzleTwunt · 13/11/2014 16:51

Lil that sounds like some seriously expert advice, thank you Wink

LemonDrizzleTwunt · 13/11/2014 16:50

Hang on, Chat, I totally missed that- you used to pass out??? Fuck! Did people used to find you in the bogs, or would you come round by yourself quite quickly? That just have been really scary!

lildottie · 13/11/2014 16:50

jelly I have AF for 7 days including 1-2 days spotting. I had proper light bleed for 7 weeks and drs weren't interested. if u are spotting you can probably ov but not during AF as prog levels are still falling then.

lemon ewcm doesn't absorb into tissue but jizz soup does. that's how u tell the difference.

LemonDrizzleTwunt · 13/11/2014 16:43

Roll up, roll up, come and get your old jizz soup!

Bags of it over here. Gross.

jellypi3 · 13/11/2014 16:41

Lemon i always find I have an EWCM like substance the day after DTD, I assume it's just solidifying jizz soup?

I feel so sorry for you Chat. 3 days of heavy AF was enough to make me want to give up entirely lol! Now it's just teasing me with pinky cm!

LemonDrizzleTwunt · 13/11/2014 16:36

EWCM ALERT!!! Or is it old spunk??? Who knows any more?!

ChatEnOeuf · 13/11/2014 16:35

It's true. Am a true JSer Grin

Jelly, it's why I went on the depo...and why when on the pill I would run at least three packs together. Couldn't hack them more than four times a year! I would say it's why I BF for so long, but that was more a combination of my laziness and DD's love of the boobs Grin

jellypi3 · 13/11/2014 16:26

Blimey Chat that sounds awful. I've always thought myself lucky that I had easy cycles, but I couldn't imagine passing out because of it!

Indigoblue2 · 13/11/2014 16:22

chat you mean you don't use contraband? Hold the bus!

ChatEnOeuf · 13/11/2014 16:14

Lemon - yes. Shag away :)

Jelly Depo fucked with my cycles as well, but they've settled down now. Until all the pregnancies/BFing/MCs fucked them up again. Lord help our normal hormones. Having said that, my usual AF was 7-8d and a proper bitch - think fainting on the toilet floor multiple times. Not pleasant!

Tink - keep shagging. I must have iced late this time around, the maths doesn't make sense otherwise. Of course I don't keep a check on these things, so feel free to ignore me Wink. But my philosophy of JSing until the bitch flies in seems to have done a job.

Indigoblue2 · 13/11/2014 15:41

My Preseed and new thermometre (to replace my faulty piece of shit other one) have arrived. Gonna give those little swimmers a bit of extra nourishing from now on (still slightly concerned that I'm helping the shit ones but never mind).

I just loved the video lemon put up and learned so much from it. It's actually made me a bit more chilled out about the BFN's, as I've come to appreciate more how fucking difficult it is to get a sperm to the egg! I mean 300 million start out and by the time they reach the egg the sperm scientist said there may be 2 or 3, or maybe even a single sperm. And seeing how many things can go wrong, from bad timing to bad luck, it's no wonder you've only got a 20% chance. Watching the chromosomes meet and the DNA mingle together was magic!

So I'm a bit more patient when it comes to waiting for that ubersperm now but not that fucking patient, hurry up BFP SmileSmile

LemonDrizzleTwunt · 13/11/2014 15:37

Poor DH Wink

jellypi3 · 13/11/2014 15:30

yes get on it tonight lemon :) Good luck hun!

jellypi3 · 13/11/2014 15:30

wow that video is amazing!!

mountaingirl01 · 13/11/2014 15:29

Absolutely lemon. And possibly tomorrow as well just for luck :)

LemonDrizzleTwunt · 13/11/2014 15:26

I'm pretty sure I've ovulated today btw...if I donned my cape last night, I should also shag tonight too, right? Just to be sure?

Indigoblue2 · 13/11/2014 15:26

Tell me about it lemon!

LemonDrizzleTwunt · 13/11/2014 15:25

Indigo that is fucking incredible!!!

Indigoblue2 · 13/11/2014 15:07

kh I checked back and no, the thing about the Fallopian tubes and ovary not being joined wasn't in the lemon video, it was in this one.

Check it out around the 1.40 mark and it says the egg is released into the abdominal cavity and then gets "picked up". Viroids, who knew?! I've always thought they were joined together!

jellypi3 · 13/11/2014 15:04

Cheers guys, I'll wait it out then! Was just a bit of a shock seeing as I thought it was over!

Who would choose to be a woman eh! Wink

Indigoblue2 · 13/11/2014 15:02

jelly I wouldn't worry. Like you say this is only your second AF in years and it's bound to be still a bit fucked up. I was on microgynon for about 14 years without a break and my "periods" were heavier then than since I stopped in July. One period was so light I did a test afterwards just incase it was spotting and I was upduffed. This last one has been more normal but still much lighter than I would have expected given my mother's "wait till you get a real period" comments. Not that she knows I'm TTC, but it must have come up in conversation sometime when generally discussing that stuff.

I would just wait it out like la says.

TinkerBlue · 13/11/2014 15:01

Jelly I get heavy agonising af for about 4 (sometimes more) days - then I get up to 6 days of light/spotting any colour from pink cm to brown. My dsis is exactly the same, as was my dm. Its a bitch but not unusual. Exercise seems to help force it through somehow (gravity?). I find walking the only cure.

From the 1st day of af to ov is called the follicular phase (check me out showing off) and can vary from 7 days to about 21 according to "Taking Charge of Your Fertility". I have one friend who swears she oved on day 3 and conceived her twins big fat show off liar bitch but I don't believe her. I think af has to go completely first.

Saying all that I spot on ov day too sometimes ....

jellypi3 · 13/11/2014 14:52

Doctor google just told me it's possible but rare to ice during AF.

Actually hate the depo injection with a passion right now...

jellypi3 · 13/11/2014 14:48

Thanks La, this is AF number 2 in 5 years. I guess I'm just over reacting, I just remember my periods being clockwork when I had them before the injection, very light, never that painful, always on time, never too long (5 days max).

I'll wait for it to bugger off then. So yeh, no ovulation while AF is here right?