Unwanted comment

I'm only really chatting to my sister and she's super supportive. My oh's mother is driving me mad tho. She doesn't know we are ttc and she keeps telling us how she doesn't want any grandchildren yet cos she's not ready! Well it's nothing to do with her and we are ready! I don't wanna tell her tho, so I just smile and nod, followed by ranting when she's gone.

Some people just don't know what they are saying do they!

When I told two of my close friends (separately) that we were ttc they both said "don't you want to get married first". What was I supposed to say to that! Did they really think I'd say Er.... Oh.... Gosh..... I'd never thought of that..... Yes I do want to get married first...... I must stop ttc.....
I'm sure it was just passing conversation but it's the way they ask the question. One of them is married and the other has just got engaged. But just because it's important to them doesn't mean everyone is the same. I think that's where most people go wrong!

I can sympathise! It doesn't get any easier either, in fact I think it's worse now we're TTC #2. People are even blunter. I have one particular friend (who has a baby the same age as mine) and the first thing she breathes when I see her is 'are you pregnant yet'. I see her about once a fortnight . She should know better!! I've chosen to cut people off before they ask by throwing in a 'I'm not pregnant comment' into the convo. That way I don't have to be directly asked and I can swiftly change the subject.

Also I wouldn't give up any of the things you enjoy (wine, cheese etc) whilst your TTC. It's hard enough as it is without having to deprive yourself! Each month AF arrives I think I'll console myself with a large glass of wine !

As soon as we got married I had my nieces asking could they babysit our baby when it arrives, the oldest was 9 at the time so I can forgive them for that, though obviously they wouldn't have been babysitting anyway.

The one that really got me though was about 2 years after we married and a few months after we put our flat on the market. I had a week off work ill and when I came back one of my colleagues, in front of everyone else, said he knew why I was off so I could just give them all my good news now. When I said I didn't have any good news he got all huffy with a "fine then don't tell us yet but we all know anyway". I was nearly in tears and for the next few months I was paranoid that they all thought I was pregnant while at the same time being upset that I wasn't.

Its really difficult-I let people assume that I hadn't been able to persuade DP that he wanted one (when we were TTC 1) - which was unfair on him (he had been unwilling but changed his mind) - other people assumed I was too career focussed to want one - the reality was that it took a long time and it was hard enough without sympathy

I can relate to this. DH and I have been married 18 months and people are constantly telling us to get a move on or telling us we're next without any consideration. It's just putting us under pressure and making me feel like a bit of a failure, if I'm honest.

Unfortunately people don't seem to put any thought into it, or really believe they're being nice by joking about it with you.

I know the feeling ive been with my DP for 5 and a half years and started TTC 17 months ago.

My mum was the worst always going on about grandchildren and when I was going to persuade my DP to TTC, I finally told her a couple of months ago that we'd been trying for a while and she felt pretty bad.

My nan is always asking and various other family members on both sides of the family, especially as im always the one who looks after the kiddies and parties and everyone knows I want kids.

The worst was my MIL during a meal out suddenly ask when we were going to have babies (the first time she has ever asked) and id just started getting tests etc to find out what was wrong, I had to try so hard so not cry. Luckily DP stepped in and said he still wasnt ready.

Im only 26 age doesnt make a difference people are just bloody nosey!!

Congrats on your marriage dinodiva!

Just say we're newlyweds, we can't bear to be parted or something else to make them feel sick awkward about pestering you.

We've just celebrated our 3rd anniversary in July - not sure how long you can play the NW card - is 5 years pushing it?...

For me it's currently working the other way round!

My OH and I got married in early July and have since started the ttc journey. My parents and sister keep badgering me to go away with them without my husband (he has no holiday left), right in the middle of the month when I obviously don't want to be away. They don't seem to buy any of my (perfectly valid) reasons not to go, so I think I'm just going to have to tell them that in order for us to have a baby, it generally helps if we're in the same county. But then I open myself wide open for the questions, which would be especially annoying as my sister got pregnant in her first month. Meh.

I hear you all, we didn't tell anyone we were ttc & I have only told 2 friends about my mmc at 12 weeks, one of whom I work with and she had to cover for me when the bleeding started with a vengeance.

My mum is the worst and I want to talk to her about it all but feel it's just too much pressure. And she always bangs on about how she conceived my bro and I just by wafting past my dad and how my SIL also got pregnant on her first goes twice and my gorgeous healthy nephews are the end result.

It makes me feel like a failure

My mum constantly pesters me "when are you going to give me another gc"? saying things like "I am sick of people asking me why I only have 2 gc" etc.

One of my DH's colleagues wife is pregnant and he just announced it a couple of days ago so everyone started berating my poor DH about when we were going to have kids. He was so upset when he came home and said last night that he hated having to listen to the guy bang on about how expensive baby stuff is.

When I was pregnant he loved to go round the baby shops and look at prams and look up safety features on the net. It breaks your heart all over again. Totally agree foxtrot folk just don't think about the comments they make.

Even one of my single friends asked me when we were going to "start your family" to which I replied Oh maybe one day, when I wanted to shout "when are you going to get a boyfriend"?

Blimey! I'm of opinion that if people didn't drink there would be a lot fewer pregnancies!!

But seriously, I sympathise OP, people feel they have the right to give unsolicited advice if a woman is pregnant / isn't pregnant, putting on weight / losing weight. It's incredibly annoying.

I believe the quickest way to shut down comments like that from your colleagues, is a meaningful:

"I don't really see how that's any of your goddamn business".

Some people are honestly just looking fora conversation starter, and don't realise how hurtful it is. Hell, I used to do it myself when I was younger. You just need to make it clear that the state of your uterus is not open for general conversation.

lady I had two weeks off when I mc. I told my line manager but that was all. I didn't want to answer awkward questions when I came back. People asked me if I was better and I just told yes I was thanks and it ended there.

Have no idea why they think I was off and happy to leave it like that. Main reason for not telling anyone as I don't want people to know I'm ttc and asking for constant updates or making comments/ speculating if I don't have a drink etc

Foxtrot I've had that comment before - everyone knows that me and my OH only bought our house last year (first purchase but we were living together for 2 years beforehand, renting).

It's terrible though if you even start thinking about how you'd look forward to not having to go to work almost as much as the having a baby part.

Another thing I worry about on that note is that I would have to tell work immediately due to environment I work in. A colleague had a mc at work (I think she was maybe 10 weeks), we all knew so we all knew why she was off sick. I think I was the only person who didn't ask her so how are you doing in a special voice the first time I saw her. I just got on with it, and I think she might have appreciated it as we're now friends.

It's even worse being asked when you have recently miscarried - I was with friends this week and was moaning about my job, how much I was working and how I would love to quit - I got the 'well if you got pregnant you could have a few months off'!

Well - I was but it didn't work out... Obviously saying that in my head - if I told them the truth I'm sure they would feel totally awkward!

If mc has taught me anything it's the fact that I will never ever ask anyone when they will have a baby!