Active discussions

Help protect children from gaming harms.

Take our survey

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

Original poster

Remember, Remember, JS in November - no to bum fun, car shagging and worms. Control your stray wombles and windy boobs. Shout WANKBADGERS at the world of TTC and get your cape on for JUST SHAGGING 32!

999 replies

DulcetMoans · 08/11/2014 21:32

Ladies, Fred title says it all; we are the ones who shag as much as our men can cope with in order to get upduffed without the stress of scientific whatnots!

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

  1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
  2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
  3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
  4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.

JSing lingo


ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also know as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit). Or PIATLH (Tea light holder) PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage. Self explanatory, who wouldn't? 

ROC - Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Option decorations include photographs of political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedinging!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

The link to Part 31 is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2224162-Step-AWAY-from-the-pissy-sticks-and-get-back-in-the-bedroom-don-your-cape-but-dont-break-his-banjo-string-and-get-yourself-a-bun-in-the-oven-like-Paul-Hollywood-Its-Just-Shagging-31" target="_blank">here</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2217843-Just-Shagging-Grads-14-Join-the-viroids-for-scanxiety-Toni-Braxtons-a-little-less-JSing-than-usual?" target="_blank">here</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-websites-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">here</a>. We are the dark side of MN. Welcome.

Happy shagging, shaggers!
OP posts:
Thread gallery
15
TinkerBlue · 13/11/2014 19:02

BTW Lemon this is most def a kitten Fred so I bet you are upduffed (hopeful).

TinkerBlue · 13/11/2014 18:59

Ha Gaggia no to Eurovision. Was going for a more "London Calling..." vibe.

I think I have broken my earhole!! Was nose blowing (also a good way of evacuating the cum soup fwiw) and heard a very loud internal noise (like a screech) and am now deaf in one ear Confused occasionally I can hear odd noises but they are from the inside of my ear. I hope this isn't permanent....

Mr Tink is back and has gone straight to bed, bless, will let him catch 40 winks than make a stealth attack. Mwah ha ha...

honeysucklejasmine · 13/11/2014 18:53

Noniks technically normal marmalade is my crack, but onion marmalade, or sweet onions in any form are my class B drug!

honeysucklejasmine · 13/11/2014 18:51

Haha I'm Herts/Beds border. The post office and the local council can't agree what county we are in. Hmm

Lemon I think La gets weird dreams when preggo too.

Noniks3 · 13/11/2014 18:50

I'd also like to state I am not orange or in anyway like a TOWIE knob!

Cheers to Essex Jelly!

jellypi3 · 13/11/2014 18:39

Noniks!!! Fuck yeh, we've missed you! So sorry about the CP but so glad you are back!

Also home counties here....

Ok fuck it, I'm an essex gal (though certainly not stilleto's, chavvy clothes and annoying accent!). :) So Hi from chez Essex!

lildottie · 13/11/2014 18:32

Only about 20mins from the sea where we are. We also have the moors down here too so best of both worlds!

gaggiagirl · 13/11/2014 18:22

tink are you a Eurovision fan? Hello Europe this is Sweden calling!. I heart Eurovision.

TinkerBlue · 13/11/2014 18:18

Staffordshire calling....

Didn't know River Cottage had a Preserves Book. On the Crimbo list Smile

Noniks3 · 13/11/2014 18:07

Red onion marmalade is my crack. Also love chilli pepper jelly, that River Cottage Preserves book made me a dirty preserver.

Home Counties too who am I kidding, it's Essex but Home Counties sounds much more upmarket

gaggiagirl · 13/11/2014 18:01

indigo your so far my geographically closest viroid!

gaggiagirl · 13/11/2014 18:00

noniks good lass for returning with such awesomeness!

lemon I'm in county Durham but from Northumberland. . Actually I had pictures of me and DD on my profile but they have disappeared since the mobile site was up dated.

LemonDrizzleTwunt · 13/11/2014 17:58

I love Devon! Are you by the sea?

Indigoblue2 · 13/11/2014 17:57

Viroids, I'm in Scotland Smile

lildottie · 13/11/2014 17:54

welcome back noniks. hope u can do a la and get upduffed in wtf cycle Thanks . well done on the epic catch up!

lemon I'm in Devonshire Grin

LemonDrizzleTwunt · 13/11/2014 17:54

Are crazy dreams a symptom? I have been having truly fucked up ones for the last two nights!

honeysucklejasmine · 13/11/2014 17:52

I'm in the home counties Lemon. Smile

So, on a fast day today. Have been mostly making Christmas presents and binge watching Doctor Who.

