40+ and TTC? Join the club...

Crossed posts (and cross posts, too)

You've been reported, Fourlanes. Now do run along....

No, actually, and I find what you are saying offensive. I don't recall saying that I was ttc without my husband's knowledge on this thread? Can you point out where I said that?

As for being "repulsed" at the idea of a baby - that is highly offensive. You don't know me or my husband.

That last message is exactly like another nasty one Goldengirl71 posted before

I see kimkat, that you have joined the Gennet forum on Fertility Friends. You will find an amazing bunch of ladies there and I wish you the very, very best of luck

See! Evangelising can bring someone a step closer to their dream

Oh heavens above! 'Woman in forties runs and lifts weights' - call the cops! Gumblossom, you know exactly what I meant in my post. Aren't you TTC without the full knowledge of your husband? A husband who absolutely and irrefutably is repulsed at the idea of having another baby? Do you care? No. Why? Because you feel your desire for another baby trumps the concerns and wishes of your husband.

BFP's for 2015 please ...

10000Fireflies: 45, TTC #2, DS age 2
Allthefours: 40, TTC #4, DS 19, DS 18 and DD 14 from first marriage, and DSD 16
AWombWithoutAFoof: 44 (only just!), TTC #2, DD 4
Bernad105: 41, TTC #1
Berriesinautumn: TTC #2, 1 DS, (MC at 20 weeks)
Calibee: 44, TTC #4 (with IUI), 3 DC's aged 24, 20 and 17
ChewyGiraffe: 45, TTC #2, DD 18 months
Cloudjumper: 43 (in Jan 15), TTC #2, 1 DS age 3.5
Cobbler1: 43, TTC #1
Crispiecrunchie: 41, TTC #2, had DC #1 at 40
CurlyJay 44, TTC #1
Daftgeranium: 43, TTC #1
Druscilla: 41, TTC #1
FattyFishwife: 43, TTC #6, DS -21, DD -17, DS -15, DS -11 and DS 4
Foggywytch: 40, TTC #3, 2 DD, 9 Angels
Fridgedooropen: 41, TTC #2, DS nearly 6
Fromwesttoeast: 42 (and a half), TTC #6, DC#5 is 3 years old
Grizzer: 42 (only just!), TTC #2, DD age 4, (MC at 18 weeks)
Gumblossom: 48, TTC #6, DS age 23, DS 21, DD 17, DD 14 and DS 6 (had youngest DS at 41 and 9 months)
ICallHimGerald: 42, TTC #2, DS 6
JassS: 45 (in Dec 14), TTC #5
JessieMcJessie: 41, TTC #1
Joey38: 44, TTC #2, DS age 2.5 (had DS at 41)
Kimkat: 40, (41 in March), TTC #2, DC age 2.5 (OE IVF abroad)
LastMinuteMother: 42 (almost 43), TTC #1
Londongrrl: 42, TTC #2, DS 4.5
Mummy23Monkeys: 41, TTC #4, 3 DCs - DD -8, DS1 -5, DS2 -2
Notsoold: 43, TTC #4, 3 DC's - DD age 20, DS1 15, DS2 11 months
Pessimoptimistic: 40 (almost 41), TTC # 2, DD 3
Puppydogstails1: 40, TTC #4, youngest DC age 6
Rosiejo1: 43 (just), TTC #1
Rhootintootinboo: 39 (nearly 40), TTC #1
SeasonsEatings: 40, TTC #2, DD aged 26 months
Sicksquid:
Stupidhead: 46, TTC #4 (first with DP), 3 DC aged 16, 14 and 13
TheCSLibraryPree: 42 (43 in a couple of months), TTC #1
TheGrinchWearsStripes: 45, TTC #2, had DS at 42
TheHappinessTrap: 42, TTC #1
Trumadison: 45, TTC #5 (first with DP), 4 DC's
Wiltingfast: 40, TTC #3, DC aged 5 and 3
WipsGlitter: 44, TTC #3

Chewy, I'm not entirely sure how you got promoted to Head Girl around here but you may want to cast an eye over that comprehensive list of yours and see how many babies were conceived and delivered over the age of 43. A handful. That's how many. The stats are real and your experience has no bearing whatsoever on what will happen to the women posting here or their chances of success.

And there we have another coincidence: "a very fit runner and weight trainer who has found raising a baby easy (thank you, Gina Ford!)"

If you are not goldengirl I'll eat my hat!

Fivepounds - what on earth do you mean by this:"I would have thought, Gumblossom, that you of all people would understand that a woman's need for a baby outweighs her husband's utter repulsion at the thought..." ?

Please explain?

Sorry Fivepounds I posted without reading your last pearl of wisdom update. I'm posting the TTC list without you on it. Please do re-post it, adding yourself, if and when you decide to be rather kinder to others - and less proselytising.

Erm..if you had read my post properly you would see that I am indeed TT naturally (until my next cycle, of course). My point about waiting until you are 47/48/49 to pop abroad for a DE cycle is that there are a plethora of setbacks and dangers for a woman of that age carrying and delivering a baby. It may be a donor egg baby she is carrying but her placenta and blood pressure and pre-eclampsia risk is that of a woman racing towards fifty. I do not have PND (thank you for your concern, though) and am a very fit runner and weight trainer who has found raising a baby easy (thank you, Gina Ford!) I couldn't say the same for your average 47 year-old not that I see anyone of that age pregnant

Oh my goodness! You are weird; you have actually changed your username today to come here and abuse me!

I have reported you.

... and had I listened to your particular brand of poisonous negativity Fivepounds, I wouldn't have conceived a baby naturally aged 43 + 3 months. A point that you appear either too stubborn or stupid to acknowledge.

