40+ and TTC? Join the club...

Ff is absolutely a slave driver, last month we got "good" so we tried harder. I think we'd have missed the window this month otherwise, because I ovulated late; ff's whipping worked.

This ff sounds like a slave driver, very demotivating if it says only good:-)))
I found somewhere that pgs have better chance to go to term if they have been conceived exactly on the day of ov. Especially for older couples. Very tiresome idea:-)

Started symptom spotting. I'm 6dpo . In my saner moments I remember it is too early for anything meaningful. Ff only marked our efforts "good" so I can both conjure up symptoms and beat myself up for not enough dtd.

Hmmm. Sounds pretty strict, apart from the smoking - which doesn't make sense at all.

They lose out on the lump some payment on the brth of the child, from local govt, which can be around 300 EUR. In Luxembourg Where I work I understand the prenatal care and also post-natal visits are obligatory to trigger govt payments, like monthly allowances can be withheld if baby misses doc visit during first months of life. I am not eligible here anyway (work for EU institutions), so can delay showing up as long as I want.

I guess the system refuses to accept that you did not know you were pg. Otherwise everyone would claim that was the case if they miss deadline:-) On the other hand, I have seen women outside maternity, in the pain, smoking, and no one penalises that!

I am in the uk. There are no penalties. Penalties sound quite harsh actually! What happens to those women who (amazingly) claim not to have realised they were pregnant until it's almost time to give birth!?
I will wait and see. And reserve the right to change my mind at any time

No tou should not book in or anything, if you are not comfortable with it. If The not knowing, not taking action approach feels libearting and carefree, I would stick to it. Or do you have serious penalties somewhere if you are late to "book in"? I know nothing of your medical system. In my home country you have to turn upcfor an appointment at 12 weeks latest to qualify for some state support, but docs are ready to say you did if they know why you stayed away.

Yes Jass, I'm hanging on! I've never had spotting in a successful pregnancy either. The sight of blood is always the start of a mc. I'm 43 in May, and my DH is a few months younger than me. An older than me DH is the one extra risk factor I don't have, so I guess that's a positive!
I'm not sure about an early scan. Last night I was imagining going for a scan, and it scared me so much! Such a head in the sand approach! I know I should book myself in... But I'm not ready to do so yet.
Hope this will be your cycle, Notso!

Notso- good to hear from you, DH better now?

Reporting to duty here.... still not ovulating because I am late for everything in life.... but should do so in the next 2 days... we managed dtd yesterday.
It is impossible to ttc without dtd but it is a killjoy!!!
I am keeping my fingers crossed for you jass and you fromwest....please don't leave us....xxx

Fromwest, of course you have to take your own body into account in analysing how things might go. My uterus has also a habit to hold on to the hopeless "products" long after they turn hopeless, but I have always had some warning in the form of spotting. Never have I been one of those for whom "spotting did not matter and 50% of pg go to term even if some bleeding occurs". i am firmly in the 100% camp there. On the other hand, why I am hopeful is that I have never failed to carry to term if there is no bleeding present. If this one finally shows to have not turned up that heartbeat I still have not gone seeking for, I will move into new territory for me, and will never again trust the assumption that all is well if not bleeding.
If I were you, I would certainly seek a confirmation at about 8-9 weeks, since by then hearbeat should be cisible on any decent US equipment and none of us are unsure of our dates here:-) It can go belly up after heartbeat unfortunately, but we just have to concentrate on positives. I think the 50:50 you mention is actually quite good, considering all the mc risks we carry anyway- by some cruel analysiswe have 1%'of the chance to fall pg (yet we have), then for above 45 mc risk at any stage is double, plus if your DH is around 50 as most are, then it goes up by another 1,8 times. probabilties are just probabilities, I try to use positives only and ignore negatives. After all, it is nice to be pg, even if for today. I have enjoyed my pregnancy so far after passing the betadip dahger zone, which for me was a real turning point. I have had several weeks of geniuine happiness over this pregnancy, of course tinged with worries (still knicker-checking, and madly symptom-spottin, even if in all my sucessful pg I have never had symptoms more than some serious farigue which would have passed by week 8 anzway). Hang on!

Thanks for all your words of encouragement ladies, just reading what you've said makes me feel more calm and patient with the situation.
I'm 6 weeks today. No pg symptoms really, but no mc symptoms yet either.
I will keep popping in, looking out for your news of BFPs coming soon.

I got the ordering bug too, girls!Just ordered estrogen and progesterone creams from Biovea, and 'Pregnenolone" which is a precurser to all hormones. Rather than take Dhea, mainly because I can't get the micronised type here.