I had a crazy dream last night and felt a bit twingey today. I'm only 3dpo! I hope the dreams continue though. I view them as a good omen. Grin

Noniks! Yay! Luff you! Grin

Leela5 · 13/11/2014 17:43

round if applause

noniks what an outstanding return to Fred. Amazing. Nearly weed myself laughing at gaggia putting things up her chuff

Lovely to see you back xxx

LemonDrizzleTwunt · 13/11/2014 17:37

I luffs you guys I do.

This has got me thinking (my computer is updating to Yosemite and I'm bored) that, other than some office window pics of the Tower of London, do we know where each other lives?

I know it's not very MNetty but I'm in Gloucestershire and clearly more emotional than I thought and wanted to say if you're ever passing this way, let me know and we can POAS together, or look at sporn or whatever.

TinkerBlue · 13/11/2014 17:37

Noniks!!!!! I fucking love you xxx So glad to see you back - that catch up was the best ever! Made me laugh out loud and cry - all in one post!! (dh thought I farted but was actually snorting with laughter at your bikini line - me too!) Normal service is resumed folks! Grin

Indigoblue2 · 13/11/2014 17:16

Welcome back noniks! Another big red onion marmalade fan here, that shit goes with anything.

LemonDrizzleTwunt · 13/11/2014 17:14

Yay Noniks! Welcome back Flowers

Sporn is spot porn, but you already sound like you indulge Wink

Also, if you go and live with Chat, can I come too? I am addicted to red onion marmalade

Noniks3 · 13/11/2014 17:10

thanks Mountain back to JSing like a something now.

How are you getting on? Feeling ok with your bean? How was your weekend away - did anyone catch you out?

mountaingirl01 · 13/11/2014 17:07

Wow noniks immense catch up. Good to have you back although I'm so sorry you had a cp xxx

Noniks3 · 13/11/2014 17:01

Hi Viroids (shuffles back in)

Have perked myself up from wallowing. Thanks so much for all the kind thoughts & MN hugs, you guys are fucking ace . CP is confirmed so now hoping my cycle is not too chuffed up.

So now have a crazy catch up on this Fred as it’d moved so goddamn fast! Here goes…

Welcome Spuffy, sorry but also a Buffy fan & hope this is a tenuous link! Number, Middle & Clueless

I told my Dad & sis about TTC. We are pretty close - in fact sis is my best friend and we get AF on the same day CP dependant now. They’ve been great about it but also aren’t the types to ask all the time ‘so….any news…?!?!’ which would piss me off. If it comes up –like at work, wankers—I just say we’re not there yet.

La your neighbour needs to get over your cats, that’s what they do & if it wasn’t your it’d be someone elses. And I fecking love your mums elephant, it’s gorgeous…I want one for me…

Chat I too would like to come & live with you. I cannot cross stich (your present for your friend is beautiful – she’ll need a Kleenex when she gets it!) or knit but I’m not a bad baker or preserver. Lemon Drizzle cake, Triple Choc brownies, blackberry jam & red onion marmalade are my specialities…oh and sausage rolls

Bat echo everyone else re worrying about TTC, most peeps have no issues so don’t worry about that & just make sure you’re getting your baby freak on enough/at the right time. In the meantime you/we all get MN fun times Grin

Tink GX with the soy, you & honey really do deserve it this month with all that JSing! Also Tink damn you & your food porn!!! I am now ready to eat all the food. And sure a good ‘fanny licking’ is ok if he doesn’t dribble too much it finished you off? Grin

Lil thanks for explaining the IVF process, it’s fascinating, GX you get a sneaky BFP in first but really excited for you.

Gaggia you are not a dick or a duck, what is it with men boys. Fecking Cunthawk. Your tart tuppence has really made me chuckle. And please don’t put any herbs up your chuff.

Wow Jelly you’ve done really well with the 5:2, tip of the cap at your willpower. I think I’m going get back on Clean & Lean next in a last minute effort to be healthy slimmer for Crimbo or to be more realistic limit the damage it will do

Bollicle follicle? WTF? Not seen this now legendary thread but I too love a bit of filth & a squeeze of anything DH has produced…what is sporn?! Never heard of it?? Sick porn? I seem to be getting ingrown hairs in my bikini line delicious, I know as I had a Hollywood earlier this year & fully believe coming of BC has given me a denser bush…not sure if there’s any actual science in this but I swear there’s more there…

Aina when will you get your results back from your bloods?

KH your DH needs to understand where his boys are needed…well for some of the month anyway. I can suck all day long & it doesn’t do the job for Mr Noniks, so it’s more foreplay for us.

Thanks for the educational vids Lemon, they are amazing! Mental how it all works. Lemon, get shagging that’s EWCM. Yum.

Indigo thanks to you too for the vids – you sound science intrigued like me I may just be nosy. Check out Mr Indigo & his libido -are you ever mean to him by muttering filthy words in company?

Congrats to Fleur & Number cheeky kittens!