Angels and Rainbows - remembering our angels and praying for rainbows

Any news on missa and her little man?

How are you doing critter? X

Thanks little no other children so he will be my 2nd

MissA hope your little man fights the infection soon and that you get to go home. Look forward to hearing from you.

Madem yes TTC is so tough. And like you I avoided the forums for such a long time. Sounds awful but I everytime I read about somebody getting their bfp or any time any kind of pregnancy announcement used to kill me. In fact the pregnancy/breast feeding etc sections are still hidden, I can't bear to look at them on my active list. You will know what is best for you.

Ducky sorry about your mil - she sounds like a complete knob you are doing so well, only 3 weeks to go and you will have your beautiful baby in your arms. Is this going to be your second baby or have you any other children apart from your angel?

Critter I'm terribly sorry you are bleeding. Nothing is ever straighforward is it? I hope you are getting plenty of rest and lots of cuddles from your doggy.

Ruby no need to apologise, glad you and family are feeling a bit more settled now

Waves to all

Ha Kayleigh I can imagine I have used some 'colourful' words to describe my mil

Thanks guys, I ended up at the hospital (AGAIN! ) for a ctg. They said everything looked perfect so am trying to relax a bit!

ducky it's totally normal to have this anxiety. I didn't realise how stressed I was about the pregnancy and birth until I'd had my rainbow, and the dreams... Unbearable.

All I can say is hang on in there. You are really brave going through the pregnancy again, and in a few weeks this part will be all done with. You will be up all night with a newborn instead of with your worries.

critter thinking of you. Really hope the bean hangs on. Try to rest if you can.

ruby glad you are adjusting to your newborn. Give a cuddle from me.

missa if you are reading, we are thinking of you and you dh and son all the time.

madem the TTC is a nightmare. Remember, as I said on here once during my own ttc nightmare, the cbfm etc doesn't get you pg!! Me and dh got fed up of the pressure so just DTD every other day unless AF was visiting. Worked after a few months..... Hope I'm not speaking out of turn, it's such a difficult time. Sending you hugs.

Waves to everybody else.

Ducky the ratbag was the polite way of referring to her- when i spoke about her with my best friend a few more choice words were used i have to admit. Sorry that you've been having the constant anxiety recently, and while i haven't had my rainbow yet i'd assume it's normal. Pregnancy is a rollercoaster of emotions at the best of times, without having gone through what we have. I'm sending you love and hugs xx

Recently, although baby has been moving fine I have this constant anxiety, kind of like I feel uneasy. For those of you that have had rainbows is this normal?

I said to my midwife, baby has no pattern of movements and some days he is wriggly and then he has quiet days so I never know when to be worried, she told me to trust my instinct but that hasn't worked in a long time

Sorry for the moaning, just want to hibernate for the next 3 weeks!

Waves to everyone x

Haha had to chuckle at 'the ratbag'

X

critter firstly thank you for such lovely words, i don't feel that amazing most of the time though. Things with my mum are much the same, but it's a catch 22 situation. I'm sorry you've got this worry at the moment, i'll be keeping everything crossed for you

ruby absolutely no need to apologise! You've been busy adapting to E (and let's be honest, it's hard enough adjusting to having a new baby without having been through what we have). I'm glad you're all doing well though.

ducky while my MIL isn't as bad as yours i can understand what you're saying. DH's mum and me have never got along (i used to refer to her as "the ratbag") but it was fine because i knew where i stood with her. After Ben she did a total 180 and is so sickly sweet it makes me nervous (the woman once referred to me as a bitch in front of my DD)

Love to all xx

Thanks ladies. Clinic called back to say I have to come back on Monday now. There basically isn't anything to do other than wait it out and see what happens. Blood test showed my hcg and progesterone levels were pretty low for 5 weeks so I don't think it's going to be good news.

Oh critter, so sorry you have this worry. Am keeping everything crossed for you and will be thinking of you xxx

Oh no critter , nonononono, I don't want this to happen to you! I'm so sorry. Let's pray and hope that all is well. I'm holding you very close and giving you a loving squeeze. Keep us posted xxx

Oh my goodness Critter, I'm so sorry, what a worry. Are you able to take it easy until Saturday? Or are you the type of person who is better to keep busy? Keeping everything crossed for your little bean xxxx

ruby so glad everything is easing up a tiny bit as you get to know E, and no need to apologise at all, you should be enjoying your baby and not worrying about other people, that just shows what a lovely kind person you are!

ducky some people are just weird. Glad you have your lovely mum. Your DH must love you so much, especially if he had that kind of insensitivity and lack of affection from his mother.

AFM not great, heavy red bleeding this morning. Went into the doc for a scan and the sac is still there, and he couldn't see where the bleeding was coming from, but it's not looking good. I go back in to see if the bean is still hanging in there on Saturday.

Glad your adjusting ruby

My mil is just very very insensitive (and wierd ) she had nothing to do with dd throughout my pregnancy, she didn't buy a single thing and didn't seem bothered. When we lost dd we got a text a couple of days later saying 'sorry for your loss' she always manages to say something hurtful whenever we see her. But I have learnt that is just her. Completely wierd!

