Active discussions

Help protect children from gaming harms.

Take our survey

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

Original poster

The Truth about Um Bongo, Broken Penises and Sad Fleas - it's all here, just don't talk about the Elephant in the Womb! Pee on Nigel Farage (or in a Thermos), and Join the Bonkers Bonkers for JS 30!

999 replies

ChatEnOeuf · 15/10/2014 18:02

Ladies, Fred title says it all; we are the ones who shag as much as our men can cope with in order to get upduffed without the stress of scientific whatnots!

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

  1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
  2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
  3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
  4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.

JSing lingo


ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others.

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit). Or PIATLH (Tea light holder) PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in!

PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage. Self explanatory, who wouldn't? 

ROC - Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Option decorations include photographs of political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession.

Contraband = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedinging!

TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development!

The link to Part 29 is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/a2198677-Jizz-in-your-eyes-raining-out-of-your-arse-or-just-feeling-boggin-Come-and-join-the-JSers-for-fun-and-frolics-And-some-of-them-drooling-over-Ian-McShane-whoever-he-may-be-Its-Just-Shagging-29" target="_blank">here</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/a2202292-Just-Shagging-Grads-thread-No-13-for-upduffed-viroids" target="_blank">here</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-websites-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">here</a>

Happy shagging, shaggers!
OP posts:
Thread gallery
25
BothersomeB · 17/10/2014 10:52

Ah - so there was some talk about lorem ipsum in the last Fred - it's a 'made up' language that's used by designers to show where text will be before the actual text has been written...it's been the same forever, but then a designer got bored and made up a new, 'meatier' version - Bacon Ipsum! Love the fact that he's sneaked 'Kevin' into it...

jellypi3 · 17/10/2014 10:46

the whole loreum ipsum thingy mabob lol!

BothersomeB · 17/10/2014 10:40

Which bit Jelly? I've just re-read my post and realised that there are many areas that could lead to confusion! Confused

Leela5 · 17/10/2014 10:27

Bother that was superb post!!!

TinkerBlue · 17/10/2014 10:24

x post jelly - there is NEVER a "good time" for ttc or weddings or any of the big stuff, there is always either a financial worry or a family drama or somesuch - go with your gut!

TinkerBlue · 17/10/2014 10:23

Hi bother Have found my poas Buddy!! We are nsync! Have a fab hols, you meaty weirdo you :)

Hope you and la get on ok with fertility clinics - i'm sure all will be well x

jellypi3 · 17/10/2014 10:22

im so confused! What was that all about bother??

DF asked me last night if we are going to continue TTC now we are engaged. I hadn't really considered it to be honest, but he said he thinks that once we start committing financially to the wedding, it might be worth putting TTC on hold! Not quite sure how I feel about it!

BothersomeB · 17/10/2014 09:30

Morning all!

Man - I spend some time doing actual work for a few days although I am ebaying a few things which is taking up some of my interweb time and the Farage Fred is no more!

Welcome to all the newbies! Much support been had here over the last 2 months I've been around - can recommend venting when you think non-one else will understand how you're feeling...

Glad you're back with us La and back on JS form...and thanks for the 'October can fuck off' solidarity. Off to Grotty tomorrow where we shall mostly be eating, drinking and lounging by the pool.

Tink - I'm the world's worst tee-total-twotter...being on holiday during said twot won't help either! AF due on the last day of hols... Hmm

Rodent update for those party to tupperware-mouse-gate...MrB caught another using a bin/baking tray combo, but then saw another so we've invested in some humane traps...current status: 2 ignored, 2 pushed off mouse-superhighway, one shat upon. Back to the tupperware method methinks.

Meantime, had my second blood test this morning in advance of fertility clinic, Mr B still procrastinating over doing his 'bit'...gave me some crap about how it challenging what it means to be a man, and anyway, 'he got me pregnant last year so it can't be his fault'...which made me feel just wonderful. I've never heard such a load of bullshit about having a wank!

And finally - for those talking about lorem ipsum...I can highly recommend bacon ipsum as a more meaty alternative:

^Bacon ipsum dolor sit amet beef pancetta boudin pork loin rump t-bone bresaola chicken ground round corned beef shoulder. Landjaeger t-bone turducken pig. Swine beef boudin, cow hamburger bresaola ground round. Cow pastrami shankle, bacon beef sirloin porchetta hamburger. Frankfurter biltong turducken drumstick rump shankle ham hock sirloin tongue shank jerky turkey pork capicola short loin. Shank capicola turkey meatloaf.

Tenderloin jowl andouille, prosciutto spare ribs brisket beef ribs corned beef tongue tail. Short ribs pig jowl bresaola, kevin salami boudin rump tongue tri-tip sirloin beef ribs t-bone drumstick. Swine strip steak beef ribs drumstick ribeye t-bone pastrami sirloin beef salami short ribs pork loin pork tri-tip andouille. Cow ham hock frankfurter, rump porchetta beef venison fatback ribeye pork loin flank.^

xxx

TinkerBlue · 17/10/2014 08:46

Hugs honey

Epic la and the kits bits are fine ta, you wouldn't know they'd had anything done Smile

Hooya for symptom spotting please. Only ov'd at the beginning of the week and have a metallic taste. Of course, it could totally have been caused by the glass of vino last night. Also, I keep googling each dpo and comparing my imaginary symptoms with teenagers from 2008! Not a good jser today, need to step away from the obsessive behaviour! Tfi Friday though!!! Yay.

lildottie · 17/10/2014 08:07

my sil is photosensitive (right word?) from her lupus too honey and even if she wanted to go on a hot holiday abroad no one would insure her or it would cost the earth so they don't bother.

sorry to hear your dh has been like that. doesn't he understand you were saving spoons to shag him! just rude really!