Fivepounts: If you're suffering from PND, I'll be the first to apologise (and hope you get the help you need). Otherwise, I can't fathom why, given that (i) you're not TTC yourself, and (ii) you apparently find babies so exhausting that you would disapprove of anyone having a baby at any age older than you are now, you would bother to lecture us that everyone should make exactly the same choice as you did yourself, or else give up entirely. Maybe you're a banned poster, or on commission from a Czech clinic, but whatever, I reckon you're a fake.

Welcome Grinch - your DS sounds fab! You may also have noticed that Fivepounds fertility cliff is suffering from some erosion. She can't decide whether it should end at 40, or 41/42, but unless my maths is quite remedial, I figure you must have conceived your own anecdotal little boy at around 42 +3 (?), once you'd fallen over the edge of her metaphor. And that deserves adding to a TTC list I think! Good luck to you.

Note to any lurkers: please do join and feel free to re-post (and/or correct) the list below yourself!

Oh please do. Strange creature.

Pa ha! So I have to be working for Gennet because I am so enamoured by their brilliant success rates? What planet are you on? I was childless and on the wrong side of forty and opted for DE IVF, which worked the first time. I am the happiest I have ever been and want to shout from the rooftops how easily your dreams can be achieved when you are living in a nightmare. I won't be bullied form any thread due to absurd suspicions about name-changers - especially from a perpetual name- changer!

Why are you changing your name again? Because your views change? What's that got to do with the price of cheese? If you're so brave come and tell us who you are.

I would have thought, Gumblossom, that you of all people would understand that a woman's need for a baby outweighs her husband's utter repulsion at the thought...

I was wondering that, too- especially when you asked them for a date.

Who said anything about their husband "vetoing" DE IVF? Why should a woman's desires be of greater importance than those of her husbands? THe analogy of a donated kidney is preposterous. A kidney, I would argue, would save her life. A baby...not the same thing at all.

Doe you get a discount if you recruit others to the clinic?

Missbone and Goldengirl71 and Viviennewestwould and Gailplattschin and fivepounds, all rolled up into one. If your beliefs are so strong- why do you keep changing your username? I change my name all the time, because my beliefs change as I learn more about other people's experiences.

No, I am not the person you are talking about. There are, however, lots of women my age knocking about and quite a few Czech clinics. Oh, and we all do tend to ring the bell quite fervently for DE IVF - why wouldn't we? I never wanted to rubbish other women's choices; I too am ttc naturally despite returning to the Czech Republic this year (a date would be nice, please, clinic!) for a sibling for our daughter. I just wanted to throw DE IVF into the ring when I saw Daft's post. It is very often the case that a woman would gladly - desperately - take a donated egg in her quest for a baby (especially if she is childless) if only her achingly ethical husband would permit it.

I disagree with you, Grinch, that I am being unfair on such men. I think if finances are not a problem, and the woman is desperate either for her first baby or to add to her family - and she is suffering the horror of recurrent miscarriage - then any husband who vetoes donor egg IVF is an utter bastard. Where is the sacrificial love? Just because it doesn't 'sit comfortably' with him he will deny a baby in his wife's arms? Would he deny her a donated kidney, too? Preposterous.

So, you are not the poster once called Goldengirl? I wasn't calling you a "greedybitch", it was another of the names she used when posting. I apologise if you are not her. You sound just like her - exactly like her. She too has a 10 month old baby daughter, who was conceived using donor egg at the same clinic as you. She is also the same age as you. And she's evangelical about using DE. I suppose all these factors are coincidental.BTW, I didn't say she was a banned poster, but you seem aware that she was.

So, I apologise if it is a case of mistaken identity, however, I still think your comments are offensive to many of the posters on this thread. Most of these women are well educated and have a good grasp of the statistics etc. They are all on very individual ttc journeys, and noone appreciates being treated like they are stupid if they don't choose DE IVF.

Your experience was good.You had a happy outcome. Not everyone does. Some women come away from IVF stressed, unwell and deeply unhappy, and without a baby. It isn't for everyone.

You are right, you are within your rights to comment on a forum such as this one, but we neither have to agree with your comments, nor like them.

fivepounds it's really lovely that you are so happy with your decision, and that you have a daughter from the experience. I can understand if you wanted to evangelise about your experience! What you can't do, however, is rubbish our choices and tell us we are wrong, this isn't the place. We all know we are not taking the easy option. It's still our (fully researched, agonised over) choice.
And it's a bit unfair to think that men should have a child by whatever means so that their wives can be mothers. Pregnancy doesn't make us more parents than they are. It makes us more mothers.

Why are you saying I am a banned poster? And why am I a greedy bitch? Are you quite well? I have already explained why I posted here in reply to daftgeranium's situation: I saw a childless 43 year old woman who, as far as her post read, hadn't been tested for any abnormalities, was having recurrent miscarriages and perhaps had not considered DE IVF. I am perfectly entitled to comment - even evangelise - on a forum for women ttc over forty without pandering to the delusion that we will all strike lucky as long as we stay positive and keep shagging. That massive list Chewy has pasted is so thoroughly depressing when you consider the bitterness with which talk of assisted conception is met on here.

I know DE isn't for everyone but, seriously, you couldn't be further from the truth when you (rather nastily) suggest my choices don't sit comfortably with me. One of the happiest moments of my life was when we flew to the clinic for treatment - the most joyful being when I held my baby in my arms. I also see a lot of husbands and partners like Chewy's, who happily draw a veil over their wives' chances of having a baby because of their 'ethical' principles. Quite frankly, I think to deny a woman a baby because she is using a donated cell is revolting.

Had my husband been so dictatorial I wouldn't be sitting - marvellously comfortable - snuggled into my baby right now.