I started taking the red clover isoflavones yesterday (day 3). I took 80mgs. I need to find out whether to keep the same dose or increase it daily. I think the last time I tried it, I increased the dose gradually to 160mgs on day 7. THe tablets are 40 gms each. If nothing else I am hoping it helps with estrogen. It is clear I am low on hormones (not at all surprising at my age) because my AF is over, and was barely there for the 3 days. It is getting lighter and lighter, and I know that must mean low progesterone, which is caused in part, by low estrogen in the first part of the cycle.

Fromwest, I totally understand your apprehension at celebrating. I too had great ultrasounds at 7-8 weeks for 2 of my miscarriages. I know I will have a very anxious 12 week wait should I ever be lucky enough to get pregnant again. But, for now, you really are pregnant, and that is a step in the right direction, so Congratulations!

I must run- should be helping DS get ready for school. Have a lovely day,ladies

P.S. Thanks so much for your support re: ungrateful parent!

Fromwest have another low-key congratulations.

Jass please keep posting. You've so much knowledge to share! Please keep sharing!

My supps have run low, so I spent ages reading up and ordering. DHEA arriving at the end of the week. A bit apprehensive about that, and have stuffed up a bit as panicked and after ordering found out a micronized version would have been better. But I just managed to get order in for delivery today of SI and decaff green tea tablets (latter for antioxidants). So, yes, Chewy now doing a soy cycle.

Grizzer I hope you're wrong about it not looking good this month.

I've just ordered a load of IC ov tests and preg tests, the latter of which work 6 days before AF due, so I can obsess nice and early like the rest of you!!

Off to sort out supps for next week for me and DH. Seems like he might need a little encouragement with them!!

I have invested 3 whole pounds (roughly) in 40 ics! I've used a few but bfn. No AF today but sure she's coming. Loads of weird aches & pains but seems to be in all the wrong places for anything hopeful. More groin/hip area than stomach. I ovulated early & am now 14 or 15 dpo so though AF might come early. Maybe not. Is it bad if my Lp is 18 or 19 days? Seems a bit long....

Chewy- you're right of course, my resolve would normally last until shortly after lunch on 4dpo . I have handed all hpts except the multipack of ics to DH to hide from me. Told him not to hand them to me before 12 dpo and ignore my tantrums if I want them before. And since we are at it like rabbits from cd8 to cd14 dtd in a timed manner he knows it is not yet 12dpo. Must go to Superdrug for some contraband FRERs.

Forgot to say - Cloud - have you had your MRI yet? Hope everything's OK.

Reni - we'll see how long your 'not testing' resolve lasts! Anything like me, about 5 minutes. No, to be fair, I did manage to hold out to 10DPO last month. But did you know FRERs are on offer in Superdrug? Plus there's a pound off voucher inside the box.

Gum - Yes, I'd hate to think of anyone's feelings being hurt too, but that also includes your own. Like others have said, I didn't read your post as being derogatory towards a child. Even to mention the child is 'anxious', if that's part of how his ASD manifests, I would've thought it's important to recognise, to be sure you make any appropriate adjustments as sensitively as possible. To me, the post was just an expression of a degree of frustration at a parent's attitude (i.e. their ingratitude and perhaps their failure to clarify any restrictions on their parental consent beforehand, rather than afterwards). And especially given what you were dealing with at the time, it must have been tough.

I'm so sorry about the chemical pg . Good to hear you're not giving up though. You say you're trying Red Clover Isoflavones? I wasn't sure whether they'd work the same as Soy, but a quick Google says Red Clover is rich in phytoestrogens (like Soy), so maybe they will? I've found the chat about Soy really interesting, so will look forward to your update.

Fireflies - did you decide to try a Soy cycle too?

Jass - Oh please don't leave! There are few things I'd rather read about than a 45 year old lady who, after a difficult journey in many respects (was it 14 MC), now shows every sign of progressing well with a healthy pregnancy. It's an inspiring example of perseverance. Soon enough you'll join a thread for ladies who can no longer see their feet, but I love the updates and it would be great if you'd stick around in some technical advisory capacity!

Fromwest - do you mind if I'm at least a little bit excited for you? Super news, so quiet congratulations on your BFP. Please try to leave the past behind (hard I know), but this is a different baby and a new start. Take your Pregnacare, one day at a time ...

Grizzer - cramps 5 days early? Interesting???

Well no news here. CD7, bit bored and need to haul myself out of TTC negativity. Think I've decided not to DTD until CD10 (oooh, cutting it fine!) but want to make it to the end (most days to CD16?). We'll see.

Welcome to Nix72. Good luck to everyone.

Congratulations fromwest. Six more weeks until the end of the 12-week stress.