Leela5 · 17/10/2014 08:05

I think it depends how she's feeling. She does short holidays with family - to center parcs. But also City breaks. Don't think she does hot countries either

honeysucklejasmine · 17/10/2014 07:45

Thanks girls. I hope so too! Sucky feeling.

Hot countries... Its too much bother. Over heat, have to use sun screen, get all bothered and frustrated, and it makes my lupus flare up too. So all in all I'm not enamoured. I'd rather go skiing, but again my lupus means I can't. (I woiuldnt be able to move for weeks if i tried a high physical stress activity) Talk about annoying. La, where does your friend go on holiday?

jellypi3 · 17/10/2014 07:33

Aww hugs honey

And la bloody good effort there!!

Thanks for the fertility friend recommendation.

Welcome ma

Original poster
ChatEnOeuf · 17/10/2014 07:32

That was meant to say On my Facebook, candles...

OP posts:
Original poster
ChatEnOeuf · 17/10/2014 07:30

Good morning, excellent and epic catch up, La - and glad to hear you're having a better day. Candles outnumbered babies by at least two to one. Sad but good.

Honey, hope things are better this morning. I also hate too hot a holiday but I do like some sunshine. I go out of season - cheaper and I'm happier, everyone's a winner Grin

OP posts:
Leela5 · 17/10/2014 06:52

Hogmanay is indeed Scottish - and amazing!

Leela5 · 17/10/2014 06:20

Awww honey that's a bit unfair of him :( I hope he stops bring a dafty today

Why do you hate hot countries? I don't like being too hot but I do love the sun.

Ttc is knackering without adding lupus to the equation as i know it wipes you out (best mate has lupus) I do hope he gives you a break today.

X

honeysucklejasmine · 17/10/2014 02:41

Bloody men.

honeysucklejasmine · 17/10/2014 02:28

Nah I don't think so. I'm really annoyed with him for not telling me he was upset so I don't think I'll be in the mood. Will talk to him about it in the morning but we don't really believe in angry sex or make up sex. Especially as he was fine with me when he got home from work. Then I go out for a meeting, come back a and he is too annoyed to shag. We pride ourselves on our excellent communication so this is really a shock.

Khbutterfly11 · 17/10/2014 00:41

wow la that was some catch up! I bow down to your catchupedness (so should be a word!!) glad to see you a little better today!

honey my dh wouldn't tell me he was annoyed either unless I tried something (although to be fair prob still would! he's so easy! lol) or directly asked him but that's a bit pants he's annoyed if it's not helped by your condition!!
we will all vouch for you that you intended to do tasks but that doesn't help with dtd tonight!
do you think you could pounce him 1st thing in the morning before he remembers he's annoyed?!

honeysucklejasmine · 17/10/2014 00:03

Lil I would love to go on an all inclusive holiday, purely for the huge amount of alcohol i am capable of drinking. But i really hate hot countries so i can't see it ever happening.

No dtd tonight. Sad DH is annoyed with me for falling asleep during the day (fatigue is a symptom on lupus) and not doing what i said i would. I'm now annoyed with him because i have ewcm and i don't think he understands the limited life of an egg. And also because he didn't tell me he was annoyed until he climbed in to bed, at the very moment i was expecting to dtd. Rejection to the max! Sad Angry

lildottie · 16/10/2014 23:58

la I just frigging love you lady! good luck for tomorrow. keep us posted.

as for hogmanay is that a Scottish thing? I was thinking today I will probably go tee total soon. maybe after my holiday next week though. be a Shane to waste the all inclusive. also trying to up the protein and water and drink full day milk as I've heard good things about these for people doing ivf.

nakered here too. night x

honeysucklejasmine · 16/10/2014 23:52

claps Well done La!

Leela5 · 16/10/2014 23:25

Phew. Knackered now. Bed time.

Leela5 · 16/10/2014 23:23

(final response - caught up!)

I love that it's obvious everyone uses the same pregnancy app - Babycenter viroids? If not then you're all using scarily similar comparisons of being upduffed with fruit and veg. When I used it I made the mistake of scrolling on - the idea of incubating a melon or a pumpkin was quite offputting.

tink how are the kits bits (or lack of)?

lil does that mean you can't drink at hogmanay? (if you're being stabbed with needles just before)

Hi lurkers! Miss your faces! (throws big kisses into the laptop)

butterfly Mr La was on a quest to locate Um Bongo in the Congo. This started a conversation about the corrections required in said song. Marmosets do not come from the Congo. I shall be writing to the manufacturers.

Your dh is hilarious butterfly!

pixa loving your dhs rule - you have seven years so hopefully it'll not be needed!

jelly fertility friend is great - I have used it for a year now and it tracks everything and helps with timings etc. I keep thinking I know better than it but it always turns out to be right.

Hope you've had fun dulcet! I think I've been to that pub :)

Hi ma welcome to the gang! No temping and opks here who am I trying to kid exactly?
I have long cycles too - bane of my blooming life.

We've got our fertility clinic appointment tomorrow, the one I didn't cancel when I got my bfp. Hoping she can talk progesterone and vitamin B/luteal phase defects with me.

Temp dipped massively yesterday so I'm hoping tomorrow is big icing day. Mr La and I have been shagging like pros EOD and so I've got no idea if what I'm seeing is EWCM or jizz. Could be either... Failed at ghost jizz yesterday because buzzy friend made me go before him. Ah well, at least it was fun. Although he had coffee breath - ew.

Got to pounce tomorrow morning before clinic. Really hope she doesn't want to do an internal exam as I might be a bit loaded up there (sorry newbies - TMI warnings went out of the window 10 threads ago).

Back. In. The. Frigging. Game. My bed needs breaking.