Active discussions

Help protect children from gaming harms.

Take our survey

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

Original poster

TTC when partner has a very low sex drive!!

32 replies

BobsyBoo · 12/08/2014 00:00

Hi all,

Is anyone else trying to conceive but their partner doesn't want to have sex?

We are on our 19th month of trying for DC #2 been managing to DTD a couple of times a month around the fertile time. For the last few cycles I've used OPK's so I know when I'm definitely ovulating. As much as OH says he wants another baby it's a struggle getting him to do what it takes! My peak fertile days are yesterday & today. We eventually managed to DTD yesterday, but he had earlier dropped the hint of how tired he was.

This evening I'm waiting in bed for him to come up so we can DTD but he's watching tv at the moment! Really makes me feel great. I know it's probably not helped that I'm using OPK's & let him know when we need to DTD but what else can I do?! He said I'm putting him under so much pressure & it's all I ever think about.

I wish I could give up but I want this so much & we both always said we'd have two.

OP posts:
kaykayblue · 13/08/2014 10:48

I think it's very common for men to get resentful when couples are ttc. I mean...it's kind of understandable when your partner is more interested in dtd purely because of timing, rather than because they are in the mood, or they are actually desiring their partner. It can very quickly become a "duty" rather than sex. And duty is never sexy.

I think what most guys would like is for the woman to simply never talk about things like ovulation dates, and fertility windows and whatever, and to simply carry on as before - even if that means pretending to initiate sex because they are just so irresistible, rather than because the timing is right. Or to gently manipulate circumstances so it seems like it is spontaneous and random. And for this to be consistent throughout the month - even a bloody moron would work it out if it's on the same two days every month and the rest of the time you have no interest in them.

Of course, this should only ever be after both people have agreed to conceive.

In my mind, even though I can understand not wanting to feel like a sperm bank, it's also kind of childish. They want the woman to take on responsibility for actually arranging everything behind the scenes, figuring out the best dates, etc and for them to simply carry on as beforehand.

Sarahg1 · 13/08/2014 08:31

My DH told me he wanted to know when the essential days were and he'd make sure we dtd. Well... I'm on cycle 6 (or 7, losing count...but quite a few) and not once did that work. One weekend he was overseas on his stag do, and every other month we ended up a arguing because I'd be super nice trying to get him in the mood and he got irritated, we had a fight and needless to say dtd didn't happen.

So this month I tried a different approach... I ov'd last Friday but told him I was due to ov on Monday when he was overseas for work. It totally worked, we dtd every day apart from 1 following AF (I ov on day 10 so there weren't many days but still, plus we had a 9 hour flight on actual ov day so the time difference etc I fear may work against us but the point is he wasn't under pressure on ov day and dtd lots!)

Would something like that work for you? could he be "spontaneous" if he thought it wasn't ov day? Then you can act all nonchalant about it on ov day....

Original poster
BobsyBoo · 12/08/2014 18:53

Thanks angelaham, no they don't understand at all, yes my OH has told me that I am obsessive too!

Thank you and Fx for you too.

Yes I think I'll try that MrsG12345 and I am going to stop mentioning OPK's, Fertility apps and when the right time is!! Thanks. xx

OP posts:
MrsG12345 · 12/08/2014 09:57

My hubby prefers it to be spontaneous and not planned. If I was you I'd not discuss when you need to do but I'd do something as a surprise for him like dressing up in some saucy undies. It has a 100% success rate in our house. Ha. Good luck xx

angelaham · 12/08/2014 09:33

Try not to worry, if you dtd yesterday at your peak that counts, but i know how you feel, I don't think the men understand the frustration in trying to conceive, i have been informed by my husband that i have become obsessive,
fx you get you BFP!!!

Original poster
BobsyBoo · 12/08/2014 08:32

Thanks Dontgotosleep and good luck to you too. Yes I find these threads really helpful too, it's great to chat to others who are also TTC.

Yeh we did manage to DTD in the end but I'm glad the stress of having to is over for now.

OP posts:
Dontgotosleep · 12/08/2014 01:09

Hopefully, Bobsyboo if you managed to dtd yeaterday at your peak... The sex could work... Good luck on your exciting ttc journey. I am also ttc and I find it really helpful to talk to fellow ttcers on the conceptions threads.

Hope you managed to dtd tonight btw.

Swipe left for the next trending thread