Welcome Nix and sorry about af, it is such a downer every time. Sorry about af, gum and I think you are a hero doing these class trips, they would simply not happen without brave volunteers taking up this thankless task (note to self: find and thank volunteers next time, I do tend to forget)

JassS and fromwest, do stick around and tell, it gives everybody hope. When you feel secure enough in your pregnancies, start a graduate thread we will hopefully all join soon.

Has AF shown up, Grizzer? Fridge- regarding stress and ovulation; I wondered that, ovulated on cd14 this month, usually cd11-12 and I was very sleep deprived.

I am on cd18, 4dpo. Sitting around NOT testing so far and have managed not to imagine any symptoms yet.

Thanks ladies. SeeWot I will take your advice and have a pregnacare tomorrow. I am grateful to be where I am. I should try to be hopeful.
Jass, thanks for your wise words. So true about the pg boards.
I'm not too reassured by getting to 7/8 weeks with no mc symptoms. I've mc before at 11 weeks, with no previous cause for concern. In 2013 I had a MMC discovered at 12 week scan, which had stopped developing at 7 weeks. Even my recent mc of empty sacs dragged on and on. My body does a good job of hanging on to pregnancy even when there is nothing left to hang on to. So until I actually reach the 12 week mark and see a live one in there I'm still going to see it as 50/50.
But for now it's great to actually be in the 12 week wait. We can't get our babies without going through this agonising stage!
The support on this thread is much appreciated. Thank you.

Congrats Fromwest. All these bfps will bring us all luck!
Sorry about AF nix especially after she built your hopes up.
Pretty sure mine will be here tomorrow, 5 days early.
Hey frickin ho

Hi. New to group.
42, ttc for last couple of months, thought may have actually done the deed this month, was5 days late, all the symptoms etc but negative tests, anyway, came on big style this avo...somewhat gutted, but hey ho......

Fromwest, happy to hear you have moved on to the 12-week wait, too! I think we all can relate here to the feeling that we do not risk to invest into pregnancy. Try to just enjoy the fact that any time you wish you can pee on the stick it shows two lines. The rest - well, the waiting to rather mc than carry to term is inevitable, and of course registering on pregnancy boards will not help, because their discussion is about trivialities of when to go to doc, when to start buying stuff etc. Your inner worry is existential, in stark contrast with a normal pg woman.
I read the forums to compare my symptoms occasionally, but will never register. I have not even gone near to ttc after mc thread, cause most peoplethere have 1-2 mc and then move happily forever after into twiight with their new pg. I know 1-2 mc is horrible, too, and admit that after 10th or so I so detached my condition from emotional things like mother's love for that weak line on the hpt. Then it got easier.
i wish you Fromwest the strength to live these days, and remember - mc risk goes right down already in week 7-8: if you have not mc by then or having mc symptoms, the baby has prob managed to hang on and the probabilty of a norm pg rises quickly to 90%. I found it somewhere which says that even woth my condition (tolk sac at least seen between weeks 5-6) the probability of a live birth is around 90%! The risk of a chemical passes around beta 1000, which for me is when test line more or less equals control on most standard 25miu hpts. But Some people may be at 1000 with far less strong hpt lines!

Jass, please don't feel that you're talking about pregnancy too much. I very much look forward to your updates. In fact when I come on here I always hope that you've posted something.

Gum, don't feel bad! I knew exactly what you meant, you were making a comment about the parents reaction, this was clear.

Fromwest. Thank you for sharing. It's heartbreaking isn't it? - How MC robs the joy of pregnancy, well certainly early pregnancy. I think you just have to be positive and take each day as it comes. Today you are 5+5 so you take that for what it is, that you are 5+5 pregnant and you take your daily pregnacare and you deal with tomorrow when tomorrow comes. For now though, may I offer a tentative congratulations and just to say that you and Jass are both in my thoughts. I really am keeping everything crossed for you and her. My heart gives a little leap when ever someone gets a BFP xxx

I'm also enjoying your updates Jass. I totally get what you are saying about being pg but not feeling pg enough to brave the pg boards.
I actually got a bfp almost two weeks ago. I haven't even dared to write it here before now, let alone post on a pg board.
I tested the day AF was due and got a faint line, then again a week later and got a darker line than before. I've also continued to take my temp, which has remained fairly stable. I'm now 5+5. I think this means I'm probably past the stage of it being a chemical.
Having said all that I'm not feeling very confident that this pg will survive. Some days I feel positive and I take a pregnacare. Most days I feel like what's the point and just take a cheap folic acid.
I don't want to feel any excitement or invest anything emotionally, I am preparing myself for a mc. This is a kind of weird place to be.