Luckily my dm is lovely, she stayed with us the whole time at the hosp an a few days after and she mentions dd a lot

Hi all first off I am sorry for being AWOL for so long and not being around to support people. I'll be honest and say the first few weeks with our little one took some adjusting too and I did struggle a bit. E is 8 weeks now and we are all good. I think the sleep deprivation is a lot better and everyone is happier!
I haven't been able to read back the whole ? 6 weeks I've missed but can see there has been loads happening. Congratulations Miss A hope you and your little one are doing ok and enjoying all those lovely snuggles x

Congrats little so thrilled for you, I know where you are coming from, that BFPS we are yearning for is terrifying when it comes, just take a deep breath and set yourself small targets, take it a bit at a time x

Ducky you are nearly there! 34 weeks! Sorry about your MIL, what did she do?

Mil is a mega bitch she's always been like that!

34 weeks today

Oh and ducky I agree with earth. I cannot believe your MIL said that to you. I cannot process it.

Madem I am so sorry you're struggling. It's totally crap. I remember that innocence too, when I first stopped the pill in April 2011 assuming I'd have a 2012 baby. I am also a long time member of the 10 plus thread (for women who've been TTC 10 months or longer). They are absolutely lovely and kind and funny and would welcome you (and anyone else on this thread) if you wanted to join. They've been through shitty times and, together with you lovely women, are some of the kindest ladies I know.

This thread and the 10 plus have been so helpful to me over the past 2.5 years. But I think limiting screen time in general is not a bad idea, it's not healthy for us.

Kayleigh how're things with your mum at the moment? I think you're amazing how you cope with the demands on you as a mum, a wife, and a daughter and manage your grief while caring for everyone else.

lake sorry you got a BFN, and also about your grandma, i hope she makes a speedy recovery. I can relate to what you said about people assuming you're "ok" because you've gone back to work- as i've frequently documented on here my mum is always issuing demands like she did before Ben. I'm glad your counselling session helped .

madem sorry to hear AF arrived . I haven't used opks or temping, but i can understand how it would all make you feel stressed. Like you, i'd rather just DTD and quietly keep my fingers crossed- all the planning when was best to DTD was stressing me out even more i found. Personally i don't think i could leave this particular MN thread, as you ladies are so understanding, but i get where you're coming from regarding other threads.

Love to all xx

lake you are doing so incredibly well though, don't shy away from that. You're at work, you did 12.5 hours. You get up. You're alive. You're here. It's all but linear, I agree. I too had several meltdowns these last few days and a bfn. I'm sending huge hugs and comfort.

MissA I hope your little boy is on the mend. Things just can't be straightforward, can they? Thank you for updating us, earth .

AFM, AF showed up tonight. I knew she would as my temp dipped this morning. I think I need to stop all the ttc malarkey, the testing and temping and opks and cbfm and all that jazz. It's making me obsessive and totally stressed out. I didn't want to stop at first in case it stopped me from catching the egg/knowing my fertile window etc, but clearly it's not really working anyway, so sod it all. I'm not sure an August birthday is a good idea anyway... (As if I actually cared!) This time last year, I was looking forward to stopping the pill in a few weeks and just assumed I'd be pg straight away. I even took it for 4 more days than normal to avoid getting pregnant that week. Oh the arrogance! (Or the innocence...) oh how I long for these days...

I hope all the rainbow mums and babies are well and am sending big hugs to the bumps and all you other wonderful ladies. Considering taking a break from MN too - I love this particular thread but I can't help joining the other, busier ones and lurking and obsessing and getting upset, so perhaps I should just go cold turkey? Thoughts?
Big love x

Lake, I totally agree with Critter, it isn linear and it is very very hard when people expect you to be ok. I'm glad your mum talks about E, it's so important. We are always here if you want to talk about her.

Ducky-what a bitch. No other words-shocking.

Lake, sorry about your grandma is she doig ok? I agree that going back to work made everyone around me think I was ok, I still have melt downs now and feel that people look at me like I'm crazy because they expect me to 'be over it' the truth is I don't think you ever get over this happening. Mil is the worst and says the most hurtful comments, I remember a couple of days after the funeral we had to visit fil in the hospice and she turned up, fil mentioned dd and mil promptly said loudly 'oh don't bring that up, she's over that now' I was so shocked I couldn't speak and left without saying anything to anyone. I'm glad the sessions are helping you x

Poor little chap and poor missalex, what a horrible worry and I so hope he gets better soon. Thinking of your family.

lake this type of grief is not linear and you will continue to have ups and awful downs. If you haven't been through the loss of a child, I don't think it's easy to understand that it isn't something you ever 'get over'. We will be here to talk and to remember you and your DH will always be E's mummy and daddy. I am glad your mum is supporting you.

Oh poor missA and poor little baby awful for them to be in hospital when they are so little. Hopefully he'll be right as rain soon.

We had our BFN last week, ended up crying on DH for hours on Sunday night for no reason. I had worked Tuesday and Thursday then had a friends wedding all day Saturday, my grandma had a stroke Saturday night and then it was my dads 60th Sunday! I think going back to work has somehow signified to my family that I'm OK now, my DM is the only person who ever mentions E apart from my DH. I feel like people are forgetting about her or want to pretend that she never existed. I sometimes feel that I spend so much time pretending to be OK that I forget how recently it all happened. Felt better after my counselling session on Monday and then worked my first 12.5hr day yesterday which was fine. I like being back at work helps me to fill my time!!