40+ and TTC? Join the club...

Thank you Jass. I'm relatively new to al this opk,temping ect. I rather naively, back in August last year, assumed that I may fall pregnant fairly easily due to the fact that DS1 was unplanned and DS 2 was failed contraception (failed withdrawal method) some years ago though! This is the first time I've actually actively tried to conceive. Oh well, I'm 4 dpo so well into 2ww. I hope everyone's had a peaceful weekend.

Welcome, See! 39 is admirably young in the terms of this thread! here are many who have given birth,around 40, more of our long time struggles come at somewhat later age:-) you have a really good situation, one mc matters nothing, it was most probably chromosomal. Good luck!

Hi everyone! Can I join? 39 years old but 40 in a couple of months. DS 10 and DS 7. Miscarriage at 6 weeks in November. Really would love number 3, been trying since last August, hope I haven't left it too late. MC really knocked me for six. DH is 48 and I just about talked him into trying for another one. I know he'd rather leave it as it is but he is willing to give it a go for me. I've read the whole thread. Thank you all so much for sharing your stories.

..make of thermometer then (bought a second one and had the same problem) where I kept just getting very low temps. Technically I think I should have been dead with the readouts I was getting

Oh and morning all! Hope the weekend ahead promises good things.

How much do temps go up by when you have ovulated? And does the temp rise begin when ovulation begins, or does it happen after ovulation? (Sorry, I know I could Google but I have more faith in explanations from you ladies here) I tried temping last time around but it didn't really work - think I got a crappy

What's the clear blue trial Gerald?
Wilting could you just have missed the +opk? On the off chance sex is often the best kind. You never know.... Hope you're ok anyway x
Pregnancy spells? Now that's a step too far even for my very desperate self

fridge and grizzer thanks so much. You have really helped. I have gone from being angry and disappointed to just accepting that it's not going to happen tonight but it's not the end of the world. Dh was really quite apologetic - bless him!! Onwards and upwards..... Xx

AND what's with all the Nigerian banner ads??? Is it just me? Why are they following me all over mumsnet....?

Crap crap CRAP. Having a totally screwed up cycle, no feckin opk+. NONE :(

Keep forgetting my vitamins too.

Didn't have any sex at remotely the right times just on the off chance I just missed the surge

My granny had my mum at 42 and my aunt at 44!!!! What the hell is wrong with me?

I'm on cd 1 today. Af was 33 days this month, perhaps because I had a cold when I should have been ovulating. I said in my last post that I was giving up, but I mean giving up hope rather than anything else! We have booked a very expensive holiday for august so I'm thinking that if it does happen, great, but if not at least we have that to look forward to.

Sometimes I think I should make a bit more effort! I can't even be bothered with my folic acid at the moment. Having said that, I have just registered for the clearblue trial so will have lots of pots of wee in the fridge. I didn't think they would accept such an oldie but feel quite positive that they have!

Best of luck to everyone

Chin up Jass! Speaking as a fellow '45', I'm keen to keep going. Or in my case, to get going again. After my MMC at end of August, I decided to take just one or two cycles out, for some miscarriage testing and to regroup mentally. It turned into a maddening several months out, as I then ended up having to have some interminable investigations for a totally unrelated health issue. But hopefully I've just had the last blah-blah-oscopy this week, and if the results are OK, we should be good to go early Feb.

Anyway, I was shirking doing my tax return last week (I'd probably rather clean the oven than collate stuff for my accountant - cue some excessive idle surfing) and noticed an 'Old Birds' antenatal thread. I remembered seeing a Not-So-'Old Birds' TTC thread which seemed mainly populated by 30 something year old whippersnappers worrying that they'd left things too late , but this graduates thread - here includes (20 Jan) a couple of 45 year olds posting news of their pregnancies, shortly followed by a 47 and a 43-nearly-44 year old (26/27 Jan). Many congratulations to them! OK its only anecdotal evidence that it can be done, but I do like a good anecdote!

I think daily action over months and years of ttc around OV time leads to general fatigue and maybe even more serious problems, if really not enjoyed. I'd better do it every other day and last through couple of years of ttc than give up after 4-6 mo. of trying because it gets too exhausting. But I have never needed more than every other day anyway....
I feel I am close to giving up. last month bfn was not a disappointment, but relief. That I do not have to worry about mc and then miscarry. I can not let the OV go past without dtd, but I am not really worried about bfns anymore. Guess this is accepting that chances at 45 are really low now:-)))

Well ladies, my lovely natural gynae man (I'm on the herbs & acupuncture too, Daft) tells me to dtd every other day between day 10 & 17 so don't worry too much if dh isn't up to it tonight Joey.
Dd brought home a reading book from school today called 'there's a house in mummy's tummy' with a pic of a very pregnant lady on the front. It's definitely a sign. Totally pregnant this month .

Hey, no-one's letting anyone down on this thread. We're all about the positive Plus you already got started early, so there may be resilient sperm hanging around - and your OPK says nothing happening yet anyway. Let's see SMEP as a useful tool, not another stick to beat ourselves with - there's enough of those. Hope your DH is feeling better soon.

Hi fridge. I'm afraid that I might be letting you down at the moment. Day 8 yesterday but dh said he was too tired. He promised we would do it tonight, but I've come home to find him on the sofa under a duvet saying that he feels achey and shivery. Urgh - I will be so cross if he ducks out tonight, but part of me feels that I can't be too harsh if he is ill. If only we didn't have to rely on someone else to do this!! On the plus side my opk was negative this morning, so doesn't look like I am in the fertile stage yet, but I think that SMEP is out of the window this month

Hi all, have been away for a bit but checking in as I am on the active phase of SMEP for this cycle (waves at joey my cycle buddy - good work!) Yesterday was day 8 and in spite of DH having a muscle injury atm all was accomplished satisfactorily so night off tonight then back to it.. It's feast or famine in this house. Since last run we've both been overrun with work.

Hello to our latest arrivals! I think doctors like to give an impression of being secure in their knowledge and telling you 'how it is' when it might be more accurate to say that no one knows for sure as fertility is such a variable thing. How can anyone tell you without any testing you will only be ovulating a few times a year? The fact is they have no idea, and that might be true for one woman at 43, but have already happened for another at 37, whereas a different 45 year old might be ovulating regularly still.

I also find people make comments about it being 'hard' to start again, do the baby years etc. Gwen Stefani puts it best: 'Life is short, you're capable' (in What You Waiting For - listen, it's all about wanting a baby..)

Sorry about typos.

Hmmm. What do peoe mean when they say it was hard with their last baby at whatever age? How is the experience bring hard linked to age? My hardest to manage babies were my first when I was 26. My easiest pregnancy and baby was my most recent at 39. I don't think age of mother and temperament of baby are in any way linked.

I agree, doctors' attitude can be unhelpful. I also find friends and family difficult sometimes. Whilst we do not discuss ttc I tend to say I would quite like another. Cue comments of "Oh, 40/45/whenever is wayyy too old to start again, I had my last baby at 25/30/whenever and that was hard."

Even better are friends who tell me that my DD will be an only child if I don't get a move on soon or maybe I left it too late already. Did I know fertility declines with age? I am so tempted to feign surprise with a "Really? I had no idea!".

I find it strange. Doctors can have this "not a chance" attitude towards getting pregnant in the 40s but on the other hand if you go to them seeking contraception they will want to keep you on it well past 45.
When I went to GP about my recent mc in the autumn I told her that I thought the pregnancy had already failed and that it hadn't been planned ( it was the case that we were not really ttc at that time to avoid due dates clashing with eldests exams).. She suggested that if I wanted to avoid another surprise pregnancy I should get a coil.
It seems to me that if you don't want to get pregnant you are at risk of falling pregnant unexpectedly, whereas if you do want to get pregnant your chances are rated very low.
The answer must be somewhere in between.

Hello Gingham and welcome! and hello all. have been lying low for a few days..

Gingham it's interesting you say this - I went to the doc last week to ask to get my hormones tested (I have never had this before and never been offered despite MCs and MMC, and I'm 43) She was very snooty with me - she said 'oh well at your age, you will only ovulate three or four times a year.... if it turns out you DID have chemical mc, and have ovulated next cycle then I might refer you for more investigations, but the NHS won't touch you with a barge pole.' charming I thought... but I will get progesterone tested which is what I wanted.

the thing is I don't believe her. I am sure that I am still ovulating every month. whether the eggs are viable is another matter.

am having acupuncture and also just started on a course of herbs which have perked me up no end! Recommended.

hang on in there everyone...

I am starting to temp tomorrow morning. Chart got send with the thermometer, love the cervical mucus row, that'll be a lovely read for DH on the bedside table! Ttc is not for the squeamish I gather. What is the importance "cervix position"?

I like doing the temps as it's really satisfying when you see the shift - and it really is quite noticeable. You have to have 3 days of higher temps before you call it, and by that stage you know you have well and truly ovulated so you can happily draw a line under ttc for that month.

The down side is trying to remember to take it as soon as you wake up before you do anything. The number of times I have got up to go to the loo, or go and get ds out of bed and then remembered that I didn't take my temp!! If you can get into the routine of doing it though, I think it's worth it!!

Ha ha! Break the plan for a birthday treat - well done you. My other half is gamely sticking with our plan, love him.

I haven't done temperature checking at all, I've just been using a Clearblue advanced fertility monitor. Would temps be a good thing to do too?